The Perfect Emotion (16 page)

“You said you were taking a shower. I’m waiting on you. Get off the phone.”

“Kyle stop. I’m talking to my friends.” He moved to me and grabbed my phone. My attempts to keep it were unsuccessful. He looked at the phone and hit the end button.

“Who the fuck is Derek?”
  He said through gritted teeth.

The fight only escalated from there. Eventually I pushed past him and locked myself in the bathroom to take my shower knowing he wouldn’t cause any more noise with my dad downstairs. I wanted desperately to go back up to school, but never brought it up. The thought of telling Kyle I wanted to end things lingered in my mind all day. That evening I said I wanted to stay home and hang with my dad, but Kyle showed up and insisted that I come out with him to Johnny’s house. Like old Kate I caved and went. Again the rising feeling of ending things came over me.

Once at Johnny’s Kyle started to drink and fast at that. His drinking habits were too heavy in my opinion, but every time I tried to broach the subject he dismissed me. I hated it because I knew there would be an argument at some point; it never failed. It was a small group of us hanging out in Johnny’s basement. The whole time I couldn’t stop thinking of my friends up at school. I felt like I was missing out. I walked out of the main room to use the bathroom with Kyle entertained with drinking a beer and playing pool. As I was finishing up my phone started to sing Baby Got Back and I smiled as I slid my finger across to answer.

“Hey Mags!”

“Girlfriend, I miss you, we all miss you… your ass should be up here…” She was drunk and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. 

“I wish I was, trust me…”  Before I could finish Kyle rounded the corner and his faced tightened when he saw me on my phone.  I tried to stand strong glaring my eyes at him. 

“Who the fuck is that?”
  He slurred.

“What’s going on, Kate?” Maggie asked through the phone.

“Nothing,” I said staring straight into Kyle’s eyes knowing my stance had already faltered.

“Is that Derek?”  He spit out through his gritted teeth at me.  Then he
lunged
his fisted hand toward me and I flinched, but he opened his hand at the last second and grabbed my phone.  He looked at the screen trying to read the screen then hit the end button.  I cowered back.

“Stop it, Kyle. You can’t keep me from talking to my friends.”

“Yes, I can, especially if it’s a guy.  I don’t want you to turn into a little
sluuuttt, Kate! … Did you mess around with Derek?”

“Screw you.”  It was strong words for me, but I mumbled them out really not sure if he could even hear me.  He moved to me forcing me to back myself up against the wall.  Another figure made
there
way around and I could see it was Johnny.  Once Kyle saw him he only slowed his pace slightly.

“There you are, man.  You’re up to shoot.”  Johnny glanced at me and I’m sure he could see a look of fear and the tears in my eyes, but he didn’t mention it.  Instead, like always, he backed Kyle up.  “Kate, we’ve got money on this game don’t mess with him.”  Johnny had seen Kyle like this on more than one occasion before and he always threw out comments about me being the one at fault. 

I stare blankly at Johnny with the group of guys off to the side now.  Blinking a couple times I gather myself.  It is obvious that Kyle has told Johnny something of our situation, but I’m not sure to what extent. 

“Don’t tell him,” I say firmly, standing tall and confident. “I’m not speaking to him.”

“I’m going to tell him, Kate. I know he’s been trying to talk to you. You owe him that.” It’s rare that Johnny and I talk without his flirtatious tone evident, but this is one of those times.

“I don’t owe him anything.” I move a step closer to him, closer to the door, not wanting the others to hear our conversation. “Please just stay out of it.”

“Why is there a chance for me to get a feel at you?” It’s a typical flirtatious comment from Johnny, but it lacks the conviction. I decide this is my time to leave. I don’t expect Johnny to understand and explaining anything to him is not worth my time. Walking past him I wave to the others and turn my face to look directly in Johnny’s eyes.

“Not a chance. Bye, Johnny.” I walk out of the store and head straight to my car. My hands are shaking, but I keep my stance. Not two minutes later my phone rings with Kyle’s number that is not saved and it’s followed by a text. On shaky hands I delete the voicemail and then delete the text that states:

Stay at Jamba, I’m on my way. Give me two mins. Kyle

I pull my car into reverse and head back home.  I know he will not show up here or call my home number.  Then I conclude that I need to figure out how I’m going to tell my dad that I need a new number again.

C
HAPTER 12

By the time I get home I’ve calmed my nerves down and I’m able to make it into the house without either of my parents asking any questions.  I’ve turned my phone off to avoid any further texts or calls from Kyle.  I’m sitting at the kitchen breakfast bar having an apple while my mom is finishing cleaning up breakfast that she made for all of us.  Dad is sitting in the family room in his lazy boy reading the paper while Daniel is on the iPad.  This feels all very natural and ordinary, but yet I have to stop myself to take it in.  It wasn’t long ago that this was a long stretch from normal in our house.  In all that time that mom was gone I never saw dad sitting in his lazy boy kicked back reading a paper.  While he handled it all well he was definitely on edge most of the time. 

The month before I graduated high school I can remember a very similar Sunday morning in our house.  Mom had cooked us a gourmet breakfast with
omelet’s, pancakes, bacon and smoothies
.  She was pattering around in the kitchen cleaning up the mess and dad was lying in his lazy boy reading the sports section of the paper.  Every once in a while dad would make a comment about a baseball statistic and either Daniel or I would reply. 

The noise in the kitchen was getting louder as mom would open and close cabinets with more force. Then she was in a particular cabinet that usually held any alcohol, as well as any random cans or baking ingredients pulling items out one by one. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I was playing around on my phone and I could hear the noise, but
it became a white noise.  Dad
got up to head into the kitchen. I glanced up and mom looked a little frantic in her search for something. I thought maybe she was missing an ingredient she needed for the casserole she was going to prepare early for dinner.

“Karen, what are you looking for?” My dad whispered, but I could lightly hear him in between the shifting of cans.

“Nothing.
  I’ll find it... I know it’s here somewhere.” My mom replied with a tense tone.  I glanced and my dad put his arm around her shoulders pulling her back from the cabinet.  It
really wasn’t
that abnormal because they were pretty affectionate with each other.  There were some other word
s said that I couldn’t make out though.

“You won’t find it because I had to get rid of it. It was all bad.” Dad’s tone was still light and kind, like normal.

I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip and look around the room.  Then I focus on mom and see her starting to prepare dinner for later.  She always liked to start dinner right after breakfast on Sunday’s. 
Early bird catches the worm
… she would say.  She doesn’t say those cliché comments anymore now though.  She moves around the kitchen at ease going in and out of cabinets, grabbing ingredients or measuring cups.  Dad stays in his lazy boy not paying any attention.  A rise of panic settles in my chest, but I count and calm my breathing down.  I start to pull at my memory for any other signs that I missed of her drinking.  I don’t find any though.  I’m not sure how I’ve missed the signs, but I did. 
Did dad really know more than he lead onto?

Before I can stop myself I’m off the stool and headed behind the island.  Mom is measuring some ingredients into a bowl while whisking.  I head to the cabinet that was torn apart a year and half ago.  Slowly my fingers latch onto the handle to pull it open.  I open it and start to move things around searching for any evidence.  Praying that there is none left.  I go through every shelf making a mess of the organized cabinet and come up empty. 

“Honey, what are you looking for?” My mom says nonchalantly. I glance over my shoulder and her back is to me. She is still heavily whisking. I stare at the cabinet a moment longer and relief fills me. I step away and walk over to her side.

“Nothing.  Whatcha making?”

“This is for a salad dressing.  I got the recipe from Mrs. Bronsky.  I had it the other week at the shower she had and it was really good.”

“Smells good.  What is that?”

“It has cumin in it. Hey, why don’t you and dad go play some tennis? Then maybe we could all go to the movies before dinner.” She looks over and smiles at me. “Dan, what do you think?”

“What’s that?” Dad asks as he shuffles the paper around.

“Tennis.  You up for it, old man?”  I giggle.  He gets up and heads over to the kitchen area smiling.

“Hey, this old man can still beat you, Katherine, but yes, let’s go over and play a few.” I laugh at him and he runs a hand over my hair rumpling it over my eyes.

“What about a movie afterwards? Huh?” Mom asks again.

“Yes, dear.  That sounds good.”  He kisses her cheek and she pushes herself into his lips with a smile. 

After dad winning a few games at tennis we head home to meet up with mom and Daniel.  Dad is happy because he beat me enough times to not consider himself old.  I don’t bother to tell him I took it easy on him though.  The four of us head to a movie together and we sit just like we always have in the past: mom, me next to her, then Daniel is next to me and dad on the other side of Daniel.  I had forgotten how easy it is to be in this family.  It’s been a long, long time since I’ve felt ease and happiness.  When we come home we eat mom’s tasty meal that she worked on all morning.  Dad has work the next morning and heads to bed before the news starts, but mom, Daniel and I stay up playing the Wii. I sleep deep and peaceful during the night.

In the morning mom wakes me gently with the home phone in her hand telling me I have a call.  I look at the time and it’s just shy of ten.  I haven’t slept this late in ages.  I yawn and she hands the phone to me with a beaming smile.  Once I get myself situated upright I look at the phone and a worry creeps onto my face.  The thought of it being Kyle or maybe even Johnny pauses me.  I look up at my mom and realize she would not be smiling if it were Kyle.  If it’s Johnny I know I can handle him, but I can’t imagine he would call here.  She slips out of my room and shuts the door.

“Hello,” I croak.

“Hey, sleeping beauty.” Reed’s voice comes over the receiver smoothly.

“Hi, I guess I slept in. How are you?”

“I’m fine, but I was worried about you.  I called last night and couldn’t get through to your cell.  Then I tried this morning too and you didn’t reply to my texts.  Is your phone on?”  I can really hear the worry in his tone and I feel guilty.  I forgot that I had shut my phone off earlier yesterday after getting the call and text from Kyle. 

“I’m sorry, I forgot and then I was busy all day yesterday.  I was so tired by the end of the day I just fell asleep and didn’t wake until now.  How was your day?” 

“Kate, why was your phone off?  You only turn it off when Kyle is bothering you.”  I sit quietly.  It’s not that I want to hide it from him I just don’t want him to worry. 

“It’s okay. I don’t want you to worry.”

“That’s impossible. I already am worried. Please tell me what happened.”