Second Thoughts (14 page)

He looked down at her, confusion in his eyes as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought we’d moved on from that.”

“Liar! You fucking lying bastard!” She ran at him, digging her nails into his hand as he grabbed her arm.

“Get a grip, Eli. You’re acting like a crazy woman.”

“You raped her! You raped my mother!” She broke loose from his grip and slapped him across the face.

Scott laughed. “Are you mad?” He shook his head. “I raped her? How can you believe such a thing,” he began falteringly. “I told you we were drunk, we were both up for it and…”

“Shut up! Shut up! You lying, raping bastard!” She pulled open the diary and thrust it at him. “Read it in her own words.”

Scott glanced away from the open pages.

“I’ll read it for you shall I?
I begged him to stop, I told him no, but he carried on
. Does that sound like someone who was ‘up for it?’”

“I don’t care what’s written in there. I did not rape your mother,” he countered calmly.

Eli searched his face looking for any sign of the man she thought was her knight in shining armour. Loathing spread throughout her for the pathetic excuse of a man standing in front of her.

He stepped towards her tentatively, his arms outstretched.

Eli backed away to the sink and pulled a knife from the block. “You come within one inch of me and I’ll kill you.”

He held up his hands and backed off. “Maybe I should give you time to cool down and think about things.”

Eli recoiled. “There’s nothing to think about. I want you out of this house.”

“I really think…” his voice trailed off as she stepped towards him brandishing the knife. He shrugged disconsolately. “Oh fuck it. Have it your way, it would never have worked anyway. The only reason I was with you was to be close to Melissa.”

Though Eli was composed on the outside, inside she was spiralling into a dark hole, one she didn’t think she’d ever find her way out of.

“There’s no point you both drinking yourselves into oblivion!” Chrissy said as she looked down at Sara and Faye propped up against the leather headboard on the king-size bed.

Sara knew Chrissy was right but she couldn’t see any other way to dull the pain. God knows what she would have done if Faye and Chrissy hadn’t turned up at her hotel door brandishing a bottle of Vodka.

“What’s the alternative? Kill myself?” Sara looked up at the high ceiling with spot lights. “Nope. There’s no way I could even reach up there to hang myself.”

Chrissy kicked off her shoes and curled up on a chair. “Look, I know Melissa and Bettina trying for a baby has come as a huge shock, but there really isn’t anything either of you can do.”

Faye turned to Sara. “That’s what I love about Chrissy, always the pragmatic one.”

Chrissy sighed. “No, Faye, I’m a realist.”

Faye stared absent-mindedly up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe Melissa didn’t tell me. I thought she told me everything.”

Sara looked miserably into her glass. “They’re obviously a lot more committed than any of us thought.” She wished it wasn’t true, but she couldn’t deny it any longer. Melissa and Bettina were going to be together forever. Melissa wasn’t the sort of person to have a baby with someone she didn’t plan on staying with.

Faye reached down to the side of the bed and refilled her glass. “Sorry, I’m still not convinced. The hold Bettina has over her makes me so angry and she can’t even see it. Melissa thinks Bettina’s such a Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes, even though the truth is staring her in the face.”

Chrissy took a sip of her coffee. “Faye, you’ve got to stop trying to be Melissa’s protector. She makes her own decisions and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Faye jerked up into a sitting position, spilling the vodka on the bed. “So you think I should just watch this train wreck and say nothing.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Sara pulled Faye back. “Chrissy’s right, Faye. As much as it hurts me to say it, we’ve just got to let her go. Let her make her own mistakes. If Bettina’s the wrong one for her, she’ll find out soon enough.”

Faye swung her legs off the bed, walked to the window and took a large gulp of her drink. “Okay. I’ll step back. So what are your plans now, Sara? Are you going to the wedding?”

“I doubt it; it’s hard enough as it is to see her, without watching her go through a wedding ceremony.”

Maybe it was for the best.
What could she really offer Melissa anyway? If stability was what she really wanted she’d hardly find it with her. Sara wanted more out of life than a nine-to-five job and a kid around her ankles. She wanted to explore the world, participate in finding cures to help sick people. She had stupidly thought she could do all that with Melissa at her side, but seeing her life choices, she couldn’t have been more wrong.

Faye laughed. “Hey, you never know, they might name their kid after you.”

“Somehow I can’t see that happening.” Sara knew the last thing Bettina would want was any kind of reminder that she even existed.

“Sara, I think you should come to the wedding,” Chrissy said.

“Really? Why’s that?” Rather than be shocked by her suggestion, she was interested to know. Even back during their university days, everyone had turned to Chrissy when they had a problem. She was the only person Sara knew who could weigh a situation up fairly and objectively. “For whose benefit?”

“Yours. Although I think this will bring closure for both of you. It’s obvious to everyone that you still have feelings for one another. But for some reason Melissa doesn’t want to acknowledge it. I think it’s important that you see that she’s happy with the choices she’s made and it will be easier for you to move on and find someone else. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life pining for your lost love, do you?”

Sara thought about it for a few seconds. Though she couldn’t imagine the day when anyone replaced Melissa, she knew Chrissy was right.

Sara let out a sigh. “Okay, who’s coming shopping with me tomorrow?”

“Why? What do you need?”

“If I’m going to a wedding I need an outfit.”

“That’s my girl,” Faye said raising her glass. “Fight for what you want to the bitter end.”

The evening out hadn’t brought Melissa and Bettina any closer together, if anything it had made things worse. They had been arguing all the way home in the cab and by the looks of things; Bettina wasn’t finished with her yet either. She turned on her as soon as they stepped through their front door.

Melissa braced herself, pressing her back against the wall as Bettina’s face moved threateningly close to her own. “Why don’t you just admit that you still love her?” she asked throatily.

Melissa held Bettina’s shoulders at arm’s length. “There’s nothing going on between us, you have to believe me.”

Bettina brushed her hands away, swaying as she tried to keep her balance. “And why should I do that?”

“Because I’m here with you, not Sara.”

Bettina gave a choked desperate laugh. “That’s what you say now. But you hate me, don’t you? You wish I’d never sent her away. You wish it was her that you were marrying, not me.”

Melissa shrugged in mock resignation. “Bettina, you’re just getting paranoid now. We’re going to be married and have a child together. If that doesn’t show you how committed I am, I don’t know what will.”

“Just admit that you’re still angry with me,” she said, her voice slurring

Melissa stared back at her and blinked. “I’m not angry because you sent her away,” she started slowly, the alcohol in her system fuelling her bravery. “I’m angry that you didn’t tell me she’d been. You hid a secret from me, for four fucking years!” That was the first time in their relationship she had ever raised her voice, let alone added a swear word. Normally she counted to ten to keep her temper in check, but tonight was not a normal night. Bettina still seemed oblivious to how much her actions had hurt her. “Tell me Bettina, what does that tell you about our relationship? About you!?” Her voice rose as the anger and hurt released itself from its hidden quarters. “You were the one person in the world who I thought I could trust.”

Bettina sighed heavily. “Melissa, do you remember the state you were in when you turned up on my door step? You were broken.”

She flung her hands out in simple despair. “Did I ask you to fix me? No. If I recall I asked you for nothing. It was you who decided I need rescuing. You and only you.”

Bettina stared at her, the colour draining from her face making her hair look darker than usual. “So I’ve wasted all the effort I put in. Is that what you’re saying?”

Melissa didn’t know what she was saying anymore. Nothing was making sense. The alcohol was loosening her tongue. If she said any more she didn’t think their relationship would recover from it.

“Look, all I’m saying is that it was wrong what you did. I appreciate that you thought you were looking out for me, but–”

“But what?”

“But I’ve forgiven you now.”

Bettina gave her a murderous look. “Well that’s very noble of you. I wasn’t asking for your forgiveness, Melissa, just your understanding.” She held onto the wall to steady herself. “I think you should sleep in the spare room tonight.”

“Oh come on Bettina, don’t start being silly.”

With a moan of distress she turned away. “I’m not. I think you need some time alone to think about what you really want.”

“Fine. Whatever you say, as always.” Melissa watched her as she retreated up the stairs. How could she tell Bettina that’s all she’d been doing since Sara walked back into her life?

Melissa slipped out of her shoes and padded along the hall to the kitchen.
Only five days to go
until we’re married
. Instead of feeling excited, Melissa felt as if she was preparing for a funeral. Her heart was heavy with doubt at a time that should have been the happiest of her life. The worst thing was that she didn’t have anyone to turn to – how could she explain how she felt to Eli or even Faye?

She slumped down into a chair and rested her forehead against the dining table. She was even too ashamed to ask God for guidance – she knew exactly what he or she would say. As a matter of fact she knew what any sane person would say and they’d be right of course – tears brimmed in her eyes and she blinked them away.
I wish Dad was here, he’d know what to do
. But would he? She doubted her dad would be proud of her for having, what was effectively an emotional affair with her ex. What made matters even worse now was that she might have to take her vows in front of Sara. Would she really be able to commit her heart to Bettina knowing she was in love with Sara? She knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn’t pull out now. Or could she?

Melissa was at work by eight am. She’d had a restless night and the thought of having to face Bettina again after last night’s argument filled her with dread. What could she possibly say about the accusations Bettina threw at her? She made herself a cup of coffee and drank it at the counter before going into her office. Taking a small step ladder, she reached up and brought down a wooden box she had kept hidden on the top shelf in her office and placed it on her desk. She hadn’t looked at it in years, which was why she was finding it so difficult to open now. Inside the seemingly innocent box lay reminders of the three happy years she had shared with Sara. Lifting the lid she fished inside and withdrew a pile of photographs of the two of them taken throughout their university years.
We were so happy.

Startled by a gentle tap on the door she quickly snapped the lid shut and hid the box in her desk draw.

“Come in.”

The door slowly opened and Bettina popped her hand around the door waving a white hanky, before her body appeared.

Bettina eyed her curiously. “Can I come in?”

Melissa nodded.
I am such a bitch.
Her heart was heavy with guilt that Bettina was seeking her out to make up, like she was the one who had been sneaking around. She realised she’d been so distracted with thoughts of Sara that she’d lost sight of the dream life she had nearly accomplished with Bettina. She hadn’t asked her anything about the wedding nor had they sorted out the baby’s name. If anything, she was the one who should be apologising to Bettina for being such a lousy partner.

“Of course you can.” She gestured for her to sit down.

Bettina walked around the desk and sat on the edge. “I’m really sorry, Melissa. I don’t know what got into me last night. I think I had too much to drink.”

“I think we all did.”

“I shouldn’t have told them we were trying for a baby especially as I’d asked you not to tell anyone.” She clasped her hands together. “And I didn’t mean it when I said you were still in love with her.”

Melissa turned her eyes to look through the window, up towards the blue cloudless sky. Something needed to give; she couldn’t keep punishing Bettina, when it was her own behaviour that was deplorable. “Honestly, it’s okay. I’ve got to admit I’ve been behaving a little crazy these past few days.”

Bettina raised her eyebrows. “A little?”

Melissa laughed. “Okay a lot. It’s just that Sara turning up out the blue the way she did then finding out…”

“That I lied to you.”

Melissa nodded.

“I truly am sorry about that. I guess I’m too pig-headed to admit when I’m in the wrong. And I was in the wrong.”

“Me too. It was a bit of a weird set-up having dinner with my ex anyway. I should have insisted we left straight away.”

“Nah, it was a good night, until the end that is. Though you might not have any feelings for Sara, I do think she still has a bit of a thing for you.”

Bettina sounded more amused than threatened, which surprised Melissa. “You don’t seem to be that bothered.”

“Why should I be? Like you said, you’re walking down the aisle with me in four days. At the end of the day if you were meant to be together you would have been, regardless of past mishaps. Anyway who could blame her for still having the hots for you?” She leaned over and kissed her on the lips.