The Body Language Rules (19 page)

will allow them to take personal glory .

To influenCe A PeRfoRmeR

I Laugh at their jokes .

I Display energy, enthusiasm, and positivism .

I Use open gestures that veer on the side of expansive and

dramatic .

I never fold your arms or look away .

I never shake your head or look negative .

I Offer to relieve them of some of the detail or paperwork .

I Applaud them when possible; they love a clap . Big applause

if they've performed at a lecture, but even one small

impulsive-looking clap of your hands will impress

them at smaller gatherings .

I Smile a lot .

To influenCe An emPAThizeR

I Drop everything and display active listening signals .

I Always accept tea or coffee or food if it's offered .

I Look at them, not the door .

I Use touch when appropriate . B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 267

I Sit quite close to talk .

I Use open gestures that display palms .

I If you allow body language "leakage," understand that they

will be the type most likely to pick up on your true feelings .

I Smile--but make it genuine, nothing overcongruent .

I Don't interrupt or rush an empathizer .

To influenCe An AnAlysT

I Tone down your body language . Analysts will only be

persuaded by facts and logic .

I Use a calm voice and calm gestures . Coordinated, smooth,

emphatic gestures that aren't overcongruent

should work .

I Avoid touch .

I Avoid too much eye contact . Reflective eye-gaze will

impress them more, as will pausing before answering

questions .

I A small frown will impress .

I Folded arms are fine, especially while you're thinking .

I Avoid "hurry" gestures, like looking at your watch or tapping .

ChARismA foR BeginneRs It's so easy to be charismatic at work that I always wonder why more people don't try it . For a start there's so little competition or comparison that you'll probably have 268 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

a clear run at it . Sometimes even smiling or using eye contact will make you stand out from the herd . By upping your charisma by as little as 5 percent you'll probably be streets ahead . Read this, then, and you'll clean up .

By the way, I'm not suggesting for one minute that you shouldn't be good at your job . All these charismatic techniques are intended to sit on top of your talent like advertising and marketing sits on top of a good product . It's just that I meet a lot of people in the workplace who have loads of talent but never achieve recognition, plus a lot of people who are struggling, conscientious, and hard- working who also never really obtain greatness . The point is you need to market yourself .

WhAT IS chARISmA? Like stress and good sex we all know what we mean by charisma and yet it's hard to define it . If I asked you to make a list of charismatic people you'd probably start with Nelson Mandela and Bill Clinton and then stall . So what is charisma and how can you get it?

I don't normally like plundering dictionaries when I run courses or write books, as they often don't take account of word perception--by which I mean the generally under- stood meaning of words--and perception is what I'm all about . However, it's useful to know what we should mean when we refer to charisma: "an extraordinary power in B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 269

a person, group, cause... which takes hold of popular imagination, wins popular support..." (Longman Modern English Dictionary) .

The good news is that charisma doesn't have to be part of your DNA . You can't buy it in a shop, but you sure can learn it and develop the techniques . The other good thing is that they're quite simple and easy to put into practice . What's the bad news? There isn't any, really, it's all good .

keePIng IT SImPLe There's a lot of complicated nonsense out there claiming to be advice about making an impression at work, but ignore all that . Sometimes magic is easy . So here's rule number one .

Rule 1: sTiCk To simPle TRiCks I know you've been told that "no pain equals no gain" but I promise you it's not true in this case . By creating simple goals and steps for yourself, and then sticking to them, you'll make the most dramatic changes . Here are three for you to be going on with:

1 . Always make a great entrance .

2 . Learn to smile .

3 . Learn to shake hands .

Easy? Of course . But look around at other people you work with: how many of them manage to achieve and 270 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

perform these three most basic traits of the charismatic personality? How many of your colleagues drift into the office or into meeting rooms looking like zombies and spend the first few precious first-impression minutes moaning about how tired they are? How many of them are diffident or ignorant about the basic techniques of shaking someone's hand? How many of them dogface or do screensaver facial expressions when they meet clients as well as other colleagues? Well, you're not going to be one of them .

Rule 2: PRoJeCT And ABsoRB in equAl meAsuRe Learn how to network . The charismatic profile means wearing an appearance of inner balance and harmony that will count as confidence, but make sure it never looks like self-absorption . You will need to appear comfortable in your own skin rather than in love with yourself . Vanity and smugness aren't marketable qualities, but looking as though you know what you're doing is .

Beware looking like you are your own prime concern, though . Charismatic people absorb: paying attention to other people, noticing other people, and listening to other people . This isn't just ear listening, either . It barely matters that you're hanging on their every word if you look distracted or bored . Here's a quick test to see how good or bad your projecting and absorption skills are . B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 271

I Did you choose a desk facing the door to the office or room

you work in? Or do you have your back to the main

thoroughfare or entrance? (I know it's not always

possible to choose where you sit at work; therefore,

if you were given the option, which would you

pick?)

I Do you ever get out of your seat to greet visitors, no matter

what their status?

I Do you ever carry on working when people are talking to you,

even if it's just a few words on the keyboard and you know

you're not missing anything they say?

I Do you ever interrupt people when they're speaking to you?

I When you're in a meeting do you pride yourself on being able

to float in and out of the proceedings, working on a need-to-

know basis?

I Do you find people often repeat things they've already said?

I Do you ever sit with your chin in your hand at meetings?

I Do you find it easier to concentrate if you look out of the

window?

I Are you an avid multitasker, making sure you get chores done

while you're taking a phone call?

I Do you usually eat or drink during meetings and enjoy power

lunches where you discuss business?

I'm sure you can see from your answers just how much half-baked listening you're doing . When did you last give 272 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

someone the luxury of your undivided attention? Here are some questions about your self-absorption signals:

I When someone's speaking to you, are you partly listening but

mainly formulating your response or working out what it is you

want to say next?

I Do you find it easy to change the subject during a discussion?

I When someone else speaks do you often find yourself picking,

fiddling, or tapping your pen?

I Do you ever ask a question just so that it will have to be asked

of you, as in "What's your favorite film, then?"

I Are you comfortable telling other people about your likes and

dislikes?

I Do you use the word "I" a lot when you speak?

I Do you ever talk about yourself in the third person, as in: "I'm

just being myself, this is what Judi James is like"?

Projection is vital for your workplace charisma, and being and acting invisible just shouldn't be an option . But you do need to go one step further . As well as drawing yourself out, make sure you learn to draw others out, too . Charismatic people don't big themselves up; they do it to others, making people around them feel important and valued .

Rule 3: geT The sTATus signAls RighT All businesses are hierarchical . Your place in that hierarchy will depend on three key things: B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 273

1 . your anointed status . This comes along with the job title .

You might be called "manager" or "team leader" and

other workers will be aware you're in charge .

2 . your animal status . This is your genuine place in the

pecking order . It will be decided by the amount

of respect your colleagues have for you and your

abilities .

3 . your mean status . There are certain individuals in any

company who define their own status according to

the amount of fake or psychological power they can

wield . If you've seen the comedy series Scrubs you'll

know the janitor who is able to bully the doctors

by his knowledge of the building . Businesses are

full of similar bullies, usually working for IT or

Accounting . Their anointed status is low (often

being seen as "support") but their niche knowledge

means they're able to flex their power muscles,

often as acts of revenge .

To be successful in business--or even to get a job in the first place--you will need to play those power signals like a Stradivarius violin .

Rule 4: PuT in A good PeRfoRmAnCe There is no such thing as "being yourself" at work . (Unless you work from home and never use the phone . Even then 274 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

I'll bet you still have to get out there and perform when you plug whatever product you've been hatching .) Actors recognize their key performance moments and train for them, rehearse for them, and research for them . They get their bodies and minds into shape, and they work toward their success . Why are business people so lackluster about their performance prep time? A common excuse is that "I didn't have time to prepare for that presentation or meeting ." What do you think an actor would do if he was told to go out on stage with no time to prepare for or learn the part? Would he wander in front of the audience, blink into the spotlights, and apologize for being nervous and having no idea about the script? No, he would freak .

Your key performance moments at work will be these:

I Academy Award winners . This is when you address a

group of shareholders, do a business presentation,

speak at a conference, or address that big board

meeting .

I Starring roles . These performances are the recruitment

or promotional interviews, one-to-ones, meetings,

customer meetings, running training or inductions,

front-line customer transactions, or complaint

handling .

I Supporting roles . Team-building, training, away days,

or talking business to colleagues . B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 275

I Walk-ons . Any other appearances that seem more

passive, like arriving at work, sitting at your desk,

leaving, eating lunch, and so on .

Recognize the fact that you're performing, just as an actor performs on stage . If you're in denial ("It's just a quick chat/small presentation," "I didn't really know what I was talking about," "Someone asked me to do it," and so on) you really do need to grow up quickly because that is unprofessional thinking and behavior, and won't help with your charisma rating .

A TeLL-FRee zOne Please remember what I said on previous pages, that self- marketing is not about "tell ." Although you should make it a rule to never talk yourself down, making yourself bigger verbally sounds shallow and desperate . I was once monitoring a Big Brother housemate whose cries of "I'm a really nice girl" and "I don't normally moan like this, I'm normally fun!" were getting louder and more frequent just as her behavior was getting so unpleasant that everyone began to dislike her .

"Show" is the thing, then . Remember, one of the core learning phrases in this book is "show, don't tell," and like all charismatic people you're going to show everyone just how good you are via the medium of body language . 276 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

The behaviors you're about to learn are not "pick and mix ." Once you start doing them you're going to do them all the time, but that's okay because doing them all the time will make them easier, whereas turning them on and off will make them a performance that will be hard to make look congruent .

The gOOD, The BAD, AnD The UgLy There are no absolute body language rights or wrongs, although in the workplace it's especially useful to carry a quick mental checklist of dos and don'ts, so here are some visual images that should flash into your mind when you need an instant check-up .

mAking A gReAT enTRAnCe Good

Walking in with your body completely visible, pulled up straight,

hands free or bag in left hand, eye contact to front, and offering a

confident smile of greeting .

Bad

Looking at door handle, right hand carrying bag . never walk in

looking self-obsessed . your attention should be undivided and focused

on the people in the room . B O D y TA Lk I n T he W O Rk PL Ace 277

Poking head round door . never walk into a room looking guilty or low-status .

Juggling food or drinks . carry as little as possible, as you'll need your hands for meeting and greeting . never arrive at work or a meeting clutching your breakfast . 278 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

shAking hAnds Good

Standing face-to-face, smiling, eye contact, elbows bent, and hands