Seven Days (19 page)

“God knows what effect that will have on her. She’s been looking bad for weeks, I’ve been so worried. I told you this might happen. I warned you to stop.”

“Oh yeah!” I say. “Says you! You were the one having a go at her when I walked in.”

“Oh my God!” Lois is almost laughing now. “How could you get this so wrong? I wanted to see if she was OK. I’ve been feeling so guilty for what we’ve been putting her through. What you and Marnie have been putting her through…”

Her words hang in the air.

“It was just a bit of a laugh,” I mutter. My head is starting to throb now. I can see people are coming back into the flat. Lyn is there, he is staring straight at me. Others are staring too. Shaking their heads. They all hate me.

“It’s not a laugh though, is it? It’s nasty. You’re just doing what your little mate tells you. You do know this is exactly what Marnie wanted to happen?” Lois says, her voice rising now.

“What?” I can’t get a grip on all this and my eyes can’t leave Lyn. He’s moving towards me.

“Marnie enjoys winding you up and watching you attack. You’re like a toy to her. But when the crap hits the fan, where is she?”

I glance behind, I assumed she would be in the crowd behind me, but there is no sign.

“She went off with Ben a few minutes ago,” says Lois, softly. “She stopped being interested as soon as Jess ran away. All she wants is the drama, Kez. She’s no friend at all. Does she even notice what’s going on in your house?”

“What?” I hiss.

“Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve seen your Mum’s bruises. Is that what you are now, Kez. A bully like your dad?”

I freeze. Lois just stares at me, nodding. She knows.

“I’m not,” I whisper, but the words are lame and barely register. I can’t even think straight. I’m shaking. I look at my hands again and back up. Who am I? Lyn is standing right in front of me now; I barely recognize him. His face is like granite. He looks hard and cool.

“You’re a complete bitch,” he says.

“I’m sorry.” I reach over, longing to touch his face, tell him I’m not really like this. Tears are pricking my eyes, teasing me.

“Why did you do it?” he says, backing away from me. “I just don’t get it. You could’ve killed her. And now she’s gone, disappeared, thanks to you.”

“Marnie said you weren’t interested in her, that you felt sorry for her. She deserved to know the truth.” I think I’m slurring now. They both seem to be looking at me in disgust.

“And she deserved to die too, did she?” Lois barks at me. “That’s what you told her.”

“I didn’t say that…” I whisper. “Did I?”

Words. Words. Words. What did I say? It was only words, letters linked together. I can’t even remember. But I could’ve hurt her badly. I almost did…

“I never felt sorry for her. Ben and Marnie are just stirring and you are a gullible idiot for falling for it.”

“So you do like her?” I say, resentment bubbling.

“Yeah, maybe I do. She’s a better person than you’ll ever be,” he says. “You’re jealous, Kez. A jealous, little bully. You’re pathetic.”

I back away. I can’t stand looking at him. Everything feels unreal. Perhaps I’ll wake up in minute, maybe this whole week has just been a sick dream.

I want Marnie. I need to leave. I run into the living room. There are people everywhere, I hate them all. I barge them out of my way. I push. I shove.

Marnie is sat on Ben’s lap on the sofa. They are kissing. The girl got her man.

“Maz, I need to leave,” I say, touching her arm.

She pulls herself away. “No, Kez, I’m not leaving.”

I am thinking of Lyn in the hallway. I’m thinking of Jess running away from me. I’m thinking of Jess’s face as she looked up at me, begging. I’m thinking about Dad waiting for me, in our clean, cold house.

“But I need you,” I plead. “It’s all gone wrong.”

“Tough, sort it yourself,” she says and goes back to Ben.

Finally, I can see.

I tell Phillip and Hannah to go back to the party. I don’t want them. I don’t want anyone around me. I want to be alone. They don’t listen, of course – they never do.

We walk home in near silence. They keep saying stuff, but I don’t answer, everything has shut down. I feel numb and calm, far too calm.

Outside my house Hannah hugs me. Her fingers grip my skin.

“You will be OK, won’t you?” she says.

I smile at her. A weak, thin smile, but it’s all I have.

I watch and wave as they leave me at my front door. As soon as they’ve gone I let myself in.

I have things to do.

I’ve never been scared to be on my own before, but tonight I am. It’s late. I don’t like it.

I manage to grab a bus outside Lyn’s and sit at the back, huddled away. There’s hardly anyone else there. An old man in a hat, an African lady singing softly under her breath, a woman dressed in red reading a battered book.

Maybe I could stay on this bus, just carry on going. Where would I end up? Where would I go next? Could I cope alone?

I sit picking at the material on the seat, making a small hole. I can stick my finger right in.

I’m good at this. I’m good at destroying things.

I am my dad.

Kez Walker: I’ve realized now, what I am. I’m not a good person. I can’t carry on like this. Trouble is, I don’t know how to stop, but
Jessica Pearson
never deserved this.

Just now.

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Hollie has had a bad dream, really nasty. She sits up, screaming, sweating, thrashing her legs. Mum is home and has to come in to try and calm her down, but Hollie is still trapped. She points at the wall, tells us that there is something there. Her eyes can’t see us. Our words can’t soothe her. In the end she falls back on to her tangled sheets, muttering under her breath, her eyes still fluttering under her now closed lids.

“It’s a night terror,” Mum whispers, “she must be worrying about something.”

“Worrying? She’s only five.”

“Kids pick up on things.” Mum glances at me. “You look awful, have you slept at all?”

I instinctively look over at my alarm clock, but of course it’s gone. “What time is it?”

“Nearly seven. I’ve not been up long myself,” Mum touches my arm. “Come into the kitchen, I’ve got something to tell you.”

I pick up my dressing gown and we walk through the dark hall, Mum flicks on a light and we both blink hard. I sit myself down at the table; I am sick with tiredness, I’ve spent the last few hours remembering the previous evening. I keep thinking about that sky, tipping backwards. The fear of actually falling. Everything’s changed now.

Mum fiddles around by the sink. “Let’s have a hot chocolate. You used to love those when you were little.”

I nod. “OK.”

I watch as she scoops powder into the cup, mixes it into the cold milk. She’s doing it all wrong, it’ll go all lumpy now.

“I’m not going to do night shifts any more,” Mum says, clanking the spoon against the china. “It’s not fair on any of us. I’ve managed to swap with Debs, she needs the extra money. I’ll be doing morning work now, cleaning some private houses over by the Gearton Estate.”

“That’s great,” I say. “But don’t we need the money?”

“That’s the thing. I spoke to your dad last night. Well, spoke isn’t really the right word… That man has been giving us the runaround for too long. He’d told me he was broke, told me that he was so ill he couldn’t get out of bed most days. But, if he’s well enough to father another child…”

“What did he say?”

“Not much. Once I threatened him with legal action he agreed to more regular payments, it should help a bit.” She pauses, spoon in mid-air. “I did mention you too, Jess, but … I don’t know … he just hasn’t got a clue.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he’s no good with kids, being a dad. That’s partly why he left here in the first place. I pity the poor little mite that he’s bringing up now. Sometimes you just have to accept that people don’t always make good parents.”

“I guess.”

“He might change,” she adds, her voice laced with doubt.

We remain in silence, watching the mugs warm in the microwave. The only sound is the soft whir of the machine. I sit and wonder about Hollie. What was it she saw crawling up the walls? Would it be better if she could tell us what was scaring her? The microwave beeps.

“I’ve written something, Mum,” I say suddenly.

“Eh?” Mum places the hot chocolate in front of me, steaming hot. “What’s that?”

I reach in the pocket of my dressing gown and pull out the piece of paper. It’s carefully folded up.

“It’s exactly what’s been going on, all listed down. I want you to do something now. I want it to stop.”

She reads it slowly, her face paling slightly. “My God, she did this to you? This is awful. We should call the police. How long has Kez been like this with you? I never knew it was so bad.”

I can feel something inside me shift. I don’t have to do this on my own any longer. I nod, I feel lighter somehow. Calmer.