Tangled Dreams (4 page)

Finally, he reached her room and went through the door flipping on her tiny book light on the nightstand beside her bed. Regretting having to put her down and to not touch her anymore sent a pain through his heart it didn’t quite understand. Laying her down on the bed he noticed she had fallen asleep. Looking even more beautiful in he dim light, and even more untouchable, and out of grasp. I’ll never get a girl like her. She’s to good for a guy like me. 

Putting her legs and feet up on the bed he noticed her night-gown rode up almost to her hips. Looking at her face he knew she was unaware of this. Cursing at himself for having to be a gentlemen instead of sneaking a look, he grabbed the blanket and threw it on top of her completely. Doing this as much for her, as for himself. Just as he was damning his luck she mumbled something.

“What did you say?” Kneeling down to his knees beside her he put his ear closer and she grabbed his hand tucking it under her chin. Cuddling it closely like a pillow she fell back asleep. With his other hand he couldn’t resist bringing it up to brush her hair lightly away from her face. Thinking all the while that a boy could almost fall in love with a girl like you. Waves of depression violently slamming into him at that point. Knowing that he could never let that happen. Thinking he didn’t want to get close to anyone. His thoughts recently being consumed about being adopted still forcing him into utter complete turmoil. Tormented by his thought process, he realized he still needed to get her ice for her bruises.

“Madison babe? We never put ice on your swelling. Wake up.” He urged gently shaking her shoulder.

With a huge startle I sat straight up in bed confused. “What? What happened? Where am I?” Asking looking around.

“Madison. Calm down. It’s me, Gavin.”

“Oh Gavin. I’m so sorry. Did I fall asleep?” Realizing his hand was in mine I had no idea how it had gotten there and released it. Feeling embarrassed yet again by the situation.

He didn’t know why this made him feel so disappointed. Surprised at his own internal reaction at the gesture.

“You still need ice on your swelling.” Gesturing nervously to her legs.

“I’m sorry Gavin for falling asleep.” 

“That’s alright. I’ll go down to get you ice for it.”

“Gavin you look so tired. I feel so horrible about you taking care of me.” Before I could think better of it I put my hand to his cheek.

Taking a nervous step back, “Um, it’s okay.” Fleeing as fast as his legs would take him he retreated downstairs.

The short time he was gone, I was dozing in and out of sleep. The few times of being awake, thinking about him entirely. Thinking about how he made me feel when he carried me up those stairs. How strong he was but, so gentle at the same time. Telling myself over and over how he was just being nice. Nothing more. He probably has ten girlfriends, and ten more girls chasing after him, all of which are probably very experienced.  Something of which I am not. He wouldn’t want a girl like me, thinking sadly. 

Quietly, he came back into the bedroom, noticing that my eyes were closed again and stepped lightly over to me. “It’s alright Gavin. I’m awake.”

“Sorry, I thought you had gone to sleep again. Here is your ice.”

Sitting up I pulled the blanket down and I noticed that he kept his gaze away from me the entire time. When he did glance over his face was one of shock. I was a little shocked myself. My leg had turn a nasty shade of black and blue. Which sent him immediately over to my bedside.

“Hell Madison. That has to hurt like a bitch.” Slightly amused by his choice of words.

“Yeah, it almost hurts worse than my ankle to be perfectly honest.” Grabbing the ice packs he gently placed one down on my ankle. Brushing his hand across my thigh to see how badly swollen it was, he placed that one down on my thigh holding it there. Looking back up at me our eyes connected. Just as fast as they connected he broke that connection looking down quickly.

The fact that all of a sudden he wouldn’t look at me, or touch me, started to really bother me. Am I that gross? I thought annoyed with myself. I know I’m not as pretty or experienced like he probably is used to in a girl, but I don’t think I’m that unbearable to look at. Not that I wanted to mean anything to him. I thought as I completely lied to myself. Even if he dislikes the way I look he can at least be polite about it. Evidently, my worries were written all over my face because he was staring at me.

“What is wrong Madison?”

“Nothing.”

“I can tell there is something wrong. I haven’t known you for very long but your eyes give you away every time.”

“Fine. I was just wondering if I really was that disgusting?”

“What are you talking about?” He asked looking at her astonished.

“You won’t hardly even look at me. Every time I touch you, you flinch. I know I’m not that great looking. Probably not the kind of girl your used to looking at but, I am a person and I do have feelings. I also know if there was any reason you had to stay up late, I would be the last girl in the world you would have chosen.” Out of breath I looked down at my hands in my lap and noticed that my chest was heaving up and down, even shaking a bit. Knowing this was due to always hating telling my feelings. It is so much easier writing them down. I get so panicked when I have to speak up about anything. Lost into my own world his hand lifted up my chin to look at him. Thinking about how handsome he is and time just stands still when a boy looks at you like that.

“Madison, just when I said that you weren’t stupid.”

“What do you mean?” I said defensively. 

Putting his hand back down on the other side of me he kept his gaze locked on my eyes leaning in close. What do I say to her that doesn’t lead her on? Especially, when I’m not even sure how I feel about her myself. Well, here it goes.. “What I mean is your crazy.”

“Well thank you for clearing that up. I think I’ll go to bed now.” I said rolling over to face the opposite direction. 

“Madison.” When she didn’t turn around, he thought it may be easier saying this to her back anyhow. “Madison, I think your beautiful. Actually, beautiful is to small of a word for you. Your gorgeous, easily the nicest and prettiest girl I have ever laid my eyes upon. It’s not easy letting you touch me especially, when you’re wearing so little. “Madison, are you asleep? Do you even hear me?”

Turning with watery eyes. “Oh no, Madison I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Without any warning, even to myself. I lunged my whole body at him about knocking him over backwards off the bed. Completely embracing him in a hug.

Not wanting to lead her on but, wanting to touch her so badly that he ached, he wrapped his arms around her and held tightly.  It was only a couple of minutes but, he wished he could have held her for hours. Not wanting to pull away from her warm, soft body he knew he had to or he may hold on to her all night. Pulling away, “Madison did anyone ever tell you, that you wear your heart on your sleeve?”

“Dad did. All the time.”

“I’m sorry about your dad.”

“It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” Changing the subject. “You really think I’m beautiful?”

“No. Remember? I think your gorgeous. Madison, you know we can’t be “that way.”

“I know that. I’ll be leaving soon anyways so it doesn’t matter.” Saying now with sadness running through me. Surprised at the very thought of being sad to go.

Looking down really fast he shifted toward the back end of the bed. Making me wonder why everyone was so uncomfortable when I mentioned leaving. “Gavin, did I say something wrong?”

“No. You didn’t. Your perfect. Too Perfect. Well, I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one night so, I’ll be going to bed now. I hope your ankle feels better in the morning. I doubt you’ll be doing too much walking on it. I’ll just slip through the adjoining door if you don’t mind. I have pushed my luck on not waking the whole house up tonight.”

“I don’t mind.”

As he turned to walk away before I could think better of it I reached out and grabbed his arm. “Gavin?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Your strong Madison. Even stronger than you think. But, you’re welcome. Besides, I’ll pay you back when I’m grouchy tomorrow from not enough sleep.” He said with a smirk.

“Well, how is that different from any other day?” I smiled sweetly.

“Madison, you made a joke.” He said teasingly.

“Well, goodnight babe.” Leaning over he quickly kissed me on the cheek and turned around leaving me with my hand on my face stunned.

After he left I sat here thinking about how soft his lips were and it was making it very difficult to sleep. Difficult in the only thing that was between my bed and his was one measly door. How easy could it be to open that door and crawl up next to him in bed and have him hold me the rest of the night? Feeling so lonely and scared. Missing my dad so much that there isn’t any words to describe the utter despair I feel in my heart every day that I have to live without him.  Feeling completely abandoned by my mother forcing me to crave some sort of attention. With my mind racing and Gavin’s gorgeous face and physic flashing in my mind I drifted into a restless sleep.

Over in the room next to her Gavin wasn’t fairing that much better. He kept thinking of how her skin felt against his. How her arms felt wrapped around him. How completely sexy she was in that barely there night gown. Trying to remember if he had ever felt that way when a girl touched him. He had a lot to compare with. But, her touch was so different. He thought completely unnerved at the possibilities. It doesn’t matter, he thought. I can’t get involved with her. Snapping his eyes shut forcing her image away from his mind he rolled over to stare at his clock that reminded him he needed to get to sleep fast.

Morning came quickly and I was awake in an instant by a knock on the door.

“Hey sweetie. Are you ready to get up? It’s a beautiful morning.” Aunt Julia sung happily.

“Um yeah, I’ll be there in a second.” Looking out the window into total darkness wondering just where that beautiful morning was.

“Okay. Take your time, and come down when your ready.” Leaving and shutting the door behind her while she hummed along. 

Looking at the clock it was 5 a.m. and I wanted ever so badly to roll over and go back to sleep but knew I couldn’t. Feeling like I had went five rounds with Mike Tyson I swung my legs down on the floor and flinched from the pain that shot up my leg. It took me a while, but I did get dressed as quickly as I could manage.

Limping down the stairs, I slowly walked into the kitchen and found Julia in front of the sink. Realizing that I hadn’t heard anyone stirring on the way down. “Where is everyone?”

“The guys are already out in the barn. William woke up Gavin early this morning. There was too many chores to work on today” 

Oh my God, I thought. He must have gotten no sleep at all. The guilt wracking my brain I limped out of the room to go to the bathroom to wash my hands before getting started. Turning the corner, I ran into what quite literally felt like a brick wall. That is until that brick wall threw his arms out grabbing me by my shoulders to keep me from falling, pressing me into the doorway against him.

She looks even more beautiful in the morning he thought. Noticing her green eyes that looked even brighter than he remembered.

Whispering, Madison had nowhere to move. “Gavin, I’m so sorry. I feel so bad you had to get up so early.”

“Madison it’s okay.  Trust me when I say I could do those chores in my sleep.” Realizing just how closely their bodies were pressed up against each other and it started to drive him insane. His body screaming at him to hold her closer. His mind rejecting that very idea. “How is your ankle? You told mom yet?”

“No I talked to her briefly, this morning but she doesn’t know. I know if I tell her she’ll just send me back up stairs.”

“Honestly Madison, that is where you need to be. You took a pretty big spill last night. It doesn’t look like your walking any better today.”

Sighing, feeling defeated. “Fine I’ll go tell her.”

“Do you need any help walking?” Asking with genuine concern on his face. Also, looking for any excuse to touch her.

“I’ll be fine. You better get back and get something to eat.”

“Okay, take care. See you later.” He said turning away swiftly. Realizing that walking away from her was getting to be torture. These feelings are foreign to him and he was beginning to find out just how truly hard it was to hold himself at bay.

Just as I thought, as soon as I limped into the kitchen I limped right back out. Julia wouldn’t hear of me doing anything but going back to bed. Of course I fed her the story Gavin came up with and felt guilty in doing so. She threatened to take me to the doctor if the swelling didn’t go down today. This of course made me feel worse that they would have to spend money on me because of some stupid accident. Before long I was in bed with ice to my ankle, and a tray of food with some Tylenol on it. I was then ordered to rest all weekend and stay in bed. “Julia, I am so sorry. I am not doing a very good job helping out around here.”

“Nonsense, you are hurt. Don’t worry. I’ll pick up some clothing for you tomorrow when William and I go into town with the girls.”

“No. You don’t have to do that. That’s not necessary.” I said not used to the kindness.

“No worries Madison. We usually make a day out of it but, don’t worry Gavin will be here to help you if you need anything. He usually waits until the last minute to get his school stuff, and insists on doing it himself. He claims that he doesn’t need his mother holding his hand to do that anymore.” She exclaimed as she sat down on the side of my bed.

“Speaking of mothers. Have you heard anything from mine yet?”

“No Sweetie, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Besides, I’m not all that surprised. I just feel like I have intruded on your life to long now.”

Julia looked away the guilt pressing down upon her. Her mind reeling with the fact that her mother was supposed to call Madison by now, to tell her the truth. What if she doesn’t? What am I going to do? She has to know soon. I have to get her registered for school. Her worry mounting by the second. Deciding if she didn’t call in a week that she’ll have to tell her. How on earth do I tell this sweet girl that her mother isn’t coming back?

“Julia are you okay? You got so quiet.”

“Yes sweetie. I’m fine.” Getting up slowly she gave me a hug and complimented me on being a lovely girl and walked out. Julia hugging me like that only made me miss dad even more. Looking over at my diary I kissed my fingers and touched the diary, that was so important to me. “I love you daddy. Goodnight.” Slumping down into bed I fell asleep.

Gavin peeked his head in Madison’s room at lunch time to check on her noting, that she was fast asleep. Disappointed he figured that maybe he could talk her into having a movie night with him. Thinking since mom and dad usually leave really early in the morning on shopping trips, that this would give them the perfect opportunity to stay up late. He already knew that he wasn’t going to have to do chores in the morning and was already looking forward to that fact alone. I’m just keeping her company he told himself. Being a good friend. Anyone would do it. Satisfied with that resolution he hurriedly ran back down stairs and to the barn.

A couple of hours went by and Julia was walking back from the mailbox with a letter from Madison’s mother. She was positive that her heart had sunk down into her feet, and she was praying that her mother wouldn’t tell her through a letter. Just the same, she didn’t hold much faith in Sandra. Racking her brain, she didn’t know whether to give it to Madison and go ahead and get the inevitable over? Or wait. Wait for what? She didn’t know. Maybe for Sandra to get a heart and make a phone call. Finally, deciding for after supper that way if she needs a little space she could have it. Or if she needs a little family she can have that also. Wringing her hands together, she finished the long walk up the driveway.

The afternoon went by in slow motion. Even Gavin who had willingly been staying in the barn more in the evening couldn’t wait to be done for the day. Trying to tell himself it was all about the movie, but knowing the excitement came from who he may be watching it with instead.

The boredom that I was starting to feel from sleeping all day was almost debilitating. I was ready to do something, anything at all. I just wanted to get up and walk. Thinking my ankle was starting to feel better I decided to test that theory, and get a shower. The memory of my last shower, assaulting me. Making me remember back to the night before, and how no boy had ever called me beautiful. Although, Gavin was so much more, he was more of a man than any boy that I had ever seen. Attempting to push it out of my head, and chalked it up to him trying to be nice. After all, I was all banged up and he felt sorry for me.