Private Emotions – Invitations (The Private Emotions Trilogy) (10 page)

BOOK: Private Emotions – Invitations (The Private Emotions Trilogy)
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This was definitely a spontaneous moment, his grief had turned into lust in a matter of seconds and I was the recipient of the desire that burned in him. His body was moving faster with each stroke of his hips and I moaned into his mouth as he had his way with me on the kitchen table.

“Oh god, yes, cummmming.” I had barely said those words out loud, when he unloaded the burden that he was carrying. He landed on top of me with his ear against my chest, probably listening to my heart beating a mile a minute. Then he looked up at me, kissed me lightly on the lips, zipped up and exited the room without even waiting for me to get my clothes on and meet him at the door. That was my first quickie and it left me breathless and wanting more but at the same time I knew that I had broken down a barrier that was preventing us from connecting.

His grief was keeping him from moving on and maybe now that I had voiced the elephant in the room, he would be able to see me in a different light and accept the love that I was offering him.

Laying there on the kitchen table, I wondered that maybe this was just another lesson in what quickies were all about and that he was just using the situation to shut me up and stop asking so many questions about his lost love, Henrietta. At least all my cards were now on the table and he would just have to decide if he could move forward with me or stay in the past with her.

I heard a soft knock on the door. I got myself presentable and answered it to see Ethan standing there with his head pointing towards his toes again. He whispered two words and they were two words that would make me think that there was hope for us yet.

He said, “Thank you.” He then turned on his heels and left me shocked and bewildered at what had just occurred. I closed the door behind me, leaned against the frame and put my hand over my heart. Ethan had a special spot there that couldn’t be denied. This man who had been the bane of my existence was now showing a somewhat softer side of himself. It would be just a small step in a long journey that we would both have to take together.

The first person that I called was Susan and I said, “I told him that I knew about Henrietta and at first he wasn’t happy to hear that, stating that our relationship was just a business transaction and nothing more, but then I drew him in and he let himself feel for the first time. We made love very fast and very spontaneously on the kitchen table and then he left as soon as he was finished. I thought for a second that it was just another lesson but then he returned and thanked me before turning on his heels and leaving again.”

“Sounds to me like you are on the right track but now you have to back off and let him come to you. You can’t be pestering him with questions so give him the space that he needs to deal with his problems on his own. After he has done that then he might see that you are everything that he needs and more. This will not be a sprint to the finish but more of a marathon with many detours along the way.”

“I understand, Susan, I’m on board with everything you have said.”

“Just remember you might have only chipped at his surface but there is a lot more work to do to crash through to the other side.”

She was right of course, but was I strong enough to keep this dance going between the two of us, or was I too damaged to put in the needed effort? These were questions that were bouncing around in my head and I was certain that I was ready for anything that he threw at me. Therapy had done me a world of good and now I was beginning to have the tools to fight for what I wanted and what I wanted was Ethan in my life.

There was something on the chair by the door and I went over to it and saw that it was the charger that he had brought over with him. I picked it up in my hand and saw something that made me smile. I now knew that the charger was just a pretense to come over and see me. Engraved on the side of the device was the name Ethan Sterling. He had used it as an excuse to come to my doorstep. I then realized that he wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him.

There was nothing I could do now but wait and see just what he would do next. The ball was in his court and I wasn’t about to foul up my chances by going to him prematurely. This was his deal and he would have to get past it before there was any chance for us to be together.

Sighing deeply, I finally thought that this wasn’t a one sided-road and maybe we were on this road hand-in-hand. Sure, it has been a long journey but it looked like it was going to pay off with huge dividends. I might have started off as just another client to him but maybe now he was thinking differently about us. I suppose I would just have to wait and see.

Chapter Six
Without Kelly

I had not heard from Ethan since he left my apartment the night I told him that I knew about Henrietta. He seemed so cold to me that I had to wonder if he even had emotions let alone feelings for me. Was I deceiving myself in thinking that there could be anything more between us than just a professional relationship? It was unlikely I was that far gone that I was glomming onto a relationship that just wasn’t there. There was something in his last kiss that told me he might be feeling the same way but his ignoring me was giving me mixed signals that I just couldn’t grasp.

It was a terrifying ordeal to realize that the strong feelings you had for someone wasn’t going to be reciprocated. The whole thing was becoming just a waste of time. I needed someone to talk to and I knew that I could always count on Barry. Barry would fit the bill and being a man he would be able to make some sense of this situation because I sure as hell couldn’t. I would then chat with my therapist in the morning with a clearer head or at least not feel as upset over my situation.

I went to his residence but he wasn’t there so there really was only one place left to check. He was exactly in the same spot as he was when we first met that fateful night. Thank god for that because I needed a sounding board for what was going on in my life.

Barry beamed at me when I came in the door and motioned for me to take a seat at the bar. It was a quiet evening, being that it was still early by bar standards. Most people didn’t go out on the town until after midnight when they already had a couple of drinks to lessen the cost on their credit card. It was because of the economy that people had taken to drinking at home to get that buzz before hitting the bars. I guess it made sense, that way they would drink less and be able to scope the talent at the same time.

“So, Emily, I haven’t seen or heard from you in a little while and now I have to wonder what brings you to me.”

“Oh, since we last talked I met a man who turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing or at least that’s the impression I’m getting.”

“Ah, and does this man happen to be the god, Ethan?” Barry had a slight smile on his face when he said Ethan’s name. I had introduced Ethan to him and Maria at the Tavern a while back. I didn’t think that Barry would remember Ethan as he only stayed a short time but then again, Ethan was not the type of man that you forgot.

“My good friends thought I could use some sexual guidance and set it up for us to ‘accidently’ meet” I raised both my hands to imitate a quote symbol with my fingers. “We had this bump into each other, cutesy thing with a load of laundry but then I found out that he was just playing the part of the teacher and nothing else. There were times when I thought there could be more but he pulls away when I get too close and puts back on the professional hat that he wears like a security blanket. Don’t get me wrong, he has been nothing but kind and he has been invaluable in helping me break down some of my insecurities and inhibitions.”

“What kind of things are you talking about?”

“Well, I never would have considered a threesome with him and a lady friend of his named Sophie. They worked together to show me the pleasures that a woman could give me and then they combined their efforts to show me the best of both worlds. Now that she is gone, I was thinking that he would want to go the extra mile and see where our relationship was going.”

“Tell me this, Emily, did he give you the bum’s rush right after Sophie took her leave or did he allow more time to pass after that night?”

“Well, after Sophie left I went on a long weekend holiday trip with him and our close friends, Ronnie and Mark. Ronnie is my childhood friend and Mark is a school friend of Ethan. We had a great holiday together, well at least most of it anyway. So, I thought that ...”

“Hang on a second, you need to slow down a bit, Em. What do you mean by...at least most of the holiday was great?”

“Well, Ethan was fine until Ronnie and Mark starting teasing him about falling hard for me especially after he bought a stunning silver heart locket for me at one of the local antique shops.”

“Hmm, I see, carry on.”

“Well, when we returned from the holiday, he was more distant than usual. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going with him. One minute he was interested, the next minute he was the teacher and then he was interested again. I really wish he could make up his mind because my patience is starting to bottom out.”

“Anything else that I should know about?” Barry looked at me with one raised eyebrow as if he had the situation already figured out but he wanted to be sure before giving his opinion, so he indicated to me to continue my story.

“Sigh. He brought over a cell charger that he said was mine but it was not. It was his so I know that he was only using it as an excuse. Anyway I shared something personal about him that I found out. He was mad at first but then we had this amazing quickie sex before he promptly left. Then he knocked on my door to say thank you before disappearing again. Arrrggghhh! Fucking hell, Barry! What the hell is his problem?”

“Hmmm, I’m no expert by any means, Emily, but I think the guy might be fighting his feelings for you and you made him realize that it might not be as clinical as he once thought. I’d suggest that you take things slowly with him as it would appear that he has some issues of his own that he has to work on.”

“I know but I just never thought this was affecting him too and that he might be having trouble letting himself feel something real for me. He is no stranger to women and to sexual encounters so I thought that he had things under control.”

“He may have things under control, Emily, but you are a very desirable woman and he is only human. You have a lot to offer a man even though you may not always feel that way. If Ethan is as experienced as you say then he will be able to easily see those qualities in you. He made a promise to be professional and based on what you said about his code of ethics, he is trying to do the right thing.”

“Sigh, I don’t know, Barry. I am not convinced that Ethan feels the same for me that I do for him. In fact I don’t know what to feel anymore. I wish that I had a definite feeling to hold on to, even if that feeling was sadness then at least I could put a label on how I felt.”

“Be careful, Em, you just might get what you wish for so if I were you I would try to wish for good things, not bad.”

“Oh no, Barry, oh no, you didn’t buy one of those ‘Be Happy Even Though Your Life Is Utter Shit’ books, did you? If you did then you must give me the name so that I can get the exact one!” Barry laughed out loud at my comment, he knew that I was joking and I knew that he was right. Damn, why couldn’t life be simple? Some of Au Chanté’s desert would have definitely cheered me up. I could taste the moist chocolate soaking in the Baileys flavored ice-cream.

Speaking of ice-cream, it reminded me that I needed to pay Kelly another visit. We had such a pleasant visit the last time but the hospital staff wouldn’t allow me to feed her any ice-cream. Well, I would not have any of it this time. Her favorite was strawberry so tomorrow I would go armed with a tub of it and insist that I was allowed to feed some to her, even if it was only a couple of spoonfuls. “Thanks, Barry, and from now on you won’t be a second thought to me and you might just get sick of hearing from me.” I beamed my warmest smile at my bartender friend who was always such a great guy.

“I doubt that anyone could get sick of you, my dear, and I like the fact that we are best friends and don’t hide anything from one another. Now, go home and get some rest.” Barry was making things clearer in my head and I wondered just what I had to do to break Ethan’s wall down and see if he was truly wrestling with emotions that were foreign to him.

I got home and curled up in the bed alone, craving one last touch or kiss from Ethan. He wasn’t there so I began thinking about him and wondered whether he was the man of my dreams or just a fantasy on my part. It took a man to set me straight and I would relish that newfound male friendship with Barry, for as long as he could take being a friend with a neurotic basket case like me.

It was an uneventful slumber with lots of images cascading through my mind about Ethan and Sophie and then Ethan again. How was I going to manage this one? “Sigh.” Just as I was about to stare at the ceiling I heard my email go off.

I ran to the computer with a spring in my step hoping that it was Ethan. I sat down, logged on and began to read the contents of the email. Halfway through it, I felt a wetness on my face and knew that a dam was about to burst open at any second. This was the last thing I needed to hear, even though it was something that I was expecting. Knowing that it was finally over made me feel heart-wrenchingly lonely and sad.

BOOK: Private Emotions – Invitations (The Private Emotions Trilogy)
4.3Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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