The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (32 page)

     The kinds of feeling women have in them and the ways it comes out from them makes for them the bottom nature in them, gives to them their kind of thinking, makes the character they have all their living in them, makes them their kind of women and there are always many millions made of each kind of them.
     Some women have it in them to love others because they need them, because these somehow are important to them because somehow these they have for loving belong to them, many of such of them subdue the ones they need for loving they subdue them and they own them; some of them who have it to be of this kind of women have it in them to be almost of no importance to those they have around them in their living, to have the children belong to them as a part of them inside them, these are of the kind of them who always own their children who subdue those they need in living but these of this kind of women have it to have this that is them very lightly in them and Mrs. Hersland was of such a kind of them, these have it in them to be it so gently in them that it never comes out in them, with some it comes out a very little in them, with some it comes out sometime in their living, these then have it to be so timidly in them that their children are only a part of them it is with such of them only in such a way that they can ever own them, some of such a kind of them have it all so peaceably inside them that they have not in them the feeling of being themselves inside them, it takes some one around them to need them to be owned by them, to make such a kind of one own them, to make them feel it inside them that they are themselves inside them, to give to them anything of an important feeling. There are then this kind of women and many of them are very dependent all through their living but a little in them is an independent feeling and this comes out in them when there is any one around them who makes them own them, they have it in them then a feeling of themselves inside them, they need to have around them to have in them such a feeling of themselves inside them, they need some who make them own them and to such a one they are important any moment in their living. Mrs. Hersland had a very little such a feeling with her husband when she was first married to him, she had it in her when she was a little resisting to him; she never would have had much more in her if she had gone on living the life that was for her the natural way of being, she had it a little more in her feeling with the Shilling family in her hotel living, it came to be strongest in her living with a governess and a seamstress and servants in the house with her and to her, poor people around her, with always inside her country house feeling of right rich living, with nothing in her daily living being of such a living which was the natural way of living for her. She had it then in her to feel herself inside her and it was then strongest in her and came out in her with the governess Madeleine Wyman who was for her the one who in all her living was the one whom she had power over, not as part of her as her children were to her, but as outside of her. She fought with the family of Madeleine Wyman for her, she had a feeling then of herself inside her.
     There are then two kinds of women, those who have dependent independence in them, those who have in them independent dependence inside them; the ones of the first of them always somehow own the ones they need to love them, the second kind of them have it in them to love only those who need them, such of them have it in them to have power in them over others only when these others have begun already a little to love them, others loving them give to such of them strength in domination. There are then these two ways of loving there are these two ways of being when women have loving in them, as a bottom nature to them, there are then many kinds of mixing, there are many kinds of each kind of them, some women have it in them to have a bottom nature in them of one of these two kinds of loving and then this is mixed up in them with the other kind of loving as another nature in them but all this will come clear in the history of all kinds of women and some kinds of men as it will now be written of them.
     Mrs. Hersland then was one of the one kind of them, of the first kind of them. In the Hersland family living during the middle part of the family living, when the children were beginning to have in them their individual living, when Mrs. Hersland was beginning to have strongest inside her her own important feeling, when Mr. Hersland was strongest in beginning and making his great fortune, during this middle portion of their family living they had three governesses in the years of living before the children were grown too big to have any need of such a person around them and each one of them was of another kind of woman and this will be a history of each one of them. There were many other women in their living, some of one some of another kind, some with mixtures in them, some were cooks and some were seamstresses around them, some were dependents in the house with them, some lived in little houses near them in that part of Gossols where no other rich people were living, and some were of the family or friends of some of such ones of them and this will be a history of all of them. There are many kinds of women then and many kinds of men and this then will be a history of some of the many kinds of them.
     Many women have at some time resisting in them. Some have resisting in them as a feeling of themselves inside them. In some kinds of women resisting is not a feeling of themselves to themselves inside them. In some kinds of women resisting can only come from such a feeling. This makes two different kinds of women and mostly all women can be divided so between them. Patient women need to have in them such a feeling to be resisting, they need to have in them a feeling of themselves inside them to be really resisting to any one who owns them. Attacking women with weakness as the bottom of them have not it in them to need such a feeling for resisting, resisting is natural to them, it covers up in them the weakness of them. Concentrated women with not any weakness at the bottom in them do not need to have in them such a feeling, these are made up of resisting, concentration with them makes the whole of them makes for them the strength such a feeling as themselves inside them gives to patient ones to make resisting possible for them, attacking feeling gives it to others who really have weakness in them as the bottom of them. Such concentrated women have never in them any such resisting in them, yielding is the whole of such ones of them. This needs very much explaining, this makes a history of every kind of woman, this is a history of only a few kinds of them.
     Many women then have resisting in them, many women have attacking in them, many women who have resisting and attacking in them have weakness as the bottom of them, some have not any such weakness at the bottom of them. These last mostly have much concentration of themselves inside them. Some women have not any attacking or resisting in them, some of such of them can have it in them when they have come into them a feeling of themselves inside them, some never have in them anything of such a feeling. Many women then have resisting at some time in them. Many women have religion in them, there are many kinds of women and each kind of them has it in those of them that have religion in them to have it of the character of them, mostly it is in them like the bottom nature that makes their kind of them that makes their kind of loving, their kind of resisting, if they have resisting in them, their kind of religion.
     Mrs. Hersland never had her religion to be in her like his in her father, a thing to give to her a feeling of herself inside her, religion with her went with what would happen in her daily living for her, was in her not anything of resistance inside her, was simply a part of the gentle feeling in her like her children inside her, like the rich right living that was the natural way of living for her.
     As I was saying many women have it in them to feel it inside them that the last end of a bad thing cannot come to them, that the last evil thing will not destroy them; this is a common feeling with women who have in them resisting or attacking as the natural thing in them with a weakness at the bottom of them, these women have not in them a superior feeling, they have it in them that no last bad thing can overwhelm them that is to their resisting and at the same time the weakness of them gives to them the feeling that something some one will take care of them. This is in many of them a religion in them.
     Mrs. Hersland was not such a one a last end of a bad thing could win and she would be hurt not angry when it had happened to them, she could be angry when she had a feeling of being herself inside her and so could then have resisting in her but this could never be in her in any real trouble or sorrow that came to her or to the children who were a part of her, then there was no important feeling of herself inside her, then there was no resisting in her, then she had a resignation to the pain that killed her, that was all the religion she had in her. Her mother had had always such a trickling sadness in her, this was all of her, this was all religion to her. Her father had had a feeling of himself inside him to make religion for him, he was all to himself always inside him he was the complete thing of such resisting, it was in him all religion, all religion was him he had it so all inside him. Mrs. Hersland had it then a little in her to have resisting in her, a feeling of herself inside her, she could then have anger in her but this could never be in her in any real trouble or sorrow that came to her or to the children who were a part of her, then there was no important feeling of herself inside her, then there was no resisting in her, then she had a resignation to the pain that killed her, that was all the religion she had in her.
     As I was saying women who have resisting or attacking with weakness as the bottom of them never believe that the last end of a bad thing can come to them, that anything can really drown them, they have aggressive optimism in them, some of them then have aggressive optimism in them they have mostly all of them in some way religion in them, some have almost not any bottom weakness in them, some are all weakness inside them they have almost no attacking in them, sometimes with such of them their weakness makes them resisting, later this will be a history of several of all these kinds of them.
     Some women have it in them to subdue those they need in loving. Madeleine Wyman the last governess was one of such of them and this will be a history of her living, with the Hersland family, with the mother, the father and the children.
     The Herslands had a governess, a seamstress and servants living in the house with them. Mostly the Hersland children in their younger living were more entirely of them, the poorer people who lived around them, than they were of their home living. This was true of them, all through their younger living, all through the time they had governesses around them, their mother and their governesses never really knew it about them.
     To begin then with beginning of the living of the Hersland family in the ten acre place in that part of Gossols where no other rich people were living.
     There was then Mr. Hersland in the middle of his middle living, Mrs. Hersland in the beginning of the strongest time of being to herself inside her in her feeling, the three children in the first beginning in them of individual feeling. There were then the servants living in the house with them, a governess and near them in the small houses around them poor, for them, queer people to make for them their daily living.
     They had foreign women as servants in the house with them when they could get them. Sometimes they could not get them They had three governesses in their whole living in Gossols before the children grew too old to have one. One was a foreign born, two were American. The seamstresses were always foreign American, sometimes it was the family near them, sometimes it was one in the part of Gossols where rich people mostly were living, and then there was another one not near them but who would come sometimes and stay in the house with them. Mrs. Hersland with all of them had her important feeling, she had it in getting them, in keeping them, and whenever she had to get rid of one of them. She had always in her with them an important feeling, sometimes she had an angry feeling with them, sometimes a resisting feeling, she never let any interfering come between her and her acting toward them, she was always of them and above them, she had all of her feeling of herself to herself from them.
     Many women have a feeling of themselves inside them from servants around them. There are many ways of having such a feeling in them. This is a long history of one of them.
     Many servants get to have in them something that is almost a craziness in them, many have a very lonesome feeling in them not a lonesome feeling of themselves inside them just a lonesome feeling that makes queer, sometimes a little crazy women of them. This is in many of them. The Irishwoman and one of the Italian women had this a little in them. This makes them good fun for children living in the house with them. The children tease them, they are good to children around them, they always have to be sent away all of a sudden. The Irishwoman and one of the Italians was of this kind of women. The other servants were always steady women, each with their own way of being in them and this is now a history of all of them. This is a history of them and the seamstresses and the governesses and any troubles any one of them had with the others living in the house with them. This is a history of all of them and of the kind of important feeling Mrs. Hersland had in her from all of them and of the feelings the children each one had for each one of them and the relation each one had to Mr. Hersland.
     Mrs. Hersland then was of the kind of women who have resisting in them only with a feeling of themselves inside them, Mrs. Hersland was of the kind of women who have dependent independence in them, Mrs. Hersland was of the kind of women, though she had this to be in her so timidly inside her so gently within her that mostly nobody ever knew it to themselves about her, she had it in her to be of the kind of women to own those they need for loving, to subdue any one who needs them to be important to them. She was then of them who have it in them not to have weakness as the last bottom of them, not to have it in them that the last end of a bad thing cannot come to them, she could have an ending, she could feel this in her dying, she could feel it in her weakening, she could feel it in her children when they were big and struggling and she a gentle little woman was lost among them, she never had in her an important feeling from her children, she had it in the living in Gossols in that part where no other rich people were living.