The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (36 page)

     There are then many ways of having living inside one and having it come out from one, always then some one looks at each one, always the more one looks at every one the more one knows that sometime there will be a history of every one.
     There are then many ways of having impatient feeling in one, there are then many ways of having an anxious feeling in one, this is now the history of some of them and the servant queerness that comes out of some servants who have in them impatient feeling and anxious being and later in their living from much sitting alone in a kitchen, from much eating without any one being then with them or around them, from much cooking, from much directing from the mistress in the house with them and from being with the children living in the houses where they are working have such servant queerness come to be in them; there are then many women and many kinds of them who have sometimes servant queerness in them.
     There are then every kind of women among the servants working in every kind of kitchen. There are some who have in them servant girl nature as the bottom of them.
     The nature in every one is always coming out of them from their beginning to their ending by the repeating always in them, by the repeating always coming out from each one. Sometimes, often, one looking at some one forgets about that one many things one knows in that one, always soon then such a one brings it back to remember it about that one the things one is not then thinking by the repeating that is always in each one. Always then everybody is always repeating the whole nature of them and to any one who looks always at each one always the whole of that one one is then seeing keeps coming out of such a one. So any one can know about any one the nature of that one from the repeating that is the whole of each one. The whole of every one is always coming out in repeating. Always it is coming out of every one the whole nature of them in their daily living in the repeating each one has all the time in living. Every minute then in their living they are themselves inside them and they are repeating always and all the repeating together is the whole nature of every one coming out from them, coming out from them in their daily living, coming out from them in different ways in different moments of their living. Always then it is coming out of each one the whole nature of that one in the daily living of such a one in the repeating each one has all the time in living. Each minute then in the living of each one there is inside each one the being that makes that one and each one is repeating always this being that makes each one that one inside to that one and each one is repeating always and all the repeating together of each one is coming out always from each one, coming out from each one in the daily living each one is leading, coming out from each one in different ways in different moments of the living of each one.
     Servant queerness in all of them who have servant queerness in them comes out of such of them as the kind of nature in them; in each one having servant queerness in them it comes out of them by the nature of them, in the way they have always had in them impatient feeling and anxious feeling. Impatient feeling and anxious feeling has always been in each one of them in the way it was natural to their kind of them to such a one of their kind of them to have it in them and then it comes, the impatient feeling and anxious feeling, it comes to be that these get stronger and more mixed up in them then in such a one from their kind of living, from the kind of eating alone and drinking, from cooking and their kind of working, from sitting in a kitchen, it comes then that there is in such a one servant queerness in her being and the servant queerness is in her and comes out from her to make for her that kind of servant queerness that comes out of the nature in her.
     The servants then living with the Hersland family, those who stayed a long time with them were older foreign or foreign American women. One of these had servant girl nature in her, she had submission in her, she could have sometime resisting in her. This never came to be in her in her living with the Hersland family, with them she never had any resistance inside her. Mrs. Hersland never had with her an angry feeling, she went away at last to take care of a sick brother.
     There are then every kind of women among the women who are sometimes servants for some one. There are then every kind of women among foreign women among foreign American women who are servants sometime in their living to some one. Many of them have servant girl nature in them, many of them have servant nature in them, many of them have a mistress nature in them, many of them have a mixture in them; there are then all kinds of women nature among them. About half of all of them have in them of their kind of them independent dependent nature in them, they are the independent dependents of their kind of them, the rest of them the other more or less half of them the women living as servants sometime in their living have dependent independent nature in them, they are the dependent independents of their kind of them. The nature in each one makes a long history of each of them and sometime there will be a history of every one and the nature in them and how in their servant living the nature in them comes out from them.
     Mrs. Hersland got her important feeling of herself to herself from all of them from all the servants she ever had working for her or doing something for her in her living, Mrs. Hersland got her important feeling of herself to herself from all of them, from being of them and above them, from trying them, from directing them, from having in her sometimes from some of them an injured and an angry feeling, from having to arrange the relation of some of them to the governess living in the house at the same time. Some of them who had in them a certain mixture inside them never liked it that the governess was not of them and Mrs. Hersland had strongly then a feeling of herself to herself from making such a one understand the position a governess had and how a servant should behave toward such a one. Mrs. Hersland had then much important living with the servants, she never liked any one of them to have servant queerness in them, she never liked them to be so young that she needed to train them, she liked them to be older foreign or foreign American women, she liked to be of them and above them. Mostly she had very little trouble with them, sometimes she had troubles with the families of them, some of this will come out later in the daily living of the Hersland children in the history of each one.
     Mrs. Hersland had then sometimes troubles with the families of them. Mrs. Hersland had her important feeling from servants who were with her in her middle living. Mrs. Hersland had from some of them an injured feeling, Mrs. Hersland had with some of them an angry feeling, sometimes it was with one of them sometimes with some one of the family of one of them. Mrs. Hersland had in her nothing of impatient feeling, she could have in her an injured and a bright angry feeling. Once one foreign girl had come to her from some one in Bridgepoint who had sent her because she wanted to go and this friend thought she would be a good servant for Mrs. Hersland to have with her. The girl did not want to stay, she wanted to go back to Bridgepoint, she said Mrs. Hersland should help send her, Mrs. Hersland had then an angry feeling in her, she said she did not have to help send her. The girl said she would have to help a little to send her, Mrs. Hersland said she would either not give her anything to help her or she would pay everything for her, she never would help to send her away from her, she would pay the whole thing for her, it was not right but she would pay the whole thing for her, she would do it all or nothing for her, she did not have to do anything for her, she would do the whole thing for her. Mrs. Hersland had in her a bright angry feeling inside her, it was wrong that a girl should behave so toward her. Mrs. Hersland had then rightly an angry feeling in her. She paid everything for her. This was Mrs. Hersland with an injured feeling inside her and an angry feeling then in her. There was nothing in her of impatient feeling in her, with servants she had never anxious feeling in her, she had in her sometimes an injured feeling and then an angry feeling and then she would send the one that had given it to her away from her, then she would pay for some one all expenses for her, when she had in her an angry feeling inside her there was no half measure in her, often she only had an injured feeling in her; this time she had more angry than injured feeling in her. No one was then afraid of her, there was no terror in her anger for any one around her. Mostly she would then pay everything any one could in any kind of way ask of her to show them the right angry feeling in her.
     There was never in Mrs. Hersland a bitter feeling in the injured or angry feeling in her with any servant in the house with her. She did not have in her impatient feeling, she did not have with any of them or the families of them an anxious feeling in her, she had inside her sometimes with them or with the families of them an injured sometimes an angry feeling in her, this never gave to her never made bitterness for her, Mrs. Hersland never had really any bitterness inside her, later she had a little dreary weakening sadness in her, later she had a scared feeling in her from her husband and her children grown big around her she never had in her impatient feeling in her she never had any bitterness in her, she had in her middle living for the servants and governesses and seamstresses and dependents sometimes an injured feeling sometimes a bright anger.
     To have an injured or an angry feeling in one is very common in ordinary living. Injured or angry feeling may be in one with impatient feeling or with anxious feeling and it may be in one without any such being then in that one. Mrs. Hersland had in her living, mostly in the beginning and in the middle of her middle living very much of such feeling, not much with her husband or her children but with the servants and seamstresses and governesses and dependents all those that gave to her the feeling of herself inside her.
     The independent dependent kind of men and women have in them, most of them, mostly in their injured and their angry feeling a sense of impatient feeling or anxious feeling with a sense of their own virtue their own right inside them, they have not in them then mostly a consciousness of angry or injured feeling in them, to them then their angry feeling or their injured feeling flows from the outraged virtue or goodness in them, to themselves then they have not any angry or injured feeling as filling them but flowing from them because it is natural to have such a thing in them when their goodness or virtue is outraged by some one. Mrs. Hersland was not such a one, she had in her dependent independent being in her, it was to her rightly an injured or an angry feeling she had then in her when some one around her did what it was not right for them to do toward her, she had then to herself rightly an injured and an angry feeling in her and to herself it was the injured or angry feeling that filled her, it was not right for the girl to ask Mrs. Hersland to help send her to Bridgepoint when the girl had no reason to leave her, it was right then for Mrs. Hersland to have in her an injured and then an angry feeling in her, it was then to Mrs. Hersland inside her that she had in her, rightly an angry and an injured feeling, then she would show it by doing nothing to help the girl who had no right to ask it of her or she would pay all her expenses for her. Mrs. Hersland had rightly in her toward her an injured and an angry feeling, to herself then this was all that was then in her, it was not to her her own virtue or her own goodness that was then the important thing inside her it was the injured and the angry feeling in her, to satisfy that she paid all the expenses for her, she would do that or nothing for her, it was not to her her own virtue or her own goodness that was to herself urging her to do this for the girl who asked of her what she had no business to ask of her, it was to herself in her the injured and the angry feeling in her that needed to have this action to make it quiet inside her, it was to satisfy this in her that she would do anything or nothing for the girl who had asked her to help her when she had no right to ask her, it was not then to herself in her a sense of goodness and virtue in her; this makes of her her kind of them the kind that has resisting and not attacking as the bottom nature in them; she was of this kind of them then she had resisting not attacking in her as the bottom nature of her.
     Mrs. Hersland was of this kind of them then, she had resisting as her way of being. This is not always clear in the beginning sometimes it is the resisting that is in appearance like attacking, sometimes the attacking that has stubbornness or weakness in it like resisting but more in their living this nature in them comes out of them in the repeating that is in all being.
     And so always whenever Mrs. Hersland had an injured or an angry feeling in her she did such a thing to satisfy herself inside her. This will come out more and more in her the kind of injured and angry feeling it was natural to have in her and the way it was natural for such feelings to come out of her. More this will be a history of these feelings in her, more and more this will be a history of the different ways the two kinds there are of men and women and all the kinds of the two kinds of them have every kind of feeling have every kind of way of having every feeling come out from them. Sometime then there will be more telling of the way Mrs. Hersland had injured and angry feeling. Sometime then there will be a history of every kind of feeling Mrs. Hersland had in her in her living and every way every feeling came out of her in her living. There will be then in the daily living of each one of the Hersland children there will be then in the history of the daily living of each one of the three of them a history of all the feeling and the way it came out of the mother of them the way it came out and so any one could see by looking that she was her kind of them the dependent independent kind of them the kind that have resisting as the bottom of them, the kind that have in them to themselves rightly in them an injured and an angry feeling and when they have this in them have not in them strongest inside them the sense of their own virtue or goodness then, they have then in them as the strongest thing then to themselves inside them this injured or angry feeling. Mrs. Hersland was of this kind of them then the dependent independent kind of women. Sometime there will be a long history of the two kinds of them and the feeling in them and the way feeling comes out of them.