Shatter (3 page)

I’d be content.

That’s what’s so damn confusing about life. Things are never as they seem, especially
when your first name is Alec and your last name is Daniels.

I swallowed the building anxiety and told myself no amount of drugs or alcohol would
rid me of the guilt I felt. Nope. Only death. And if I was going to burn in
H
ell
,
I was going to take the evil witch
responsible for everything
with me.

Alec

Later, w
atching Nat play in the oc
ean brought me back to
that
moment
. The first time I saw her. My world had tilted on its
axis
—
and to this da
y
,
it
h
a
s yet to return to normal.

I was always cautious with our relationship
—
fearful that I would scare the shit out of her with my lifestyle, my past, basically
everything that made me the guy that I was. I should have realized she would take
it like a champ. Not every girl can deal with the baggage I brought to our relationship
—
or con
tinue to bring
,
for that matter.

Nat laughed and splashed Demetri before diving under the water again. I took a long
slow sip of water and sat on the hot sand.
She threw her head back and laughed, exposing her neck and making my heart lurch in
my chest. I loved that neck
.
I swear
,
every time that girl looked vulnerable I couldn’t help but think of a few months ago.

“Alec…
I love you.” Nat’s lips were urgent against mine. It was taking all of the self
-
control I possessed to be a gentleman
,
to literally keep my clothes on when all I really wanted was to lose myself in her
over an
d
over again un
til I passed out from exertion.

“You’re young, Nat.” I pushed her gently away from me
. “
It’s okay to wait. You know
I love you regardless, right?”

She glared.

I fought to keep from laughing my ass of
f
. “
Nat! How is me being a gentleman earning me a nasty look? I’m the good guy!”

“I want you to be the bad guy. Be the bad guy, Alec.”

I backed away slowly from my bed and went to the window. The cool night breeze did
wonders for my blurred vision and inability to think about anything other than the
fact that I knew Nat wasn’t wearing a bra underneath h
er white tank top.

Damn it.

I should be sainted for my self
-
restraint.

“Alec?” Her breathless voice may as well have been my drug. I closed my eyes, memorizing
the way my name sounded on her lips. Trust, love, lust
—
it was all evident in the way she just s
aid my name.

I was losing it.

“Alec?”
s
he repeated. This time her arms
wrapped around me from behind.

I froze in panic.

Skin.

Her top was off.

Self control, self control
.
I hadn’t planned for it to happen this way.

“Nat
.”
The gravelly tone of my hoarse voice totally gave me away. I took a deep breath, which
was a terrible idea since it sme
lled exactly like her hot skin.

“Shit.” I took another breath. “Flowers.”

“What?”

“Flowers.” I said it without sounding like the word flower was painful or erotic.
“You deserve flowers. Rose petals to be exact.” Calming down
,
I turned to face her but refused to look down, instead I looked deep into her large
brown eyes. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, I kissed her nose softly. “Chocolate,
champagne, a beautiful dress, the perfect night…
Nat, I want you to have it all for your first time. I don’t want it to be in my room
at the beach house. It’s too…
normal for you.”

“I’m normal.” She smiled shyly
. “
Besides, I’m not taking the rock
star to bed.”

“You aren’t?” My mouth went dry as she reached up and kissed me firmly
on
the mouth only to pull away and moan.
D
id she have any idea what her little sounds did to
me? Or to parts of my anatomy?

“Nope.” Damn
,
but she had wicked hands as she slowly unzipped my jeans. I wasn’t going to last long
if she was going to seduce me. I was already there and she had barely grazed my skin
with hers. “I’m taking Alec Daniels…
normal guy
…
love of my life, the man I want to be with f
orever. I’m taking him to bed.”

Nat chewed on her lower lip, her eyes hooded briefly as she looked down and with one
jerk, had my jeans on the floor. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet mine and winked.

“You’re seducing me.”

“I am.”

“You’re making me nervous.”

“I’m the one that’s never done this before.”

“Not helping.” I cursed
. “
Nat, I just—
”

And shit
,
there
went
her jean shorts. I tried to look away
.
I really did, but my eyes seemed to have problems
following directions
. Hypnotized
,
I watched her step out of her shorts and face me in nothing but the sexie
st black panties I’d ever seen.

“Remember
.”
Nat wrapped her arms around my neck, points of her body touched mine, rubbed against
my bare chest, driving me insane. “You said black was your favorite.”

“I—
”
The words died on my lips as she dipped her thumbs into her underwear and then paused.

Nat reached for my hands and brought them to her hips, laughing she hooked my thumbs
into her underwear and moved my
hands down
,
sliding the last bit of material with them.

“You can’t go back now
,
”
s
he stated
,
bold a
nd very naked in front of me.

“Hell if I want to.” I jerked her
toward
my body and promised myself I’d go slow, I’d be tender
—
who knew I was dating someone who had less self control than me?

Nat clenched my hair between her fingers
. “
I want this
,
Alec
.
I want you.”

“I want you too.” I sighed against her mouth
. “
I want you so damn bad, Nat. I just…
this is irreversible
.
Y
ou know that right? Once you
’
r
e
mine, you
’
r
e
mine forever. Not just for this moment or for this night. But for the rest of our
lives.”

“That’s what I want.”

“It’s what I’ve always wanted.” What I’d never dared to
hope
. Someone as beautiful on the inside as out
—
wi
l
ling to share the good and bad with me. Someone willing to ta
ke a chance on someone like me.

“Alec…” Nat grinned.

“What?”

“Stop stalling. I’m yours. All yours.”

“Forever?”

“For always.” Nat pulled away from me and sat on the bed crooking her finger in my
direction.

I wasn’t an idiot. I didn’t need to be told twice. I almost tripped as I moved to
hover over her. I easily scooted her further back on the bed and began kissing the
bottom of her feet, slowly making my way up her perfect body. She moaned when I reached
her inner thighs, and gasped when I licked my way further up. Cupping her breasts,
I closed my eyes and relished the moment. The moment that she was givin
g everything to me
—
and only me.

“Alec!”
Nat ran toward me
arms flailing
. “
Tell your brother to stop pushing me into the waves!”

Jolted out of my erotic daydream, I laughed as Demetri chas
ed
her, arguing his case. “I didn’t push you! She fell, Alec, we both know how clumsy
she is!”

“Am not!” This from Nat
,
as she
literally
tripped into my arms.

“Right
,
” Demetri and I said in unison.

Nat
flipped
Demetri the bird.

“She’s just so damn classy.” Dem
e
tri laughed
. “
Alright, I’m off to find a jellyfish to put in Angelica
’
s bed.”

“Good luck
!
” I yelled.

“What
’
s wrong?” Nat squeezed the water from her hair.

I shrugged
. “
What do you mean?”

“You seem…” She grabbed a bottled water and sat down in the chair next to mine
. “
E
lsewhere. Like
pre
occupied or something. You just don’t seem like yourself
. I
s everything okay?”

“It’s…” I watched in a trance as she lifted the water to her lips, some of it spilled
over her mouth
,
making me think about sex all over again. “I miss you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.” I
reached for her hand
. “
Let
’
s go…
inside.”

“And do what? There
are
cameras everywhere!” She swatted me on the chest.

“Not everywhere.” I grabbed her hand
. “
Don’t you trust me?”

“Always.”

“Forever.” I kissed her forehead and jogged with her back to the house, knowing full
well that what I was asking she give me was very different than the first time we’d
had sex. I already had her heart…
and for the last few weeks all I’d wanted from her…
had been her body. All I wanted now was her body, because at least in those moments
I could numb myself to the guilt I
felt
every
single
time I looked at her.

She had trusted me to keep her heart safe.

And I had failed.

Demetri

If my brother didn’t lay off the drama soon I was going to put my fist through a wall.
Everything seemed off. Either that or I was developing diabetes or something
.
O
r possibly
it was
too much estrogen
,
considering I’d been surrounded by so many chicks lately, Alyssa being one of them,
but still. My spide
r
senses were off. I knew when something was up
,
and something was up with Alec. I mean
,
he was walking around smiling.

That should have been my first clue. He never tried to be anything. He just
was
. So when he tried in the emotions department
,
it literally meant he didn’t have hi
s shit together.

I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer.
His impromptu
idea with the late night swim
interrupted what was supposed to be our man talk. I was going to take him aside, pretend
to get in a fight with him, punch him in the face, and then ask what the hell was
wrong with him.
Then he had conveniently left with Nat
,
and I didn’t see him until later that n
ight. B
y then everyone was lurking around so I couldn’t very
well call him out on his shit.

But now I was out of time
.
H
e and Nat were going to hang out since it was Sunday, the one day we got off from
filming. It was the only way Alec and I agreed to do it. We needed our privacy for
one day. I mean, I could swallow a whale and bribe Jaymeson to hump a mermaid and
we’d still be camera
-
free.

I knocked again, this time harder. We needed to have a chat before he disappeared
again.

Dud
e, the guy needed hearing aids.

I swear he was turning senile.

“Alec! Hurry up, Nat’s going to be here…” I pushed open the door to his room in the
Seaside
B
each
H
ouse expecting to see him pacing the room trying to get ready.

Instead the shower was still on.

I walked over to the door with every intention of pulling out my camera and getting
some good stuff for bribery purposes, when I he
ard his voice.

“No
,
that doesn’t make me feel better!” He cursed violently
. “
Are you kidding me? Two million? For what? For her to
maybe
keep her mouth shut? For her to
possibly
back down? You’ve got to be shitting me. I’m not handing out a penny until you get
it in writing. Do you hear me? In writing. She can’t say a word. Not one damn word.
If she does
,
I’ll sue her. She will never work in Hollywood again.”

Whoa
.
S
omeone’s been watching
way too much daytime television
and clearly needs to lay off the caffeine. I slowly backed
up and walked over to the bed.

I knew in our business it was typical to get blackmailed, and I knew that Alec had
his own share of crap this last month with some groupie cla
i
ming he got her pregnant. I wondered if that was what
the
conversation was about
.

At any rate
,
b
rothers stick together
,
and I needed to help him out
.
I
t was the least I could do after everything he’d done for me.

Wait. When I thought about it
,
he didn’t really do much except for steal my girlfriend, get me addicted to drugs
…
O
n second thought…

“I don’t care if she has
him
on her side! It’s ridiculous and you know it! You know
how screwed up this is
.
And it’s not my fault that the details are blurred!
”

What happened?
I told myself not to jump to conclusions. I knew Alec. He was
even-tempered
, calculated,
and sometimes
indifferent. He thought before he acted. H
e was always in control
.
H
e was way
,
way more mature than me.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a prescription bottle. Shit, not this again. I picked
it up and read the label, exhaling as I looked over the familiar brand.

He was back on antidepressants.

Bad sign.

The minute the bathroom door opened I held up the incriminating pill bottle
and
threw it at his chest. “What the hell?”

“Hi to you too
,
” Alec said in a hoarse voice. “Snooping I see
.
”

He moved to the desk where he had strategically laid out his reading glasses, guitar
picks
—
all in color
-
coded order starting with date of use
—
and lastly
,
his pills. To say that he was a control freak would be putting it mildly. He was addicted
to order the way I was addicted to…
well
,
used to be addicted to getting high
,
so let’s just go with taffy for now, or Alyssa, maybe sex. I knew he was in a bad
place if he was strategically counting each pill in the bottle to make sure
he had taken one.

I waited for him to stop counting
before saying,
“
It’s not snooping when it’s out for everyone to see, including your super
-
paranoid girlfriend who just happens to be the daughter of a shrink. If she sees that
many milligrams she’s going to flip her shit, and you know it.”

Alec set the pill bottles in his nightstand and cursed
.
“I just. I—
”

“
What
? What did you do?”

Bitter laughter bubbled out of him
. “
What didn’t I do? That should be the question.”

“Not following.”

“I didn’t do a damn thing. Not technically.”

“What’s technically?” I asked
,
not sure I wanted to know the answer
. “
And when did this happen…
technically
?
”

“You don’t even know what we’re discussing.” Alec cursed and
jerked open his dresser. Again color coded. He pulled a shirt over his head and tugged
on some jeans.

I shrugged
. “
Sure I do.
Someone’s
blackmailing you. You threatened to kick them out of Hollywood
which sounded super cheesey
,
FYI
,
and you’re back on your pills, all because you
technically
didn’t do something.”

Alec swallowed and looked away
. “
Right.”

“Dude.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Since when is two million dollars and enough antidepressants to kill an elephant
not a big deal?”

“Since I said it is
n’t,
”
h
e snapped.

I tried a different tactic. I
walked over to him and
put my arm around his shoulder, bro
-
love style
. “
How can I help?”

Alec laughed sadly
. “
What? You
S
uperman now?”

“I was thinking
Spiderman
, but
S
uperman does have x-ray vision
…
” I smirked a
nd thought of Alyssa.
Down boy.

“You can’t fix this, Demetri.” Alec’s voice caught as he said my name and looked down
at his shaking hands. “Nobody can.”

“Not even you?”

He swallowed slowly before lifting his gaze to meet mine
. “
Not even God.”

“Oh.”

“Right.” He snorted
. “
So, thanks
,
but no thanks. I’ll burn in
H
ell by myself
.
I’d die before I took my little brother with me.
I’ve already done enough to you.
”

“And what about Nat?”

Wordl
e
ss, he got up from the bed and cursed
. “
Angels don’t belong with demons.”

Well
,
so much for the movie quote game, I could have rocked him on that one
.
I
nstead the rage
-
aholic slammed his ha
nd against the door and cursed.

“It’s too late anyway.”

“But—”

Alec held up his hand.
“I’ll figure it out. I always do
,
right?” There was that damn forced smile again. I couldn’t fix it. I could only nod
my head and hope to God that he wasn’t going further into the rabbit hole. I knew
depression. I knew drugs. I knew anxiety, and I knew that look on his face. Shit,
I knew it
as well as I knew my own name.

Unless you had help
,
t
here was no happy ending.