The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (351 page)

This was the one that I gave him in bed.

KING

The story then goes false, you threw it him

Out of a casement.

Then it's not true that you threw it down to him

from a window.

DIANA

I have spoke the truth.

I have told the truth.

Enter PAROLLES

BERTRAM

My lord, I do confess the ring was hers.

My lord, I admit the ring was hers.

KING

You boggle shrewdly, every feather stars you.

Is this the man you speak of?

You're a bit skittish, you jump at shadows.

Is this the man you spoke of?

DIANA

Ay, my lord.

Yes, my lord.

KING

Tell me, sirrah, but tell me true, I charge you,

Not fearing the displeasure of your master,

Which on your just proceeding I'll keep off,

By him and by this woman here what know you?

Tell me, sir, and I order you to tell me the truth,

without worrying about punishment from your master,

which I'll protect you from if you're honest,

what do you know about his relationship with this woman?

PAROLLES

So please your majesty, my master hath been an

honourable gentleman: tricks he hath had in him,

which gentlemen have.

If it pleases your Majesty, my master has been

an honourable gentleman: he's got up to some tricks,

as gentlemen will.

KING

Come, come, to the purpose: did he love this woman?

Come on, get to the point: did he love this woman?

PAROLLES

Faith, sir, he did love her; but how?

Well yes sir, he did love her; but how did he?

KING

How, I pray you?

Well you tell me.

PAROLLES

He did love her, sir, as a gentleman loves a woman.

He loved her, sir, as a gentleman loves a woman.

KING

How is that?

And in what way is that?

PAROLLES

He loved her, sir, and loved her not.

He loved her, sir, and didn't love her.

KING

As thou art a knave, and no knave. What an

equivocal companion is this!

And you're a knave, and not a knave. What a

double speaking chap you are!

PAROLLES

I am a poor man, and at your majesty's command.

I am a poor man, and at your Majesty's orders.

LAFEU

He's a good drum, my lord, but a naughty orator.

He makes a lot of noise, my lord, but not so much sense.

DIANA

Do you know he promised me marriage?

Do you know he promised to marry me?

PAROLLES

Faith, I know more than I'll speak.

Well, I know more than I'll tell.

KING

But wilt thou not speak all thou knowest?

Won't you tell everything you know?

PAROLLES

Yes, so please your majesty. I did go between them,

as I said; but more than that, he loved her: for

indeed he was mad for her, and talked of Satan and

of Limbo and of Furies and I know not what: yet I

was in that credit with them at that time that I

knew of their going to bed, and of other motions,

as promising her marriage, and things which would

derive me ill will to speak of; therefore I will not

speak what I know.

Yes, as your Majesty pleases, I was their go-between,

as I said; but more than that, he loved her: in fact

he was mad for her, and talked of Satan and

Limbo and Furies and goodness knows what: but I

was close enough to them at the time that I

knew about them sleeping together, and other offers,

which amounted to a marriage proposal, and there are other things

which I would get disapproved of if I spoke about them
;
so I will not

say what I know.

KING

Thou hast spoken all already, unless thou canst say

they are married: but thou art too fine in thy

evidence; therefore stand aside.

This ring, you say, was yours?

You said it all already, unless you can say

that they are now married: but your evidence

is too devious; so step aside.

You say this ring was yours?

DIANA

Ay, my good lord.

Yes, my good lord.

KING

Where did you buy it? or who gave it you?

Where did you buy it? Or who gave it to you?

DIANA

It was not given me, nor I did not buy it.

It was not given to me, nor did I buy it.

KING

Who lent it you?

Who lent it to you?

DIANA

It was not lent me neither.

It wasn't lent to me either.

KING

Where did you find it, then?

Where did you find it then?

DIANA

I found it not.

I didn't find it.

KING

If it were yours by none of all these ways,

How could you give it him?

If you didn't come by it in any of these ways,

how could you give it to him?

DIANA

I never gave it him.

I never gave it to him.

LAFEU

This woman's an easy glove, my lord; she goes off

and on at pleasure.

This woman is like a loose glove, my lord; very

easy to change.

KING

This ring was mine; I gave it his first wife.

This ring used to belong to me; I gave it to his first wife.

DIANA

It might be yours or hers, for aught I know.

It might be yours or hers, for all I know.

KING

Take her away; I do not like her now;

To prison with her: and away with him.

Unless thou tell'st me where thou hadst this ring,

Thou diest within this hour.

Take her away; I've had enough of her.

Put her in prison, and take him away too.

Unless you tell me where you got this ring from

you'll be dead within the hour.

DIANA

I'll never tell you.

I'll never tell you.

KING

Take her away.

Take her away.

DIANA

I'll put in bail, my liege.

I'll apply for bail, my lord.

KING

I think thee now some common customer.

I now think you're a common prostitute.

DIANA

By Jove, if ever I knew man, 'twas you.

I'm just as likely to have slept with you as with any other man.

KING

Wherefore hast thou accused him all this while?

Then why have you accused him all this time?

DIANA

Because he's guilty, and he is not guilty:

He knows I am no maid, and he'll swear to't;

I'll swear I am a maid, and he knows not.

Great king, I am no strumpet, by my life;

I am either maid, or else this old man's wife.

Because he's guilty, and he is not guilty:

he knows I'm not a virgin, and he'll swear to it;

I'll swear I am a virgin, and he doesn't know it.

Great King, I am no tart, I swear;

I am either a virgin or I'm married to this old man.

KING

She does abuse our ears: to prison with her.

She's messing us about: sling her in jail.

DIANA

Good mother, fetch my bail. Stay, royal sir:

Exit Widow

The jeweller that owes the ring is sent for,

And he shall surety me. But for this lord,

Who hath abused me, as he knows himself,

Though yet he never harm'd me, here I quit him:

He knows himself my bed he hath defiled;

And at that time he got his wife with child:

Dead though she be, she feels her young one kick:

So there's my riddle: one that's dead is quick:

And now behold the meaning.

Good mother, fetch my bondsman. Wait, your Majesty:

The jeweler that owns the ring has been sent for,

and he will surely acquit me. As for this Lord,

who has abused me, as he himself knows,

though he has never harmed me, I acquit him:

he knows that he has defiled my bed,

and at that time he got his wife pregnant.

Although she's dead, she can feel her baby kick:

there's my riddle: someone who is dead is alive:

and now see the solution.

Re-enter Widow, with HELENA

KING

Is there no exorcist

Beguiles the truer office of mine eyes?

Is't real that I see?

Is there a wizard

who has tricked my eyes?

Is this real?

HELENA

No, my good lord;

'Tis but the shadow of a wife you see,

The name and not the thing.

No, my good lord;

you see just the shadow of a wife,

in name and not in fact.

BERTRAM

Both, both. O, pardon!

You are both, both. Forgive me!

HELENA

O my good lord, when I was like this maid,

I found you wondrous kind. There is your ring;

And, look you, here's your letter; this it says:

'When from my finger you can get this ring

And are by me with child,' & c. This is done:

Will you be mine, now you are doubly won?

My good lord, when you thought I was this girl

you were very kind to me. There's your ring;

and look, here's your letter; it says this:

‘When you get this ring off my finger

and are pregnant by me,’ etc. This has been done:

Will you be mine, now I've won you twice?

BERTRAM

If she, my liege, can make me know this clearly,

I'll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly.

My lord, if she can explain this to me,

I will love her dearly for ever.

HELENA

If it appear not plain and prove untrue,