Shatter (5 page)

Alec

Crap. What the hell were we going to do at a bed and breakfast? We could eat, but
we couldn’t really sleep, not if we had that stupid res
taurant opening in a few hours.

My control was seriously
slipping
. I flexed my hand and began reciting
the states in alphabetical order. Other than burying myself deep in the girl I loved
—
it was the only way I could relax. Running had stopped working, and I knew it was
absolute insanity to run fifteen miles a day. Singing helped, but we were supposed
to be acting
,
not singing.
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona…

I took the stairs two a
t a time
.
Arkansas, California
…
Thankfully, the elderly couple w
as
already waiting
for me in the main dining room.

“Alec!” Mr. Smith came forward with arms open. I hugged him and then kissed Mrs. Smith
on the cheek. There were only a few guests and most of them were over the age of sixty
.
T
hey probably thou
ght I was the Smiths’ grandson.

The familiar smell of the restaurant calmed me down
. “
I need a favor.”

“Anything.” Mrs. Smith pinched my bicep and winked
. “
Now, what can we do for you?”

What could they do? Oh you know
,
erase a few nights from my memory and convince Bob
,
my bodyguard
,
to assassinate the one person
who
could ruin my entire freaking existence
with one push of a button. “Um, how about a room
?
Something nice? I want to spend some time with Nat away from
everything
.”

“Done.” Mr. Smith walked over to the main desk and pulled out a key
. “
Enjoy yourselves.”

I reached for my wallet to pull out my
credit card
,
but he held up his
gnarled
old hands. “Oh no you don’t. You’ve done so much for our business already
,
son
.
T
his one’s on the house, alrighty?”

“Please
.
Let me pay
.
” I offered one last time. Charity made
me feel nervous, like I couldn’t control the situation
. Wow, I had issues.

“Nope. That’s final.” Mr. Smith held out his hand for me to shake it. I wanted to
shake it. Instead
,
I just stared at it and told myself to stop freaking out. It was a free room for a
few hours, not a house. Smiling, I reached for his hand and shook it.

“Thank you.”

“Have fun! And let us know what you want for your meal.” Mrs. Smith waved goodbye
as I turned an
d jogged back out
of
the building.

Nat was
in the middle of the patio,
h
er blonde hair blowing in the wind. I could watch her forever. She tucked her hair
behind her ears and crossed her arms. She had no idea how precious she was to me
—
or how deep she had etched herself
i
nto my soul. I couldn’t help but wonder
…
would she curs
e me later for that very thing?

I tried to push the dark thoughts away, but it was hard. My brain felt fatigued
, probably all that alphabetizing
. I managed a smile as I walked up to her and whispered
,
“Surprise
,
”
d
ropping
the
key into her hand.

“You bought me a car! You shouldn’t have!”

I
paused
. “
Wow, never actually thought about it. Do you want a car? I
guess I could buy you a car
. Would that make you happy?” I
smirked
at her eye roll
. “
Would you jump up and down
and possibly make out in the backseat with me
?”

“Maybe.”
She
blushed.

“Would you scream my name o
ver and over and over again?” I kissed her
hard on the mouth
. “
Would you be mine forever and always?”
Damn, I was losing my mind. The need to be with her was trumping everything. I knew
it was wrong. I was using her. Using the way she made me feel in order to push away
my demons. But nothing else was working
.
N
ot the pills, not my ridiculous staff of people that I pay millions to keep. Nothing.
Only her kisses, her touch. If I was going to hell, I wanted to take every
shred of this feeling with me.

Nat exhaled and pulled back. “Yes. I would.”

“And all because of a car?” I
squinted
,
trying to calm my heated body down
. “
Hmm, too bad this key doesn’t le
ad to a car. B
ut…
” I grabbed her
hand
. “
I think you’ll still feel the same way when this afternoon is over with.”

“Oh
?
T
hat confident
,
huh?”

I
stopped a
nd pulled her into my
arms for another earth
-
shattering kiss
. “
Extremely.”

I released her
and
led her inside the building. I found our room
,
unlocked the door,
and
allow
ed
her to go in first.
Nat stopped in the middle of the floor. She silently took in the room. A roaring fire
was in the corner
fireplace
, and we h
ad a perfect view of the ocean.

“Beautiful.” She sighed.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t hear her
,
it was that I was lost in thought. This is what she should have had the moment I took
her virginity, something beautiful, something special. Instead I’d taken her again
and again, and now? Now all I could think about was the salty taste of her skin against
my tongue. When had I turned into the type of person
who
used others that way? People that
I
loved?

“Alec?”

I sighed and walked
toward
Nat
.
S
he was facing the sliding g
lass door
,
staring at the ocean.

I assumed
her silence mea
nt she was stunned and excited.

Instead I watched in horror as her shoulders slumped and she caved to the floor on
her knees. Her sobs filled the room.

“Nat?” I scooped her into my
arms an
d sat down on the bed rocking her body
back and forth. “What
’
s wrong, sweetheart?
Are you sick? Are you okay?” I
kissed
her
forehead.
I would do anything to protect her. I hated it when she cried
.
I
n fact
,
t
he last time I even remember her crying was when my brother was in the hospital for
nearly getting hi
mself killed in a car accident.

“No.” She
wiped my
nose with my sleeve and gave me
a watery smile
. “
I’m so scared of losing you
,
and you aren’t being yourself
,
and…
” She
started
hyperventilating
.
I
cursed and help
ed her to the floor
,
so I could sit behind her and brace her body. I wrapped my
arms tightly around her middle.

“Baby, it’s okay
,
” I whispered in her
ear
. “
Just close your eyes
.
C
an you do that for me?”

She
nodded and
hiccupped
. I could feel her body convulsing with emotion. What the hell was wrong? Nat was
a part of me. It was ripping my soul in half to see her so sad. Shit. Did she know?
Did Demetri know?
Now I was beginning to hyperventilate.

“You and me, just you and me. Okay, Nat? I love you so damn much. My heart beats for
you and before you crack a joke about me being cheesy
—
know that it’s true. I’ve wanted you since th
at
first day
when
you stumbled down the hall.”
I tucked her hair behind her ear and shuddered as her breathing became slower.

“I didn’t—
”
She
gasped for air
. “
Stumble.”

She
would
argue in the middle of a panic attack
. “
You’re right. You fell. Flat on your gorgeous face. Could have knocked out your teeth
too. Good thing I was your
k
night in shining armor.”

“You were not!”
s
he
argued as
her
breathing
seemed to level out
.

“Was too. Shh, you’re r
uining the story.” My arms tightened around her
. “
And then when I sang to you…
wow
.
Y
ou almost swooned right then and there.”

“I never swooned.”

“You wanted to swoon.”
I chuckled at the memory.

“Alec—
”

“—tsk, tsk, who’s telling the story?”

She
sighe
d and took another deep breath
.
H
er body sagged against mine in defeat.

“…I never told you, but…
” My lips found her earlobe and then her
neck. “I wanted to taste you so bad that day at school that I didn’t care. I didn’t
care if I was going to hell. I didn’t care that I was hurting my brother. I didn’t
even care that I was forcing your hand and putting you in a position where you had
to choose. All
I knew was
I wanted you.
Crazy
,
huh? My heart beat,
her, her, her
, over and over again. Every damn night until I thought I
was going insane
.”

“It beat for me?”
s
he
asked in a small voice.

How could she still not get it? How was it possible that she still didn’t know the
way I felt about her?

“It still does. Every damn day, Nat. The day you said yes, the day you chose me, was
the day that my heart stopped wanting to beat for me…
it wanted to beat for you
—
only you
—
forever.”

A
single tear ran down her
cheek. “But, you’ve been so distant and weird and you’re smiling and—
”

“
P
eople smile
,
Nat.”
I could feel my control
slipping
. What if I just told her? Would she believe me? Believe my
ridiculous story
? It would make things so much easier. If I told her then…
well
,
the fear that she could find out would be gone
.
T
hen again
,
she may never forgive me for ruining her life, for ruining our future
—
for ruining Demetri’s
. I closed my eyes and lied
. “
And I’m stressed about the show and Demetri
.
H
ell
,
it’s like I’m everyone’s dad. I’m just trying to figure out life.”

“I thought we were suppos
ed to figure it out together.” She turned and got on her knees to face me
. “Isn’t that what you do in relationships? You partner up? Fight for the greater
good? Suffer together? Laugh and cry together? Isn’t that what we have, Alec?”

So much truth fit into her pleasant words. It sounded easy. But I knew it wasn’t.
I knew that her words were
just
words that any person says when they’ve lived the perfect life.
We can get through anything? Damn, Nat. I wish that was true. God
,
how I wished it
. “Come here, sweetheart.”