The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (10 page)

Examples of Mr. Sociable

Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn as John and Jeremy in
Wedding Crashers

Ryan Reynolds as Van in
Van Wilder

  Try this acting exercise with a friend: one-word improv. The way it works is that you make up a story together, one word at a time: you say a word (“I”) and then your friend says a word (“will”), and you continue like this until you’ve got a narrative. (Go. And. See. My. Friends. At. The. Beach. And. Build. A. Sandcastle. Then…) When you come to a full stop, you use words like “next,” “afterward,” and “then” to carry it on. If you manage to increase the speed as you get good at this, the skill should translate directly into natural conversation.

After you’ve integrated into a group or made initial contact with a woman, you can bring out Mr. Comfort. When you first approach strangers, they’re usually in a wait-and-see mode. It might happen quickly, or might take a while, but soon they will open up to you and commit to the interaction. How do you know when this has happened? Nonverbally: they will stop looking at each other, or around the room, and focus on you and what you’re saying. Verbally: they will start to commit more to the conversation, giving longer answers and asking you questions.

While Mr. Comfort isn’t as outgoing as Mr. Sociable, he’s no slouch in the interaction department. Mr. Comfort is interested and interesting. He listens about 50 percent of the time, doesn’t talk too much about himself, and tries to understand women, find common interests, and build rapport. He should stick around until you’ve established a palpable connection with a girl, at which point he should start to bring in some elements of the next character, Mr.  Seducer. Usually, Mr. Comfort can’t start conversations very well and isn’t very seductive, so it’s awkward when he goes in for a kiss.

Most introverts will be at home in this mode. The problem is getting stuck in it! Ninety percent of the time, when guys tell me they’ve been put into the “friend zone” by a woman, it’s due to being Mr. Comfort for too long. Giving off no sexual vibe, no matter how good you are conversationally, means you’re of no more use to her than her girlfriends or gay best friend!

  Listen actively. When others are speaking, don’t just stand there waiting to jump in. Look them in the eye, nod your head, and encourage them to continue.

  Imagine that you’ve known the person you’re speaking to for your entire life. Project the feeling of fondness you have for your oldest and best of friends and watch as this new acquaintance reciprocates.

Examples of Mr. Comfort

David Schwimmer as Ross in the TV show
Friends

John Krasinski as Jim in the TV show
The Office

Jason Segel as Peter in
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

  Humanize yourself—paint a picture of who you are, where you’re from (your history), and what you’re all about. Don’t brag; simply open up and allow your conversational partner to see you for who you are. Don’t be afraid to poke fun at yourself and talk about the time you embarrassed yourself at your birthday party when you were eight years old. Imperfection is lovable.

The Seducer is the man who is unapologetic about his sexual intention toward a woman. While he doesn’t come out and overtly say, “Hey, I want to sleep with you!” he does give signals to the woman that he’s very interested, in a smooth, almost calculated way. Be it the way he looks at the woman, the way he holds her hand, or the way he uses his voice, Mr. Seducer is the guy who can get the girl into bed.

The Mr. Seducer character doesn’t just pop out of left field when you need him. Instead, he emerges gradually, the more you find out about a woman. This way, your attraction to her is justified and, in her eyes, is not based on looks alone.

  Don’t be afraid to reveal your desire. Look the woman in the eyes in a way that communicates, “I want you tonight.”

  Slow down the rate at which you speak.

  As you begin to speak more slowly, add pauses … in the way … you speak … while still holding solid eye contact. Pauses in the middle … of sentences are … especially powerful.

  Introduce touching and physicality with more frequency and intimacy.

  Reduce movement and make sure any body movement, gestures, and touches fit with the slow, smooth, seductive rhythm.