The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (713 page)

against their will, as I do. If everyone who had

a cheating wife was to despair, a tenth of mankind

would hang themselves. There's no cure for it:

it's influenced by a lusty planet that ruins everything

when it's in the ascendant; and you can be sure it's powerful

in the east, west, north and south. It can be seen

that there is no way to blockade a womb. Be certain:

it will let the enemy be in and out

with all his bags and baggage. Many thousands of us

suffer like this and don't know about it. What, boy?

MAMILLIUS

I am like you, they say.

They say I am like you.

LEONTES

Why, that's some comfort. What, Camillo there?

Well, that's some comfort. Hello, is that Camillo there?

CAMILLO

Ay, my good lord.

Yes, my good lord.

LEONTES

Go play, Mamillius; thou'rt an honest man.

Exit MAMILLIUS

Camillo, this great sir will yet stay longer.

Go and play, Mamillius; you're a good man.

Camillo, this great lord will stay with us a little while longer.

CAMILLO

You had much ado to make his anchor hold:

When you cast out, it still came home.

You made a great effort to anchor him:

you threw it out, but it still came back.

LEONTES

Didst note it?

You noticed it?

CAMILLO

He would not stay at your petitions: made

His business more material.

He wouldn't stay when you asked him:

he said he had other business.

LEONTES

Didst perceive it?

Aside

They're here with me already, whispering, rounding

'Sicilia is a so-forth:' 'tis far gone,

When I shall gust it last. How came't, Camillo,

That he did stay?

You noticed that?

They're here with me already, whispering, passing on

‘Sicily is a such and such:’ the business is much advanced,

and I'm the last to know. How did it happen, Camillo,

that he ended up staying?

CAMILLO

At the good queen's entreaty.

Because the good queen begged him.

LEONTES

At the queen's be't: 'good' should be pertinent

But, so it is, it is not. Was this taken

By any understanding pate but thine?

For thy conceit is soaking, will draw in

More than the common blocks: not noted, is't,

But of the finer natures? by some severals

Of head-piece extraordinary? lower messes

Perchance are to this business purblind? say.

The queen begged him: “good" should be applicable

but as things stand it is not. Was this noticed

by any observant mind apart from yours?

For you pick things up quickly, you notice

more than the common blockheads: it isn't noticed, is it,

except by the keener minds? By a few people

with excellent brains? The mob

are quite blind to this business, aren't they? Tell me.

CAMILLO

Business, my lord! I think most understand

Bohemia stays here longer.

Business, my lord! I think most people understand

that Bohemia will be staying here for longer.

LEONTES

Ha!

Ha!

CAMILLO

Stays here longer.

He stays here longer.

LEONTES

Ay, but why?

Yes, but why?

CAMILLO

To satisfy your highness and the entreaties

Of our most gracious mistress.

To please your Highness and the pleas

of our most gracious mistress.

LEONTES

Satisfy!

The entreaties of your mistress! satisfy!

Let that suffice. I have trusted thee, Camillo,

With all the nearest things to my heart, as well

My chamber-councils, wherein, priest-like, thou

Hast cleansed my bosom, I from thee departed

Thy penitent reform'd: but we have been

Deceived in thy integrity, deceived

In that which seems so.

Satisfy!

The pleas of your mistress! Satisfy!

Let that be enough. I have trusted you, Camillo,

with all my innermost secrets, my

intimate confidences, and like a priest

you have eased my burden, I left you

like a reformed sinner: but I have been

misled as to your honesty, tricked

by what you seemed to be.

CAMILLO

Be it forbid, my lord!

Heaven forbid, my lord!

LEONTES

To bide upon't, thou art not honest, or,

If thou inclinest that way, thou art a coward,

Which hoxes honesty behind, restraining

From course required; or else thou must be counted

A servant grafted in my serious trust

And therein negligent; or else a fool

That seest a game play'd home, the rich stake drawn,

And takest it all for jest.

To explain, you are not honest, or,

if you are, you are a coward,

which holds honesty back, preventing it taking

the necessary action; either you are

my trusted servant, in which case

you are negligent; or else you're a fool,

who sees a game played to a finish, a rich prize won,

and thinks it's all in fun.

CAMILLO

My gracious lord,

I may be negligent, foolish and fearful;

In every one of these no man is free,

But that his negligence, his folly, fear,

Among the infinite doings of the world,

Sometime puts forth. In your affairs, my lord,

If ever I were wilful-negligent,

It was my folly; if industriously

I play'd the fool, it was my negligence,

Not weighing well the end; if ever fearful

To do a thing, where I the issue doubted,

Where of the execution did cry out

Against the non-performance, 'twas a fear

Which oft infects the wisest: these, my lord,

Are such allow'd infirmities that honesty

Is never free of. But, beseech your grace,

Be plainer with me; let me know my trespass

By its own visage: if I then deny it,

'Tis none of mine.

My gracious lord,

I may be negligent, stupid and cowardly:

no man can ever be completely free of these things,

and amidst all the many happenings of the world

his negligence, stupidity and cowardice

will sometimes appear. In doing your business, my lord,

if I was ever deliberately negligent

it was through stupidity; if in my work

I played the fool, it was negligent of me,

not thinking of the outcome; if I was ever afraid

to do anything because I feared the outcome,

when it was proved right once done, that's a fear

which often takes hold of the wisest. My lord,

these are common weaknesses that an honest man

can never be free of. But, I beg your grace,

be straight with me, let me know exactly

what I've done wrong; if I then deny it,

you can be sure I didn't do it.

LEONTES

Ha' not you seen, Camillo,--

But that's past doubt, you have, or your eye-glass

Is thicker than a cuckold's horn,--or heard,--

For to a vision so apparent rumour

Cannot be mute,--or thought,--for cogitation

Resides not in that man that does not think,--

My wife is slippery? If thou wilt confess,

Or else be impudently negative,

To have nor eyes nor ears nor thought, then say

My wife's a hobby-horse, deserves a name

As rank as any flax-wench that puts to

Before her troth-plight: say't and justify't.

Haven't you seen, Camillo–

but you must have done, if your glasses

are thinner than a cuckold's horn–or heard–

for with your sharp ears you must pick up

the rumours–or thought–for speculation

doesn't happen in the mind of the unthinking man–

that's my wife is unfaithful? If you will admit it–

because otherwise you would have to boldly deny

things that you can see, hear and think–then say

my wife's a tart, deserving a reputation

as bad as any flighty girl who puts out

before she is married: say it and explain it.

CAMILLO

I would not be a stander-by to hear

My sovereign mistress clouded so, without

My present vengeance taken: 'shrew my heart,

You never spoke what did become you less

Than this; which to reiterate were sin

As deep as that, though true.

I won't stand by to listen to

my royal mistress being so insulted

without responding: damn me sir,

you never let yourself down so badly

as you do in saying this; repeating it

is a sin as bad as the one you're describing.

LEONTES

Is whispering nothing?

Is leaning cheek to cheek? is meeting noses?

Kissing with inside lip? stopping the career

Of laughing with a sigh?--a note infallible

Of breaking honesty--horsing foot on foot?

Skulking in corners? wishing clocks more swift?

Hours, minutes? noon, midnight? and all eyes

Blind with the pin and web but theirs, theirs only,

That would unseen be wicked? is this nothing?

Why, then the world and all that's in't is nothing;

The covering sky is nothing; Bohemia nothing;

My wife is nothing; nor nothing have these nothings,

If this be nothing.

Does whispering mean nothing?

Does leaning cheek to cheek? Does rubbing noses?

Kissing on the lips? Breaking off from laughing

to sigh?–a sure sign

of dishonesty. Playing footsie?

Hiding in corners? Wishing time would speed up?

Wishing hours were minutes? That noon was midnight?

That all eyes were covered with cataracts except theirs, only theirs,

so they could be with cute undetected–is this nothing?

Well, then the world and everything in it is nothing;

the sky above is nothing; Bohemia is nothing;

my wife is nothing; and there is nothing in these nothings,

if this is nothing.

CAMILLO

Good my lord, be cured

Of this diseased opinion, and betimes;

For 'tis most dangerous.

My good lord, drop

this horrible thought, and quickly;

it is dangerous.

LEONTES