The Body Language Rules (23 page)

it's the killer question, the one that's just dragged

itself up from the bowels of hell to stop you in your

tracks, you should always look as though you're

pleased someone asked it . Use eye contact on the

questioner, take a couple of steps toward him or

her, repeat the question with a tone of delight,

and never fold your arms or back away . That

way everyone in the audience will be fooled into

thinking you know the answer, even if you fluff

your verbal response . 17 . Avoid body barriers . Arm folding, face touching and

self-hugging should all be avoided . The self-hug is

a gesture that can be performed with your arms at

your sides . It's when you press your arms against

your sides in an apparent bid to squeeze your torso

like a tube of toothpaste . When you're listening

to a member of your audience speak, though, you

could place one arm across your chest in a demi-

arm-fold, with the other elbow propped on to the

hand . This implies concentrated listening . 320 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

18 . Pit-bare . Not aggressively (that is, hands behind

head) but just make sure you allow a little air to

come up under your armpits . Relax your shoulders

and drop them, then move your arms away from

your sides slightly .

19 . Avoid an unfinished symphony . One of the most

annoying and distracting gestures you can use while

presenting is the half-baked or unfinished one . An

example is the aborted countdown, when a speaker

says, "There are five key points here," holds his

or her fingers up in the air, counts off one or two

points, then forgets to make the other points but

continues to hold the fingers aloft . Or the speaker

who starts to take the lid off the flipchart pen then

stops and waves it around instead .

20 . know how to close . Your end pose should be one of the

key moments of your talk . This is often the lowest

point for speakers, though, because they begin

that peculiar ritual known as the "denial dance ."

If you've spoken well and made some good points

now's the time to close with confidence and a small

bow to acknowledge the applause . Instead, though,

a majority of speakers choose this moment to throw

scorn on everything they've just said . The denial

dance is usually either the pulling of a small face,

including an eye-roll, a dismissive hand-flap, a shrug k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 321

of the shoulders, or even a quasi-funny crab-walk

back to your seat . All this is a last-ditch attempt

to seek liking and sympathy, often in the fear that

what you've just said might have been contro-

versial or just a bit assertive . It's your subconscious

trying to apologize for all your well-made points

by pulling a comic pose, but all I can say is that if

you're thinking of doing it, don't!

hOW TO SeLL Selling is a funny old business . As soon as a new technique hits the streets everyone jumps on to the bandwagon and it becomes stale and hackneyed quickly

All the tricks of the trade seem to have had their day now, although some sales people cling on to them like Linus clung on to his comfort blanket . The problem is one of saturation . Everyone's at it . I went to collect a prescription from the pharmacist last week and the poor woman had to ask me if I'd also like to buy stamps or a cell phone case . Banks try add-on selling to the point where they've devalued the function of a bank, and even people in the street who try to get you signed up for charity donations have made the pavements a new point-of-sale .

With this in mind it's probably better to work to two rules . 322 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

1 . Don't be coy about the fact that you're selling something . I

think there's very little that's worse than the "I

wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't recommend you

open this new account" line they take in building

societies, or the "Can you spare time for a survey?"

approach that masks a hard sell . If you're annoyed

about selling whatever it is then they should rightly

be annoyed about buying . How bad can a product

or service be that even the salesperson doesn't want

to admit they're selling it?

2 . create rapport . And if you think you create rapport by

overuse of a person's first name or a "best friend"

tone to your voice, you're wrong . The process

of sales rapport is not the same as making a new

best friend .

I've described the skills of body language rapport in other chapters and the rules don't change when you're selling . Remember the values you're trying to promote:

I enthusiasm

I honesty

I knowledge

I marginally lower status

So, here's a list of things to keep in mind when you're selling: k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 323

I never treat your customer as someone to score points off . Lay

off the power shake and the alpha body language

signals .

I Use eye contact to show honesty, but don't overdo it .

I mirror their body language in terms of pace and posture--but

do it subtly!

I Pace yourself--it's good to look calm . Avoid nervous

body language rituals or self-comfort rituals . Drop

your shoulders and breathe out .

I Avoid overcongruence . It is the enemy of honesty .

I Drop a few points to win a few . If you admit to small losses

or negatives now and again, people will be prepared

to believe your positives .

mAkIng yOUR PReSence FeLT AT BUSIneSS meeTIngS

I Always be punctual .

I never walk in carrying a cup of coffee or a sandwich .

I Only carry papers .

I Sit in a seat that is diagonal to the most powerful person .

I Sit facing the door .

I never sit squashed against a wall--space means power .

I Don't hang your jacket over the back of your chair .

I If you're in charge, sit at the top of the table or create a "Last

Supper" formation (see page 298) .

I Always pick a chair with armrests .

I Sit into the back of the chair but never slump . 324 t he B O dy La ng u a ge r u Le s

I don't help yourself to coffee and cookies.

I the only prop you have should be a pen, but don't abuse your

pen! (see tips on pages 114 and 326.)

I shake hands, offering yours, first if you're hosting the

meeting.

I don't give out business cards until the end of the meeting.

I Make a written note of names and who's sitting where, but

don't let others see you doing it.

I always say something within the first three minutes.

I use rotational eye contact, picking out everyone around the

table.

I Be an active listener, nodding when people talk.

I never become inactive; like a jogger stopping to cross a street, it's

hard to get the momentum going to get back up to speed again.

I never create body barriers with folded arms or your hands over

your body.

I Be prepared to stand if necessary to make your killer points,

but only if you need the floor for a long period of time.

I if you do stand, make sure you're fully upright before you start

speaking. Take a moment.

I use announcement gestures to let people know you're about

to speak, like a lightly raised arm, sitting forward and placing

your hands on the table, taking off your glasses, raising both

hands, palms frontward, and so on.

I never speak from your listening position; it lacks drama and

effect. Always change your state before you speak. k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 325

I Be a good, attentive listener because it means you should

deserve the same back . If you interrupt people, talk over

them, or ignore them, you're creating bad karma .

I Use your hand gestures to add value and emphasis to your

points .

I If you want the attention of an individual you can get it and

keep it by raising a finger or a pen up to eye level and looking

at them .

I keep your points short and concise and your body language

dynamic .

I One of the least popular body language routines during meetings

will come from the serial moaner . He or she will make a

point with barely disguised irritation or suppressed

anger or frustration . Then he or she will sit back

in the seat with arms folded, and he or she will

always execute what I call the `turkey neck-wobble'

as he or she speaks . This type of person's favorite

phrases are: "That's all very well, but..." or simply

"Yes, but..." Don't become them . Keep open body

language gestures, a positive facial expression and

good eye contact .

Business meetings can be a foul abuse of your time, but rather than dying of boredom take steps to get the most out of them . Never use them as an opportunity to sit in silence over a cup of coffee . Instead, see meetings 326 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

as a platform for your own ideas as well as sharing and swapping thoughts with others . This requires energy and input . Remember that when you do speak, you also need to take steps to make sure the other attendees listen .

Pen ABUSe Your pen will be your constant companion at work and--without you realizing it--it will also become a barometer of your inner thoughts and feelings . Make sure your penwork isn't giving away more than you wanted .

I The sword . You brandish it aloft when you're on the

attack, jabbing it like a sword or stabbing it like a

dagger . It displays a suppressed desire to launch a

physical attack .

I The metronome . You tap it on your desk or on your

hand, either all the time or sometimes as you make

your big point . It looks aggressive and controlling .

I The scientist . You take it to pieces and put it back

together again, unscrewing the middle and then

stuffing everything back once the spring makes it

all fall out . It makes you look nervous and clumsy

or hugely distracted .

I The chewer . You chew the top of your pen like a

chipmunk chews a log . When you've finished,

a large part of the plastic is missing and the end

looks gnarled, with teeth puncture marks . You k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 327

look anxious and frustrated, with a high degree of

suppressed aggression .

I The sucker . You suck the top of your pen . This is a

very childlike comfort gesture, like sucking your

thumb . It can also have sexual overtones if you pull

it slowly in and out of your mouth .

I The clicker . You make your pen click at regular

intervals with the pace increasing as the pressure

builds up . You look stressed and anxious, and you

annoy the hell out of your colleagues .

I The helicopter . You spin your pen around between

your fingers like a rotating helicopter blade . You

look childish and bored .

I The doodler . Your doodling is probably done to

increase your listening power, but it will look as

though you're bored .

FROnT-LIne BODyTALk Despite the tidal wave of customer care training and theorizing, people who deal with the public for a living are usually dire when it comes to simple transactional skills . The worst are the ones who believe they're "people" people . They usually manage to patronize or act . Some are exceptionally rude .

Front-line work is really easy work, though . The public are secretly easily pleased . It's just that when those small 328 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

shreds of status that we like to hold so dear get put through yet another pulping machine, we tend to fight back or turn on our heel and go off for good .

My advice for front-line body language is going to be terribly, terribly basic . You'll say you know it all already but--as I always tell the delegates on my training courses--there's a whole wide world between knowing and doing . Simple though these steps are, they're also absolutely vital, and front-line staff who get them all right are as rare as hen's teeth .

I Acknowledge people right away . Not once they've got

to your desk or counter, and definitely not once

you've finished what you're doing . Good front-

line staff have huge antennae stalking out of their

foreheads . They twitch when a customer is even in

the vicinity . They know when someone is about

to walk in, and they're looking up the moment

they do . If you're busy on a call or with another

customer, just catch the person's eye and nod . He

or she will probably weep with gratitude .

I give polite "wait" signals . One raised finger that is

slightly bent will do, or a small smile and nod .

Maybe even a few fingers held up to show you'll

only be a couple of minutes .

I Smile . And make it a good one . Look genuinely

pleased to see the customer--not overly eager or k I LL e R O c c AS I O n S 329

relieved--and don't smile as though they're the

very best thing that's ever happened in your life .

But do execute a nice smile that looks friendly .

Make sure it's in your eyes, too . I Ignore their lack of response . If you're smiling in the

hope that everyone will smile back and the world

will suddenly be made of candy and bluebirds will

start whistling songs from Mary Poppins, you're

delusional . Whatever your face does and no

matter how good your smile is, it's likely you'll be