Shatter (4 page)

A
lec

I needed to get away from Demetri and his constant chipper attitude. It wasn’t making
me feel any better, or any less guilty about
the conversation I’d just had.

What type of person did that make me? If I was willing to screw the world and protect
my own ass.
What if
b
y protecting myself I
was protecting
Nat
?
What if by protecting myself, paying people off, and ignoring all the shit, I was
protecting
Demetri
? I couldn’t do that to
him
again. Seriously? What
t
he hell was wrong with me? There’s no way
I could have known, but still.

I felt a headache coming on.

I grabbed the keys
out of my pocket
and ran down the stairs to
meet Nat. She was sitting
b
y Ang
elica on the counter. I winked and held out my hand
. “
You ready?”

She frowned
. “
You okay?”

“Of course!” I nearly yelled. My voice cracked. Great. I was officially the worst
actor on the planet.
“Hey…” I pulled her into my arms and kissed her forehead
. “
Don’t frown, you’ll get wrinkles.”

“Not helping.” She laughed and immediately the tension an
d
guilt dissipated. Her. I needed her. As long as I had Nat, as long as she never found
out what a grade A asshole I was. We’d be okay.
Visions of losing myself in her, of making her scream out in pleasure filled my head.
She was my drug
.
S
he numbed the pain
,
a
s sick as it was to admit.

“Date time?” She squealed as I smacked
the side of
her butt and
helped her off the counter.

Angelica was completely ignoring us and staring at her phone
,
texting. I heard a snort come
from her direction and then a s
niffle. Oh great
,
what now? She break a nail? She have someone else
’
s life to ruin?

“Oh my
gosh. What’s wrong?” Nat let go of my hand and rushed to her side. Dear sweet N
at. She couldn’t help but love the broken. I
,
on the other hand
,
wanted to smack the
W
icked
W
itch of the
W
est
so hard she fell off her chair.

“
Coke has a way of doing that to a person.” I pointed to her nose and smirked
. “
Attractive.”

“You would know!” Angelica fired back.

Nat held up her hands between us
. “
Is it really that hard to get along?”

“Yes
,
”
w
e said in unison
,
each of us glaring for a d
ifferent reason
.
B
oth of us
were
angry
about
past drama that neither of us wanted to dig up.
Correction, I didn’t want to dig it up
.
I’m sure she’d be more than thrilled to grab a shovel and have a go at it. Then again
,
if she had a shovel she’d be on the opposite end of it, in a grave. Wow, were things
so
bad that I was thinking homicide?

Nat sighed and turned to Angelica
. “
Are you going to be okay?”

For once I noticed Angelica’s eyes flicker with regret and hurt. Damn
,
the girl was a good actress. She
deserved
an Oscar for that performance. “It’s just…” She sniffled again and then grabbed Nat’s
hand, gripping it in hers. “
Jaymeson and I are fighting again, and I really love him. I mean
,
I’ve never been with anyone so strong, so virile. He’s an amazing kisser, and that
accent!” She fanned herself, all fake tears gone
. “
But he’s pissed at me again.”

A
nd she wondered why? Seriously?

Nat tilted her head to the side
. “
It’ll work out, you’ll see. I mean
,
we all go through fights in relationships, right?”

Angelica suddenly straightened up and grinned in my direction
. “
Of course we do. I’m sure
you and Alec have had your fair share of fights over his popularity. It’s only natural
to feel insecure, right?”

“—
Um, right
,
” Nat interjected
. “
And
we’re doing great!” Nat squeezed my hand and patted Angelica with her free hand
. “
It will be okay. Just talk to him.”

“Good talk.” Angelica got up f
rom her seat and sauntered away
. “
And thanks Nat, you’re
right. I’ll just talk to him.”

I glared lasers into her disappearing form and prayed for the hundredth time in the
past few weeks that a meteor would hit in Seaside
,
Oregon
—
in her room preferably.

“Hmm. Weird.” Nat shrugged. “You ready?”

“Yeah
.” I swallowed the returning guilt and squeezed her hand.

****

Seaside was the type of town that a person couldn’t help but fall in love with. I
know Demetri hated it. But it was seriously one of the only places I could go to and
think. Our place in Malibu was still too close to Hollywood. Seaside was
…
well
,
it was in Oregon for one thing. They had more taffy than people
—
at least that’s what it seemed like. And during the summer months it was beautiful.

I exhaled in relief as we walked outside and jumped in the SUV. Just me and Nat. I
couldn’t wait
until
it really was just us. I reached across the
console
and kissed her hand. “I love you.”

She bit her lip. Damn
,
the girl had luscious lips. “I love you too.” She leaned over and kissed me hard on
the mouth. Finally.

With a little tug I had her across the middle of the SUV and in my lap. Making out
in the
driveway
. Awesome. It was like I was fifteen again. You know, minus the drugs and alcohol
and fame and…
okay
,
it was nothing like when I was fifteen. It was better.

“You taste so good.” I licked her lower lip and moved my hands down her sides
.
T
he warmth of her skin seared me until I almost had to pull back. Nat moaned when my
hands moved to her hips. I jerked her against me, needing her to be closer than she
already was.

“You sure about that date?”
s
he
asked,
breathless.

“Not really.” I kissed her neck and moved my hands
toward
her bra. “Maybe we should just—”

“Whores. Both of you
,
”
c
ame an irritating voice that sounded suspiciously like Demetri. Which it couldn’t
be
,
because I distinctly remembered
sayin
g goodbye to him in my room and
him telling me he and
Alyssa
were going to hang out. Alone.

Why had I kept my window rolled down?

“What do you want?” I snapped
,
pulling away from Nat. At least she was just as comfortable with Demetri as she was
with
me, any other girl would have been mortified. Nat just groaned in sexual frustration.
I hear ya
,
girl. Loud and clear.

“Sorry to interrupt your pow-wow.” Demetri held up his hands and s
mirked.
Sorry my ass…
“
But
Ruben
just said
that we’re supposed to make an appearance at a new restaurant in Canon Beach.”

“
Isn’t it supposed to be our day off?
” I groaned and briefly contemplated shooting my brother or just driving my car into
the ocean. It had been way too long.
Way
too long. My body was going to explode. I just kept telling myself that if it w
ere
just me and Nat
,
everything else would fade. It would cease to be my reality.

“
Yes, but apparently this was already part of the schedule,
Ruben
just forgot to put it in the call sheet. Or so he says. We gotta be there t
onight.” Demetri popped a piece of taffy in his mouth and grinned
. “
You guys can go whore around for a few hours, just don’t be late.”

“Okay.”
I didn’t move. Neither did Nat.

Demetri watched
. “
So you better
,
like, get going
,
so you can do that date.”

“Right.” I licked my lips. Nat shifted on my lap causing my vision to cloud for a
brief second.

“Start the car, dude.” Demetri laughed
. “
Then put it into drive. Go somewhere private. Make out…
and don’t get my favorite future sist
er-in-law prego. Yeah
?”

It was like
having
ice water thrown o
n
me. I nodded jerkily and started the car. Nat moved away from my lap. I gave Demet
ri a shaky smile
—
something I didn’t do often
. S
mile like an idiot.

His eyes narrowed
and then I saw a muscle flex in his jaw. Damn. Now he knew I was lying to him too.
I quickly looked away and put the car in drive. “See you later, man.”

“Yeah.” Demetri didn’t make eye contact
. “
Later.”

****

“Alec?” Nat put her hand on mine.

“Hmm?” I turned dow
n the music and glanced at her.

“You’ve been driving for the past fifteen minutes. I mean it’s cool if you want to
leave Seaside, it’s just
…
I don’t know
.
Y
ou’ve been really quiet and now we’re on the
h
ighway
,
and I have no idea where
you’re going.”

Shit. Was I that lost in my own drama? “It’s a surprise
,
” I lied and quickly manag
ed to figure out where we were.

I’d been driving for around ten miles
,
meaning I was close to Canon Beach. The sign to the
old bed and breakfast Demetri and I used to frequent
popped up just in time. I took a right and prayed it
would be open
.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
were always really great about
m
aking
sure that paparazzi weren’t
lurking
around.

“Oh good!” Nat clapped her hands
as I pulled into the bed and breakfast
. “
I’ve missed this place.”

I felt like an ass for lying, but at least she was excited about eating and hanging
out. On second thought
…
“Um, I’ll be right back
.
S
tay here.”

She shrugged and took a seat on the outside patio. I ran in and
hoped to God the
y would be able to cater to us.

Demetri

“You’ve been staring at the same spot in the ocean for the past hour.” Alyssa threaded
her fingers through mine and smiled. “What
’
s up?”

“Alec.”

“What about him?”

I shrugged
. “
H
e’s smiling.”

Alyssa burst out laughing
. “
Alert the media! Call the president! When did you first start noticing this strange
behavior?” She rolled her eyes
. “
Geez, you smile
every second of every day
.
I
t’s not a big deal. Maybe he’s happy
.
”

“But I’ve always smiled
,
” I argued.

“You’re strange.”

“I know.” I sighed and released her hand, nervously digging through my hair like I
was going to somehow sprout an answer from the chemical reaction of the sun hitting
my scalp. “He’s acting like he did…
before
.”

“Before?” She scooted closer to me on the sand and sighed
. “
What
?
What’s his story?”

Alec would kill me if he ever found out I was telling a soul about this.

“After the drugs…
for a short while…
he was suicidal. He tried to overdose on his
antidepressants
. The doctors figured it was because he was coming down off the high from
being
a heroin addict, but…” I shrugged
. “
I don’t know. I mean
,
I know what that hell feels like. Shit
,
I lived through it too. He’s just different. He’s weird in how he deals with things.
I dealt with it through going off the deep end. He just
…
stopped doing shit. Cold Turkey. He went on anti
depressants
, had one close call
,
and then it was like everything was suddenly fine.”

Alyssa’s dark brown hair blew in the wind as she tilted her head
. “
So, why is that a bad thing?”

“He never dealt. He never finished therapy. After we moved here, he was supposed to
go to therapy for like a year, but he went back to do promo stuff after I crapped
out and nearly killed myself. He never got his time. You know?”

Alyssa chewed on her bottom lip
. “
So what? Are you afraid he’s going to relapse or something? Start doing drugs again?”

I took a moment to think about it. I mean, I couldn’t see Alec taking it that far.
He had Nat, and he had me of course, but the show alone was a lot of pressure
.
O
n top of that, the conversation I overheard couldn’t be helping matters.

I leaned in and kissed Alyssa’s nose. “You know I love you
,
right?”

She rolled her eyes
. “
Yes, I know. Now don’t change the subject. What are you so afraid of?”

The familiar heaviness of fear thumped against my chest. It felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I could see Alec’s life
going in two directions. One of
them I couldn’t even bear to think about. I closed my eyes and told myself to stop
freaking out. Alyssa was in my lap in an instant, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“It’s okay. I’m the queen of panic attacks. Talk to me, Dem.”

If I said it out loud did that make it more real? “I’m afraid I’m going to lose him.”
When Alec was under stress it was like he disappeared into himself. He had a tendency
to push people away…
O
ne minute he’d be smiling that ridiculously fake smile
,
the next he was on the floor with an empty pill bottle.

Alyssa was silent while I
ducked my head into her mop of hair and inhaled the familiar scent of coconut. “I’m
afraid if he doesn’t deal with everything it’ll destroy him. I’m afraid of what he
might do if he’s put in a position where he can’t control anything anymore.” I swallowed
the panic rising in my chest. “Lyss, I’m afraid he’s going to do something stupid.”

“Like what?”

Kill himself? Break Nat’s heart? Cheat?

I let the question go
un
answered
,
but I knew Alyssa and she knew me. I swore she read minds. She held me and I held
her. It was all I
had
. The comfort of someone I loved, while I was freaking out over a family member who
I knew was only one shit storm away from becoming a hell of a lot
more unstable than I ever was.

I was just
waiting for the dam to break.

And hoped to God it would be in h
is favor.