Private Emotions – Invitations (The Private Emotions Trilogy) (16 page)

I got into the apartment and bee-lined for the phone to make the call. I saw that I had two messages and they were both from Ethan. I couldn’t deal with that drama now so I ignored it and called my mom. “Hi, Mom, it’s Em. Just a quick call to say, hi. How are things?”

“It’s great to hear you, Em, and all good on my end. How are you and how is Ethan?”

“Oh, you know.”

“Hmmm, trouble in paradise?” My mom had a unique way of phrasing things. I was never sure if she was being serious, sarcastic or just down right joking at my expense but always in a good way.

“Haaahaa, Mom. Some trouble in paradise but nothing that I can’t handle.”

“Okay, darling, but love isn’t always about being able to HANDLE IT you know. Sometimes you just have to embrace it and see where it takes you. I am not saying you should completely change who you are or let someone mistreat you, but sometimes you do need to consider the other person’s perspective.”

“I know. I know. But it is difficult when you don’t even know what the other person’s perspective is. Sigh. I’ll be okay, I think that I just need some time out for a while.”

“Yes, sometimes running away is what it takes to see a situation clearly. Remember though, soon you will have to stop running and confront the situation, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life running away from it.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Why don’t you go and make yourself something lovely to eat. Give me a call soon, okay?”

“I will, I promise. Bye, Momma.”

I lay in bed looking at the ceiling, absorbing all of the advice that I was given by Ronnie, Susan and my mom. I started to feel somewhat calmer. I knew that I wanted Ethan in my life but I also knew that I needed some space. By now Ethan would have probably found out that I was dating via Mark. I could not help but wonder what his reaction would be.

Chapter Nine
Losing Control

I was definitely not feeling like my old self in the days that followed Kelly’s death and what Ethan had done at the party. I felt more like a shell of what I was. That trick that Ethan pulled on me made me change my mind about him and the disastrous dates that I found myself on didn’t help either.

I sat in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and wondered if perhaps Ethan had moved on with someone else. Maybe he was on another assignment already. It was time to stop pining for a man who was emotionally unavailable and move on, but I knew that my last attempt at dating was a miserable disappointment. Ethan tried to contact me but I just was not ready to deal with him. How quickly he gave up after the slightest resistance from a woman, even when he was clearly in the wrong. The coffee was doing its job and that’s when the phone rang. I grabbed it hoping that it was Ethan and that he had realized that I was worth it after all.

“Emily, I know you have been down as of late and I was wondering if you might want to get out of the house for a bit? I will be in the city with Mark from tomorrow until...until whenever I suppose. Anyway, I have tickets to the new film in all of the ads and thought that it would be a good distraction for us.” Ronnie had always known when I was feeling blue and came running with a solution which usually revolved around the next new action star. Ronnie and I spoke the same language when it came to films as we were not into the chick flicks like all our other female acquaintances. It was probably one of the main reasons that we stayed friends for so long. We had the same tastes in practically everything.

“I don’t know, Ronnie. I thought that I would put in an Audrey Hepburn film and just stay in for the night.”

“Hepburn? Really?! I’ve known you for a long time and I’ve never heard you mention Audrey’s name once in all that time.”

“I heard some good things about this film. It’s supposed be very intriguing. I bought the thing for a few cents at the flea market the other day. Ever since my mom and I started watching her films, I promised myself that I would watch all of her work and this one is the last of her best and greatest.”

“That is the sweetest thing that I’ve ever heard, Em. You really have a good relationship with your mom, don’t you? I have always been closer to my Dad.”

“I know. Look, Ronnie, your invitation is tempting but work is going to be manic the next couple of days. We have a sale on Friday and I will have only one day to modify some dresses that arrived late. If you want to do something during the weekend, I could rearrange some things. We could try that new Mexican place and go to a movie after?”

“That sounds like a plan to me. Ok, I think I’ll leave you to it and we can meet up on the weekend.”

“Absolutely. Looking forward to it, Ronnie. Bye.” I put in the DVD and snuggled into the sofa to watch my last Audrey movie.

Instead of wallowing in my own self-pity, I decided I would throw myself into my work to keep my mind occupied. “Emily, the big shipment of irregular dresses has arrived. You might have to stay later than we previously agreed. These have to be fixed and on the shelves by morning since we are having a big sale and everything has to be ready by then. I know that the deadlines are impossibly tight but we do need to make this opportunity a success and I am counting on you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll stay as long as I have to and get everything in order before I leave.” The sudden rattle of the glass on the door grabbed my curiosity and I turned to see Ethan pounding on the door like a madman. It was obvious from his expression that he wasn’t happy. I really didn’t want to be confronted by him so I purposely ignored the noise and continued my work in the back shop. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest but I was not about to let him get the better of me.

“Yes, yes, what can I do for you, sir?”

“I would like to speak to Emily for a few minutes and I would appreciate some privacy if you don’t mind?”

“No, no, I have to run a couple of errands, then I should be back in a few minutes so take the time you need. However, I must insist that you do not take up too much of her time because she is helping me to prepare for our big sale tomorrow.” My boss walked towards the front door in a hurry, probably feeling the tension in the air. She didn’t really want anything to do with it.

He stood in the doorway looking at me with his hands on his hips as his anger escaped through gritted teeth. “Emily, why the fuck are you dating other men?”

“Why shouldn’t I? After that ‘party’ I know now that you don’t really want to be with me so why shouldn’t I seek out suitable companionship?”

“Well, I thought we had an arrangement that I would show you a world of infinite sexual wonders. We have only just begun with lots more to go, so if you don’t mind, I think it best you curb your appetite for other men. At least until our time together is at an end.”

“May I remind you that the agreement also included a ‘zero notice out clause’? Besides, it’s not like you can teach me anything anymore since I’m not sure I can even trust you anymore!” My words stung and he was beside himself with what to say to my outburst.

“One party gone wrong and that is the label I am given? That’s unfair, Emily.”

“Unfair? Unfair? Don’t get me started about what is unfair between us, Ethan Sterling, because I don’t have all day. You don’t get it, do you? I trusted you enough to walk into a strange place, no questions asked, Ethan, not one. Instead of enjoying a lovely evening together, an evening that I thought would have been special for us, I spent it defending my personal boundaries. Making love to you and Sophie is not me giving you the green light to an orgy!”

“I never expected you to join in, Emily, I only...” He looked at me with such apologetic, puppy dog eyes that I had to use all of my strength not to throw myself on him and give him a big hug. “...You can trust me, Emily. Just give me a chance to prove it to you. I’ll be by your place tonight and if you let me in, I’ll know that you think I can earn your trust.” He then promptly turned around and left me standing there. I heard him talking to my boss but I was just too busy to pay attention. The ring of the bell over the door signaled that he had exited the building and I sighed in relief. Out of all the men in the world, why did I let him bug me like he did and why was I willing to do as he requested? I knew why but I still couldn’t fathom the truth. The truth was that I was really falling for this man.

This was a man who had come into my life under false pretenses and somehow he had stayed this long. Even though I felt that I could probably continue my journey without him, I really didn’t want to. He had become a big part of my life, a bigger part than I was willing to admit.

It was a long day at work that stretched until 8 PM. Then finally when my vision became a blur and I started making stupid mistakes, I left the store. I promised myself that I would return early in the morning to finish up. There wasn’t that much left to do but it still needed to be done before we opened for business. I loved my job although there were times when I didn’t feel suitably appreciated. I knew my boss recognized that I was the best since she was going to give me the business after she retired in a couple of years’ time.

The drive back to my apartment was a haze. How I managed to arrive home safely still remained a mystery to me. I was absolutely exhausted after a long day’s work so it took me twice as long to climb the stairs to my apartment. I went around the corner and saw Ethan at my door with a bouquet of flowers and a box that he had under his arm. It was late and I wasn’t really sure that I wanted to play our game of cat and mouse tonight.

“If you want me to leave then I will do so and you won’t hear from me again.” I do hate ultimatums and if it were anyone besides Ethan, I would have shut the door in his face. He was in my head and I couldn’t get him out of it for the life of me. No matter how many men I dated, I just kept coming back to the one man who was emotionally unavailable.

Succumbing to his wishes, I said, “Come in, but know that I’m exhausted and I’m not going to take any of your stupid crap tonight.” He followed me in and set the flowers and box that he brought onto the table. The flowers were a typical display by any man who found himself in the doghouse. The box intrigued me though and I was itching to get my hands on it.

“So, should I take the fact that you let me in as a good sign and you’ll give our arrangement the exclusive attention that it deserves? I know now that the party wasn’t right for you but I thought that you were ready to broaden your scope. I can see how that may have been presumptuous on my part and I should have allowed you more time to get there on your own, Em.” He was telling me everything that I wanted to hear but I still didn’t know why it mattered to him that I had jumped back into the dating pool. Was he jealous? I wondered just how I was going to find out if that was the case or not. Should I continue to date other men to see just how far Ethan would be willing to go for me? The very idea of playing him or any other man in that fashion was not appealing to me at all.

“Look, I’ve been open to your teachings or lessons or suggestions or whatever you choose to call it but you’ve stepped over a line and now you have to earn my trust back. To be honest with you, I don’t know if you have what it takes to do it but you are more than happy to try.”

“If you take a look in that box, I think that it will go a long way in fixing what is broken between us.” It was about time that he mentioned the damn box because it felt like there was a neon sign over the thing and I just couldn’t get it out of my mind.

I walked over to the table, peeled the layers of wrapping off the box and then took the top off. As I looked inside, I was blown away at what was looking back at me. It was the last thing that I had expected. The White Dress...the goddess of a white dress that I had borrowed from Michelle’s store. The same dress that I wore to dinner to Au Chanté with Ethan. He must have seen it in the shop window when he came to see me earlier today and bought it right there. How could this be though? I knew that it was made for a particularly wealthy client who hadn’t collected it yet. There was no way that he could have made my boss sell it to him without a considerable cash outlay. The young lady who would soon visit the shop to collect what was hers would not be impressed at all.