The Nothing (16 page)

“
Actually, to tell you the truth, I don’t feel like going out and you look like you have worked hard today. We can go ahead and go to my place, it’s ok, and I can………..”

Maybe help you relax, make you a shower and some foo
d……… Why did he turn around? Is that his friend? What is going on? Oh my God, is that Senator Bob Austin walking out? Is that the prostitute’s apartment that Raymond talks about? I thought he was joking! What did Senator Austin say to James?

“Come on in James and sit down, your hour starts now.”

Wasn’t he
waiting on his friend who hadn’t showed up? He has been working all day and we were going to spend the evening together. Was that really a prostitute? Did she really say his name, James? Or am I being paranoid. Is this for real or am I dreaming.

Martha’s whole body became heavy, as if she had this guy James sitting on her shoulders. Her chest quickly became sharp with pain and her arms and legs felt tingly from what felt like thousands of needles poking her. All Martha could do was fake a smile and get away when James turned around and looked at the prostitute. Martha rolled her eyes, walked away briskly, and didn’t look back. The disappointment was profound. Something had woken inside of her and filled her with an excitement she hadn’t felt in such a long time.

Fun.
I was going to have fun. I was going to be happy. I didn’t even care if it was only temporary. I needed to feel that happiness that comes from a loving touch. I wanted to wash his sweat away, rub his shoulders, and when I am done, he would turn to look me in the eyes. I wanted him to make love to me and make me his queen as I had made him my king. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Why won’t you let me be happy? Why won’t you give me anything? Damn you! Damn you! Fuck you!

W
hen Martha finally made it to her front door, tears filled and blinded her eyes. She almost couldn’t put her key in the door because her hands were shaking terribly. Martha wanted to get inside before James could come after her.
Please God don’t let him come get me. I don’t want him to kill me. Why didn’t you show me a sign? Don’t let him come get me. I am so sorry. I wanted to be happy. But God Dammit! What the fuck do I do now!

The key finally turned and she opened the door, rushed inside and slammed the door as if there was a tall wave of water rushing
from behind her. Martha’s heart was beating rapidly.

Please God; don’t let me have a heart attack.
I can’t do this to my Raymond. He is so far away. I have to stay alive for him. I am here all by myself and it will tear him apart knowing that I am dead and no one is here to make sure our stuff and my body is being taken care of. All because I almost hooked up with a stranger.

Sense of time had escaped Martha as she found herself instantaneously sitting on the couch.
The thoughts surrounding her brief encounter had made her movements instinctive. It was as if she was slightly unconscious. She didn’t remember walking from the door to the couch. Her purse was on the kitchen table where she usually puts it and the keys were hanging by the front door. Both Sady and Malory were sitting next to her.

Ok, I’m
ok now. Pheww! That was something. I guess I didn’t have a heart attack, but I really felt horrible there for a few minutes. They were right. All men are liars and cheaters. I had invited him to my apartment. He seemed so nice. Fat and ugly, yet something about him was handsome. I thought I had a good feeling but I was wrong though. Everyone is wrong sometimes. I can’t believe that he was talking to me and inviting me to spend time with him when he was sitting there waiting for his turn to see a prostitute. It was weird to see that senator walking out too. I could’ve made some money if I had gotten a picture. Maybe it’s time for one of those smartphones Raymond keeps telling me about. Well, I guess I should be glad that this happened. I found out the easy way that this guy James is just another liar, user, and a fake. He would have cheated on me. He is one of those types that don’t want a relationship, to share his emotions, or be close to someone. He wants to have sex; that’s it. He probably sleeps with different women every night. I am glad I found all this out before I got hurt.

But Martha did get hurt
. She fell into a depression and missed Hector and Raymond more than ever before. The discouragement from her encounter with James opened a Pandora’s box of emotions that have been held in for some time. Thoughts frequently appeared of Raymond being killed in combat, the loss of her husband and how she was left alone with the burdens of life. It was a few months after this that Martha starts to hurt herself. She starts cutting.

***

Twenty minutes had passed while Martha was been deep in thought. Thinking about the past always had that effect on her. It had been quiet in the custodian locker room. It was a serene room with the fresh scent of cleaning supplies in the air. Her coworkers were great about keeping the area clean and organized. On the table, where Martha was eating her sandwich, was a soft tablecloth with a nice bouquet of fresh flowers in the middle. All of this helps anyone eating their midday, or evening meal, relax and forget the mundane job duties that fill their days. Martha hates when she daydreams because sometimes it gets so deep that she forgets where she is at and what time it is.

It was now close to three in the afternoon
. With her floors done, it was time to go get Claudia’s floors over with. Cleaning the top three floors though, was a delicate task. Wilton had once told everyone, “We can’t piss the people off that work on the upper floors. They are lawyers, but not just any lawyers. They have their hands in everything and everybody. Politicians, celebrities, and CEOs; have all been there. Even President Moore paid a visit before his Inauguration.” Hopefully those floors didn’t require much work this time and she could spend a couple of hours playing solitaire on the computer before she goes home. Yet Martha couldn’t help thinking of the commotion she heard earlier during lunchtime as the elevator had passed the lobby floor.
Why bother? Who cares what is going on? I am going to hurry and get all this done so that I can go home and get enough sleep before I have to come back in tomorrow. I have to be on time since I was so late this morning.

But
Martha decided to stop the elevator on the lobby level before continuing on up. Just to take a peek. Across the lobby, she saw a group of people standing near the front entrance looking towards the freeway elevation that is in front of the building. The lobby area was very large and grand. The walls were lined with marble and the floors were filled with shiny brown mosaic tiles. In the center was the round check in desk where there was always several security guards sitting or standing. Martha had stepped out of the elevator when one of the guards approached her.

“Do you have a cell phone?”
The direct approach scared Martha. She had never spoken to this man before.

“No, I am so sorry.
Is something wrong? Is everyone ok?”

“Y
ou got a laptop, iPad or tablet?”

“I don’t have anything like that sir. I don’t even have a computer at home. My son does, but I don’t use it. Please, is something going on that I need to know about?”

“Well Miss….”

“Diaz, Martha Diaz.”

“Well Miss Diaz, my name is Officer Howell.
If you notice, the traffic on 45 is at a complete standstill. Hasn’t moved in four hours. The scary part is that there is no way to even call 911. Cell phones are suppose to be able to dial emergency services even if there is no SIM card. And dead spots are almost unheard of these days. I was asking if you had anything with a signal, because maybe we could find out what is going on. We can’t even get a TV signal for the local stations. It is like we are back in the Stone Age.”

Oh my.
So what if their stuff isn’t working? Not my problem. Nothing to cry over or stop your car on the freakin’ freeway for. Can’t get a signal on anything? No bother to me. I have done fine without all that wireless junk for my entire life. I think I am going to skip on getting a cell phone. I don’t want to become crazy like these people.

“
Aren’t there any regular phones? Like the ones you plug into the wall? Maybe everyone should reconsider going back to those instead of depending on cell phones.“ Martha could tell Officer Howell was frustrated, which frustrated her as well. She thought it was silly to panic over this.

“The building was built with no buried or suspended fiber optics.
Everything is Wi-Fi, satellite or cellular. I don’t think anyone has regular landline phones anymore. Except maybe the police and the government.”

I still have one.
Ordered a pizza on it two nights ago.

“So are
these people going to go home? Is there really anything to worry about?”

“Yes there is.
Something has to be wrong out there for all communications to be down. Even the TV is out. Best thing is to stay put for now. Go do your duties if you still have things to do. But I would stay in the building until we know how safe it is out there and when we are able to get a signal on something.”

“Mr. Howell, I don’t understand.
It is just a few little phones and computers. And what is the big deal of the TVs or cable channels not working? Maybe it was an asteroid passing too close. Don’t you think that you are assuming too much?”

“Miss Diaz let me fill you in.
A wreck happened a ways down the freeway from here at 11:30 a.m. We saw the traffic build up as it always does. By 2:00 p.m. the traffic was still there. It is very unusual because traffic gets moving at worst, an hour after. Of course if it was a hazardous spill or freeway damage it would take longer, but we would know about it. A coworker of mine would have seen it from the roof. Right now, he only sees two motorcycle cops and usually there is a whole platoon of them. The wreck is still there. Three cars hit each other and blocked the entire northbound lanes of the freeway. He hasn’t seen any ambulances or fire trucks. Usually accidents are cleaned up pretty quickly in this city. And if other wrecks around the city are not getting any emergency responders, then things are going to get chaotic. We figure that no one can call or radio for help like us.”

It felt like bei
ng in a disaster movie. Martha felt warmth in her stomach. “Don’t you guys have radios, like shortwave or something that doesn’t use Internet or cell signals?” Officer Howell rolled his eyes. “Those won’t even work. We walked up to a cab stopped in front and the cabbie’s radio wasn’t getting a signal either. He was blocked in by stand still traffic in the six-block area around the building. No way out right now. One of the guys standing over there, the fat one in the dark green suit, has a satellite phone. He said it was the first thing to stop working. He was getting some market updates from overseas when the signal dropped. An hour later he says his phone and Wi-Fi stopped. At around 1:30 p.m. we heard what sounded like a war going on at a restaurant a few blocks away. We locked the doors after that and were careful with whom we let in. There are gangs in that area, but we have never heard gunfire like that. Right now we are telling people they should stay here until we know what is going on. You should too Miss Diaz.”

Martha looked
from officer Howell to the small crowd of suits in the lobby.
What do I say, do or think? Will the buses be running? Will I be able to get home? How will I stay here and for how long? I already miss my kitties.

“I was going to be working overtime covering a coworker’s area.
I was thinking I would be getting off around eleven or twelve tonight so I will be here until then anyways. How long are you talking? Will I be able to leave later?”

Officer Howell
nodded, “Yes Miss Diaz I am sure you will be able to leave later. My hope is whatever is going on is just some sort of glitch and will be resolved soon. Getting back to work is probably the best thing to do right now.”

“Do you think the
buses are running?” Officer Howell slightly laughed and shook his head sarcastically, which hurt Martha’s feelings because it made her feel dumb. “I haven’t seen any buses in a couple of hours. If traffic in the area is at a standstill, you figure that buses aren’t able to get through either. Go on back to your duties and check back later. I may know something more by then.” In a defeated juvenile tone, Martha replied, “Ok Mr. Howell, I’ll just check back.” Martha turned around and pushed her cart back towards the elevator. The conversation with Officer Howell made her feel vulnerable. To her, it seemed like the whole world had advanced over the years without her. Now that the shit has hit the fan, she has no way of knowing what to do because she is stuck back on step three or four while everyone else is on step twenty. Martha never thought of herself as stupid or less capable then everyone else. She’s just had some bad luck.

It is no fun having to depend on others.
I feel so alone. I never felt this way when Hector was alive I felt protected and safe. I never could picture life without him. Maybe I should’ve taken those shooting and self-defense lessons like he told me before he died. But I never thought I would have to go through life without him. On top of that, my little Raymond is halfway around the world fighting his own battles. I wish people wouldn’t get so crazy because their phones and internet don’t work. Officer Howell was too paranoid and made me feel stupid.