Private Emotions – Invitations (The Private Emotions Trilogy) (18 page)

Susan was waiting for me the next day, and she said, “I’ve had some interesting phone calls in the last little while and they all seem to be saying the same thing. All of them feel that you have strayed from the path that you were on and now you have to get back on it and see where it takes you. Ethan has put a lot onto your shoulders and if I didn’t think that you could handle it, I would tell you to tell him that it was over.”

“I know, I know, I just have to bite the bullet and give him a second chance. If I don’t then I might ruin the best thing that has come into my life in a long time. If all of my friends and my therapist agree that I should forgive him then I guess I have been pigheaded and I need to calm down and be a little more flexible. I know that he means no harm but it just hurts that he didn’t know the party would have bothered me. I suppose he couldn’t read my mind and was just doing what he thought would move me forward in my sexuality.”

“You just said a mouthful, Emily. I see that what we’ve been talking about all this time has finally sunken in. You know that I’ll support you in whatever you decide to do. I will always be here to talk but this ultimately is between you and Ethan to work out between the both of you. The only thing I want you to remember is that you shouldn’t get too close too soon. Your heart and what you want from him is just as important to the relationship, if not more important, than what he feels for you.”

“Thanks, Doc, you and my friends are always there for me. I don’t know what I would have done without any of you.” I hugged her goodbye and left. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders as my decision became much clearer.

Chapter Ten
Admitting the Truth

It was three days since I received those extravagant gifts from Ethan, three days since I told him that the little things mattered, three days since I heard anything from him. I was starting to get very worried about what he would do next. He was a proud man and would not give up without a good fight.

I made myself a cup of coffee and decided to just take it easy. It was Sunday, the one day when I tried to slow the pace of my crazy life and just relax. Relaxing was never one of my strong points but I had blocked out Sundays in my diary to do just that. Okay, so I was here in my apartment relaxing with my coffee. While I was waiting for the feeling of relaxation to wash over me another feeling came crashing through. Boredom.

I got dressed and had a walk into the city. Hmm, maybe I should take this opportunity to buy one of those books that those ‘perpetually happy people’ bought. There was a great little bookshop around the next corner so I would go there first.

Let’s see. ‘How to be Happy in Seven Days’. Seven? Why seven? Why not five? It was easy to be happy on the weekends. She really needed to rethink her strategy. Hmm, what’s this one? ‘Visualization Techniques for the Beginner’. Beginner? Hell, what did that mean? Would I have to accept only partial happiness until I completed the advanced course? Ah, this one looked interesting. How...“Oh, sorry, sir.”

“Emily?”

“David? Oh my goodness, David! What are you doing here?” I had not seen David since I fixed him up with my friend from the gym, Vanessa. “So, is it all about love in your neck of the woods?”

“Oh, Em, I can’t thank you enough. Vanessa and I get on so well. She is everything that I hoped for in a woman.” I must admit that although I was very happy for David, I felt a bit jealous at how quickly things had worked out for him.

“That’s great, David. I knew you guys would be amazing together. She is a wonderful woman.” So was I, even though Ethan couldn’t see it just yet.

“Are you looking for something in particular, Em?”

“No, just browsing. What about you?”

“I am looking for a birthday gift for Vanessa. She loves to read but I am not sure what to get her as her taste is so diverse. Any suggestions to help a guy out?”

“Umm.” A smile slowly came over my face as I knew exactly what would impress her.

“What. What is it, Emily? You’re smiling.”

“Well, Vanessa loves sailing. So why don’t you buy one of those high gloss sailing books that describe all the best places in the world to sail. You know, the ones that also talk about the different types of sailing boats and all the things needed for the perfect sailing weekend. You could even sweeten the pot by presenting her with tickets to a museum or exhibition of some kind that is dedicated to sailing. Do a search on the Internet and I am sure that you will be able to find something reasonable. Trust me, a gift like that over dinner would make any sailing enthusiast melt.”

“That is an amazing idea! Thanks, Emily. You’re the best.” He gave me a warm hug and hurried off to put my plan into action. I left the bookshop empty-handed but happy that I had helped David. He was a good apple and he deserved to have love in his life. Hmm, maybe I didn’t need a book after all.

I stopped off at Teatotal for a coffee and a quick bite to eat before making my way down to the river’s edge where the swans were paddling away. I sat in my usual spot, a little mound of grass that was shaded by one of the sleepy willow trees. I could never get tired of this spot. It was close enough to the river’s edge so feeding the swans was easy. I could almost reach out and touch them when they paddled towards me for the pieces of bread. It was my special spot and it definitely helped me to feel relaxed and calm inside.

I stayed there all afternoon and just enjoyed one of those rare days when I did not have anything on the agenda that required my urgent attention. As I watched the passersby I noticed a couple with a little girl in tow. It immediately reminded me of Kelly and I decided to give Julia a call to see how she was holding up. Even though the conversation was pleasant I could hear a trace of sadness in her voice. We chatted for quite a while and promised to meet up soon before saying our goodbyes. I continued to feed the swans the last bit of bread as my mind strayed to thoughts of Ethan.

I wanted to stretch the day out for as long as I could so I took my time to walk home. I wondered what Ethan was up to? Had he given up on our arrangement? Would I ever see him again?

I arrived home and decided to make myself a salad when my cell went off in my purse. I was just lucky that it was lying on the kitchen table or I wouldn’t have even heard it.

“What is it, Ronnie? Did you forget to tell me something?”

“Um, it’s not Ronnie, it’s Ethan.” My heart went completely still and then started to pump a mile a minute. My palms got sweaty and my insides started doing loopty loops. How was it that this man could affect me in such a profound and meaningful way? Damn him for breaking my heart with that party but he seemed to have a way about him that made it hard to stay angry with him for long. He wasn’t good for me but who ever said that love was good for you? The heart wanted what it wanted and to hell with what your common sense was telling you. “Emily, are you up for a little dinner with a man who still has a lot to show you?”

I had to wonder. Was he this persistent with all of his other female clients? I really wanted to see him but the timing still felt wrong. Ethan had not yet understood my point. Although extravagant presents were impressive, it was the simple, intimate things that really mattered in the end. These were the only things that could still touch my heart. Ethan had enough experience to know this but doing things that way would mean that he would have to connect with his own heart, a connection that he was not ready to make. I thought the best thing to do was just put him off for the time being. “Ethan, I would love to have dinner with you but could we possibly have it another time? I’m out at the moment.” I know it was a lie but it was only a little white one. What real harm could it do?

“Hahahahaha...that’s a good one, Em. I hate to tell you but I know that you are not telling me the truth. I am across the street and I can see that you’re alone because I can see your silhouette through the curtains.” My head snapped around and I walked over to the window with the phone still at my ear. I pulled the curtain back to check and sure enough, Ethan was standing across the street with a bag in his hand that he was waving at me.

The man was dressed to impress in a suit, no tie and a suede jacket that made him look strikingly handsome. “I have takeout from Au Chanté and they tell me the dessert is almost better than sex. Even the ‘cherry popping’ kind.” I heard him laugh at the other end of the line. In my mind I saw his twinkly eyes and sparkly smile as I had a flash back of all our ‘cherry popping’ escapades. He was a fantastic lover and he knew exactly how to tease every part of my body into total submission.

I opened my window with an answer that was going to knock him out of his boots. “I don’t want dinner and I think that we should take a break from my lessons for a while.”

He shouted across the street saying, “Its triple chocolate brownies with Baileys flavored ice-cream...you know that no one else does it better than Au Chanté.” He was waving the bag back and forth and he then opened it and smelled it, giving me the look of someone that was taking in the aroma of heaven. Shit, that was a low blow, even for him. He knew me too well. Not just chocolate, not just double chocolate but triple chocolate and Au Chanté’s triple at that! Fuck, fuck. FUCK. He certainly didn’t do things by halves. Well, there was only one thing left to do. I had to give in. After all, it would be rude not to. Damn it. Damn him.

“Okay, you can come up but don’t expect anything to happen besides having dinner and a little dessert.” As he crossed over to the building, I licked my lips in anticipation for something sweet and decadent. Luckily, I had the metabolism that made it possible for me to eat anything I wanted and not gain an ounce. Well, it was probably more because of the stress that Ethan Sterling was causing me. The DVD was still in the player so maybe I could convince him to stay and watch how a real lady should be treated.

He stood in the doorway with the takeout bag and an exaggerated ‘I am sorry’ expression on his face. He knew that winning combination would give him the in that he was looking for. I took the bag and raced into the kitchen with it as he chased after me playfully trying to grab the bag away from me.

We laughed and he pulled me from behind into an embrace that made it easy to feel just how excited he was to be here. His manhood was nudging me in the ass through the light fabric of my skirt. I wanted to have him in my bed again but doing that wouldn’t be prudent for our relationship.

“I’ll heat this up a bit and put the dessert in the fridge.” I pulled away from him, went to the kitchen and put the take out in the microwave for a few minutes, while he went into the living room.

I came out of the kitchen to find that he had made himself comfortable by taking off his jacket and undoing the first couple of buttons on his starched white shirt. I had a momentary tingle down below as I took in his manly pecs dancing under his shirt. It was a very provocative sight to me.

“Dinner will be ready in a minute. Why don’t you put on some music? Nothing romantic since this isn’t a date after all.” An expression of disappointment came over his face but he didn’t voice his displeasure. He went over to the stereo to pick something appropriate for two friends having dinner together. I heard the ding of the microwave and went to retrieve the food. I placed our portions onto actual plates instead of the Styrofoam ones that came with it. “Au Chanté is not the type of restaurant that does takeouts. How did you get them to...never mind.” It was becoming very clear just how persistent Ethan could be when he wanted something and hopefully someone.