Tangled Dreams (9 page)

Looking up, “What?” Saying with a huge grin on his face.

“Nothing.” I said laughing.

“No, I want to know what you are laughing about.”

“It’s just funny watching you with your face plastered up against the glass ogling all that candy.” Now laughing hysterically. 

“Oh, is that right? Well, maybe I should shake you down for candy.” He said now grabbing me and tickling me. Laughing a long with me. Stopping abruptly he took the opportunity to give me a hug. I had to admit it felt nice so I slipped my arms around him also. Giving me a kiss on top of my head he released me with a sexy smile on his face. Which startled me a bit, but couldn’t object to such a sweet gesture. After finally getting all of our food we settled in the back row putting his arm around me as we watched the movie.

A couple of hours later we were on our way back home. He begged me for a couple more hours but, it was getting late in the day and I didn’t want to push my luck. Thinking I should at least be home for supper.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to my place? I’ve got a pool in the back yard. It’ll be fun.”

“No, Clay. I really shouldn’t. I need to get home.” Pulling up the lane to my house it had grown quiet except for the low harmony of the radio station playing. He had held my hand the entire way home and I really didn’t mind. I had to admit that it was a little difficult keeping Gavin off the brain.

Pulling up to my house he turned to me, “I really had a great time. I hope you will let me take you out again.”

“Sure Clay. I had fun to.”

“Great. Tomorrow then?” Smirking at me.

Laughing, “No Clay. I’m sorry. Not tomorrow.”

“Alright.” He said giving me the sad puppy dog look. “Can I at least give you a call tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Nervously, looking down.

“Your so beautiful Madison.”

Leaning in towards my lips for a kiss, only to have me jerk away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. I just really like you.” He said embarrassed.

“I’m sorry Clay. I just don’t know you very well yet. I need more time.”

“Okay, sorry.”

“Don’t be. I will talk to you later.”Getting out and shutting the door.

“Alright. If I don’t talk to you tomorrow, I’ll see you Monday at school” Smiling as he drove off.

Walking into the kitchen I got nailed with about a million questions from Julia. I didn’t mind though, it was almost like having a real mother. It was kind of nice actually.

Switching subjects, “So where is Gavin at? I haven’t seen him at all since I’ve been home.”

“Oh. Well, he went out on a date tonight to.” Saying happily to me.

At that moment my heart dropped down to my feet and I swear all the blood drained out of my face. “Oh. Who did he go out with?” I asked trying to act like it was not a big deal.

“He took his ex-girlfriend Brooke out. Isn’t that nice? I think you said you met her when you two went out for your birthday.”

“Yeah, I remember her.” She was the bitch at the pool hall that was trying to hang all over Gavin. Of course I remember her. How could he go out with her? He told me he didn’t like her. I’m sure she is throwing herself at him this very moment. Quickly checking myself. I knew I shouldn’t be getting mad or upset and now I know how Gavin felt today. Or, how I thought he felt. Not sure of anything any longer. Evidently, he was over it and has moved on to bigger and better things. Thinking irritably to myself. Sitting down to supper I had lost my appetite and just picked at my food as to not make Julia worry. Finally, excusing myself from the table happy to be alone at last.

The house was so quiet. The twins were at a sleep over with friends and Julia had already retired to the bedroom to read her book she had been working on. William left to go play cards with his friends and of course Gavin had yet to return. Sitting on the couch the silence was killing me and I felt so alone. Willing myself up and out the door I stalked to the barn to talk to my new friend Emily. Not caring how ridiculous I looked having a conversation with a horse.

Walking past the usual four stalls calling out hello to each horse by name finally coming to the end. “Hi girl, how are you doing honey?” Petting the horse gently through the stall. Scooting a bucket up close I sat down with my head leaning against the roughness of the wood. Not caring the skirt, I didn’t think to change was giving me some major chills. Who really would care if I froze to death right here and now? At least then I would be with dad. Telling myself immediately to quit feeling sorry for myself. Refusing to think those thoughts I took a deep breath. Closing my eyes, I could feel the breeze coming through the barn doors slowly tickling across my face. Bringing my arms in closer to my body to stay warm I kept my eyes closed tightly. Taking notes in my head on my overwhelming day was almost to much to handle. To fast, everything is happening to fast. My mind refusing to calm down. Daddy dying, moving from the only home I’ve ever known. Mom ditching me, Gavin, Clay, new teachers. And an Uncle that hates me just by looking at me. Suddenly, I just felt the strong urge to break something, or cry. Just cry my eyes out. Feeling utterly alone I shifted to face the stall resting my forehead back onto the rough wood, looking down at the dirt floor, straw scattered all over. Wrapping my arms around my knees I started to shiver from the cool breeze. I just needed my life to slow back down to a steady pace. Softly, I started crying the tears falling into the dirt under me.

“I miss him Emily. I miss Gavin so much.” Saying just above a whisper. “I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”

“Me to.”

Startled, my eyes snapped open and I looked up to find Gavin a couple feet away staring down at me.

“You know I have really envied that horse lately.”

Slowly, walking closer to me he looked as handsome as ever and I felt that familiar twinge of jealousy.

“And why is that?” Looking back down trying to stop my tears.

“I think you know why. Why are you crying babe? You know I hate it when you cry.”

How I missed him talking to me that way. I wanted to cry even harder at that fact.

Looking at her he knew she was about to close him out again. Sitting here curled up, shivering and crying and he couldn’t take it. He felt his heart was being ripped out and he wanted to kill the person that made her feel this way.  Surly, she couldn’t be crying over me? Reliving all those awful days of not speaking. The only person he could think about on his mind numbing date with Brooke tonight, was Madison. That fact bothered him. Thinking about how it wasn’t easy fighting Brooke off all night eventually, dropping her off at her home just to get away from her.

Glancing up I noticed just how different Gavin and Clay were, down to the way they dressed. Gavin dressed much more relaxed with dark blue jeans and a t-shirt with his ball cap. Completely to my liking and he was so hot. “Well, you were standing there. You heard why I was crying.”

“That can’t be the only reason.” Secretly, thrilled at the fact that she actually missed him.

“It’s a good enough reason for me.”

Saying so quietly that he could hardly hear her. Kneeling down beside her he swallowed his pride and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close.

Back in those strong, familiar arms again felt right. I just couldn’t force myself to pull away. I could feel how much he missed me by how tight he held on to me.

“Babe, your turning into a block of ice.” Kneeling down onto his knees holding me close.

“I don’t care.” Saying in between sobs.

“I do.” Gently stroking my hair our of my face.

This is why I cared about him so much. After all the things I put him through, he was still here holding me when I needed him the most. So instead of turning away from him I turned towards him, wrapping my arms around him. You could feel the tension in our bodies melt away as we both took a deep breath.

“I really have missed you babe.”

“I have missed you calling me babe.”

Chuckling, he held me closer, “Look Madison, if you want to date Clay I won’t like it, but I won’t give you a hard time because of it. What ever makes you happy.”

“If you want to date Brooke I won’t like it either, but I’ll keep my mouth shut about it.”

“You think we can just spend some time together tonight and just be ourselves Madison? Without guilt or trying to define what we are together.” He said cupping my tear streaked face in his hands.

Oh yes. His eyes are so gorgeous. So dark and penetrating, yet so kind. In my heart this is where I want to be and no where else. He can never know that. It would just make things more difficult.

“Yeah sure. I would love that. I really miss you and I’ll take you any way I can get you tonight.”

“Ah, I just might take you up on that.” Teasing me. Making me smirk.

“You always know how to cheer me up. Even at my saddest moments.”

“Like I said, one of my many talents.” Saying with that handsome smile on his face.     

We were so close together, to close. Leaning forward I knew I shouldn’t but, I just couldn’t help myself. Just one innocent kiss won’t hurt. Getting so close to his lips I could feel his breath, before deciding to pull back away. I could see the disappointment in his eyes, and I could feel it in my heart. Neither of us knowing what to say or do.

“So, how about we go inside and watch some movies like we used to. We’ll grab some food, and go up to my room and relax.”

“That sounds really nice.”

“Okay, but that means we are going to have to pry your frozen body off that bucket.”

“Yeah, I would like that. I can’t believe how chilly the nights get here.”

“Well, fall is coming quickly.”

“I can’t wait. I bet it is so beautiful.”

“Not nearly as beautiful as you, but close.” He said helping me up.

 Why did words like that sound so much better coming from Gavin rather than Clay? “Why are you so good to me Gavin? I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say things like that.” Holding me close as we walked out of the barn.

“That’s just how I feel.”

“Maybe, I don’t deserve you Madison.”

“You deserve everything the world has to offer Gavin.”

“You really mean that don’t you babe?”

“With all my heart.” Stopping me he turned me to face him.

“What if what I want in this world is you?” Asking in the most sincere way that it actually made my heart bleed for him. “Don’t say anything. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I should not have said that.”

He started to walk away from me and I couldn’t help but grabbing his arm and pulling him in for a hug not wanting to let go. It is so nice to feel wanted even if it was just for the moment and not meant to be. If I ever lost him at this point I knew I couldn’t handle it. The fear of getting any closer to him was debilitating. Giving him a kiss on the cheek I pulled away and put my arm around his waist to finish the walk up to the house. I couldn’t remember being any happier than I was at this moment. I know I have been but not since dad was alive. That’s how I seem to categorize everything in my head. Before dad died, and after dad died. I knew this moment would categorize in my head as important either way. A lot of moments with Gavin seem to. Remembering back to how this gentle and caring Gavin wasn’t the same I had met when I first arrived here. Not to mention that he was so hot that I swear if I stared to long he’d burn my retina’s. Scolding myself for thinking such things. So flustered now that I stumbled on a step up to our bedrooms.

“Whoa there tiger.” Gavin said as he caught me in mid-air of falling back on top of him. “You have to be the clumsiest person I know. It’s a good thing your so damn cute.” Standing me up again on my own two feet holding on to me as we finished walking the stairs.

“I have always been clumsy, that’s why your into sports and I stick to the books. Until I kill myself from paper cuts that is.” Saying sarcastically.

He laughed at my subtle attempt at humor as we walked into his room and I suddenly came to a dead stop forcing him to bump into me. He didn’t mind running into her however. Any excuse to touch her was fine with him.

“What is wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just that I haven’t been in here for a while.” Trying to mask the sad look on my face.

“Well, your here now, so lets watch a movie and have fun.” Saying with that gorgeous grin on his face. “Do you need to change?”

Not that he was complaining. She was drop dead gorgeous in that short skirt and her shirt that dipped down so low that he was insanely jealous of Clay again. That jealousy tore even harder through his heart knowing Clay was snuggling up next to her today enjoying the outfit. Clay might have had her for a couple hours today but he knew that he had her now. Never before in his life had he seen such a beauty. Now standing in his bedroom again staring back at him, it was to good to be true. 

“I’m alright for now.” Shivering just a bit still.

“Here.” Walking over to the trunk that sat at the foot of his bed and retrieved me a lap blanket hanging it on my shoulder, rubbing my arms. “So what will it be? Couch, bed, or floor? Since, your shivering to death I vote no to the floor.”

“Couch is fine.”

Thinking that would be a lot safer than that bed looming over there taunting me. Mocking me with the few tender moments we spent together on it. Waking up in his arms with the safest I had felt in a really long time. I was yearning to feel that way again but I dared not to go there again. Looking into his eyes it dawned on me why I was avoiding him. He was to damn irresistible. Not having these kinds of thoughts about any guy before it scared me. Ugh, I’m so screwed.

 ”So do you have anything in mind you want to watch?” Walking over to his stack of movies.

“No, I really don’t care.” Saying quickly, fidgeting with the hem on my skirt.

“Alright.”

Grabbing the first movie on top he put it in the player and grabbed the remote. Standing up he stripped off his t-shirt and walked over to the couch flopping down on it to get comfortable. Looking at him I was in awe of just how ripped he really was. That wonderfully toned muscular body was going to be my total demise. He had to be the first guy I have ever seen up close that put six packs to total shame. To hell with six packs when you had a mouth watering guy sitting in front of me that had a gorgeous eight. I wondered what it would be like to run my fingers along every crease and kiss them softly.

“Well, are you coming over here? Or, are you just going to stand there looking all cute and stuff?”

Blushing, and being chilled clear down to my bones I walked over and sat on the couch at a distance. Kicking off my sandals I brought my knees to my chest wrapping myself in tightly. 

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, thanks. I’m fine.”

“Are you hungry?”

“No. thank you.” Saying quietly.

“You know I won’t bite Maddie, what’s up with the weirdness all of a sudden? You were fine a couple minutes ago. You still upset? If you are we have the power to make it better.”

The concern was written all over his face. It was apparent that he was wondering what he did wrong. Gazing at him it was so hard to concentrate on anything but how handsome he was.

“Just be honest with me Maddie.”

“I’m fine Gavin.”

How can I tell him that I was so afraid of falling in love with him even more so than I already have. I have worked so hard to stamp out those feelings lately. I shouldn’t even be feeling this way at all. He is the son of my aunt and uncle. Granted, he is adopted with no connection to me whatsoever. My mind continuing to try to rationalize the situation in my head. I can’t risk losing him like I did dad. I could never tell him this he would tell me I was being ridiculous. I would probably scare him off and I just got him back.

Smiling “Honest. I’m fine Gavin.” Laying my hand down on his knee, “See smiling?” Giving him a wide exaggerated grin.

“Okay, I get the point.” Chuckling

He then grabbed my arm and tugged me in close to him, cradling me against his bare chest. He was really making this hard on me. Neither one of us saying a word as he held on to me tightly. Kissing the top of my head as he pulled the blanket on top of me. That was Gavin, always worried about me.

I don’t know what it is about her. What is it about her that makes me want to take care of her? That makes me lay awake at night wondering if she is alright? Sitting so still, worried that she might come to her senses at any moment. Both enjoying the moment knowing that it will not last. Having to be strictly friends was more than torture. Having never felt this close to anyone before was more than freaking him out. The only girl I have a connection with, is the only girl that I can’t have. Sucks even worse that she was the most gorgeous girl he has ever laid his eyes on. Damn the luck, he thought begrudgingly. Reaching out to her, he started stroking her hair back out of her face. God, she had the softest hair I have ever felt. Leaning his head back against the cushion he fell asleep inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume.

Laying here against his chest I could feel his breathing slow and I knew he had fallen asleep. Looking up at him he looked so peaceful and so incredibly gorgeous. Once, in a while he would make a gesture and I knew he was dreaming. I had secretly hoped he was dreaming of me. God knows I’ll most likely be dreaming of him for the rest of my life. Long after I’m gone from here. Then a terrifying thought struck me. What would I do when I turned eighteen? Where would I go? I know I won’t be able to stay here. I’ll have to leave here. Leave Gavin forever. Looking up at him again my heart splintered. Knowing that we shouldn’t be together was one thing, but never seeing him again was quite another. Leaning up I kissed his lips lightly.