The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (37 page)

back to counting as of right now.” When you’ve regressed over a longer

period, consider redoing the Kickoff Conversation with the whole gang.

Over the course of your kids’ growing-up time at your house, you

may go through a number of slips and recoveries—daily, monthly or even

annually. Each time you catch yourself getting careless, just pick yourself

up, take a deep breath and go back to what you know works best.

A Different Future

What can you expect from
1-2-3 Magic
? You can expect a more peaceful

household, a lot less arguing and fewer angry moments. You can expect

more time for fun, and affection will come more easily. The self-esteem of

your children will improve. So will your self-esteem as a parent, because

you will be more in control and will know you are handling things cor-

rectly. If you are a teacher, you will feel more confident, more in control

of your class, and you will have more time for instruction.

What it all boils down to is this: How do you want to spend your time

with your kids? One option is that you can spend your time like this:

“Discipline”

Fun

Before

1-2-3 MAGIC

208 1-2-3 MAGIC

Here the kids are driving you crazy most of the time. You are caught up

in frequent but futile attempts at “discipline.” There is little time to enjoy

the children, educate them or like them.

On the other hand, you can spend your time like this:

Affection

Fun

Discipline

Praise

Listening

After

1-2-3 MAGIC

In this situation the proper perspective has been established. Sanity is

restored by the 1-2-3, making discipline crisp, gentle and efficient. There’s

less arguing and yelling, and in this more peaceful atmosphere there are

more good times. Everyone’s self-esteem benefits.

I’ll never forget one mother’s comment to me years ago. When she

first came into my office, her three kids were driving her nuts. We got her

going on
1-2-3 Magic
, and she shaped things up at home very well. One

early January day, I saw her for a followup visit. She told me Christmas

vacation—with all the kids home—had actually gone quite well. She was

pleasantly surprised.

Then she said something I’ve never forgot en: “You know what,

though, I never realized how far I’d come until

the kids went back to school after vacation.”

Good luck!

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I missed them for the first time in my life,” Don’t spend any

more days caught

she said.

up in useless irritation.

Quite a turnaround. It’s a whole new world Take charge of your home

when you get along wel with—and enjoy—your today—and start having

own children.

some fun with your kids!

Index

Angry Parents Speak, Happy Ones Keep Quiet rule, 113, 187-88

Attention Deficit Disorder, 9, 29-30, 48, 148-49, 150

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, 76

bedtime, 155-65, 171

Basic Bedtime Method, 155-57

charting, 164

counting, 91

charting

bedtime, 164

children eight and under, 128-29

children nine and up, 131

chores, 138-39

homework, 151-52

messy rooms, 135-36

practice lessons, 153

start behavior, 12, 121-23

children

abuse of, 16, 18, 35, 48

anger in, 185-86.
See also
children, throwing temper tantrums

bipolar, 76

communicating with, 173-76.
See also
listening

demanding apologies from, 54

209

210 1-2-3 MAGIC

getting ready in the morning, 127-32

hearing impaired, 9

ignoring misbehavior of, 43-44

independence of, 17-18, 167-68, 182, 186

inferiority of, 20, 82

interrupting others, 49-50, 116, 92-93

learning by experience, 184

left at home, 60-61

management of eating habits, 141-46; messy rooms, 133-36; physical

aggression, 28; possessiveness, 95; practice lessons, 153; sleep

behavior, 91, 157-64, 165, 171

questioning behavior of, 174-75

self-esteem of, 113-14, 179-82, 186, 187, 198

separation anxiety in, 41

shopping with, 56-60, 89-91, 183-84

talking in class, 93-94

threatening others, 76-77

throwing temper tantrums, 65, 75-76

visually impaired, 9

chores, 115-16, 133-39

55-Gallon Drum Method, 138

Garbage Bag Method, 137-38

conduct disorder, 98-99

consequences, natural, 12, 119-22, 125-26, 129-31, 148-49

counting

advice, 96

arguing, 94

backsliding, 205-7

beginning, 9-10, 32-33, 84-85

benefits of, 33-36

child mocking of, 39, 92

different misbehaviors, 42-43

effect on child’s self esteem, 50, 181

effect on motivation, 13

explaining to children, 33-34, 67-69, 207

in front of other people, 44-46

listening actively when, 201-4

parental embarrassment when, 55-56

possessiveness, 95

pouting, 65-66

in public, 55-62

requests, 126

rivalry, sibling, 63-65

start behavior, 123-24

INDEX 211

stop behavior, 25-38, 40

timing of, 40-41

toilet training, 46-47

when traveling, 61-62

when to use, 13

Window of Opportunity rule, 40-41

variations, 12, 123-24, 126

docking system, 12, 117-19, 125, 136-37

eating

behavior management of, 141-46

Divide and Conquer routine, 145-46

3-out-of-4 rule, 144-45

fun, shared, 191-96

homework, 147-5

assignment sheets, 149

Positive-Negative-Positive method, 149-50, 151

Rough Checkout, 150-51

Learning Disorder, 148-49, 150

Little Adult Assumption, 15-18, 31-32, 90, 92, 175-76

listening actively, 197-204

effect upon self-esteem, 198-99

nonjudgmental questions for, 199-200

opening conversation for, 199

perception checks when, 200-1

reflected feelings when, 200

to children, 100, 182, 197-204

lying, 105-8

Major/Minor System, 99-105

meetings, family, 18, 138, 167-71

No-Talking and No-Emotion rules, 21, 25-26, 28-29, 160-65, 173, 206

Oppositional Defiant Disorder, 98-99

overparenting, 182, 183-86

parents

anger management, 16, 20, 29, 53, 82

authority of, 17-18, 34-35

begging children, 30, 76

depression, 188-89

fear of children, 18

public embarrassment of, 44-45, 55-56, 90-91

relationship with children, 188, 189-90, 191-93

self-assessment, 188-89

stress, 188-89, 191-92

pets, caring for, 91, 118-19, 139

praise.
See
reinforcement, positive

212 1-2-3 MAGIC

reinforcement

artificial, 122-23

natural, 121-22

positive, 12, 27, 113-15, 149-50, 181-82, 187-90

requests, 12, 92, 115-16, 125-26, 138

rivalry, sibling, 40, 63-65, 87-89, 94-95, 145-46, 193-94

running away, 77, 80

separation anxiety, 41

spanking, 16, 53

start behavior, 11-12, 123-24

stealing, 104-5

stop behavior, 11, 12.
See also
counting

suicide, 77

swearing, 28

Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell(-Hit) syndrome, 16, 18, 34, 53

testing and manipulation, 2, 9-10, 73-85

causes, 73-74

management of, 78-79, 82-85

purpose of, 74-75, 81-82

used with requests, 115-16

via badgering, 75; flattery, 79; intimidation, 75-77;

martyrdom, 77-78, 82; physical aggression, 80

time out

alternatives, 27, 35, 36-37, 57-59

chair, 46

in public, 55, 56-57

for serious offenses, 101

room, 37-38, 41-42, 47-49, 50-53, 56-57, 61-62

used with counting, 27

while traveling, 61-62

timers

for start behavior, 12, 136-37, 141-44

uses of, 116-17

toilet training, 46-47, 52-53

whining, 11, 13, 81

• Contents
  
• Preface to the Third Edition
  
• Parenting: Not for the Faint of Heart!
  
• 1. Is It Magic?
  
• 2. Stop Behavior and Start Behavior
  
• 3. The Little Adult Assumption
  
• 4. The Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes
  
• 5. Counting Obnoxious Behavior 25
  
• 6. Twenty Questions
  
• 7. What to Do in Public
  
• 8. Variations: Sibling Rivalry, Tantrums and Pouting
  
• 9. The Kickoff Conversation
  
• 10. The Six Kinds of Testing and Manipulation
  
• 11. Counting in Action
  
• 12. More Serious Offenses
  
• 13. 7 Start Behavior Tactics
  
• 14. Up and Out in the Morning
  
• 15. Cleaning Rooms, Picking Up and Chores
  
• 16. Mealtimes
  
• 17. Homework and Practicing
  
• 18. Bedtime and Nighttime Waking
  
• 19. The Family Meeting
  
• 20. When Do You Talk?
  
• 21. Your Child's Self-Esteem
  
• 22. Overparenting
  
• 23. Affection and Praise
  
• 24. Real Magic: One-on-One Fun
  
• 25. Active Listening
  
• 26. Your New Life
  
• Index