Starfish Sisters (16 page)

I reached under my bed for my cardigan and
thongs. I held my stomach muscles tight and stood
straight up, without even letting a creak escape from
the bed. That was a trick I'd learnt at a school camp
when we'd snuck out to visit the boys' dorm. Little did
I know that manouevre would come in handy.

Twelve steps from my bed to the door. I counted
each one as my toe left the floor. At the doorway, I took
one last look at the three lumps in their beds. I was
sure, I was positive, they hadn't heard a thing. Carefully,
I closed the door, tiptoed across the path until I
felt the grass under my feet – then I ran.

The silhouette of Jules was perched up on a rock that
marked the furthest point south of the beach. Seeing
him made my body feel heavy, but a good heavy, like I
was suddenly weighed down with the excitement of
finally being with him.

As I walked across the sand I thought,
No one
could've told me that surf camp was going to be this good
. It
made me want to laugh out loud and spin around in
circles. I didn't, though. Who knows what Jules
would've thought!

As soon as he saw me he jumped up and started
waving.

'I was thinking this might've been a dumb idea,' he
called, climbing down to meet me. 'I was half expecting
you not to show.'

I grinned back. Hearing his sexy Canadian accent
made me want to grab him and start kissing him.

'Oh, I see what you mean about your head,' he said,
shining the torch on my forehead to get a better look. 'It
was worth winning the game, though?'

'Totally!'

'Do you have games every night?'

'No,' I answered. 'Usually we're so stuffed from
surfing and training that we just watch a DVD then
crash.'

'So, you still haven't played truth or dare with
Micki?'

'No,' I said, smirking, 'but I'm going to make sure we
do before camp ends on Friday.'

Jules took my hand and pulled me down on the
sand next to him. We sat in silence watching a golden
half-moon shine on the horizon.

'It's perfect, hey?' he whispered. 'It looks better though
when I'm looking at it with you.' His hand squeezed
mine. 'It's almost like you could swim out and touch it.'

'Do you want to?' I giggled.

'What, and get eaten by a shark?'

For a bit we didn't talk. But it wasn't like one of
those uncomfortable silences. There was just nothing
uncomfortable about us.

'I'm glad you escaped,' Jules said, his perfect lips
breaking into a smile. 'I thought maybe you'd chicken
out. Which would've been cool.'

'Actually, it was pretty easy,' I told him. 'We had such
a crap day. The others were asleep by about ten.' I lay
down, hoping that'd make him do the same. 'We could
do this every night.'

'But you need your sleep, Ace. This camp's important.'

'Don't you want to meet me?'

'Are you kidding?' Finally Jules stretched out on the
sand. His hands reached over and touched my face, so
gently it felt like a feather gliding over my skin. 'Do you
know how long today was?'

'Yes!' I took his hand and wrapped it around mine.
'All I could think about all day was meeting you.'

'Me too,' he sighed. 'But like I said, Ace, this camp's
important and I'm worried about distracting you.'

'Don't,' I soothed. 'I'll be fine. I'm pretty much a
shoo-in and in six months' time I'll be back for the
Junior Team Training Camp. So we can do this all over
again.'

'I don't know if we should. Besides, in six months'
time I'll be in the middle of my baseball training.' He
kissed the lump on my head. 'I don't want to get you
into trouble and stuff it for you.'

For a second, I wondered if he was trying to let me
down gently, tell me he didn't really like me that much.
But then he lifted his body and lay across me and I
knew that wasn't what he was feeling. Jules was just
really, really sweet. He was absolutely nothing –
nothing
– like Tim.

'That's so nice you care. Heaps of guys wouldn't.'

'How could they not care about you?'

I didn't answer. I closed my eyes and let his lips run
across my neck and over my shoulder.

'Is this the shoulder you hurt?' Jules whispered. His
breath smelt sweet but familiar. 'Does it still hurt?'

I went to answer but I couldn't. It just wasn't possible.

*

I could've stayed at the beach till the first glimpse of
daylight. I could've walked away from camp and
boarded a plane to Canada, if that's what Jules wanted.
But he didn't. He wanted me to get some sleep.
Borrrrrring!

So at two am he walked me back to camp and
watched me disappear up the sand towards the
Starfish Bungalow.

My feet were touching the ground – they had to be as I
was walking – but it felt like I was floating just a couple of
centimetres above. It was like I wasn't really here at the
camp – not all of me, that was, just the part that surfed
and competed. The other part had gone with Jules.

I watched my hands reach over to the door handle
as though they belonged to someone else. Quietly, I
stepped inside, carefully pulling the door closed.

Perhaps I stood there a moment, wondering why
the room looked different. A lamp was on and three
lumps weren't in their beds anymore. Two lumps were
sitting on the floor.

Georgie was getting up and walking towards me.
Her arms were reached out and on the palms of her
hands was blood.

'Ace! Thank God you're here.' She grabbed my
shoulders and began to shake them. 'It's Kia.'

Finally I found my voice. It was soft but I could hear
it sounded frightened. 'What's happened? Georgie?
What's happened to Kia?'

But Georgie wrapped her arms around me and
began to cry.

'Would someone please tell me what's going on?' I
said, trying to fight the urge to push Georgie away.
What was happening? Why wouldn't someone talk to
me? 'Micki?'

'Kia cut herself,' Micki answered for them.

Micki, who couldn't stand the sight of blood, was
sitting with Kia, holding towels, a T-shirt, sandshoes
and books all piled up on Kia's thigh.

'She's cut herself?' I echoed. I could feel my frown
pushing down on my forehead. 'How did she cut –'
Just like that I stopped. My lips opened then closed and
my hand cupped itself over my mouth. Suddenly I
understood.

Kia's skin was white and tiny beads of sweat shone
on her forehead. I went over to her and ran my hand
across her hair and down her neck. All of her felt damp
– damp and cold. She scared me, sitting there so quiet
and pale.

'Let me have a look, Kia,' I said, leaning over her. 'I
know my first aid. I've had that many surfing injuries.'

Micki shook her head.

'No?'

Micki mouthed the words to me, 'It's bad.'

I sat back on my heels and swallowed.

'Georgie?' You could hardly hear Kia. Her breath
smelt strange, like wet grass in the morning, only
stronger. 'Georgie, can I have some water? I'm so
thirsty.'

I followed Georgie to the bathroom.

'What happened?'

'Micki found her.' Georgie's bottom lip dragged and
trembled as she tried to form the words. 'The next
thing I knew she was squealing. I ran into the bathroom.
Micki was grabbing a towel. It was the most
horrible thing I've ever seen. There was all this blood
gushing out of the top of Kia's thigh.' Georgie ran her
hand across the very top of her leg. 'She cut herself
right up here.'

'She could've cut an artery!'

'That's exactly what Micki said,' she replied. 'I'm so
stupid. I couldn't think straight. Micki was so calm. So
amazing. She just told me what to do.'

We stood staring at each other in the mirror. Tears
were streaming down our faces.

'The worst thing is, Ace' – Georgie's fingers
wrapped themselves around her throat – 'she's done it
before. Heaps of times. Her thighs,' she choked. 'All
over them – all over, cuts and scars everywhere. I can't
believe I've never seen them before. But they're always
covered.'

Silence.

Georgie's eyes peered up and into our reflection.
'God,' she uttered. 'That's why she wears a wetsuit.'

'That's why she wears a wetsuit,' I whispered back.

The three of us sat with Kia. For a while Kia slept
against me and Ace's hand held the towels against her
leg while Micki's head rested in Ace's lap. When that
got uncomfortable we gently sat Kia up and Micki took
my place, I held the towels and Ace curled up on the
floor next to me.

I refused to have a turn of sleeping. I needed to keep
awake so I could watch Kia and her breath rise and fall
with every second.

Kia had cut herself. Cut herself? But I couldn't say it.
Say the secret we had just uncovered. It was like if I
heard myself say the words, then it was true. How could
it be true when Kia was my best friend? She wasn't some
emo.

I knew everything about her.

I knew that she didn't like milk; that she was terrified
of snakes; that pork gave her bad dreams; that she
wanted to be buried not cremated; that she'd secretly
had a crush on Shannon Noll; and that when she was
seven she accidentally trod on her goldfish when it
jumped out of its tank.

I knew everything there was to know about her. But
I didn't know this.

What sort of a friend, what sort of a best friend, had
I really been?

Gradually, shafts of light peered into our room like they
were stickybeaking at the mess we were in. Because
that was the thing, we were in a mess. At some point
soon we were going to have to scrape ourselves off the
floor and face the day and everyone in it. It was
Sunday, the last weekend we'd spend here. 'Ace?' I
whispered. 'What are we going to do? I'm scared we
should've got someone to help us.'

'I don't know,' she replied. 'It's stopped bleeding, at
least.'

'But maybe we should tell someone, like Carla?'

'Please don't tell.' This time it was Kia's voice, croaky
but strong. 'Please.'

'Kia?' I answered. 'This is serious. If you cut a bit
higher you could've . . . died.'

'You can't tell. You have to promise.'

'It's okay, Kia,' soothed Micki. 'Georgie's just
worried about you.'

'Please?' Kia said again. 'Please don't tell. I won't do
it again. I promise.'

I looked to Micki. She'd been quiet through it all.
Calmly she'd just gone ahead and done what was
needed like she'd been in this situation a thousand
times before.

Ace sat up. 'We'll talk about it tonight. We'll work
out what to do tonight.'

'Please don't tell,' Kia bleated. 'Please.'

*

So the plan we made was just to get through the day.
The cut on Kia's thigh was deep but thankfully not
wide. Kia opened a toiletry bag, one I had never seen
before, that hid scissors, antiseptic cream, cotton balls,
bandaids, bandages and little strips that held the skin
together like a stitch.

In amazement, I watched her fingers cut and trim
and stick and fix a dressing over her wound. And all
the while I whispered to myself: 'She has done this a
million times before.'

The brick was back in my stomach, heavier than it
had ever been. Was I responsible for this? Was it my
fault? Had I missed the signs? And most of all, had
my victories, victories that'd come so easily to me, like
that time in April – had they made her feel like a failure?

As Ace and I made our way to Carla's office, my
stomach churned like a milkshake machine. It was only
7.30 and already the sun was pounding down and the
singing cicadas were loud and off key.

'This bang on my head is caning,' Ace complained.

'Yeah, I've got a bit of a headache too,' I said, 'but I
think mine's from lack of sleep.'

Ace opened the glass doors of the admin building.

'Just say she's not in here?'

'She will be,' Ace replied. 'Carla always spends the
morning putting stuff on the computer. Once she told
me that she gets too tired to do the paperwork at night.'

'Do you think she'll believe us?'

'Of course she will,' replied Ace. 'Why wouldn't
she?'

'I don't know.'

'Let me do the talking. Okay?'

'But I'm scared we're doing the wrong thing, not
telling anyone.' My voice got higher with each word.
Panic, that's what it was. 'Just say Kia does it again and
this time really, really hurts herself?'

'The four of us need to have a big talk tonight.'

'But Kia's not going to change her mind about
telling anyone,' I whispered. 'You heard her say her
oldies wouldn't be able to handle it. And they
wouldn't. They'd totally freak, especially her dad.'

Ace stopped just before we turned the corner into
Carla's office. 'So we have to make a pact. The four of
us. That's the only way we're going to get through this
and protect Kia.' She added, 'And ourselves.'

'I'm scared,' I said, and swallowed.

'Keep it together, Georgie, for Kia.'

I took a deep breath and wiped my hands across
my shorts.

We entered the office I'd sat in just the other day with
the sports psychologist, where I'd thought I was unloading
all my dread and fear. Now it was the office where
Ace and I were about to tell the biggest lie of our lives.
Well, maybe not the biggest lie but certainly the one that
potentially had the most serious consequences.

The ceiling felt lower and Carla looked bigger. For a
second I was certain she already knew.

'Ace? Georgie?' Carla stood up. 'Come in and take a
seat.'

'I'll stand,' I said.

Ace sat.

'I was thinking about you Starfish, as my next job
was to look at Wednesday's schedule to see if that
would be a good day for the parade,' began Carla.

The fashion parade? My heart slid to the bottom of
my feet.

'I was talking to Jake about it yesterday. Obviously
Friday's out with the selections and all. And –' Carla
looked up at us and smiled. 'The Thursday is usually
stress city around here, as it's the day before the selections.
Georgie, are you feeling okay? You're looking a
little pale.'

I leant against the wall and shrugged. 'Fine.'

'Carla,' Ace's hands folded onto the desk. 'We just
came to tell you Kia's sick.'

'Oh?' Carla frowned. 'What's wrong with her?'

'She vomited all night,' Ace continued. 'Probably
about ten times, don't you reckon, Georgie?'

My head nodded.

'The poor thing,' Carla said. 'Where is she now?'

'She's in the bungalow,' Ace replied. 'Sleeping.'

'I suppose you're all tired,' Carla commented. 'Did
any of you get any sleep?'

'Not really.' It was like every word that came out of
Ace's mouth had a double meaning. 'Anyway, we'd like
to take goes of looking after her today, in the bungalow,
if that's okay? Just until she feels better.'

'There's no need to do that,' Carla told us. 'Kia can
spend the day in the sick room. Actually, it's better that
way as gastric bugs are pretty contagious.'

'Oh, it wasn't gastric.' Ace was quick. 'She thinks it
was the, the eggs in the potato salad we had last night.
Kia said she often spews when she's eaten eggs.'

'But she's still fine to go to the sick room,' continued
Carla. 'I don't want you girls missing out on your
training. The clock's ticking, Ace.'

'Please,' I blurted before I had a chance to stop
myself, 'please, Kia kind of needs us to be with her.'

Carla sized us both up. 'Has this got something to do
with the tears yesterday afternoon? I know Kia can take
things to heart. Jake was worried she'd taken it the
wrong way and thought he was picking on her.'

'Well, he was!' Ace huffed. 'Jake was fully hard on her.'

'Sometimes that's the way coaches have to be, Ace,'
Carla answered. 'You know, cruel to be kind. He felt
that he had explained that to her.'

'So, can we look after Kia?' I asked again. The other
conversation was taking us into dangerous territory.
'We'll rotate and if you don't count meals we'll only
miss one or two sessions each. Please?'

'I suppose that's all right – for now,' Carla told us.
'I'll go up and see her.'

'Thanks,' Ace and I said together.

As soon as we were out the door and out of earshot I
spat, 'The fashion parade! What are we going to do
about that?'

'I know,' Ace sighed. 'It wasn't the right time to
discuss it.'

'I don't think Carla will care if we cancel it. We'll just
say that –'

'Cancel it?' Ace sounded surprised. But as if the
fashion parade could go ahead now. 'Why would we
cancel it?'

I stopped. 'Kia.'

'Well, well, Kia – won't be in it, I guess,' Ace said.
'But there's me and I was going to ask Natasha and –'

'Kia started the bikinis. It's her thing, much more
than mine. She designs them,' I explained. 'I sew them
'cause my mum's got the sewing machine.'

'What about the Bikina website you're designing?'

Why were we even talking about this? It was like
talking about a party at someone's funeral.

'Let's talk about it later,' Ace sighed. 'I'm not sure I
can deal with any more.'

'Me neither,' I muttered.

We walked back to the bungalow in silence.

Breakfast was followed by a light weight class. Ace sat it
out and spent the time with Kia. The next session was
training in our surf groups, which took us through till
lunchtime.

As soon as Ace appeared, Jake herded us into the rec
room. There wasn't even time to ask how Kia was
doing.

'I'm going to split this session into three timeslots,'
he told us. 'That way each of you will get forty-five
minutes of one-on-one training with me.'

'Great,' Ace mumbled.

I'm sure Jake heard but ignored it.

'Ace, I want you to do thirty minutes of high-intensity
work in the gym,' he said.

'What!' Ace cried. 'Do you know how much sleep
I've had?'

'That's why you need to push yourself this
morning. Find those reserves,' he said. 'The bike or
the treadmill. Your pick.' He checked his watch. 'Be
ready at the beach by ten-thirty and don't be a second
late.'

'Yes, sir.' Ace tossed her hair across her shoulder
and flounced out. A week ago I probably would've had
a giggle.

'Micki, you can spend this session with your patient,
Kia,' he said.

'Yep.' Micki looked tired and since last night she'd
been super-quiet. 'Then do you want me in the gym?'

'Exactly. Then the beach at midday,' Jake instructed.
'Now, tell Kia to hurry up and get better. I need her
back on deck.'

Jake squeezed my arm. 'Okay, you're on first,
Georgie girl. Let's go.'

Jake and I paddled out. It was clean and hollow, three
foot at the most. But this was what I needed: the water,
to wash away the yuckiness all over me. What with Ace
sneaking out and Kia's secret, there was enough to go
around. I could feel it pasted on my skin.

'I was thinking about taking you and Megan over to
Merrimen's Point,' Jake said. 'There's a lethal forehand
there. It's super-sucky in powerful right-handers. But if
you pick the right ones, you natural footers will carve it
up. No worries.'

'Yeah!' I whooped. 'How big does it get?'

'Five, maybe six foot when it's cranking.'

'Unreeeeal.' A new challenge was what I needed.
Something to really focus on. Something to help me
forget all the stuff that'd sprung out of nowhere. But
always the nice girl, I found myself saying, 'What about
Micki and Ace? They're naturals too.'

'I don't think Micki's quite ready for it. She almost is
but I don't want her confidence being rocked this late
in. Knowing her, she'd want to get in there and rip it
up. She's got good attitude, that girl.'

'And Ace?'

'Ace hasn't' – he paused and chewed his lip – 'hasn't
earnt it.'

That was the end of the conversation.

'Do you think I was too hard on Kia yesterday?'

'A bit,' I admitted.

'I just want to push her that little bit more,' Jake
explained. 'She's so close. If only she knew that.'

'Close to what?'

'Finding her true potential. Her confidence. Once
Kia's got that there'll be no stopping her. She's already
overdosed on focus and good attitude,' he said. 'I wish
she could see that.'

'Why don't you tell her?'

'I started to yesterday but I didn't get through. It's
like she didn't believe me. Has Kia always been like
that? So . . . unsure of herself?'

I shrugged. How could I tell Jake that I had thought
I knew her, when in fact she was a stranger.

'You Starfish Sisters have all got what it takes and I
really –' Jake stopped and began to cup the water onto
his board then smooth it out like he was making a
pattern only he could see. 'I shouldn't say this,' he
mumbled. 'But I'm going to.'

'What?'

'Ace has got to start getting in the game. Maybe you
can talk some sense into her. Is it because she's away
from her boyfriend? Is that the problem? Because she's
not cutting it and it's a big waste of our time and her
talent.'

'Oh?'

Maybe it wasn't a fair thing to think but I felt like I'd
found myself in somebody else's mess and whether it
was Kia's or Ace's, I didn't want to be there.

Concentrating on my surfing was where I wanted to
be. The fire was burning inside me, stronger than ever
before. I wanted to be selected for the Junior Team
Training Camp. I wanted it badly.