The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (354 page)

so that you can either force him away from this

plan or can prepare him for the disgrace

he will face in fighting me – disgrace that will be his fault

and not something I am looking forward to.

OLIVER

Charles, I thank thee for thy love to me, which

thou shalt find I will most kindly requite. I had

myself notice of my brother's purpose herein and

have by underhand means laboured to dissuade him from

it, but he is resolute. I'll tell thee, Charles:

it is the stubbornest young fellow of France, full

of ambition, an envious emulator of every man's

good parts, a secret and villanous contriver against

me his natural brother: therefore use thy

discretion; I had as lief thou didst break his neck

as his finger. And thou wert best look to't; for if

thou dost him any slight disgrace or if he do not

mightily grace himself on thee, he will practise

against thee by poison, entrap thee by some

treacherous device and never leave thee till he

hath ta'en thy life by some indirect means or other;

for, I assure thee, and almost with tears I speak

it, there is not one so young and so villanous this

day living. I speak but brotherly of him; but

should I anatomize him to thee as he is, I must

blush and weep and thou must look pale and wonder.

Charles, thank you for your respect and loyalty, which

I will certainly reward you for. I

discovered my brother’s intentions and

have subtly tried to persuade him against

it, but he is determined to go through with it. I will tell you, Charles,

that Orlando is one of the most stubborn men in France, very

ambitious, and also very jealous of every man’s

good qualities. Also, he is a cunning and villainous liar who schemes

against me, his own brother. Do whatever you think

is best – in fact, I would be just as happy if you broke his neck

as his finger. You should be careful, too, because if

you do disgrace him, or even if he does not

beat you by a lot, he will come

against you with poison or he will trap you by some

dangerous plan, and he will never leave

until he has killed you, some way or another.

I promise you, and it saddens me to tears to say

it, no man so young and yet so cruel and bad

exists except for him. And I am speaking as his brother –

if I were to talk to you as he really is, I

would blush and cry and you would look shocked and amazed.

CHARLES

I am heartily glad I came hither to you. If he come

to-morrow, I'll give him his payment: if ever he go

alone again, I'll never wrestle for prize more: and

so God keep your worship!

I am very glad I came here. If he fights me

tomorrow, then I will give him what he deserves. If he can

walk without assistance after the fight, I will not wrestle for money again.

God keep you well, your worship!

OLIVER

Farewell, good Charles.

Goodbye, Charles.

Exit CHARLES

Now will I stir this gamester: I hope I shall see

an end of him; for my soul, yet I know not why,

hates nothing more than he. Yet he's gentle, never

schooled and yet learned, full of noble device, of

all sorts enchantingly beloved, and indeed so much

in the heart of the world, and especially of my own

people, who best know him, that I am altogether

misprised: but it shall not be so long; this

wrestler shall clear all: nothing remains but that

I kindle the boy thither; which now I'll go about.

Now I will see what happens to this dandy brother. I hope I see

him killed, for honestly, and I don’t know why, I

hate him more than everything, even though he is nice, has never

been taught anything but is still educated, is noble,

is loved by all kinds of people, is loved in fact

by the whole world, and especially of my

people, who know him best. Because they love him,

they despise me – but it won’t be this way for long. The

wrestler, Charles, will fix all of this. All I have to do

is convince Orlando to fight tomorrow, which I will do now.

Exit

Enter CELIA and ROSALIND

CELIA

I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry.

I hope that you are happy, Rosalind, my sweet cousin.

ROSALIND

Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of;

and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you could

teach me to forget a banished father, you must not

learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.

Dear Celia, I present myself as happier than I really am,

and you want me to be even happier? Unless you can

teach me how to forget about my father and his banishment, you should not

expect me to remember such great pleasure.

CELIA

Herein I see thou lovest me not with the full weight

that I love thee. If my uncle, thy banished father,

had banished thy uncle, the duke my father, so thou

hadst been still with me, I could have taught my

love to take thy father for mine: so wouldst thou,

if the truth of thy love to me were so righteously

tempered as mine is to thee.

Now I see that you do not love me as fully

as I love you. If my uncle, your banished father,

had banished your uncle, my father the duke, and if

I was still here with you, then I would have been able to

love your father as my own. You would be able to also,

if your love for me was so strong and overpowering

as mine is for you.

ROSALIND

Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, to

rejoice in yours.

Fine, then I will forget my own situation in order

to be happy for you and rejoice in your situation.

CELIA

You know my father hath no child but I, nor none is

like to have: and, truly, when he dies, thou shalt

be his heir, for what he hath taken away from thy

father perforce, I will render thee again in

affection; by mine honour, I will; and when I break

that oath, let me turn monster: therefore, my

sweet Rose, my dear Rose, be merry.

You know my father has only me as his child, and is

not likely to have anymore. And, when he dies, you will

be his heir – what he took away from your

father by force I will give to you in

love. I swear it by my own honor, and if I break

that promise, than I hope I become a monster. Now, my

sweet, dear Rose, be happy.

ROSALIND

From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. Let

me see; what think you of falling in love?

From now on, I will be merry and come up with various games, for you, my cousin. Let’s

see: what do you think about falling in love.

CELIA

Marry, I prithee, do, to make sport withal: but

love no man in good earnest; nor no further in sport

neither than with safety of a pure blush thou mayst

in honour come off again.

Yes, please, let’s do that and fall in love – but

we should not love seriously, and we shouldn’t play any game

that we can’t get out of safely, with a simple blush.

ROSALIND

What shall be our sport, then?

So what shall we do instead?

CELIA

Let us sit and mock the good housewife Fortune from

her wheel, that her gifts may henceforth be bestowed equally.

Let’s sit here and make fun of Fortune, that loose housewife,

and see if she will give her gifts more equally.

ROSALIND

I would we could do so, for her benefits are

mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman

doth most mistake in her gifts to women.

I wish we could get her to do that. Her gifts are

so wrongly distributed, and that blind woman

mistakes her gifts to women most of all.

CELIA

'Tis true; for those that she makes fair she scarce

makes honest, and those that she makes honest she

makes very ill-favouredly.

It’s true: whoever she makes beautiful, she rarely

makes them faithful and pure, and those whom she makes pure, she

also makes ugly.

ROSALIND

Nay, now thou goest from Fortune's office to

Nature's: Fortune reigns in gifts of the world,

not in the lineaments of Nature.

 
No, you are not talking about Fortune now, you mean

Nature: Fortune decides what we are given in the world,

but Nature decides what we are given as humans.

Enter TOUCHSTONE

CELIA

No? when Nature hath made a fair creature, may she

not by Fortune fall into the fire? Though Nature

hath given us wit to flout at Fortune, hath not

Fortune sent in this fool to cut off the argument?

Really? When Nature makes a beautiful person, couldn’t that person

then fall into the fire because of Fortune, turning her ugly? And even though Nature

endowed us with the intelligence to make fun of Fortune, didn’t

Fortune send this fool Touchstone to ruin our argument?

ROSALIND

Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when

Fortune makes Nature's natural the cutter-off of

Nature's wit.

Yes, and now Fortune is being difficult with Nature:

Fortune has made Nature’s natural fool cut off

two women whom Nature made naturally witty.

CELIA

Peradventure this is not Fortune's work neither, but

Nature's; who perceiveth our natural wits too dull

to reason of such goddesses and hath sent this

natural for our whetstone; for always the dulness of

the fool is the whetstone of the wits. How now,

wit! whither wander you?

Perhaps this is not Fortune’s doing either, but is