Shattered (4 page)

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So see that is the reason I don’t leave. I know that Tyler would do what he said he would do that day. The kids are older now. my boys talk to me and we meet up while Tyler is at work. My daughter Gen wont have anything to do with me. She thinks I choose Tyler over them. She was so young when she went to stay with my mom. She is 12 now soon to be 13, Man is almost 17 Cal is 15 and Malachi is 14. Mom called me yesterday and asked if I was ready yet. I said no and she hung up on me.

I look up when the door opens. The three men in my life that I love the most are standing in front of me. My boys are here. Malachi is the first one to the bed he comes to my right side while Cal comes to the left Man stays at the foot of the bed. I grab Cal and Mal at the same time and pull them to me.

My babies, I say. I meet eyes with Man, he has his arms crossed his back straight and I can tell his feet are apart. He is standing just like Storm when shit is about to go down.  Letting go of the boys they move back and their hands go to their pockets. I told Storm I didn’t want the boys to come here at least until I could open my eyes and talk. So here they are.

Mom, Mal is the first to speak. I look over at him and smile. My beautiful baby. Mal isn’t as tall as Man. Mal is   and comes in at almost 6”0 not short. All my boys tower over me. He has my dark brown hair and dark blue eyes. He is starting to get some peach fuzz on his chin and he is built. That has to be Storm teaching the boys a way to let off steam. He has tan skin from being outside so much. Mom he calls again trying to get me to tune back in.

Sorry baby, I was just thinking about how much you guys have grown up. You are babies anymore. Your almost men now. I feel the tears burn the back of my eyes I turn to Cal, he is about to be 16. Cal and Man share a birthday month. Same month different days. So they end up being the same age for 12 days. Cal is 6”1 built like the other two with long blond hair and baby blue eyes. He has always kept his hair long and he wears it loose most days but today he has it tyed back with a thin black pony tail holder. He is wearing the same as his brothers, black basketball shorts and wife beaters. I tear runs down my cheek I quickly wipe it away and smile at my boys. Mal trys again but this time he gets to say what he has been waitin to say.

Mom, we came to talk to you. Uncle Storm has told us what is going on with Felix and what Tyler did to you, as well as the fact that he has two other kids by a woman that isn’t you. He did the same thing to her that he is doing to you mom. You have to get out. All three of us have been working. Cal has been helping kids with school work and we have all picked up odd jobs. Me and Man has full time jobs and we have already talked to Grams about it and if you go for what we say she will support us anyway she can.

I stare at him, who is this man child, he sounds so grown. Fuck I have missed so much. Im not saying yes but tell me the idea you boys have for me.

Mal looks at the other two and they nod their head so he looks back at me and begins to tell me his idea.

We have all been saving money since we moved in with Grams. We help with her bills and things but she always tells us to save our money so we have. We have enough money saved to get you a bus or plane ticket or anywhere wth enough money to help you get set up where ever you go. We will come to you as soon as Tyler stops looking. We want you out NOW mom. Just like we did three years ago when he busted the mirror with your face.

For that he gets punched in the arm by Cal who says, dude really. Chill the fuck out. My neck snaps to Cal and I say, you my dear boy had better watch your month. To which he says

No offense ma but we have bigger things to worry about then me cussing.

I look at my boys. Their faces are the same. They were always good at keeping how they feel from their faces but not their eyes. In their eyes I can see the fear they have that I will say no. which I will because I know that Tyler will never stop coming for me I know he will do what he said he would do to my kids. I could just tell them, but they are kids. Im their mom. I have to keep them safe even if that means they hate me. I will keep them safe. I drop my head take a deep breath then raise my head to break their hearts again.

Your father I say but I jump when Man says, you don’t call that sonvabitch my father. Mal and Cal nod their heads in agreement.

Ok I wont call him your father. But you have to know that he didn’t do this to me. To that I get man for real, from Cal, Mal sucks his teeth and Man says here we go.

He didn’t yall. I was running out to the store and I guess my shoe was untied and I took a spill down the steps.

Man goes to the little closet that holds what is left of my clothes looking for shoes. Shit I forgot I was bare footed. He just closes the door and comes back to the bed I know they are trying to help but I wont risk them to save myself. I cut my eyes at Man. Are you finished I say.

No words just stared.

Boys it means a lot to me that you guys wanna help but im staying where I am.

If you stay with Tyler this is exactly where you will stay. That comes from Mal.

Im staying with your fath….i trail off and say Tyler. Ill be fine yall. If it comes to a point where I wont be fine ill take u up on it. For now, use the money to buy a car take ur girl friends out. Man, prom is coming up, go to prom. Leave the money for college. Just be happy. Im happy and im fine. I love you guys so much.

Cal says this was a waste of time I have work to do. He bends at the waist kisses my head tells me he loves me and the money will stay where it is. Then he walks out of the room. Mal does the same but tells me that when im ready he will be to. That he isn’t goin to stop until im aways from Tyler then he turns tells man that he will meet him at the car. He gets a chin lift and is gone.

Its just me and Man now. he comes to my right side and sit down he grabs my hand with one hand then runs his index finger over the scar on my forehead. It’s the scar from Tyler busting a mirror with my face as my son put it. Then Man talks to me like he hasn’t talked to me in years.

I know that this is because of me. He says as he keeps going over the scar on my head. I don’t speak just listen. I know that you got between us because you thought he would hurt me but he will never hurt me mom. He isn’t strong enough. He beats on you because he is a pussy. If you leave with us when they release you between me Uncle Storm, Cal, Mal, Liam and Felix we can keep you safe and he will never find you.

You need to let this go. You all do, Man. You will all get hurt if you don’t stop. Just let me go son. Ill always be with you, always but I need you to stay safe and the only way for that to happen is for you to stay away from tyler and stop trying to get me to leave. I place my hand on his cheek and he closes his eyes outing the hand that was on my forehand over my hand on his face. When he opens his eyes I can see that I have hurt him but I can also see that he isn’t goin to give up before he even says it.

One side of his mouth lifts up in a smirk that looks so much like Tyler’s I hate that smirk but on Man it doesn’t bother me.

Ma do you really think im going to give up? You are my mom, I promised you I would take care of you. Im not doing a very good job of that, but today that shit changes. I will never and I do mean never let you go. I will get you away from Tyler even if I have to kill the fucker myself.

I break in the convo right there. For one you will watch your mouth Liam Manuel Childs, now I know that you are upset and that you want me to be safe. And I love you for it baby, but you have your whole life ahead of you don’t do anything stupid like trying to save me when I cant be saved. I hold my hand up when he opens his mouth to speak. No shut it, I tell him. I have to do something that I never wanted to do, not with my babies anyway. I have to make him hate me.

I like where I am Man. I know that is hard for you to believe but Tyler makes me happy. I don’t see a reason to leave. Me being here has shit to do with your father, you are young and handsome. Go find someone you can save because baby boy you wont find anyone here. This goes for you your brothers and your fucking uncle, just stop. I mean this shit. Stop now before someone important gets hurt. Someone like you Storm your brothers. Have you thought about what all of this will do to your sister? Why cant you just feel like your sister? My tears are falling. Im shaking. I have to get through to him thou. Just go away Man and don’t come back here. I don’t want any of you to come back I want to be left alone. There was a reason I didn’t fight and I let yall leave with Grams that night. I don’t have to worry about yall. Now get out Man and don’t come back I fucking mean it. You come back and ill get out of this bed and beat your ass myself.

Man squeezes my hand stands kisses my forehead where he always kisses me then he grabs my head, holding my head between his hands he says, I will never give up mama. Say what you want, but I know you. I know you aren’t happy, I know that he has said or don something that has scared you and is making you stay but im asking you to leave him. Whatever he has said he will do you don’t have to worry no one and I do mean no one will let him close enough to do it.  Im going to leave for now but only because Grams will kick our asses if we are late for supper again, but trust and believe me when I say that I will be back. I love you mama, ill see you soon.

With one more kiss to my forehead he is up and gone before I can say anyting. I roll to my side and let the tears go. The door to my room opens again. Its probalay one of the nurses so I keep my back to the door. I feel the bed lean like someone put a knee on it then arms come around me. Im about to panic when im hit with Liam’s smell. I would know his scent anywhere. He pulls my body against his my back to his front and puts his face in my hair. I let the sobs out that I have been holding in for so long out. Gently Liam rolls me to face him and puts my face in his neck. I hold on to him with everything I have. When im with liam I feel safe even when somewhere in my mind I know that it’s the most dangerous place I could be. For both of us. Liam holds me just as tight. No letting go. For a min I think that this could be my life. That Liam could take me away from all of this and keep me safe, that I could have my kids with me without living in fear. But I know that will never happen. Tyler would kill us both as well as my kids but he would make me watch him kill them and I would have to watch him rape our daughter. That’s not a risk im willing to take.

I try to pull away from Liam, but his arms tighten around me just enough to let me know he isn’t letting me go.

What are you doing Liam? He has to know this is a bad Idea.i have to get out of his arms. Part of me doesn’t want to. I have always felt safe with Liam. I know he wont hurt me. His voice rumbles in his chest, where I am resting my head.

He was right you know. I have always loved you. I have always wanted you to be mine. What Tyler said that day is all true.

When Liam starts to say this I stop moving. Im listening to words that I have dreamed of him saying to me for years. He doesn’t give me a chance to speak, but he pulls me back a little with his arms still around me so that he can look into my eyes. I fear that ill break and tell Liam everything. Would it be so bad for him to know the truth? For him to know why I cant leave Tyler. Maybe then he will leave it alone. So I decide that I will tell Liam. I let him finish before I break his heart.

I knew the first time I laid eyes on you that I wanted you to be mine. 7th grade. Do you remember? You were carrying a volcano that you made for class and one of those snobby girls bumped into you and you dropped it. You had no idea who I was when I walked up to help you. I smiled at you thinking this would be my good deed for the day, but when you looked up at me with those big ass blue eyes, I knew I had lost my heart that day, and I didn’t want it back. I wanted you to keep it. I couldn’t stay away from you after that. I am so sorry that I allowed Ty into your life. You should be treated like a queen not a door mat.

He places his hand on my face then continues to break me.

I want you to be mine Rain. We can be happy you know that. Ill always love you and take care of you. Me, you and the kids we can all leave town. Get a big place together and just be fucking happy Rain.

I touch his face, trace his cheek bone, his eye brows, forehead, down the slope of his nose and end at his lips. His lips are full and perfect. I run my finger across his lips then place my lips to his. The kiss is sweet not full of passion the way I want to be. But there is a chance after this I may never see Liam again.

Liam is 6”3 he has a slim build but has muscle everywhere you look. The mans body is something to be talked about. His hair is cut like Mans Short are the sides long on top. The difference between them is Liam doesn’t style his he lets he just fall. He has the softest hair I have ever had my hands in. but when he looks at me with those grey eyes all I can do is melt. But I have to tell him why there will never be anything between us, why he has to leave and never come back. Why he has to help me with Storm and the boys. I swallow look up at him and break both our hearts.

Liam, I have loved you to. You have no idea how many times I wish I could go back in time and change things. Make it to where im yours, and that my kids are yours. But that cant happen. What can happen is you can protect my kids. You can help me do it. I don’t stay with Ty because I want to or bcause I love him. I stay with him because I have to Lee.