The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (161 page)

Both were laid by Arabs.

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?

Their last big hit was
The Wall.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

Did you know that Princess Di was on the phone when she crashed?

She was also on the dashboard, the windscreen, the gearstick and the headrests.

What would Princess Diana be doing now if she was still alive?

Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

What is the Queen getting Fergie for Christmas?

A black Mercedes and a trip to Paris.

What do you give the princess who has everything?

A seatbelt and an airbag.

What did Princess Diana do when she heard the driver had been drinking?

She hit the roof.

Why was Diana like a mobile phone?

They both die in tunnels.

What’s the one word that could have saved Princess Diana’s life?

“Taxi!”

St Peter meets Mother Theresa at the pearly gates and says, “You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.” Later on Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven feeling quite pleased about her lovely new halo, when she sees Princess Diana wearing a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa immediately goes back to St Peter to complain. “St Peter, I spent most of my adult life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Diana did nowhere near the amount of charitable work I did. She was a vain self-obsessed attention seeker. Why does she have a bigger halo?”

St Peter replies, “That’s not a halo. That’s a steering wheel.”

What does Prince Philip’s bumper sticker say? “I brake for paparazzi!”