The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (716 page)

that black eyebrows suit some women best, as long as there's not

too much hair there, just a semicircle

or a half moon drawn on with a pen.

Second Lady

Who taught you this?

Who told you this?

MAMILLIUS

I learnt it out of women's faces. Pray now

What colour are your eyebrows?

I learned it from looking at women. Now tell me,

what colour are your eyebrows?

First Lady

Blue, my lord.

Blue, my lord.

MAMILLIUS

Nay, that's a mock: I have seen a lady's nose

That has been blue, but not her eyebrows.

No, you're joking with me: I have seen a lady

with a blue nose, but not with blue eyebrows.

First Lady

Hark ye;

The queen your mother rounds apace: we shall

Present our services to a fine new prince

One of these days; and then you'ld wanton with us,

If we would have you.

You listen to me;

the queen, your mother, has a quickly swelling belly: we shall

offer our services to a fine new prince

one of these days; and then you'll want to play with us,

if we would let you.

Second Lady

She is spread of late

Into a goodly bulk: good time encounter her!

She's recently expanded

to a good size: may it all turn out well!

HERMIONE

What wisdom stirs amongst you? Come, sir, now

I am for you again: pray you, sit by us,

And tell 's a tale.

What are you all talking about? Come on, sir, now

I have time for you again: please, sit with me,

and tell me a story.

MAMILLIUS

Merry or sad shall't be?

A happy one or a sad one?

HERMIONE

As merry as you will.

As happy as you like.

MAMILLIUS

A sad tale's best for winter: I have one

Of sprites and goblins.

A sad story's best for winter: I have one

about ghosts and goblins.

HERMIONE

Let's have that, good sir.

Come on, sit down: come on, and do your best

To fright me with your sprites; you're powerful at it.

Let's hear that, good sir.

Come on, sit down: come on, and do your best

to frighten me with your ghosts; you're good at it.

MAMILLIUS

There was a man--

There was a man–

HERMIONE

Nay, come, sit down; then on.

No, come and sit down; then go on.

MAMILLIUS

Dwelt by a churchyard: I will tell it softly;

Yond crickets shall not hear it.

Who lived by a churchyard: I shall whisper it;

it won't disturb those crickets outside.

HERMIONE

Come on, then,

And give't me in mine ear.

Enter LEONTES, with ANTIGONUS, Lords and others

Come on, then,

and whisper it to me.

LEONTES

Was he met there? his train? Camillo with him?

You saw him there? With his entourage? Camillo was with him?

First Lord

Behind the tuft of pines I met them; never

Saw I men scour so on their way: I eyed them

Even to their ships.

I saw them behind the stand of pines; I never

saw men in such a hurry: I watched them

all the way to their ships.

LEONTES

How blest am I

In my just censure, in my true opinion!

Alack, for lesser knowledge! how accursed

In being so blest! There may be in the cup

A spider steep'd, and one may drink, depart,

And yet partake no venom, for his knowledge

Is not infected: but if one present

The abhorr'd ingredient to his eye, make known

How he hath drunk, he cracks his gorge, his sides,

With violent hefts. I have drunk,

and seen the spider.

Camillo was his help in this, his pander:

There is a plot against my life, my crown;

All's true that is mistrusted: that false villain

Whom I employ'd was pre-employ'd by him:

He has discover'd my design, and I

Remain a pinch'd thing; yea, a very trick

For them to play at will. How came the posterns

So easily open?

How  right I was

in my judgement, in my sentence!

I wish I knew less! How cursed I am

in being right! There might be a spider

soaked in the cup, and one can drink, leave,

and not be poisoned, for his mind

is not infected: but if someone shows

the horrible ingredient to him, lets him know

what he has drunk, he gags and his sides split

with violent heaves. I have drunk,

and seen the spider.

Camillo was his help in this, his pain.

There is a plot against my life, and my throne.

Everything I suspected is true. That false villain

I had in my service was already in his service.

He has revealed my plan, and I

remain tormented; just something

for them to play with. Why was it so easy

for them to get through the gates?

First Lord

By his great authority;

Which often hath no less prevail'd than so

On your command.

Because of his position;

he often had them opened in the same way

at your command.

LEONTES

I know't too well.

Give me the boy: I am glad you did not nurse him:

Though he does bear some signs of me, yet you

Have too much blood in him.

I'm all too aware of that.

Give me the boy: I'm glad you didn't breastfeed him:

although he does show some elements of me,

there is too much of your blood in him.

HERMIONE

What is this? sport?

What's this? A joke?

LEONTES

Bear the boy hence; he shall not come about her;

Away with him! and let her sport herself

With that she's big with; for 'tis Polixenes

Has made thee swell thus.

Carry the boy away; he will not be with her;

take him away! Let her play

with the one in her belly; for it is Polixenes

the put that one there.

HERMIONE

But I'ld say he had not,

And I'll be sworn you would believe my saying,

Howe'er you lean to the nayward.

But I shall say that he did not,

and I swear that you will believe me,

however much you tried to deny it.

LEONTES

You, my lords,

Look on her, mark her well; be but about

To say 'she is a goodly lady,' and

The justice of your hearts will thereto add

'Tis pity she's not honest, honourable:'

Praise her but for this her without-door form,

Which on my faith deserves high speech, and straight

The shrug, the hum or ha, these petty brands

That calumny doth use--O, I am out--

That mercy does, for calumny will sear

Virtue itself: these shrugs, these hums and ha's,

When you have said 'she's goodly,' come between

Ere you can say 'she's honest:' but be 't known,

From him that has most cause to grieve it should be,

She's an adulteress.

My lords,

take a good look at her; if you're about

to say, ‘there's a good lady,’ then

the justice in your hearts will add

‘it's a pity she's not honest and honourable:’

only praise her for her external appearance,

which I must say certainly does deserve praise,

and eschew the shrugging mumbles falsehood uses-

oh, I'm wrong - I should say that mercy uses,

for falsehood burns mercy itself - the shrugging mumbles,

when you have said, "she's beautiful," interpose,

before you can say, "she's honest"; but let it be known,

from the one who has most cause to regret that it's true:

she's an adulteress.

HERMIONE

Should a villain say so,

The most replenish'd villain in the world,

He were as much more villain: you, my lord,

Do but mistake.

If a villain should say so,

if he was the most complete villain in the world,

he would become even more of a villain: you, my lord,

are making a mistake.

LEONTES

You have mistook, my lady,

Polixenes for Leontes: O thou thing!

Which I'll not call a creature of thy place,

Lest barbarism, making me the precedent,

Should a like language use to all degrees

And mannerly distinguishment leave out

Betwixt the prince and beggar: I have said

She's an adulteress; I have said with whom:

More, she's a traitor and Camillo is

A federary with her, and one that knows

What she should shame to know herself

But with her most vile principal, that she's

A bed-swerver, even as bad as those

That vulgars give bold'st titles, ay, and privy

To this their late escape.

You have made the mistake, my lady,

mistaking Polixenes for Leontes: oh you!

I will not call someone of your rank by the name you deserve,

in case vulgarity, using me as a precedent,

should use the same sort of language to all ranks

and not make the appropriate distinction between

princes and beggars: I have said

that she's an adulteress; I have said with whom.

What's more, she is a traitor, and Camillo is

her accomplice, someone who knows

the facts which she would be ashamed to have known,

even if only by her foul associate–that she's

a bed hopper, just as bad as the ones

the common people give the worst names; yes,

and she was in on their recent escape.

HERMIONE

No, by my life,

Privy to none of this. How will this grieve you,

When you shall come to clearer knowledge, that

You thus have publish'd me! Gentle my lord,

You scarce can right me throughly then to say

You did mistake.

No, I swear,

I didn't know anything about this. How bad you'll feel,

when you know more about this, that you

have called me these names! My gentle lord,

it will hardly make up for it then to say

that you were mistaken.

LEONTES