Seven Days (14 page)

“I said Lyn came to me.” I’m not sure where this tone in my voice has come from. I find myself standing taller, like Phillip told me to do. “I’ve not been sniffing around. Lyn and me have been talking.We just get on; we always have. We met up yesterday by chance. Ask him.”

She’s still staring, but I can see something in her shift. Doubt? Worry?

“And he’s invited me tomorrow night. He wants me to come,” I add softly.

“You what?”

“Lyn wants me at the party.”

I hear a movement then. Hannah has pushed her way forward. “Oi! Kez, leave it!” she says. But Kez is not listening.

“Why would he want you there?” she hisses.

I don’t answer. How can I? I don’t know the answer myself.

She moves so quickly I don’t have time to react. I just feel the burning, blistering pain as her hand strikes my skin.

“You bitch!” she screams.

She slaps me again and her long nails claw at my face.

Miss Gregory walks in to the girls whooping and screeching, expecting a fight. She pulls Kez away from me, still yelling, as I sink back on the bench. I feel so heavy.

The pain in my cheek isn’t bothering me. It’s the look in Kez’s eyes as she’s led away.

If she hated me before, she absolutely loathes me now.

“I can’t believe this happened in school. She’s actually left a mark on your skin!”

Mum grabs my face and turns it sharply towards her. I flinch. “It’s nothing. It’s fine, honest.”

“It’s not fine. It’s far from fine.” She drops her hand and moves away from me. “I’m ringing the school. This can’t happen. It’s not right.”

“It was dealt with. Please, Mum, don’t make a fuss. It’ll just make things worse.”

“How was it dealt with?”

“I said it was nothing. I told the teacher I wound the girl up. I don’t want it to go further.”

She stops and turns. “This is the bully, isn’t it? The one you were worried about before?”

I half shrug. I’m so tired. I don’t want this right now. I just want to lie on my bed with the duvet over my head. Read a book. Forget about the whole stupid day.

Mum rubs her face. “I’m so sorry, Jess. I should’ve listened before. I just figured it was girls saying stuff. You know, stupid things. I didn’t think it would ever get physical.”

“And now they’ve hit me, so that makes it worse?” I say quietly.

“No. Of course not.” She sounds confused. She sits next to me on the sofa. I look down at her long fingers that are fiddling with her skirt hem, at her exposed white legs, with bulging veins like tiny worms snaking up her calves. Her feet are long and bony and the toes bend out of shape. I wonder if it’s because she walks so much.

“What are you staring at?” she asks, drawing her feet back against the sofa. “I know they look horrible. I’ve always had disgusting feet.”

I remember Kez accusing me of staring at her boobs and I can feel the shame burn in my cheeks.

“I wasn’t staring,” I whisper.

“Jess, what on earth is wrong?” She pulls me towards her. The scent of her is so familiar; I bury my head in her top, rubbing my cheek against the rough material. She starts stroking my head, slow soft strokes and I close my eyes.

“It will get better. You just need to rise above them,” she mumbles into my hair.

“They hate me.”

“How could they possibly hate you? You’re beautiful. They must be jealous.”

I pull myself away from her, rub my tear-streaked face. Is she even seeing me properly? “You are kidding right? I’m disgusting.”

Her face pales. “Don’t say that, Jess. It’s not true.”

“I’m fat, clumsy and ugly. And now they’re saying I’m a lesbian too.”

“Who’s saying this?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not telling you because I don’t want it getting worse.”

Mum sighs. Her whole body seems to deflate. “I just want to help, Jess.”

“I don’t want your help,” I say flatly. “I told the school the same. I said it was nothing. It’s not worth the grief if I make more fuss.”

“But, Jess, you can’t let these stupid girls get to you. Do you really believe they’re right?”

I jump up. I swear my whole body wobbles as I do so. “Just look at me. Of course they’re right.”

Mum sits there for a few seconds, staring at me. Then she stands up and takes my arm, still not saying anything. She leads me down the hall, past the bedroom where Hollie is quietly playing and into the bathroom. She stands me in front of the mirror.

“Look in there and tell me what you see,” she says.

I stare back at the pink blob. The shapeless, lardy, formless mass that fills the entire glass. I want to put my fist through it. “I see a fat lump,” I say.

“I see beautiful clear skin. Bright, large green eyes. Long eyelashes. Full lips. And the most lovely, long dark hair with a natural wave that I would kill for.” Mum squeezes her face next to me, so that both our images are projected side by side. “I’ve always hated my horrible thin lips, my piggy eyes and wishy-washy hair – luckily, you take after your dad.”

“A dad that hates me too,” I whisper.

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just … well, he’s just a bit useless.” She kisses my cheek. “And I have been a bit lately, too. I’m sorry. Things will get easier soon, I promise.”

“I just want to speak to him. I don’t understand why he’s cut us off like this.”

“Well, maybe you could try calling him?” Mum says. “I’m not promising anything – he never returns my calls – but if you want to try?”

“I would like to,” I say, a rush of fear and excitement is hitting me at once. I didn’t think she’d be so nice about it.

“I just hope this makes you feel a better.”

“A bit. But I’m still fat.”

“You’re a little overweight. But it’s nothing major and if you’re so worried about it, we can look at helping you. We can get some healthy food in? Maybe we could do a class together, or go running. It might be fun, you never know.”

I keep looking at our two faces. Mum’s tired, pale face seems so thin next to mine. I still look like an elephant. But I guess she is right about my eyes, they are quite big.

“Rise above it, Jess, don’t sink,” Mum whispers. “You’re more beautiful than you ever imagine.”

Later, before I go to bed, I log on to the internet. I’m surprised to see a private message waiting for me. I never get those. When I see it’s from Lyn, I’m even more amazed.

I click it open.

Hey Jess

I heard what happened today. It’s not cool. I’ve finished with Kez so she knows the score.

Hope you’re still coming tomorrow night? Really wanna c u.

Keep smiling.

Lyn x

I write my reply straight away, my heart beating fast.

Hi

I’ll be there. Looking forward to it.

Sorry about you and Kez.

J

This is the first time a guy’s ever sent me a message – and this guy is really, really fit. On top of that, he’s ended things with Kez, which must mean she won’t be at the party tomorrow. Mustn’t it?

Minutes later another private message pops up. I open it, my heart pumping with excitement. Except this time it’s not Lyn.

Looking forward to seeing u at the party tomorrow – you little fat freak. And if you don’t go, I’ll get you another time, so you better show ur ugly face.

You mess with my life and you’ll regret it.

It’s payback time.

K

I shut down the computer. I cannot bear to read it again. This nightmare is just getting a whole lot worse and I don’t even know what to do about it.

Is it possible to hate someone any more than you already do? I don’t think so, I really don’t. I think my hate level is totally maxed out. I was told that there is a fine line between love and hate. Does that mean I’m going to start loving him again? Because I’m really not sure I can.

I’m sitting opposite him, Dad, only because Mum snuck into my room early and begged me. Told me that she needed one more morning of being normal. Can’t she see this is all a big joke? I feel like we’re putting on a play for someone else’s benefit. I keep expecting to turn around and see the audience sitting there, bags of popcorn on their laps, swallowing up our lies.

Dad is eating his toast really slowly, taking effort with each bite. The newspaper is open in front of him but he’s not looking at it. He’s watching me. I eat my cornflakes carefully and deliberately. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want anything to do with him. At the sink Mum is keeping herself busy washing things; I see that she has been washing the same mug for five minutes now – that must be some kind of record.

“What lessons have you got today?” he asks.

“English. Art. Music. Maths. PE.” I fire each answer back, flat and toneless. Another mouthful of soggy slush enters my mouth. I think I’m losing my sense of taste, everything seems like cardboard.

“I hope you’re up to date with your homework.”

I think of my science and almost blush. My English is well overdue too, but I can’t get on with romantic books. “I am,” I say instead.

He takes a slug of coffee, still watching me. “Mum says you’ve been hanging around with the kids on the Estate.”

I look over at Mum; her arms are working furiously in the suds. I didn’t even know she cared where I’d been. I really don’t see what this has to do with anything.

“I think you should reconsider your friendship groups. I’ve noticed a marked change in your behaviour of late.”

You’ve noticed a marked change in my behaviour since you’ve started smashing the place up more, Dad. Using Mum as a punching bag. Am I next?

Of course, I don’t say this, I just sit there chewing. I can’t seem able to swallow my mouthful.

“Whatever happened to that other girl you used to be with all the time?”

“Lois,” Mum chips in helpfully. “I liked her.”

“She’s still around,” I say. “But I like Marnie too.”

Dad pulls his newspaper towards him and carefully folds it and then slowly stands up. He moves carefully, unwinding like a large snake.

“And like I said, you might want to think carefully about those friendship groups,” he says in his soft, spiteful manner, “if you want to remain in this house.”

He leaves, closing the door quietly behind him. I finally feel able to swallow the last spoonful of soggy cereal. It seems to struggle as it slides down my throat, scratching my insides.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” I hiss at the closed door.

Meanwhile Mum continues to wash. It’s still the same cup.

“So what will you do?” Marnie says. She’s only half listening to me. She has her phone out and is checking her messages again. I know she’s hoping Ben will text her about tomorrow night. She’s so fixated on him it’s kind of painful.

“I dunno. I’m not sure who I wanna deal with first, my dad or Lyn.”

It’s break and there is actually a gap in the rain that just seems non-stop at the moment. We’ve taken the opportunity to grab some air outside. Marnie has smuggled in a bag of sweets and we are chewing them greedily.

“But your dad can’t stop you seeing me, surely? What have I ever done to him?” I lick the sugar away from my lips. It’s the sour stuff and it burns my tongue. I’m not even sure what to tell her. I can hardly say that my dad is an unemployed slob, who thinks he’s better than her just because he’s not living on the Mac. Even though I can’t stand him most of the time, I don’t want other people to know what he’s like.

“You’ve not done anything. He’s just in a mood. He’ll get over it,” I say instead.

She nods. “At least you’ve got a dad. All I know about mine was that he had a bald head and a thick moustache. I just hope I don’t take after him.”

We both giggle. Marnie swings her legs. “I wouldn’t worry about Lyn either. It’s not like he’s going to be after Jess, is it? Seriously, who’d pick her over you?”