Second Thoughts (12 page)

“Around five.”

“I bet you can’t wait.”

Faye flashed her a grin. “Nope. I’ve been going stir-crazy in that flat without her. I can’t imagine loving someone that much and not being with them.”

Melissa drew her eyebrows together. “Would you be referring to me and Sara again by any chance?”

Faye threw her hands in the air. “Yes, I am. Come on Melissa, please help me out here.” She dropped onto her knees beside Melissa’s chair. “Take your blinkers off and realise what you’re walking right into. I guarantee you that it will be a loveless marriage. You’re mistaking the feelings you had for a friendship with love.”

“I’ve heard enough of this now, Faye. Please just stop,” she said with finality.

Faye’s expression was serious. “Okay. Just answer me this truthfully and I won’t say another word.”

Melissa rubbed her hand over her face. “You promise?”

Faye jumped to her feet. “I promise.”

“Go on then.”

Faye walked around the desk and dropped into a chair. “Have you ever felt the same intensity for Bettina as you did for Sara?”

Melissa put her elbows on the desk and leaned forward. “That’s a ridiculous question. It’s obvious that I’d feel differently about each them.”

“I never thought I’d see the day when you wouldn’t be truthful with me of all people,” Faye said sadly.

Melissa ran her hands through her hair. “I’m not being dishonest, Faye. All I can tell you is that I’m marrying Bettina whether you think it’s the right decision or not.”

Faye leaned back and breathed in deeply, her eyes clouding over. “Okay. At least I can say as your best friend I tried to make you see sense.”

“And I’m grateful for it, honestly. Now, can we move on to something more positive?”

“Yep. I hope you’re still coming out for dinner tonight.”

“Of course I am.”

Faye raised her eyebrows and flashed her a grin. “You say it like you’ve never cancelled at the last minute before.”

“I’ve missed Chrissy. She’s the only one who can rein you in.”

Faye stood. “So I’ll see you at eight then. And please don’t let Bettina talk you out of coming.”

“I haven’t told her yet, but I’m sure she won’t say anything.”

“We’ll see,” Faye murmured.

Unless heaven itself crashed down on the earth she was going to meet them for dinner. She was sick of Bettina calling all the shots. She had always done exactly what Bettina had wanted her to do. Now it was time to start taking some of her power back whether Bettina liked it or not.

After Eli had left, Bettina had drunk several glasses of wine as she had come to terms with the enormity of what Eli had told her. Scott being Melissa’s dad seemed unthinkable. She would be devastated if it had been her situation. This was one secret she would gladly hide and not feel any guilt about. She would be the first to admit that her family wasn’t exactly the Waltons, but she liked to think there weren’t any family secrets that could rock the foundation of her very being.

Bettina was relaxing in a hot bubble bath reading a book. She’d been immersed in it, trying to keep her mind off the afternoon’s drama. When she heard the front door slam shut downstairs, she reluctantly closed the book.

“I’m in the bathroom,” Bettina yelled. Each day was getting harder as she tried to get a handle on the situation she had created. What could she possibly do to make things right? She had royally fucked up and had only herself to blame.

She laid the book on the side of the tub when Melissa entered. Straight away she knew something was up. Melissa’s body language was all wrong. Her posture was tight and rigid and tension was visible on her forehead.

“Oh good, you haven’t started dinner yet.”

“Hmm no,” Bettina said playing with the foam that was threatening to spill over the edge of the bath. “I was going to but Eli dropped round.”

“Oh, what for? Is she okay?”

Bettina bit her bottom lip. “Not really. They’ve been having problems with Belinda again,” she said distractedly.

“That bloody woman is a pest. I’ll give Eli a quick call.”

Bettina looked up at her, suddenly feeling like she was in the room with a stranger. This was the first time in their relationship things had been strained between them and she was at a loss what to do. She was contemplating calling her bluff and suggesting they split up. But had decided against it in case Melissa took it as a green light to leave. “I’d leave it for tonight. Let them sort it out between them.”

Melissa walked over and sat on the toilet lid. “Okay. I’m sure she’ll call if she wants to talk.”

“So do you want to go out for dinner instead? We can go somewhere nice and romantic. Just the two of us.”

“Actually.” Melissa crossed her arms over her chest. “I said I’d meet Faye tonight. Chrissy’s back so we’re going out for dinner.”

Bettina twisted her head around to look at her. “Oh.”

“That’s not a problem is it?”

Bettina tried to smile through the lump that was forming in her throat. “No. Not at all. I just thought after all that’s happened this week you might want to spend time with me.”
What is wrong with me? Why am I emotionally blackmailing her? If she doesn’t want to be with me, so be it.
How was it even possible that in the last few days she had turned from a dynamic confident woman to a needy person? She knew it was because no one had ever challenged her status in a relationship before. She had always been top dog and all of her ex-partners had been the needy submissive ones. But Melissa, it seemed, was turning the tables without even realising it.

“Bettina, I’m only going to be gone a couple of hours. I’m not planning on leaving the country.”

“Okay, go and enjoy yourself. Don’t let me stand in your way.” She inwardly cringed as she remembered her mother saying the very same words to her father any time he wanted to go out without her. Needless to say, he’d left her in the end when he could no longer tolerate her clinginess. The realisation hit her like a bolt of lightning. Was she going to end up like her mother if Melissa left her; brow beaten, accepting any type of relationship through fear of being alone. She couldn’t let Melissa go under any circumstances. If she lost her, she knew her mother’s path would be her own.
Jesus Christ, what if Sara’s going to be there?

She reached out and took Melissa’s hand. “I could always come with you.”

Melissa’s eyes widened. “But you hate Faye.”

“That’s a bit dramatic. I’ve never hated her.” Maybe it was time for her to bury the hatchet with Faye. Well at least for appearance’s sake.

“Well, in that case it would be great if you came out.”

“Really? You don’t mind?”

Melissa frowned. “Are you serious? Why would I mind? All I’ve wanted from this relationship was a bit of give and take. I hate the way you never make an effort with my friends but expect me to do all the running with yours. Surely it’s meant to work both ways.”

“You’ve never said anything before,” Bettina said quietly. “I know I’m many things but I’m not a mind reader.”

Melissa’s eyes narrowed to slits. “I thought it was plain obvious seeing as you never want to socialise with anyone I know.”

There was a sharp edge to her tone which Bettina couldn’t miss. She truly hadn’t realised it was such a bone of contention with her, which made her wonder what else she had missed by not paying attention. Maybe she had been taking her for granted for too long now.

“Well I promise from now on I’ll make more of effort. Are you going to stop being so distant with me now?”

Melissa let out a heavy sigh. “Look, I’ll admit I was angry with you when I found out what you’d done, but like you said it’s over with now.”

“You still haven’t told me why you met with her in the first place.”

“She asked me out for a coffee. I could hardly say no after her travelling all this way for my hen do.”

“So you don’t still have feelings for her?” she asked pushing herself up into a sitting position.

“I’m marrying you, aren’t I? I’m going to get ready. Are you getting out the bath?”

“Pass me a towel then.” She stood, the suds dripping down her body.

Melissa got to her feet, retrieved a towel from the radiator and handed it to her.

Bettina wrapped the towel around herself and stepped out of the bath. She stood in front of Melissa, her eyes scrutinising her face. “At least I’ll get to see what your fascination with going out with Faye is. Maybe she can tell me some of your dirty little secrets.” She grinned as she towel dried herself.

“I doubt it.”

Bettina raised her eyebrows questioningly. “Why’s that?”

“Because I don’t have any.”

With one firm yank Eli pulled the loft ladder down and slowly climbed the metal stairs. She poked her head into the dark musty space, letting out a yelp as her fingers came into contact with cobwebs as she searched for the light switch and turned it on. The dim light exposed rows and rows of boxes full of her parents’ earthly possessions. Neither Melissa nor herself had been strong enough to throw anything away. In fact this was the first time she had been up to the loft since they had stored the belongings there. She knew she would have to sort through the boxes one day; she couldn’t avoid facing it indefinitely. Maybe she should start off by giving away the clothes and shoes to charity. But not today – today was about finding photos of Melissa for the wedding collage.

She eased herself through the opening, brushing away the dirt that had attached itself to her trousers.
Right. Where do I start?
Eli let out a nostalgic sigh as she put her hand in the first box and withdrew her mother’s favourite sheepskin jacket, the one she religiously wore at the beginning of September until spring the following year. She brought it to her face and buried her nose in the softness of the lining, inhaling deeply in the hope of picking up the scent of her mother. Sadly all she could smell was the faint odour of mildew.
I’ll take the clothes down today, what’s the point of them getting ruined up here.
She knew her mother would have wanted her to give their possessions to someone who could make use of them. She lifted the box and put it near the opening. Deep in thought she opened each box, taking all the ones with clothes in and lining them up ready to take down. She’d have to wait for Scott to help her. She didn’t think she could manoeuvre the boxes by herself on the ladder.
Ah ha, here they are.
Lugging the box to the centre of the floor, she knelt down and took out several photo albums. A faint smile played on her lips as her mind travelled down memory lane. Photos of Melissa as a baby, then as a toddler, photos of Eli herself at her tenth birthday party. She remembered it as if it were yesterday. The purple mini her dad had presented to her on her eighteenth birthday. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Instead of feeling sad, the pictures made her feel grateful for the time they’d shared together. She caught sight of a red leather-bound diary. She remembered it well. It belonged to her mother. She was forever writing in it; days out, birthdays, memorable moments. She reached in and lifted it out. Flicking through it, she read through a few entries and smiled in the comfort that her mother had been happy.

19
^th
May

I’ve never felt happier. John surprised me with tickets for a cruise around the Greek islands. Can’t wait, it will be like old times. Found an old swimming costume today and was thrilled to see it still fitted.

21
^st
May

Yay!!! John has finally given in and agreed to get a dog. We’re going to Battersea dog’s home to choose one when we get back off holiday. It’s going to be difficult not wanting to take them all home. Can’t believe it, a cruise and a dog in one month. Life can’t get any better!!!

Eli let out a sigh. Her mother never did go on her cruise or get the dog she wanted.
That’s life for you; you never know what’s going to happen next.
She turned the page and read the first few lines. Her hands began to shake as she reread the entry for a second time.

29
^th
May

I can’t believe this is happening. Why God, why would you let this happen? Haven’t I been through enough? This is more than I can bear. Scott turned up out of the blue last night after all these years, acting as if nothing ever happened. John was so pleased to see him again. I couldn’t tell him to leave otherwise John would want to know why. I can’t bear to keep this secret to myself anymore. It’s going to kill me.

Eli rested the diary on the edge of the box. She couldn’t bear to read on. It was obvious what was coming next. Her mother had told her dad about the affair.
My poor dad. He must have been crushed.
Despite herself, she picked up the diary again. Maybe she didn’t tell him and he didn’t die knowing his wife had cheated on him. She opened the page and started where she left off.

22
^nd
June

Scott has been turning up every day, he won’t leave me alone. Whenever John’s out of ear shot he’s making suggestive comments. He’s realised Melissa’s his child and wants to tell her the truth. John thinks I’m being horrible for not wanting him in the house. We’ve been arguing about him nonstop.
How can I find the words to tell my loyal trusting husband his best friend raped me!!!!!!!

Eli’s chest constricted as the diary fell from her hands in what seemed like slow motion. She swallowed hard as she recalled the last days before the tragic accident. Her mother had looked pale and drawn. She had told Eli she had been to the doctor and it was a virus. Eli had believed her – why wouldn’t she have? She felt sick to her stomach. The man she had loved and wanted to marry more than anything in the world was her mother’s rapist.

“I thought you hated Thai food,” Bettina said as they crossed the road to the glass-fronted restaurant, where multi-coloured lights glowed around the edges of the window.