Starfish Sisters (19 page)

Jake was in the middle of explaining to Micki and me
how we had to use our shoulders better, when Georgie
and Ace arrived at the beach. Ace looked like she'd
been crying but that didn't matter to Jake.

'Ace.' It was the way he whispered her name that
made me nervous. 'You have turned up late to nearly
every training session we've had. I find it disrespectful,
rude and arrogant.'

'I'm sorry,' she whispered back.

'I just don't get it, Ace,' he continued, a bit louder
now. 'You bite my head off because I don't include you
on a trip to Merrimen's. Yet you still come late to my
sessions. Like I said, Ace, I don't get it.'

Tears were sliding down her face.

'Three of you, get in the water,' Jake told us. 'Go on,
scram.'

We understood the instruction 'scram'. I stumbled
around trying to zip up my wetsuit and pick up my
board at the same time. Micki tripped over my leg-rope
and Georgie had to untangle us. The only reason we
weren't giggling was because Jake looked so mad and
Ace looked so sad.

I wasn't happy about it, but for once Jake was
getting stuck into someone else besides me. It was time
one of the others had a turn on his bad side.

The rip was strong and within minutes Micki, Georgie
and I were safely out in the ocean.

None of us dared sit up on our boards. That would
be a definite giveaway that we were having a gossip
about what was going down between Jake and Ace.

'I've never seen Jake that mad,' Micki said.

'He's never even been that mad with me,' I
commented.

'Kia?' Georgie frowned. 'When's Jake ever been mad
with you?'

'Hello?' I muttered. 'A couple of days ago!'

'Is Ace okay?' Micki asked Georgie.

'She feels like everything's getting on top of her,'
Georgie said.

'Is she still mad with us?' I asked.

'No,' Georgie answered. 'I think she's mad with
herself.'

'Oh, Georgie!' I suddenly remembered. 'What did
Carla want to see you about?'

'Nothing much,' she answered.

'Tell me what it was.' With Georgie, 'nothing much'
meant 'something' all right.

'Really, it was nothing.' Georgie started paddling for
some crappy wave she'd never usually bother with.
She was avoiding answering me and I wanted to know
why!

Micki found the choice set wave and was off. I
waited for Georgie, who was paddling back.

'You promised you'd tell me what Carla said.'

'I know,' she replied.

'So, stop saying it was nothing.'

'Kia?' Georgie leant over and held on to my board so
our faces were close. 'Calm down. The reason I made out
it was nothing was because Micki was there. All right?'

'Okay!' I bit back. 'You don't have to use that voice.'

'I just don't feel like this,' sighed Georgie.

'Feel like what?'

'Nothing, nothing.'

'No, tell me,' I pressed. There was definitely something
Georgie wasn't telling and I wasn't going to let
her get away with it. If I was Ace she'd be shouting it
out by now.

'Carla thought we were having the fashion parade
tonight. That's why she wanted to see me. That's why I
couldn't tell you in front of Micki. Now do you get it?'

Neither of us spoke. I was the one to thank for that.
Part of me felt bad: Micki's board was looking more
dinged-up by the day. Jake and she had spent hours
setting and reinforcing the weak spots.

But I was relieved as well. Even though I hadn't
exactly been giving it much thought, just the word
'bikini' made me want to crawl into a hole and hide.

Still I needed to know this detail. 'Is Ace pissed off
the parade's not going ahead?'

'No,' answered Georgie. 'She was a bit at first. Then
I explained how you were the brains and talent behind
the bikinis and how it wasn't fair if you didn't model
them too. She was totally cool then.'

'Did you really say that?' I smiled. 'That I'm the
brains and talent behind the bikinis?'

'Yes, Kia.'

'I do design them all, don't I?'

'Yes, Kia.'

'Are you stressed, Georgie?'

For a minute I thought Georgie was going to get
mad with me but she smiled and flicked some water
into my face.

'What?' I laughed.

'Nothing,' she replied. 'Except that you're a pain in
the bum sometimes.'

Shyan got out the treasure box that contained twelve
white envelopes we hadn't seen in almost twenty-one
days.

Seeing the scribble I'd made on the front of mine,
'Kia' with a smiley face next to it, felt strange. It was like
Shyan was handing me something that didn't contain
'me' anymore. That Kia, who wrote the three things she
wanted to achieve while she was at camp, wasn't the
same Kia who now held the envelope.

So who was I now?

I was a heaps better surfer – definitely more confident
in that way. I was perhaps a bit better at taking
constructive criticism. I'd learnt to eat fish while
blocking my nose. Plus I now had a real photo of Tim
Parker in my wallet.

There was something else too, but I couldn't quite
name it.

'Traditionally we open these envelopes on the last
night,' Shyan told us, 'but last time it didn't go down
that well. So we've decided tonight, our second-last
night, is the night to reveal how many of your goals
you reached.'

The room erupted with groans.

'If you want to,' she added. 'No one is under any
pressure to say anything. If you want to share one goal,
that's fine. If no one opens their mouth, that's fine too.
I'll just turn on the DVD and leave you to it. This is a
completely personal thing.'

I tore open the envelope. Across the folded paper
were ridges of blue ink where I'd pressed the pen too
hard. It was a habit of mine. In an average week, I'd
easily grind down a couple of pen tips.

My goals weren't earth-shattering. They weren't even
particularly interesting. I'd put down what was expected.
I remembered thinking at the time that the whole
exercise was stupid and pointless. We were a room of
twelve girls writing the same thing, twelve times.

After nineteen days, I read my list again.

1. Make the Junior Team Training Camp.

2. Make the Australian team.

I'd crossed that out 'cause we were only meant to
include goals we could achieve at this camp.

I'd replaced it with:

2. Get fit.

Which was originally going to be my third goal.

I'd racked my brains for what I could put down for
number three. Eventually I'd decided on no junk food.

3. No junk food.

'Does anyone want to share all or one of their goals?'
Shyan asked us. 'Maybe say how you think you went
with them.'

Silence.

'Anyone?'

I put up my hand.

'Thanks, Kia.'

'Um?' Suddenly I felt shy and like a complete idiot.
There were eleven pairs of eyes watching me, plus
Shyan, Jake, Taylor and Carla! 'I don't know if I've
achieved them all – yet. I'll tell you on Friday.'

The giggles and nods around the room told me that
my first goal was the same as everyone else's. I relaxed
a bit.

'So, one,' I began, 'is "Make the Australian Junior
Team Training Camp". Duh! That was obvious. The
second is "Get fit". I've definitely achieved that. And
the third one is "No junk food", which, thanks to Brian,
really wasn't that hard.'

I turned to Shyan. She smiled and said, 'Thanks, Kia.
Simple but achievable. Like I said all those days ago,
your goals could be as big or small as you like.'

Next, Micki's hand crept up.

'Go on, Micki,' Shyan said, and nodded.

'Number one,' she read from her piece of paper. I'm
sure her fingers were trembling. '"To get physically
stronger so I can handle the bigger waves". Number
two, "Master pulling in on my backhand".'

'You've achieved that, Starfish Sister.' Jake clapped
and whistled.

'And number three is the same as Kia's number one,
making the training camp.'

'Anything else you want to say?'

Micki shook her head and sat down. The room went
quiet. For ages.

How pathetic, I thought. How embarrassing for
Shyan. What was the big deal about reading out some
dumb goals? Like as if someone had put 'Stop
murdering.'

'No one else wants to read theirs out?' Shyan asked us.

Plenty of girls shuffled uncomfortably in their chairs
but there were no volunteers.

'How awkward was tonight?' I said back up at the
bungalow. 'I can't believe out of everyone, Micki and I
were the only ones to read ours out. We must be the
brave ones, hey Micki?'

'No offence, Kia,' Georgie said, 'but I don't think I'd
call yours and Micki's goals "brave".'

'I didn't say our goals were brave,' I corrected. 'I said
we
were brave.'

'Yeah, but that's the whole point.' Georgie had her
nagging voice on. 'If you'd been brave about your goals
in the first place, then maybe you wouldn't feel
comfortable reading them out.'

'I don't get it,' I said. Georgie had a habit of making
life complicated. 'What's a "braaave" goal?'

'Something that scares you or challenges you,' she
explained. 'Something that you'd find really – like
really – difficult to do. It's a pretty personal thing.'

I looked over at Micki to see if she understood but
she was lying on her bed picking her toenails.

'So what did you write?' I asked Georgie.

'I'm not telling you!'

'That sucks.'

'I'd probably put something different down now,'
Micki piped up.

'Would you?' I said.

Micki started to giggle. At first it was a chuckle every
now and then, until it grew to a roaring laugh that had
her stuffing a pillow over her face. Even Ace came out
of the bathroom to see what was going on.

Soon the three of us were gathered around Micki's
bed.

'Micki?' Georgie prodded her. 'What's so funny?'

We heard a mumble through the pillow. 'It's stupid.'

'Tell us.' I was starting to giggle too.

'Okay.' Micki still spoke with the pillow over her
face. 'It's really not that funny.'

'Tell us!' we shouted.

'Actually, it's not funny at all. It's embarrassing.'

'Micki,' Ace groaned. 'This year'd be good.'

'One of the goals I was going to put down but didn't
'cause I was too scared to was' – Micki sucked in air,
then in one breath said – 'that I wanted to be Kia's
friend.'

'Oh,' Ace said. 'That's so cute.'

Micki's red face peered out at me. I smiled and she
smiled back.

Suddenly, the thing that was different about me, the
thing I couldn't name, jumped out from behind Micki's
pillow and hit me in the face.

It was Micki, Georgie and Ace. That's what made me
different to how I was when I arrived. For the first time,
three people actually knew who I was. The real Kia.
Not just the Kia you saw on the surface. And the best
bit about it was that they still wanted to be my friend.

'On Saturday morning,' Georgie mumbled through a
yawn, 'I am going to sleep in until ten, no, eleven am.'

'Are you going on Friday?' I'd wondered when
everyone'd be packing up and going home. But I
dreaded knowing, so I hadn't asked.

'You know the other way to say that,' Kia told me,
'is, are you going tomorrow? Tomorrow! I can't believe
it's nearly over.'

'Yeah,' I agreed, 'I can't believe it either.'

I caught my breath before I sighed loud and long
and hard. Usually, I was so good at being brave. But
this felt weird, like my body was suddenly so heavy
that it was hard to pretend.

'What's the first thing you're going to do when you
get home, Ace?' Kia asked.

'I'm not sure,' she replied, stretching the sheet over
her head. 'Hey, did I tell you guys what happened to
me down at the beach the other night? After I stormed
out of our disastrous little truth or dare game, I had this
total spin-out experience with these three blokes.
Honestly, I thought I was going to die.'

Like she'd just won the lotto, Ace told us in the
chirpiest voice some scary story about bumping into
three men in the middle of the night down at the
beach.

From my bed I could see Georgie smiling. They had
a bond, Georgie and Ace. They were like the parents
and Kia and I were like the kids. I liked it that way.

'I told you that you were an idiot sneaking down
there in the dark,' Georgie scolded. 'It's been curfew
shmurfew with you! I hope you told Jules what
happened.'

'I did,' she replied. 'He flipped out and we agreed
I'm not sneaking out again.' Ace jumped onto Georgie's
bed. 'I'm going to ask him to come and stay the
weekend with us.'

'Will your mum mind?' Kia asked.

'Who cares,' Ace said, bouncing up and down. 'I'll
just tell her that's what's happening. I only thought of
it two minutes ago when you asked what I was going to
do when I got home.'

'I'm going to get Mum to cook her spaghetti bolognese,'
Georgie said. 'She makes the best, doesn't she, Kia?'

'Delicious,' Kia slurped. 'I can't wait to give Charlie a
big squeeze. He is sooo squishy to cuddle.'

'What are you going to do, Micki?' Ace asked, ''cause
your dad will be out of hospital and all?'

Suddenly they were looking at me, smiling, waiting
to hear what I was dying to do when I got home.

'I think . . . I think I'll go to Keyong and have a surf.'

At least I was being honest.

'Let's talk about tomorrow,' Jake said to us, as we sat on
the beach before our final group training session. Grey
clouds were invading the sky, taking over the blue and
dimming the light. 'How are my Starfish feeling?'

'Nervous,' I offered.

'I'm feeling sad,' Georgie sighed. 'Sad that it's almost
over.'

'Has it been a good camp?' he asked us.

We answered with nods and a big 'Yeaaaaah.'

'It's not too bad now,' Jake said, pointing to the surf,
'but by this afternoon it'll pick up. Tomorrow, it's
predicted to be sizey. It's getting into cyclone season.
That low-pressure system will make its way down from
North Queensland.'

'So it should be cranking!' Ace punched the air.
'Awesome. I love the first cyclone swell of the season.'

'It's good timing,' Jake told us. 'I just hope the waves
are not out of reach for you girls. That'd be disappointing
on the last day.'

I must've looked nervous as Jake squeezed my
shoulder and said, 'But they won't be and you're going
to shine out there, Miss Micki.'

But it was more like excitement that was brimming
inside me. Finally, the day I'd been thinking about from
the minute I woke up each morning until the moment
I went to sleep at night, was about to arrive. In a way,
it felt like Christmas Eve except ten times better.

I had been surfing solidly for three weeks. It'd been
big, small, messy, dumping, clean, flat and perfect. If I
wasn't ready now then I never would be.

Georgie's foot was tapping on the sand. 'It's all
good. We'll be fine. Bring it on.'

'And anyway,' Kia rocked back and forth, 'the selections
are already made, aren't they?'

'Kia, you worry about surfing and we'll worry about
the selections,' Jake said. 'Remember, there's a trophy
tomorrow for the highest-scoring team.'

As Jake talked, I stared at the scar on my left leg till
my eyes almost watered.

The other strange feeling about tomorrow was that I
didn't want it to come. I didn't want to wake up
tomorrow morning knowing it was the last time I'd
wake up with my 'sisters'.

'Micki? You're still looking worried.' Jake pulled at
my ponytail. 'Are you thinking tomorrow's conditions
could test one of your goals, to see if you are stronger in
the bigger waves? You know there'll never be a wave
too big for you.'

I knew what Jake meant. We hadn't talked about
Dad or anything like that since that time in the board
shed. But sometimes he'd give me a smile or a squeeze
on the shoulder and that was his way, I guess.

If the surf was big tomorrow I wasn't worried. If
Jake wasn't, then why should I be.

Thursday 25 January, 12.39 am: Day twenty-one

Booooooo Hooooooooooooo . . .

Tonight I'm not writing this in the bathroom. I'm
sitting around the side of the bungalow facing the
ocean. There aren't many stars so I'm under the
outside light and still it's hard to see the water but
I can smell it and mostly I CAN HEAR IT. It sounds
like it's thumping out there on the sandbank. Tomorrow's
gonna be BIG! YIKES!!!!!!

I wanted to sit here coz I'm trying to take it
all in before it disappears. Rosie taught me to
breathe out the bad stuff but here there's soooo
much good stuff that I reckon if I breathe in, fill my
lungs with it, then it might give me some extra
powers to keep going at home.

Sorry, Dad, I feel bad saying it but I don't want
to come home. I want to stay here forever.

Australia Day's tomorrow so heaps of parents are
coming for the last day to watch the contest and
prize-giving. All that stuff. I didn't tell Dad about it.
Not that he would've come coz he's just out of hospital
and Kia's here and I don't think he'd be comfortable. I
don't know if I would, either. Actually, who am I kidding,
I KNOW I wouldn't feel comfortable. And maybe Ace
would recognise him from that time in Coolum. It was
only the other day I remembered Ace was at that
contest. I think I get so good at pretending things
don't happen that I've even fooled myself coz HOW
COULD I FORGET ACE? There were about a hundred
cameras clicking at her. I'd been terrified that one of
the cameras was going to turn around and start filming
my dad.

So Friday night it's only gonna be me, Megan and
Carla here. Then Megan'll fly home to Tassie and I'll
get on the train, unless I decide to hide under one of
the beds. Joke!!! (I think.)

I'm not going to write anything about the selections
coz I might vomit over this page. So, refer to
the next entry and the first thing you will read is,
Micki ————- the Australian Junior Team Training camp.
There'll either be a tick or a cross.

The first thing I am gonna do when I get home is
ask Cathy from next do or if she can show me how to
set up myspace coz Ace is going to forward us all the
photos from her phone. I can't wait. That is gonna be
da bomb!

We signed the other girls' blue booklets tonight and
they signed ours. It was Megan's idea coz she said
tomorrow some of us mightn't be talking to each other.
But I don't reckon it'll be like that.

Megan wrote, 'Yo Micki, for a little thing you know
how to tear it up. Don't let the beasties get you
down. Love ya, Megan "Eaglehawk is the greatest
break" de Raile.'

Jake's comment said, 'Dear Little Miss Micki, It
has been an honour to be your coach and I hope I can
have that honour again and again. Rip 'em up – luv Jake
da Grump xxx'

It was Georgie's idea that we sign each other's
booklets tomorrow morning before we leave the
bungalow. Kia said, in that sad-sack voice she gets,
'Is that coz that's the last time we'll be the
Starfish Sisters?' But Georgie's exact words back
were, 'We'll always be the Starfish Sisters.' I hope
that's true. In a way I hope that as much as I hope
I get selected for the training team. After being
with the girls

'There you are!'

Quickly I closed my book. Too late to hide it as Kia
had already spotted it.

'Do you keep a diary?' she asked.

'Yeah.'

'All the time? Or just for while you're here at camp?'

'All the time,' I replied.

Kia sat down on the sand, wrapped her arms
around her knees and began to gently rock. 'I couldn't
get to sleep. I'm too nervous.'

'Me too,' I said.

'It's dumb in a way 'cause it doesn't really matter
how we surf tomorrow. I bet they decided on the
training team days ago.'

'But Team Starfish have to win the tag trophy,' I
reminded her.

'Yeah, that's true.'

Kia was searching the sky. 'No stars.'

'No stars.'

'Surf 's noisy too,' she added. 'It's going to be big.'

'Real big.'

'Hey, Micki?'

'Yeah?'

'What's wrong with your dad?'

I hadn't seen it coming and she was sitting right next
to me.

'Micki?'

An enormous chunky lump of fear and shame and
dread and panic wedged itself in my throat. I took a
long breath in until I could see my chest rising in front
of me, then I swallowed that lump down until it hit my
toes.

'My dad has a drug habit.'

'Huh?' Kia frowned. 'Like a drug addict?'

'Yeah,' I answered. 'He's a drug addict.'

I sat there, waiting for Kia to shriek or shout or maybe
even slap me across the face for being so disgusting.

She spoke softly: 'Does my dad know?'

'Yes.'

'Is that why your dad goes to hospital?'

'Uh huh.'

'And that's why my dad goes up to your place all the
time.'

'Yep,' I said. 'He's been so good to us. He's the best,
your dad.'

Kia nodded while a slow smile lit up her face.

'Do you miss your mum, Micki?'

'I hardly remember her.'

'That must be weird.'

I shrugged. 'I don't know any different.'

It was no time to tell Kia how wrong she'd got it
with the story about my mum. This was a moment I
never would've believed Kia and I could share. But we
were. It was special and nothing was worth interrupting
it.

After a while, Kia put her arm around my shoulders.
We sat there, staring at nothing, listening to the waves
crashing at our doorstep.