The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (936 page)

they are not men of their word: they told me that I was

everything; that's a lie, I am not fever proof.

GLOUCESTER

The trick of that voice I do well remember:

Is 't not the king?

That way of speaking is very familiar:

isn't it the King?

KING LEAR

Ay, every inch a king:

When I do stare, see how the subject quakes.

I pardon that man's life. What was thy cause? Adultery?

Thou shalt not die: die for adultery! No:

The wren goes to 't, and the small gilded fly

Does lecher in my sight.

Let copulation thrive; for Gloucester's bastard son

Was kinder to his father than my daughters

Got 'tween the lawful sheets.

To 't, luxury, pell-mell! for I lack soldiers.

Behold yond simpering dame,

Whose face between her forks presages snow;

That minces virtue, and does shake the head

To hear of pleasure's name;

The fitchew, nor the soiled horse, goes to 't

With a more riotous appetite.

Down from the waist they are Centaurs,

Though women all above:

But to the girdle do the gods inherit,

Beneath is all the fiends';

There's hell, there's darkness, there's the

sulphurous pit,

Burning, scalding, stench, consumption; fie,

fie, fie! pah, pah! Give me an ounce of civet,

good apothecary, to sweeten my imagination:

there's money for thee.

Yes, every inch a King:

when I look, see how the subject shakes.

I pardon that man. What was your offence?

Adultery?

You will not die; die for adultery! No:

wrens do it, and little golden flies

do it in my sight.

Let sex flourish; Gloucester's bastard son

was kinder to his father than my daughters

who were conceived in marriage. Go to it, lust, willy-nilly!

I lack soldiers. Look at that simpering woman,

whose face looks as if she is frigidly chaste;

she imitates virtue, and shakes her head

at the sound of pleasure;

neither the polecat nor the lusty stallion goes at it

with greater enthusiasm.

From the waist down they are centaurs,

although they are all women above:

the top half belongs to the gods,

below it's all the devil's: there's hell, there's darkness,

there is a reeking pit – burning, scalding,

stinking, swallowing; fie, fie, fie! pah, pah!

Give me an ounce of perfume, good chemist,

to sweeten my imagination.

There's money for you.

GLOUCESTER

O, let me kiss that hand!

Oh let me kiss that hand!

KING LEAR

Let me wipe it first; it smells of mortality.

Let me wipe it first; it smells of death.

GLOUCESTER

O ruin'd piece of nature! This great world

Shall so wear out to nought. Dost thou know me?

What a ruined piece of nature! This great universe

will eventually be reduced to nothing like this. Do you know me?

KING LEAR

I remember thine eyes well enough. Dost thou squiny

at me? No, do thy worst, blind Cupid! I'll not

love. Read thou this challenge; mark but the

penning of it.

I remember your eyes well enough. Are you squinting

at me? Do your worst, blind Cupid! I won't

love.  Read  this challenge; look at

the penmanship.

GLOUCESTER

Were all the letters suns, I could not see one.

If all the letters were suns, I wouldn't see a single one.

EDGAR

I would not take this from report; it is,

And my heart breaks at it.

You don't just have to believe the words; it's true,

and it breaks my heart.

KING LEAR

Read.

Read.

GLOUCESTER

What, with the case of eyes?

What, with my eye sockets?

KING LEAR

O, ho, are you there with me? No eyes in your

head, nor no money in your purse? Your eyes are in

a heavy case, your purse in a light; yet you see how

this world goes.

Aha, is that what you mean? You have no eyes in your

head, and no money in your purse? Your eyes are too

dark, your purse is too light; but that's the way

the world turns.

GLOUCESTER

I see it feelingly.

I can certainly see that.

KING LEAR

What, art mad? A man may see how this world goes

with no eyes. Look with thine ears: see how yond

justice rails upon yond simple thief. Hark, in

thine ear: change places; and, handy-dandy, which

is the justice, which is the thief? Thou hast seen

a farmer's dog bark at a beggar?

What, are you mad? A man can see how the world turns

without eyes. Look with your ears: see how that

judge attacks that lowly thief. Listen with your

ears: swap places, take your pick, who is

the judge and who is the thief? Have you ever seen

a farmer's dog bark at a beggar?

GLOUCESTER

Ay, sir.

Yes, sir.

KING LEAR

And the creature run from the cur? There thou

mightst behold the great image of authority: a

dog's obeyed in office.

Thou rascal beadle, hold thy bloody hand!

Why dost thou lash that whore? Strip thine own back;

Thou hotly lust'st to use her in that kind

For which thou whipp'st her. The usurer hangs the cozener.

Through tatter'd clothes small vices do appear;

Robes and furr'd gowns hide all. Plate sin with gold,

And the strong lance of justice hurtless breaks:

Arm it in rags, a pigmy's straw does pierce it.

None does offend, none, I say, none; I'll able 'em:

Take that of me, my friend, who have the power

To seal the accuser's lips. Get thee glass eyes;

And like a scurvy politician, seem

To see the things thou dost not. Now, now, now, now:

Pull off my boots: harder, harder: so.

And seen the man run from the dog? There you

can see a great symbol of authority: a

dog's obeyed when he holds office.

You rascally policeman, hold back your bloody hand!

Why do you whip that whore? Whip your own back;

you are dying to do the same thing with her

that you're whipping her for. The moneylender hangs

the pawnbroker.

Little vices show through tattered clothes;

robes and fur lined gowns cover up everything. Cover sin with gold,

and the strong spear of justice breaks off harmlessly;

dress it in rags, and a pigmy's straw can run through it.

Nobody has sinned, I say, nobody; I'll vouch for them:

take that from me, my friend, who has the power

to silence the accuser. Get yourself  glass eyes;

like a vile trickster, pretend

to see the things that you can't. Now, now, now,

now;

pull off my boots; harder, harder; that's it.

EDGAR

O, matter and impertinency mix'd! Reason in madness!

Oh, sense and irrelevance mixed! Reason in lunacy!

KING LEAR

If thou wilt weep my fortunes, take my eyes.

I know thee well enough; thy name is Gloucester:

Thou must be patient; we came crying hither:

Thou know'st, the first time that we smell the air,

We wawl and cry. I will preach to thee: mark.

If you will cry for my misfortune, take my eyes.

I know you well enough; your name is Gloucester:

you must be patient; we began our lives crying:

you know that from our very first breath

we scream and cry. I will preach to you, listen.

GLOUCESTER

Alack, alack the day!

Alas, alas for this time!

KING LEAR

When we are born, we cry that we are come

To this great stage of fools: this a good block;

It were a delicate stratagem, to shoe

A troop of horse with felt: I'll put 't in proof;

And when I have stol'n upon these sons-in-law,

Then, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill!

Enter a Gentleman, with Attendants

When we are born, we cry that we have arrived

on this great stage of fools: it's a good scaffold;

it would be a cunning plan to put felt shoes

on the platoon of cavalry: I'll try it;

and when I have crept up upon my sons-in-law,

then, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill!

Gentleman

O, here he is: lay hand upon him. Sir,

Your most dear daughter--

Aha, he is: take hold of him. Sir,

your dearest daughter–

KING LEAR

No rescue? What, a prisoner? I am even

The natural fool of fortune. Use me well;

You shall have ransom. Let me have surgeons;

I am cut to the brains.

No escape? What, I'm a prisoner? I'm always

the toy of fate. Treat me well;

you will get a ransom. Let me have surgeons;

my brains are damaged.

Gentleman

You shall have any thing.

You shall have anything you want.

KING LEAR

No seconds? all myself?

Why, this would make a man a man of salt,

To use his eyes for garden water-pots,

Ay, and laying autumn's dust.

No backers? I'm all alone?

Why, this could turn a man to tears,

he could use his eyes to water his garden

and settle the dust in the autumn.

Gentleman

Good sir,--

Good sir–

KING LEAR

I will die bravely, like a bridegroom. What!

I will be jovial: come, come; I am a king,

My masters, know you that.

I will make a good show of my death, like a bridegroom. What!

I will be jolly: come along; I am a king,

my masters, you should know that.

Gentleman

You are a royal one, and we obey you.

You are royal, and we obey you.

KING LEAR

Then there's life in't. Nay, if you get it, you

shall get it with running. Sa, sa, sa, sa.

Exit running; Attendants follow

Then there's still hope. No, if you want it

you'll have to catch it. Tally Ho!

Gentleman

A sight most pitiful in the meanest wretch,

Past speaking of in a king! Thou hast one daughter,