The Body Language Rules (21 page)

ChARismA!

qUIck TIPS FOR BUSIneSS chARISmA sTART youR PosiTive PeRfoRmAnCe BefoRe you geT To The Building Always arrive ten to fifteen minutes early and park yourself in a caf� to get yourself focused and into your ideal "state ." Never start your day at your desk . Always arrive ready to hit the ground running . Otherwise you're 292 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

like an actor getting into costume and makeup on stage . By correcting your body language message before you get to the entrance you'll feel like less of a sham . Pull yourself up into your Power Walk . Adjust your rate of stride . The sound of your feet plus your aura of energy will impress or depress other colleagues on a subconscious level . Too fast will appear stressed, especially if you take small, clacking strides . Too slow looks depressed and reluctant . To appear charismatic you need to appear ready to face each day and each situation with energy and enthusiasm, not terror, boredom or reluctance .

I how not to leak: Any subliminal signals of dissent from your

own body will destroy your overall message . Power Walking

will be messed up if you show it's an act . Your

biggest risks of leakage will come from: clenched

teeth, being seen taking a deep breath, and a

vocal tone that is too high, bright, and chipper .

You're not a flight attendant serving drinks as the

plane goes down . Drop the tone from "breezy" to

"friendly" and try to walk in a way that makes less

foot-noise . It's amazing how fast cloppy feet send

out a message of "I know we're all suffering here

and I'm suffering more than most but if I can look

bright then so can you ." Your body language should

never look reproachful to others . Make it your aim

to raise their mood, but not by scolding . We've all B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 293

heard the "good morning" through clenched teeth .

Avoid the sigh, too!

AffeCT, don'T Be AffeCTed The first few people you see when you walk into your workplace are not responsible for your mood for the rest of the day . Some receptionists and security guards are not fresh from charm school and many make it their life's work to take out their own inadequacies on the rest of the world . Always go into "holding" mode with your body language . Keep your facial expression polite and friendly . Other people's moods are of no interest to your body language performance . Find out their name and greet them by using it . Never stop to talk, though . There is a law of human dynamics that states the more miserable and rude front-line staff are the harder employees to cheer up . Don't try . It's a waste of effort . Employ holding mode and move on .

I how not to leak: never show impatience or anxiety gestures

en route to your desk . Looking at your watch as you

wait in the line for reception will only let everyone

know you're late, also that you have a lower-status

job where arrival time matters . Never complain

about the weather with your face . Pretend in

your head that you love every season and walk in

wearing that expression . Never use moaning as a 294 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

bonding device . Your key body language leakage

points here could be: a sour expression on your

face, shoulders raised upward through stress of

journey, lining up at reception like a caged animal,

pacing and eyes scanning about for escape, ditto at

the elevator, using elevator or reception time to

start work by phoning or texting or opening your

laptop . This will let everyone know you're badly

organized . Never be seen doing work outside of

your workspace; it's bad PR .

elevAToRs mATTeR Every part of your workplace should be seen as a networking opportunity . I don't mean you should be asking for a pay raise in the elevator, but you should be projecting yourself in a positive light at every location . I was recently working in a radio studio when a woman walked past, stomping along with an unsmiling facial expression . "Imagine working with her!" a woman beside me said . Her companion nodded . Both were series producers, and radio is a very small world . You never know who you'll be impressing or not . Err on the side of caution; after all, it costs nothing to smile . Never be affected by the overall culture of your company . It matters not if no one else does smiling and greeting in the corridor, elevator, or office . Do it and keep doing it . In fact, it will work in your favor B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 295

if the place is overall gloomy as it will make your relentless charm offensive even more noticeable .

I how not to leak: you will possibly find networking embarrassing

at first . After all, it might be groundbreaking work .

If so, avoid the pause . The pause is that moment

when you first see someone and you try to decide

whether to greet them or not, or try to summon up

the courage to do so . Pauses don't work, though .

No one ever mustered courage by use of a pause .

Pauses only drain your resolve . A pause is like an

open door to your negative inner dialogues, or

NIDs . You'll start making up reasons and excuses

for not saying hello . Don't pause, just do it .

seATing PlAns mATTeR Space and your use of it is a vital part of your workplace success . Space and territory are what wars are fought over and you should never underestimate the impor- tance of either .

I move to the sides of the elevator when someone new arrives,

but don't self-bunch . If there is a rail, spread your arms

out slightly along it .

I When possible, never take a desk with your back to the door

of the office . It makes you vulnerable in animal terms

and will affect your mood and sense of well-being .

It also makes you look like an automaton to anyone 296 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

walking in . You should always sit where you can see

newcomers just by flicking up your eyes .

I In an oblong office, fight to get the desk up and toward the right

from the door . Left is friendly but right is powerful .

You can do friendly with your facial expression .

I keep your desk tidy . Mess creates cluttered thinking

and looks like nesting, which looks like set views

and boring thoughts . Energize your desk space .

Never sit surrounded by things from the past like old

paperwork, awards, previous projects, or old pens,

plants, or coffee cups . Business is forward thinking

and in a permanent state of change, and that's how

you should look . The only personal things on your

desk should be a photo of someone or something

you like--like pets, kids, or your house--to the left

of your screen and an idealized shot of the team

you work in on the right, to promote more positive

feeling about them when the going gets tough .

When they look at your desk it will also make it

look as though you care, too .

I make your desk "poser-friendly ." Check the height of

your chair to ensure your legs are supported but

not dangling . Adjust the back support so that you

can sit straight for long periods of time rather than

slumping . Clear out any junk or other matter from

beneath your desk so that you have lots of room for B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 297

your legs and feet to stretch out . Have your screen

tilted and at the right height so your eyes are about

level with the top line . Have a wrist support in

front of your keyboard . If you're right-handed have

your phone on the left-hand side of your desk so

that you can pick up calls with your left hand and

write with the right . Keep maximum space near

your writing hand . Throw pens away when they

break or run out of ink, don't just put them back in

the jar . Make sure your phone wire isn't tangled or

coiled, or you'll drag everything across or off your

desk every time you answer the phone . I never eat food at your desk . Do I need to explain this?

It looks like you're doing a "work-through," which

will make it look as though you have too much

work, which will make you look too nonassertive

or stupid to say no . Or it will make you look like

someone who eats where they sit, like an animal

who works and sits in its own trough . If you have

a shred of self-respect, get up and eat somewhere

else . Better still, go out . I Do good daydream body language . Your brain is primed to

daydream every ninety minutes or so . Daydreaming

is good because it reboots the brain . Bad daydream

bodytalk is bad, though, because it looks as though

you're doing nothing . It's vital to plan a good 298 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

daydream position that works, then . I find raising

my chin, gazing up and to the left with my chin

cupped in the palm of my hand and my fingers

tapping gently across my mouth is good . It tends

to project the message that you're lost in deeper

thought, not playing solitaire on your screen or

gazing mindlessly at the screensaver .

I Try to hold meetings at a round table rather than at your desk .

Sit up and to the right from the door .

I If the table is oblong or the typical boardroom table, you're

into hierarchy city . There are two key power positions

in this scenario, either the patriarch seat at the end

of the table or the "Last Supper" seat in the middle

of the long side at the far side from the door . Only

ever take these if you're in charge and want to press

that point home . Never sit opposite anyone who is

in either of these seats as it will make you look like a

usurper . Never sit next to these seats as it will make

you look like an assistant or a brown-noser or both .

Try to sit opposite but angled slightly to the right .

They'll see you as visible but they'll also see you

as part of the future vision rather than the trusted

old retainers . Work on what their view is, not your

own . How often do we pick seats that make us feel

comfortable or that make other people look better

to us? B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 299

I If you're interviewing someone, never use the old trick of sitting

at the corner of the table to avoid getting a barrier between you .

This position is only suitable for a doctor/patient

relationship as it implies touch, and they'll think

you're about to do a full rectal examination . Have

a whole table between you .

ChAiRs mATTeR There are some seats that will never allow you to look charismatic and others that will make even the biggest geek look powerful and confident . I've watched countless politicians fall at the junior school hurdle when they've accepted a kiddie seat to get closer to the pupils for a photo-opportunity and only realized their mistake when it was too late . It can happen with adult chairs, too . Prime Minister Gordon Brown is a big man and his team need to get more chair demanding . During a recent evening TV interview his chair was so small he looked as though he was squatting on a bean-bag . I know you can't always pick your chairs at work, but when you have options or even clout, why settle for the kid's chair when you can have one that makes you look graceful and confident?

I Avoid chairs without arms . To look charismatic you'll

need some sort of shelf for your elbows .

I Avoid the traditional secretary chairs . Functional but

low status . 300 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

I Only get a chair with a very high back if you're tall . Otherwise

you'll look like a small kid .

I Pick a chair that adjusts to you and the way you like to sit, not

a chair that dominates .

I make sure your chair is the right height for you . Your legs

shouldn't be raised up off the seat nor should they

be dangling .

I Avoid sofas and armchairs . Great for the home but in

business they add years to your age by making your

posture look too "old folk's home ."

I never use a squeaky chair .

I never roll your chair around the office .

I chairs that rock or rotate are good but only in perfor-

mance mode . Too much rocking will look manic or

psychotic . Side-to-side rolling can look like stress .

I Perching on tables is great because it sits you higher than

everyone else and implies leadership and energy . However,

all this evaporates if the table is unable to take

your weight .

enTRAnCes mATTeR Every entrance you make must be good . In fact, better than good, it needs to be brilliant . Unforgettable, for all the right reasons . I want you to focus on projecting an aura of uniqueness . Imagine you're the star walking out on stage, and then drop some of the signals of arrogance . Here's how B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 301

to do that: adjust to your Power Pose, pulling yourself up and ironing out your facial expression . Apply a relaxed- looking smile . This shouldn't include teeth baring, though . Overly smiling can look aggressive if it's a stretched social smile, but smiling too much, even if there's an appropriate amount of teeth on display, can easily look low status and submissive . Breathe out and walk into the office or room as though keen to meet the people in there . You should always arrive in an aura of energy . Not panic or stress, just positive energy, so walk at a pace to imply enthusiasm . Pause when you get inside the room and take everyone in with a sweep of your eyes . Greet anyone you walk past, even if they don't reply . If you can learn their names for the greeting, use those, too . Don't talk on your out-breath as it will sound like a sigh . Never moan about the weather or anything . Never look as though you think you might be in the wrong room . At a formal meeting greet people with enthusiasm, shaking them by the hand but using your extended hand as an announcement gesture as you approach them .