Seven Days (17 page)

Hannah is standing at my door, hands on her hips, glaring at me. Even more surprising is the sight of the figure lurking behind her.

“Phillip? What on earth are you doing here?”

Phillip blinks hard. “To be honest, Hannah had to twist my arm, literally, to come. As you know, parties aren’t really my sort of thing…”

“But I told him that you needed our moral support,” interrupted Hannah, “so here we are.”

I shake my head. “It’s nice of you to come but sorry, my mind’s made up. I’m not going.”

Hannah leans right up close. “Look, I was the first to warn you about Kez before. But you know what, I was wrong. Why should you be the one to hide away? Lyn invited you to his party. It’s
his
party – you should be there. He wants you there. So we’re here to take you.”

“It’s like Cinderella,” says Phillip dryly, “except I’m
not
your Fairy Godmother.”

I can’t help laughing at the thought of Phillip in that role.

“Look, can we come in or what?” says Hannah jiggling from one leg to another. “It’s freezing out here and I need to use your loo.”

Giggling, I lead them in.

“Mum! There’s been a change of plan…”

We walk to the party together – the three of us. Phillip complains all the way. He hates the cold (it hurts his ears); he hates the dimly lit streets (it hides madmen); he hates the lift in Lyn’s tower block (it smells of urine). Hannah has to punch him gently outside Lyn’s front door and warn him to at least “try and look normal”, before we walk in.

Look normal. I wonder if we do. Hannah does, at least. She’s dressed in tight black trousers and a floaty white top that skims beautifully over her flab-less body. Phillip looks awkward in jeans that are slightly too high and a shirt that is just a little too neatly ironed. He looks like a shop dummy, complete with plastic grin. As for me, well, it’s just the normal really. Mum assured me I looked beautiful before I left and Hollie even lent me her best plastic bangles to wear. But I know that the jeans I had to dig out are too scruffy. They cling to my bum and bulge at my stomach. I wish I’d gone shopping now and got some new ones. At least Mum’s top hides some of my least favourite features and it scoops nicely at the neckline.

I don’t think I look like a complete freak.

The door is half open when we arrive so we don’t have to knock or anything. Hannah just eases herself in and we follow. The music is already pumping from the back of the flat and there are people everywhere, spilling out into the hall and filling every room we pass.

“This is hell,” Phillip hisses in my ear.

I don’t answer, but fear is clawing at me. I’m not used to being at parties. My bare arms feel exposed; goosebumps are appearing despite the heat of the flat.

We follow Hannah into the main room which is where the music is coming from. It’s a large space and there’s no furniture there at all. Just a sofa pushed to the edge of the wall.

“There he is,” says Hannah, pointing.

We move towards a group in the corner. Lyn is leaning against the window sill drinking a beer. He looks gorgeous, completely casual in jeans and a dark T-shirt, but gorgeous all the same. I try not to stare too hard at him.

“Hi,” he says, walking over. “Jess! You came!”

I smile back. I notice his mates are grinning at me. I’m not sure if it’s friendly or not. The smaller one, Ben/Frodo, seems to be particularly amused by my presence.

“I see you brought your little mates!” says Ben/Frodo, staring intently at Phillip, before shaking his head. He whispers something to the guy next to him and the two of them fall about laughing.

“Take no notice. He’s an idiot,” Lyn says, looking uncomfortable. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, I’m fine,” I say. I become aware of Phillip, standing right behind me. “This is my friend Phillip and that’s Hannah over there.”

I’m feeling really exposed, like everyone is watching us. Phillip is standing there as wooden as a stick. Hannah has gone off to talk to some Year Tens. This is feeling so awkward.

“Great to meet you,” Lyn says, smiling. Phillip stares back at him. He looks like a cat caught in headlights.

“OK. Well I’ll leave you to mix then,” Lyn says, touching my arm. “We’ll catch up later, yeah?”

He walks back to his friends. Ben/Frodo says something else and they all snigger. Alarm bells are flashing in my head and I have no idea how to turn them off.

I turn to Phillip. “Shall we grab a Coke or something?”

“Whatever,” he says, shrugging.

We walk out and manage to find the kitchen, which is small and overcrowded. A couple are snogging by the fridge. A girl is sat cross-legged on the floor, texting. I have to manoeuvre past them all to get the Coke bottles.

“Watch it!” the (snogging) girl hisses at me. Her lipstick is smeared all over her face.

“This is fun,” mutters Phillip, glaring at the chipped mug that I hand him. He wipes the rim with his hand, frowning.

“It might get better,” I say, but in truth I’m feeling the same. I really thought Lyn wanted me here, but now he seems so awkward around me. And why was he sniggering? Is this some kind of joke?

“Jess.”

I look up and see Lois standing in the hallway, blocking my route back through to the living room. My eyes dart around looking to see if Kez is with her, but it looks like she’s alone.

“I’m glad you came,” she says softly. “I wanted to talk to you.”

I find myself backing away from her slightly. The grip on my drink tightens, the tips of my fingers turning white.

“I wanted to have a word,” she says.

“OK.” I feel my body stiffen. I’m feeling so hot; I can feel the sweat begin to prickle my scalp. My armpits are moist. It’s too enclosed here. The walls seem to be pressing against me. “Can we move out there?” I say, gesturing back towards the living room. I need space.

Lois nods. “Sure.”

I lead us through the room that has quickly filled up. I try not to look at Lyn, even though my eyes seem to be longing to pull in that direction. I notice that the doors to the balcony have now been released; the thin net curtains are whipping up in the light breeze. I move us towards the opening, immediately welcoming the fresh air that greets us.

Why am I so hot? Everyone else looks so relaxed and cool.

“That’s better,” I say and smile at Lois, trying to show her the calm “me”. The in-control “me”.

Lois is frowning a little. She leans in towards me. “I just wanted to…”

“Oh, look, there she is!”

Lois spins around; she looks as surprised as me. Beside me, Phillip coughs awkwardly. I don’t say anything; I just freeze on the spot. Kez is just standing there, one hand against the wall. She looks gorgeous, head to toe in luscious, skin-tight black. She looks evil. Her eyes are driving through mine, blasts of ice blue. Her lips curl.

“Lois – I see you’re catching up with my old mate!” she says loudly, walking towards me. I can see Marnie is behind her, grinning like a nasty sheepdog.

“I just wanted a word,” Lois says again.

“Well, you can leave her to me now,” Kez says. “This is my problem.”

She marches past Lois and comes right up to me. She’s never been so close. She looks really mad. Her eyes are bulging and now that I look closely I can see that her make-up has been applied in a rush. Her eyes are smudged and there is a line of foundation around her chin.

“What do you want?” I say.

“I’m here to celebrate with you. Celebrate just what a sad, pathetic little freak you are,” she says. She reaches out and pokes her finger into my tummy, her sharp nail hurts but I try not to flinch. “Congratulations – you win the prize for Loser of the Year.”

I don’t move. Phillip shifts behind me. “Shall we go?” he whispers in my ear. I shake my head. I can’t. Not now.

“Look at you – fat, fat, fat. How could you let yourself sink so low?”

“So what?” I say, but my voice is shaking.

She pinches my top between her fingers. “What is this anyway? It’s not designer, is it? I bet it’s from a tent shop!” Before I know what she’s doing, her hand has snaked behind my neck, has reached for the label. “Oh my God, get this, Marnie – she’s wearing a maternity top!”

Marnie lets out a whoop of laughter. I think the hole in my heart has just opened up some more, is filling up with fear and shame. I can see everyone looking at me, trying not to laugh.

Really? Is she really wearing a maternity top? How fat must she be?

“So you have to shop in stores for pregnant women then, Stig? My God, you really have sunk low.”

I don’t answer. I can see Lois watching and she is shaking her head. Phillip behind me is muttering his disgust, but we are all frozen by Kez’s power. And she’s not finished yet.

“Do you know what? I’ll tell you something, try and help you out a bit, so don’t say I never do. Marnie found out from Ben that you were only invited to this party out of pity. That’s right –” her face is pressed up right close to mine and I can smell her sour breath “– Lyn felt sorry for you. He wanted you to feel better about yourself so he invited you. How tragic is that? You poor little cow. It’s actually pretty sad if you think about it.”

She’s laughing, right up in my face. Cruel, hard laughs that are cutting right through me.

“That’s not true,” I whisper, but the tears are rolling down my face now.

“You should just crawl off and die. People like you are better off dead,” she hisses, still gripping my top. “You’re just a total waste of space.”

“Leave me alone,” I say, my words barely a whisper. “Don’t touch me!” I’m trying to shake her off. I don’t want her hands on me. Kez wobbles and gasps, but her grip now tightens. Something in her eyes changes, it’s like all of the sparkle has been removed. They look like stone.

“What did you say?” she says.

“I said DON’T TOUCH ME!” I scream now, no longer caring. “You stupid, deaf bitch.”

She pushes me, suddenly and with force. She is so strong. All the time she is staring at me with her cold, dead eyes. I fly backwards, out of the patio door and on to the balcony. I’m no longer hot, the cold night air sweeps under my top, across my chest, down my spine. My legs are weak. I want to sink to the floor, but she has me in her claws.

“Please, Kez,” I beg. “I’m sorry.”

She presses my body against the concrete balustrade. I try and push back but it’s like she has the strength of six people. My back is forced against the hard barrier; I can feel myself begin to tip back. I can see the stars, twinkling in the sky.
Such a beautiful night.

A sneer is plastered across her face. She wants to push me further.

“You’re nothing,” she hisses. “Nothing. I can shove you now and no one would care. You are worthless.”

She pushes me again, my body tips, my neck almost snapping. My feet are being lifted away from the floor. Someone gasps, I’m not sure who. I can’t see, my eyes are blurry. Tears are freely running down my face, a fountain.

“Please, please, please,” I beg.

I’m thinking of Hollie. I’m thinking of Mum. Every shred of dignity has been torn away. I imagine falling. Would it be fast and hard? Would I feel any pain? I can hear the beat of time in my head, the rhythm of my own blood rushing to my brain. THUD, THUD, THUD.

“Kez! Let her go!”

I can hear Lyn’s voice, somewhere behind. There is movement, shouting. A tug. Suddenly the grip on me is released and I fall to the balcony floor. A fat, wet heap. I scamper on my knees, pushing past anyone standing in my way. I find the doors and pull myself up. I’m shaking, but I keep moving. I can’t turn. I can’t look at anyone. I hear someone shouting my name, but I don’t stop.

I’m running.

I haven’t slept. Not much, anyway. I keep thinking about the party later and my mind is whirling. Marnie’s spare bed is lumpy; one bump in particular always seems to be there no matter what position I get in. I lay there most of the night staring up at the strange marks on the ceilings, making all sorts of weird pictures out of them – Mr Booth’s face in profile, a cat stretching, someone falling.