The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (24 page)

The funny thing was that, a few months after she dumped me, I found a recording on my MP3 player; it was the last conversation we had on the last day that I saw her. My player must have accidentally switched on and been recording in my pocket. I could barely listen to it—not because it brought back sad memories, but because of how weak, needy, and unattractive I sounded. I was seeking approval, validation, letting her take charge, asking her to “please stay longer,” asking when we could meet again. It was sickening. I was breaking all the rules I’d learned and knew very well. I was doing what so many men do. Women become so important to us that this is how we act when we finally get one. The knowledge I’d learned wasn’t enough to stop me from making the mistakes men have been making for centuries.

Your Mission

Get a pen and describe on paper your ideal woman. What character attributes does she have? Does she smoke? Does she keep fit? Is she a leader or follower? Is she kind and generous? Can she dance? Can she sing? Is she sharp? Is she educated? Does she read poetry or celebrity gossip? Does she like Disney films or action flicks? Does she like sushi? Is she well traveled?

Once you have your list, when you go out to meet women some interesting changes will take place:

First off, you won’t be as intimidated by a girl’s looks, because you’ll be looking for something more—for particular traits and skills. If you can work questions that address the attributes of your ideal women into an interaction, you’ll flip the dynamic. Your conversational partner will have to start qualifying herself to you. You’re positioning yourself as the selector and seeing if she matches up to your requirements. Ninety-nine percent of men don’t do this, and you’ll see how women start chasing you if you do.

Second, this technique will help you avoid bad relationships—the kind that are doomed to fail from the start, but that you force to work for a while because you really want a girlfriend or because this particular girl is really cute. When you understand what you
really
want, you’ll know very quickly whether a woman is girlfriend material, a cool chick you can party with, or a girl you might have a sexual relationship with but nothing more.

After she dumped me I was crushed for two weeks. I thought that every time I was in love with a girl, she’d dump me. But then I decided to take action: I sat down and figured out what I needed to do to not have this happen again. I never did make the same mistake; and if you complete the preceding mission, you’ll avoid it completely.

To “close” a girl, in most cases, you need to “isolate” her. Have you ever noticed that conversations with large groups are very lightly topical, compared to one-on-one interactions where the subject matter can go very deep? Which conversation is more likely to bring out emotions, to help you get to know someone better and form a bond? That’s why we need to isolate.

My definition of isolation isn’t that you’re the only people in the location, but that the two of you are the only people in the conversation. Her friends could be three feet away, or even closer—as long as they’re not involved in the conversation.

For me, the easiest way to isolate a girl is to turn her away from her group. She doesn’t need to leave them completely and walk away with you, just as long as she isn’t looking at them.

A student once asked me to open a girl who was part of a group of six. Now, I
could
have opened the whole group, bantered for a while, won them over, and then tried to isolate the chosen woman from there. But there are two reasons why I don’t like doing this:

First, I don’t always want to exert enough energy to entertain a huge group in a noisy location. Second, my problem in the past has been that if I involve myself too much in the group, they all want to talk to me, and isolating one girl then becomes difficult—she feels social pressure as well, because all eyes are on her.

So in the above-mentioned case I wanted to isolate the girl “under the radar.” Having noticed that the group had pretty much split in half, I approached, quickly established physical contact with her (turning her around by the shoulder before saying a word), introduced myself, and—lo and behold—we were isolated as soon as she turned away from her two friends.

With a pair of girls, isolation is very difficult. Generally speaking, you need a wingman in this situation. For a group of three, my simple isolation strategy is to open everyone, reach the hook point, and then deliver a personal statement to the girl I like (example: observation about her jewelry). The key here is to speak your isolating statement at a lower volume and break eye contact with the others. They will typically then engage each other, while the eye contact and attention you’re paying the girl should ensure that she continues it with you. You next sidestep slightly around the girl and away from the other girls, so she has to turn to face you. You’re now isolated. Wasn’t that easy?

Leading to Isolate

When it comes to moving from the hook point toward the close, you generally want to be leading the girl at all times. “Let’s go dance,” “Let’s sit down,” and “Let’s go get a drink” are all ways to lead and isolate. Others include, “Come over into the light” and “Let’s go over there; it’s less crowded/noisy/smoky.”

Use this technique with caution. I call the closes I can get with this method “GF-closes” (short for girlfriend). I’m careful to do this only with girls I genuinely feel something for. It’s wrong to use it on those I would only consider for a casual relationship. Deep rapport is a way to get a soul-mate-level connection with the girl and go beyond anything she has ever felt before.

Achieving deep rapport is a simple two-stage process. Once mastered, it can be done on the fly with any girl. The steps are:

 

1. Elicit emotional content.
   
 

2. Give feedback and connect.
   

First I’ll explain the process and then I’ll give an example that illustrates how to apply this technique.

Okay, so how do you do that first step of eliciting emotional content? It’s not that hard, actually. These subjects typically have emotions attached to them:

  Passions and interests

  Memories (e.g., of childhood)

  Future ambitions and dreams

  People close to us

Let’s use the example of passions—the first item listed—but remember that what follows applies to all of the above. Your goal should be to get down to this deep emotional level and connect. Every person has things they’re passionate about. These aren’t critical “must do” activities, but things that provide a sense of joy, achievement, or simply being fully alive.

Some examples could be:

  Dancing (either watching or doing)

  Going to the theater

  Checking out museums