Tangled Dreams (18 page)

“I’m alright.”

“No, your not. Your shaking.” Wrapping his jacket around me. Leaving him with a nice buttoned down shirt on.

“Clay I don’t want you to get cold.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m tough. I’ll live.” Saying with a cute smirk that for the first time looked warm and not cocky at all.

“Well thank you, but your going to get all of your lady admirers jealous.” I said for the first time poking a little fun at him. Noticing all their faces practically plastered against the glass of the windows. Trying not to look to hard and see Gavin.

“Ah well, I really don’t care. You’re the one I care about.”

“Clay.” I said sighing.

“I know Madison you don’t have to say it. I had my chance and I blew it. I know. It’s just hard not saying those things to you.”

“I know but you have to try. It’s to hard hearing them, and even after all we have gone through and the turmoil you have put me through I would never want to hurt you.”

“I know Madison and that’s part of the reason why I missed you so much. I’ll always be here for you.” Pulling me in for a hug before I knew what was going on. I reluctantly wrapped my arms around him and his scent made the memories flood back. The time at the movies on our first date, walking hand and hand through the hallway. Eating lunches together. Laughing at each other for saying or doing something stupid. It wasn’t all bad. I thought to myself. But, even in all those sweet memories Gavin’s face popped up in the forefront of my mind like he always does. I pulled away and he took that moment to give me a kiss on the forehead. The fear slicing through my heart about Gavin seeing it made me want to about face and run.

He could see everything and he sat back down in shock. Surly she was smarter than that he thought. She can’t go back to him. What a fucking nightmare of a day. He wanted her to start opening up more at school, or at home, with her friend Andrea or make new friends. But not him. He thought hopelessly. Anyone but him.

When the last bell rang I wanted to give his jacket back to him but, couldn’t find him anywhere. Not wanting to leave it in my locker and have anything happen to it I decided that I had to take it home with me. Climbing into Gavin’s truck I could feel the tension between us and knew instantly that he seen us together. I wanted to talk to him and tell him not to worry that I could and would never love anyone else but him. I wanted to scream it at him at the top of my lungs that he had nothing to worry about that no one could ever replace him in my heart. But, instead we both sat silent most of the way home. Which wasn’t any different than any other day. Finally, not being able to stand it anymore. “Gavin why don’t we talk anymore?”

“We talk.” He said annoyed eying Clays jacket she had folded neatly in her lap.

“No, I mean talk.”

“You seemed to be talking to someone else today just fine.”

“Gavin. It wasn’t what it looked like.” I said in a pleading voice.

“Why should I care what it looked like. It’s none of my business.” Which he said a lot snottier than he meant it to but, dared not look at her he couldn’t chance seeing the possible hurt in her eyes. He hated hurting her, but he was pissed and that was all he could think about right now.

I decided to leave it at that and stared out the window instead at the snow topped trees. Hurting inside, wishing it was Gavin that would come up to me and tell me he loved me instead of Clay. It was just as well though it could never be. My head was telling me that but, my heart was telling me something quite different.

The turmoil he was feeling inside was really starting to aggravate him. I have been staying away from her as much as possible. I haven’t been talking to her that much, and I still love her just as much today as I did when I first laid eyes on her. What the hell is wrong with me? I know I shouldn’t be mad at her but I am. I don’t like feeling this way and she did this to me. Looking over at her slumped down in the seat looking out the window her cheeks were red from the cold, her hair was tousled and she looked so sad but so beautiful at the same time. He ached to reach over and pull her next to him but his pride got in the way. Plus why force someone that doesn’t feel the same way? It only tortures me even more. Giving in a bit, “I’m sorry Madison. I didn’t mean that to sound so harsh.” His eyes glued forward onto the road. That was the best he could manage.

“It’s fine. Whatever.” I said just as coolly. Pulling into the driveway I couldn’t wait to get outside and away from the tension you could cut with a knife in that truck. As usual I ran upstairs to do my home work.

I could hear Gavin in his room getting changed to go outside and do chores. Whatever homework he has he usually waits until the last minute to do. I think his grades are suffering a bit over it. There’s no excuse for it either, he is such an intelligent guy but he does have a lot to do. More than anyone our age does and you never hear him complain. I have been watching him a lot lately and when he is aggravated or confused in class his eyes get dark and then one of his eyebrows will go up in concentration. Then he’ll tap his foot lightly on the floor. When he gets really aggravated he’ll run his hand through his hair in disgust and I just want to go over and give him a big hug and kiss. He doesn’t see me looking at him but I can’t help myself I miss him so much that it hurts everyday. Everyone I love is gone and now I feel him slipping through my fingers to and its so upsetting. Whoever thought of “if you love someone set them free” never had to actually do it thinking in disgust. Oh it’s just as well. I’m like a disease that only causes hurt and pain.

Gavin came in briefly for supper and went back outside with Uncle William to finish chores. He looks so tired lately. He’s the hardest working high school student I have ever met. Cleaning up I retreated back upstairs, something I do often to get away from Uncle William. We pretty much stay out of each others paths and it works out a lot better that way. Tonight I was getting antsy though, hearing Uncle William come in I went to my window to look out and seen Gavin still hard at work. Wondering if I should go out and help him. Finally, convincing myself I put on an old pair of jeans and pulled on my snow boots and jacket making my way down the stairs. I didn’t realize just how slick it was until my boot hit the first step. Finally making it to the barn in one piece I spotted him in the corner sitting on a bail of straw. Staring off into space his bucket was swinging back and fourth in his hands. He looked so exhausted and had dirt from head to toe, his overalls catching most of it. Dirt was smeared across his cheek as if to wipe off sweat on this cold night. I got half way to him before he seen me and snapped out of it.

Looking up surprised “Hey you do know your way out of the house.” Saying sarcastically.

“Ha ha very funny. I thought maybe you could use some help.”

“I’m fine.” He said getting up.

“You don’t look fine.” I said to his back as he walked to a stall to put feed in the container.

“Well, I am.”

Walking over to him I ripped the bucket out of his hand. “Hey what the hell do you think your doing?” He snapped.

“Your obviously exhausted. Look at you. You can hardly stand.”

“It doesn’t matter. It needs to get done.” Reaching for the bucket, but I was to fast for him. That was a really good indication of just how exhausted he really was.

“I’ll finish feeding the animals.”

Laughing “You don’t know what your doing.”

“Please, it’s not brain surgery. Besides, I’ve watched you do it a million times. Just sit your butt back over there and you can watch me to make sure I’m doing it right.”

“Maddie I can do it myself really.”

“Sit.” I said pointing, stomping my foot onto the ground.

“Alright. God I don’t think I’ve seen you this worked up in months.”

“Well, I’m in no mood to argue.” I said as I resumed his work.

Sitting back down I really was tired. I really didn’t think it was that obvious. Evidently it was. Watching her bending over and reaching over the stalls was a special treat. He thought hopelessly. It was nice of her to come out and help. You didn’t see the rest of my family going out of their way to help me. But, Maddie is out here. Even when we are not on the best of terms, she is out here helping me. Damn it! It just makes me love her even more. Leaning back against the cool rough straw. I’ll just close my eyes for a second and he sunk into oblivion.

Looking over at him after I was finished he was dead asleep. How anyone could sleep in these temperatures is beyond me. Even in this somewhat heated barn it was still really chilly. I just dreaded waking him up he looked so peaceful. Walking over to him I sat down next to him and stared into his gorgeous face. Even with all the dirt on his face he was still absolute perfection. He had the most handsome chiseled features and looked all man with his eyes being my favorite. You can tell exactly how he is feeling at anytime just by looking into those gorgeous eyes. Lips that I want to be on mine all the time. If only he could be mine I thought sadly. Lifting my hand to his face I wiped the dirt lightly from his cheek causing only a slight stir from him. “I love you Gavin.” I whispered giving him a light kiss on the cheek. Leaning back I touched his face lightly, “Gavin, wake up sweetie.” Stirring he opened his eyes to the most beautiful sight he’s woken up to in months. Dropping my hand quickly I looked into his sleepy eyes. “You fell asleep. I’m all done.”

“Ah, Maddie I’m sorry. I was going to get back up and help you.” He said forcing himself up into a sitting position rubbing the tension out of his forehead.

“It’s fine. I survived alright.” Looking down fidgeting with my jacket trying to get it zipped back up but mostly out of nervousness rather than the cold. Leaning forward he grabbed my hands to release them from the zipper and took it and zipped it up himself.

“There you go as good as new.” Saying with a sleepy grin on his face.

Looking back up, “Thank you. I guess my fingers are a little cold.”

“It happens. Well I guess we should get inside. I’m so glad tomorrow is Friday.” Brushing himself off as he stood. “Got any plans?” Trying to sound like he was only making conversation when really he wanted to know if she was going out with Clay.

“No.” Standing up he towered over me and he reached down to pull me up to my feet.

“That’s to bad. Why don’t you ever do anything with Andrea anymore?”

“I don’t feel like it.” Saying to quickly.

“Oh. I notice you don’t really talk to anyone much anymore, including me.”

“Well, you haven’t been exactly to chatty to me yourself.” Now annoyed. Changing the subject, “Well, lets get inside.”

Shutting off the lights and closing the barn door I walked slowly for him to catch up easy and obviously not to fall. When suddenly my boot hit a sheet of ice and I felt my foot slipping and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. The next thing I remembered was my head hitting the ground hard, so hard that I felt my whole body jar and the world going black.

Turning around from the barn to catch up he seen her slip but he was to far away to even try to help her. Starting to run he saw how hard her head cracked on the ground and his heart leapt into his throat. Running as fast as he could he dropped down to the ground and put her head in his lap. “Madison, babe are you alright?” She didn’t stir a bit. “Madison, wake up.” Starting to panic he started gently shaking her when he felt something wet on the palm of his hand hoping to God it was snow he pulled his hand out and it was red. “Oh God Madison. Please wake up.” Lifting her up into his arms he ran into the house shouting for his mom.

Running into the living room, “What is going on in here? Oh God. What happened to Madison?” Saying in a panic.

“She slipped and fell on a patch of ice and cracked her head. She’s bleeding mom. What do we do?” In a horrible panic.

“Calm down. She might have just knocked herself unconscious it could just be a scratch.”

Rolling her over on to her side to look at the back of her head she realized it was a pretty good gash and that she could have a concussion. “Gavin, hurry up and get her in the truck and take her to the hospital. You can get there a lot faster than they can get here. I’m going to go up and wake up William and get the neighbors to come over to watch the girls. We’ll be right behind you sweetie.”

“Okay mom.” Still panicking.

“Honey everything will be alright. Just get her there as fast and as safely as possible.”

Scooping her up into his arms he ran to his truck as fast as he could and laid her gently down on the seat. The whole way to the hospital he prayed with God. He bargained with him. He promised everything he had, just as long as she would be alright. Talking to her the whole time even though he knew she couldn’t hear him. There was so much blood, he thought in complete panic taking off his sweatshirt and putting it under her head as gently as possible. Pulling up to the hospital he got her out of the truck and ran her in. As soon as he got her in someone was taking her out of his arms and away from him. He had never been so scared in his life.

Sitting down in the waiting room the nurse came in and asked him what happened and he answered in a daze. All he could do was sit and wait and it was torture. Leaning over with his head in his hands he let his mind wonder. I should have never let her help me. He thought sadly. I should of sent her straight back into the house. No I should have walked her into the house. If I had been beside her I could of caught her. And these thoughts went on and on in his head for the next hour until finally he was shaken out of it by his parents walking in. His mom ran over and hugged him while his dad went to the desk meaning all business.

“Is she alright Gavin?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything. There was so much blood mom.” He said in anguish for the first time in his life since he was a kid, wanting to cry.

“It’ll be alright sweetie.” Pulling him back in for a hug.

“No it’s not. You don’t understand. We were not getting along and we were fighting. She doesn’t know how much I lov…. I mean care for her.”

Smiling she knew what he meant to say. “I’m sure she knows how much you care for her sweetie. It’s written all over you face, even when you don’t mean it to be.”