The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (3 page)

After reading in the hope of helping you to correct these er-

the
1-2-3 Magic
rors, the program presents fifty to seventy-five

book (or watching the

video), start the program

elaborate parenting strategies that require an

right away. Just thinking

advanced degree in psychology in order to be

about it will not change

able to use them properly. The result? You are

your kids’ behavior one

left with bad feelings, confusion and no clear

bit. But be ready—things

are going to change

place to start. Worse than that, things in your

quickly!

house or classroom stay the same.

After reading
1-2-3 Magic
, however, you

will know exactly what to do, what not to do, what to say and what not

to say in just about every one of the common, everyday problem situa-

tions you run into with your kids. Because
1-2-3 Magic
is based on only

a few basic but critical principles, you will be able not only to remember

what to do,
you will be able
to
do it
when you are anxious, agitated or

otherwise upset
(which for many of us parents is every day!). You will

also be able to be a kind but effective parent when you are busy, in a hurry

or otherwise preoccupied.

In addition to managing minor but frequent parenting problems, you

will also know how to handle more serious difficulties, such as lying,

stealing and fighting. With
1-2-3 Magic
there is—surprisingly—much less

in the way of technique and strategy to remember. That fact is extremely

important when an adult is trying to deal with an emotionally charged

situation involving a child. The strategies in this book are straightforward

and the parenting guesswork is minimal.

You will find that if you use the 1-2-3 correctly, it will work!
The

1-2-3 has been shown to be very effective with two-to-twelve-year-olds,

IS IT MAGIC? 9

whether they are “problem” children or just typical youngsters. In fact,

1-2-3 Magic
has been used successfully with learning disabled, attention

deficit and emotionally disturbed children, as well as with the visually

impaired and hearing impaired. It has been used with developmentally

and mentally impaired kids. To benefit properly from the 1-2-3, the only

rule is that
a child must have at least a mental age of about two
.

When you finish the
1-2-3 Magic
program—whether in book, video

or audio format—it is a good idea to start immediately. Talk with your

spouse or partner, if both of you are living at home, and then get going

right away. If you are a single parent, take a deep breath and then explain

the drill to your youngsters. Do the same thing if you’re a grandparent.

If you don’t start right away, you may never get around to it.

If you’re a teacher, begin explaining the 1-2-3 to your students, send

a letter home and have a parent night when you show the moms and dads

part of the
1-2-3 Magic
video. A picture is worth a thousand words, and

many of your parents, after seeing the video at school (especially the

Famous Twinkie Example), will want to start using the program at home.

The resulting school-home cooperation and consistency are often worth

their weight in gold, especially with more difficult children.

If you are a mental health professional or pediatrician, suggest that

your clients or patients get a copy of the
1-2-3 Magic
book at their local

bookstore. Or you can provide them with a copy of the book, video or

audio. If it’s the video, make sure you get a deposit or—sooner or later—

you’ll never see it again!

What to Expect When You Begin the 1-2-3

When you do start
1-2-3 Magic
, things will change quickly. But here there is good news and bad news. The good news is that initially about half of

all kids will fall into the “immediate cooperator” category. You start the

program and they cooperate right away—sometimes “just like magic.”

What do you do? Just relax and enjoy your good fortune!

The bad news is that the other half of the kids will fall into the

“immediate tester” category. These children will get worse first. They will

chal enge you to see if you real y mean business with your new parenting

ideas. If you stick to your guns, however—no arguing, yel ing or hitting—

10 1-2-3 MAGIC

you will get the vast majority of these little testers shaped up pretty well

in about a week to ten days. Then what do you do? You start enjoying

your children again.

Believe it or not, you may soon have a much more peaceful home

and more enjoyable kids. You will go back to liking and respecting your-

self as a parent—all in the foreseeable future! If you’re a teacher, you

will be less exhausted by discipline and you will have more time for

instruction.

Before we get into the details of the 1-2-3, we must clarify two very

important concepts:

1. The
two basic type
s
of problem behavior
(Chapter 2).

2. The
dangerous assumption
parents, teachers and other

caretakers make about young children (Chapter 3).

Points to Remember...

Once you start using
1-2-3 Magic
, there's good news and bad

news. Children will fall into one of two categories:

1. Immediate cooperators

2. Immediate testers

Enjoy the cooperators and brace youself for the testers!

2

Stop Behavior and Start Behavior

Stop teasing your sister and please start your homework!

There are two basic kinds of problems that children present to

adults. When you are frustrated with your youngsters, the kids are either

(1) doing something you want them to
Stop
, or (2) they are not doing some-

thing you would like them to
Start
. In
1-2-3 Magic
we therefore call these two kinds of things “Stop” behavior and “Start” behavior. In the hustle and

bustle of everyday existence, you may not have worried much about the

difference between Start and Stop behaviors, but—as we’ll soon see—the

distinction is extremely important. This distinction is also about to make

your life a lot easier!

Stop behavior includes the frequent, minor, everyday hassles kids pres-

ent to you, such as whining, disrespect, tantrums, arguing, teasing, fighting,

pouting, yelling and so on. Stop behavior—in and of itself—ranges from

mildly irritating to obnoxious. Each of these difficult behaviors alone may

not be so bad, but add them al up in one afternoon and by 5 p.m. you may

feel like hitchhiking to South America.

Start behavior includes positive activities like cleaning rooms, doing

homework, practicing the piano, getting up and out in the morning, go-

ing to bed, eating supper and being nice to other people. You have a Start

11

12 1-2-3 MAGIC

behavior problem when your child is not doing something that, in your

eyes, would be a good thing to do.

With Stop behavior problems, therefore, the issue is what the kids

are doing
. With Start behavior problems, the issue is what the kids
are not

doing
. The reason for distinguishing between these two kinds of behaviors

is this: You will use different tactics for each kind of problem.

For Stop behavior, such as whining, arguing, screaming and teasing,

you wil use the 1-2-3, or “counting” procedure. Counting is simple, gentle

and direct.

For Start behavior problems, you wil have

Quik Tip…

a choice of seven tactics, which can be used either

With Stop

singly or in combination. These tactics include

behavior, the issue

Praise, Simple Requests, Kitchen Timers, The

is what the kids
are

doing.
With Start behavior,

Docking System, Natural Consequences, Charting

the issue is what the kids

and a Variation of the 1-2-3. Start behavior strate-

are not doing.
There are

gies, as you can probably guess, require a lit le

different tactics for each

more thought and effort than counting does.

kind of problem. Don’t

worry, you’ll soon be

Why the difference in strategies? The

an expert in no time!

answer lies in the issue of motivation. How long

does it take a child—if she is motivated—to

terminate a Stop behavior like whining, arguing or teasing? The answer

is about one second; it’s really not a big project. And—depending on

how angry or oppositional a child is—terminating an obnoxious behavior

doesn’t take tons of effort.

But now look at Start behavior. How long does it take a child to eat

dinner? Maybe twenty to twenty-five minutes. To pick up after himself?

Perhaps fifteen minutes. To get ready for bed? Twenty to thirty minutes.

Ready for school? Thirty minutes. How about homework? Schoolwork

might take anywhere from forty minutes to three years. So it’s obvious that

with Start behavior, more motivation is required from the child. He has to

begin the project, keep at it and then finish it. And the project is often some-

thing the boy or girl is not thril ed about having to do in the first place.

In addition, if encouraging positive behavior in kids requires more

motivation in the kids, it’s also going to require more motivation from

mom and dad. As you’ll soon see, putting an end to Stop behavior using

counting is relatively easy if you do it right. Start behavior is harder.