The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (642 page)

That you think you are not what you are.

OLIVIA

If I think so, I think the same of you.

If that is what I think, I also think that of you.

VIOLA

Then think you right: I am not what I am.

Then you think correctly: I am not what I am.

OLIVIA

I would you were as I would have you be!

I wish you were the way I wish you were!

VIOLA

Would it be better, madam, than I am?

Would it be better, madam, than I am?

I wish it might, for now I am your fool.

I wish it would, for now I am your fool.

OLIVIA

O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful

Oh, how his disinterest looks beautiful

In the contempt and anger of his lip!

In his angry lip!

A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon

A murderous guilt does not show itself more soon

Than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon.

Than love that would seem hidden: love's night is noon.

Cesario, by the roses of the spring,

Cesario, I swear by the roses of spring,

By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing,

By my womanhood, by honor, truth, and everything,

I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,

I love you so, that, no matter all your pride,

Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.

No cleverness or wisdom can hide my passion.

Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,

Do not demand me to explain why,

For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,

For that I woo, you therefore have no cause,

But rather reason thus with reason fetter,

But instead have a better reason,

Love sought is good, but given unsought better.

Love searched for is good, but even freely is better.

VIOLA

By innocence I swear, and by my youth

By my innocence I swear, and by my youth

I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,

I have one heart, one chest and one truth,

And that no woman has; nor never none

Which no woman has, and never one

Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.

Shall be the mistress of it, except for me alone.

And so adieu, good madam: never more

And so farewell, good madam: I will never again

Will I my master's tears to you deplore.

Come tell you of my master's sorrows.

OLIVIA

Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move

But come again; because you perhaps may begin

That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

To love me the way he does.

Exeunt

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

SIR ANDREW

No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.

No, by my faith, I won't stay a moment longer.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

Your reason, dear snake, give you reason.

FABIAN

You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.

You must give us your reason, Sir Andrew.

SIR ANDREW

Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the

By Mary, I saw your niece give more affection to the

count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me;

count's serving-man than she ever gave to me;

I saw't i' the orchard.

I saw in the orchard.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.

Did she see you during that time, old boy? Tell me that.

SIR ANDREW

As plain as I see you now.

As clearly as I see you now.

FABIAN

This was a great argument of love in her toward you.

That is good evidence of her love towards you.

SIR ANDREW

'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?

Are you making fun of me?

FABIAN

I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of

I will prove it real, sir, upon the strengths of

judgment and reason.

judgment and intelligence.

SIR TOBY BELCH

And they have been grand-jury-men since before Noah

And they have been good members of the jury since before Noah

was a sailor.

built his Ark.

FABIAN

She did show favour to the youth in your sight only



to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to



put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.



You should then have accosted her; and with some



excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should



have banged the youth into dumbness. This was



looked for at your hand, and this was balked: the



double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash



off, and you are now sailed into the north of my



lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle



on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by



some laudable attempt either of valour or policy.

She only did it to make you jealous and rouse you into action.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of



valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight



with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall



take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no



love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's



commendation with woman than report of valour.

Why, then, challenge him to a duel; that will impress her.

FABIAN

There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.

There is no other way to do it, Sir Andrew.

SIR ANDREW

Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?

Will either of you take my challenge to him?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief;



it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun



of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink:



if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be



amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of



paper, although the sheet were big enough for the


bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it.


Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou


write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.

Do it through a letter, written angrily and bravely.

SIR ANDREW

Where shall I find you?

Where will I find you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.

We will call you at the cubiculo: go.

Exit SIR ANDREW

FABIAN

This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.

That is a valuable man to you, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY BELCH

I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand

I have been valuable to him, lad, some two thousand

strong, or so.

in money, or so.

FABIAN

We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll

We shall have a great letter from him: but you'll

not deliver't?

not deliver it?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the



youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes



cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were



opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as



will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of


the anatomy.

I don't trust him to do well at all. You could cut him open,

and I bet you wouldn't even find enough blood to clog

the foot of a flea.

FABIAN

And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no


great presage of cruelty.

And the youth seems no fighter either.

Enter MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH

Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.

Look, where the youngest bird of nine comes.

MARIA

If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourself



into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is



turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no



Christian, that means to be saved by believing



rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages



of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.

Come see the hilarious sight! No Christian could believe

such impossible ridiculousness. He's in yellow stockings.

SIR TOBY BELCH

And cross-gartered?

And tied criss-cross?

MARIA

Most villanously; like a pedant that keeps a school



i' the church. I have dogged him, like his



murderer. He does obey every point of the letter



that I dropped to betray him: he does smile his



face into more lines than is in the new map with the



augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such



a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things



at him. I know my lady will strike him: if she do,



he'll smile and take't for a great favour.

Hideously so. He won't stop smiling either, and

I think my lady will hit him for sure, and he'll take that

as a great compliment.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

Take us, take us to where he is.

Exeunt