Tangled Dreams (14 page)

“I know Gavin, but your special. Not everyone can be like you.” Looking up at him, his eyes softened a bit. I took that chance to change the subject and we started talking about the horses and farm related things.

Just when I was finally starting to forget the horror of yesterday for two whole seconds the phone rang. Gavin put his spoon down and got up to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey Gavin. This is Clay. Is Madison around?”

“Maybe.”

“I was worried about her. I just woke up and realized she was gone and I panicked when I realized I slept through the night. I hope she didn’t get into trouble.”

“Madison, Clay wants to talk to you.” He said in an angry tone.

“Tell him I don’t want to talk to him right now.”

Now pleased, he put the phone back up to his ear, “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“C’mon I need to tell her how sorry I am.”

“Don’t c’mon me. You get drunk and leave her to fend off that scum bag Eric. You’re lucky I don’t come over there and kick your ass right now.”

“Whoa what the hell are you talking about? What happened?”

“What happened is she is home with me and safe no thanks to you and your pervert friend. If I ever hear or see Madison get hurt on your account ever again I promise you there is no limit to how fast I’ll be up in your fucking face at your doorstep.” Slamming down the phone the anger was simmering in his eyes again.

“Did you really have to say all that to him?”

“I kept my promise. I didn’t tell him what exactly happened. He needed to know how his friends are, and where we stand.” Looking into her eyes he could see the worry. “You’ve forgiven him already haven’t you?” In disbelief.

“What? Forgiven who?” “Clay. You’ve forgiven him haven’t you?”

“Gavin, he couldn’t of known what was going to happen to me. I can’t put all the blame on him.”

“Un-damn-believable. Next you’ll be hanging with Eric.” He said immediately regretting it, especially after seeing the hurt in her eyes.”

Looking up at him I was so shocked by his words and had to admit I was more hurt than if he’d of slapped me right across the face. Standing up I had lost my appetite and felt very much betrayed. Turning around without saying a word and before he could see the tears fall I fled from the room.

“Madison, come back.” He said disgusted with himself for not controlling his anger better. Surprised at himself for the snap of control. Usually he had it put together better. This situation had him rattled to his core. Hearing her bedroom door slam he took off after her to apologize. Coming up to her door he could hear her inside crying and his heart sank to his feet. I’m no better than everyone else who has hurt her he thought pissed off at himself. He was just angry at Eric and Clay and scared to death she would go back to Clay and he would be without her again. Having a hard time seeing them together and getting closer when he was so in love with her. I guess fear makes you say and do stupid things. “Madison.” He said knocking on her door. “Please let me in.” Not hearing anything he tried the door knob and it was locked. Going into his bedroom he tried the other door and for the first time since she has came it was locked also. He felt his heart crumble knowing he had really hurt her. Not even when they had not gotten along before at times had she ever literally locked him out of her life and he felt absolutely stupid and helpless.

Laying on my bed I had never felt so horrible in my life and suddenly felt as alone as the first day I came here. I knew I owed Gavin so much but, people you love always hurt you. I thought sadly wanting more than ever just to find a hole to crawl in and hide and just be left alone. I wanted to be a little girl again and crawl up into my daddy’s lap and cry my eyes out. Just the very thought of not having my dad to go to ever again was more painful than anything I had ever felt before. But, I have to deal with it and stop burrowing my head in the sand. Sure Gavin helped ease the pain a little bit but, he can’t take it away. No one can deal with this but me, and it’s time I start dealing with that. Knowing the anger I felt towards my mother was adding to my poor state of being.  Now I need to come to terms with my fear, and being depressed about last nights situation is going to affect me. I call it situation because I can’t bring myself to say attempted rape. Deciding I would talk to Clay and probably end it with him if not now, soon. I need to stay away from Gavin also and keep my head clear. I thought sadly. I also need to quit screwing up his life. I reasoned. I just need to get my life straight again. I don’t deserve Gavin’s loyalty, not after continually pushing him away and him still being here for me when I’m sad or in a jam. I just can’t do it anymore. The rest of the day I hid in my room and only came out when I absolutely had to, luckily never running into Gavin.

Monday morning came to quickly and I decided to be a coward and play sick. Most of the day I slept or listened to the radio normally I would go into Gavin’s room and watch TV but, I decided against that. I was awaken in the afternoon by Gavin’s truck pulling in and knew the school day was over. Closing my eyes I could hear him walk up stairs and a knock on my door.

Pushing her door open he peeked inside to see her lying in bed and it looked like she hadn’t moved all day.

“Madison. I have your homework for you.”

“You can drop it on the desk.” I said without turning around to look at him.

“Madison. I’m sorry for what I said.” I had no response for him. “Clay bugged me all day about you. The jerk was worried.”

“I don’t care.” I said with no emotion in my voice. Walking to the edge of her bed he looked down at her.

“Please, don’t shut me out again.” The sincerity in his voice was breaking down the newly built walls around my heart and it terrified me. “Madison, why won’t you talk to me? I said I was sorry.”

“I heard you. I just need space right now.”

“Fine. Take all the space you need.” Stomping out mad as hell.

Closing my eyes tight it was all I could do to not go after him and run straight into his arms. I have to quit relying on people. I have to quit being such a burden to him. I knew I had to go to school tomorrow and face my problems head on. No more hiding.

The rest of the evening flew by with little incident. The next morning I forced myself to shower. Forced myself to dress. Forced myself to eat. Forced myself to get into that truck with Gavin. Of course we didn’t talk all the way to school. I had a feeling that I won’t have to worry about Eric to much. If he didn’t get the hint with the broken nose I’m sure Gavin probably set him straight yesterday. Pulling into the parking lot I spotted Clay’s car and was plagued with anxiety almost immediately.

Turning the engine off Gavin stared down at the steering wheel, “If you have any problems today come and find me and I’ll take care of it.” And without another word, or waiting for a response he got out of the truck and walked away.

Taking a deep breath I slid out and caught site of Clay waiting by the door for me. Building up courage I made my way towards the door planning on walking right past him until he reached out and grabbed my arm.

“Madison, please talk to me.” He said with pleading eyes.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Starting to walk off again. Tightening his grip.

“Please. I do.”

Sighing, “Alright.” Pulling me off to an area where no one could hear us.

“I’m so sorry Madison. I never meant to get drunk and leave you alone like that.” Looking down at the ground I couldn’t even look at him. “Eric told me what happened.”

Shocked I looked into his eyes. “How he got drunk and came on to strong.”

“Came on to strong? Is that what you call it now?” I said with tears burning in my eyes.

“Listen. I don’t know what happened. Only you two know. So, what did happen?”

“Lets just say coming on to strong is a mild word for what happened.”

“He didn’t? Did he?” Stuttering.

“No, luckily he was so drunk that I was able to get away from him and to a phone to call Gavin. Who came in the nick of time. Gavin. Not you. You left me there to be fed to the wolves.”

“God Madison. I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn’t know he would ever go that far. I’ll make sure he stays away from you from now on.”

“Well, thanks. I think Gavin took care of it.”

“Yeah, I seen his broken nose. Do I have that in my future?” Wincing at the thought of Gavin’s fist heading straight for his nose.

“I really can’t say. He’s still all sorts of pissed off.”

“Madison. I really am sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Did you know my dad got killed by a drunk driver?”

“Oh God, I’m sorry.” Looking down ashamed.

“Did you also know my mother is an alcoholic who abandoned me after my father died? Alcohol has never done anything but ruin my life, and now here is another example of how it ruined my life just a little bit more.

“If I had known I would have never of drank around you. You have got to believe me.”

“I do but, it doesn’t change the fact that you did, and I got hurt by it.”

 “Madison please. I’m falling in love with you. Please forgive me.”

Looking at him I was stunned and couldn’t believe what he had just said. “Your what?” I asked in disbelief.

“I’m in love with you. Please don’t end us. Please Madison. Please give me another chance.”

“I don’t know Clay. What happened is unforgivable.”

“Then don’t forgive me but, please give me another chance and I’ll try to make it up to you everyday. Then if you decide that’s not enough for you I will go quietly and you’ll never hear another word from me. Hell I’ll try not to even look at you.”

“Oh Clay, I don’t want it to go to that extreme.”

“Oh thank God because, your to beautiful to try to keep my eyes off of. I don’t know if it would be physically possible for me. Is that almost a smile I see?”

“No.” I said trying not to smile but, it was hard not to after that cute comment. How could I not give him another chance I thought to myself. But, I’m not in love with him I thought. I don’t want to lead him on. Looking into his eyes I could see how sincere he was. Maybe I’ll give him a chance. I don’t want to go through life never being capable of forgiveness. I can at least try.

“Alright Clay. I definitely don’t forgive you but, I’ll give you another chance. It’s not going to be like it was before.”

Excited now. “Alright, I’ll take what ever I can get.” Reaching out to pull me into a hug.

Putting my arms around him all I could think about was Gavin.

“So, does this mean you’ll go to Homecoming with me? Please?”

I didn’t even know if I wanted to go. “Alright, I’ll go with you.”

“You won’t regret it. I promise.”

“I hope not, but if Eric is anywhere around you at any point, I won’t be.”

“I understand.” Leaning down and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. “We better go before were late for our first class.” Slinging his arm around my shoulder and walking me in.

Gavin spotted them walking in from his locker and felt his heart break for the hundredth time since she had walked into his life. He knew she would forgive him she has to good of a heart, he thought sadly to himself. Well I guess that’s it. I’ve lost her. Shutting his locker he turned around and walked away from the sight of the two of them together.

The ride home from school we rode in silence. He didn’t look at me once and cranked the radio as loud it would go to make sure he wouldn’t hear me even if I did say something. When we finally did get home I immediately went inside to help aunt Julia with supper. Having to admit still a little depressed.

As we sat at the dinner table it was business as usual, solemn and boring. Just like every other night, uncle William at the head of the table looking down his nose at everyone. Kayla and Kylie talking quietly and attached at the hip as always. Gavin quietly eating, ignoring everyone but his sports page. Aunt Julia, the glue that holds the family together, sitting quietly. Such a total opposite from my own mother, just sitting here being happy. Breaking the silence the phone began ringing. Uncle William got up to answer it as always. When he is home, it is an unwritten rule that he is the only one who answers the phone. So, of course I quietly listened thinking it was just one of his workers that comes out to help out once in a while.

“Sandra it is supper time. I don’t allow the kids to talk on the phone at this time.”

“Is that my mother?” I said running up to the phone. Gavin looking up at me concerned.

“Yes it is, but you know the rules.” He said steely eyed.

“She hasn’t called me since I got here. I think you can make an exception.”

“If I let you, then I’ll have to let everyone.” He said indigently.

“William, let the girl talk to her mother. She won’t be on long. Will you Madison?” Aunt Julia said oblivious to Uncle William’s annoyance.

“I won’t be.” I said ripping the phone out of his hand and putting it up to my ear.

“Mom?” I said quietly.

“Hi Madison. I’m just calling to let you know that I’m doing fine. I met this new man at the bar I still work at. He is absolutely amazing.” She gushed.

“Hey mom how about asking me how I’m doing?”

“Oh, Madison. I know your fine. You’re just like your dad.”

“So, why did you call? You already made it clear that your not coming back for me.” I said quietly glancing in Gavin’s direction, our eyes connecting, making me turn back around quickly.

“Can’t I just see how my daughter is doing?”

“No, because if you cared you wouldn’t of dumped me off like yesterday’s trash.” I said now raising my voice. “Are you even going to give me your phone number so I can reach you?”

“Oh Madison. You don’t need that. I can get a hold of you. Besides, I didn’t dump you. They are your family.”

“Yeah, and you’re my mother.”

“Oh quit being so dramatic.”

“Yeah, I guess I get that from you.”

“Well, this is just getting unpleasant so, I’ll talk to you later. She said abruptly cutting me off. “Good bye Madison.”

“Wait! Mom!”

Hanging up the phone I couldn’t move at all, the only thing I could do was stand here staring at the wall blankly while the emotion stirred violently in my stomach.