Pieces of Me (5 page)

I
slip into the room twenty minutes before my U.S. History class is supposed to
start. The room is completely empty, which is what I had been hoping for. I
pick a seat in the very back. Placing my backpack at my feet I reach inside and
pull out a new notebook and a couple of pencils.

I
lay everything on the table in front of me and then reach into my bag and pull
out the ridiculously expensive book I'd been required to purchase for the
class. I'd read through the first few chapters last night, while Grace had
painted her toenails and called me a nerd.

This
was my third class that I was taking this semester, and the only one that had
anything to do with my major, although for most it was considered a core class.

I
have really never been able to put into words my fascination with history, and
if it made me a nerd, well, I'd been called worse. It was like a calming drug
for me. I hadn't been able to control a lot of things in my life, but history
was already in the past and unchangeable. It didn't matter where I was, or what
method of information I was using, I could rely on the fact that George
Washington had been the first President of the United States.

Pulling
my cell phone out of my pocket, I slide my finger across the screen to unlock
it, and look at the icon for text. It was my mother again, telling me that
having me this far away from her is stressing her out and giving her heart
palpitations.

It
wasn't that she missed me, or even her asking how I was. It was about her, as
it always has been, and always would be. It isn't necessarily that she is
selfish or spoiled, though it had taken me a long time to come to that
realization. She is a simple woman, with simple thoughts and needs.

Once
you realized how unintentionally self-absorbed she was, it was easier to ignore
the callous things she said.

“Well,
I know who my study buddy is going to be for this class.”

I
jerk in my chair, stunned to find that half the room is full of students now,
and that Cole and Robby are smiling at me as they settle into the seats on
either side of me.

“Hey,
Delaney,” Cole says with a smile as he yanks out his own copy of the
ridiculously expensive history book. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“What
are you doing here?”

Cole
raises one eyebrow, and I realize how snappish my words came across. I flush in
response.

“I
mean obviously I know you're here for the class, but it's a freshman class,
isn't it?”

“I
told you I suck a history. So I put it off.”

“Me
too.” Robby chimes in from the other side of me. “History sucks.”

I
hear Cole laugh, but I've swung my head around to look at Robby. “Careful, Rob,
Delaney’s a history major.”

“No
shit?”

“None
at all,” I say dryly.

Robby
gives me a big smile. “Will you let me cheat off you?”

“What?
No, you can't cheat off me, are you crazy?”

One
big shoulder lifts in a shrug as Robby leans back in his chair. Both of them
make the chairs seem tiny. “Probably.”

“Don't
let him fool you. Robby’s a nerd. He once purposely tried to flunk a test in an
art class to give him a good reason to drop it. He didn't study for the test,
showed up to take it hung over, and still managed to get an A.”

“I
wasn't hung over.” Robby inserts. “I was still drunk.”

“Oh,
right, excuse me.” Cole runs a hand through his hair, sending his strands
dancing for a brief moment before they settle around his face. He rolls his
eyes at me. “The moral of the story is, you should cheat off Robby.”

“I
don't need to cheat off anyone.”

“Okay.
Just know that if one day you need help with an answer, don't look my way or
you’re screwed.”

“I’ll
keep that in mind.” I drop my phone back in my bag, and grab a pencil to twirl
in my hands to keep them busy. I start to tap it absently on the desk, bouncing
one knee up and down in rhythm with the pencil.

The
professor comes into the room, and Cole starts to laugh. He's a little gray
haired old man in a tweed jacket with patches on the elbow. Cole leans over
close to me and whispers in my ear.

“That's
exactly what I picture history buffs to look like.” His breath is warm against
my ear and I catch the hint of peppermint as he pulls away from me. Goose bumps
pop up over my arms, and my heart starts to beat a little bit faster.

“How's
Beth?” I ask suddenly. On the other side of me Robby makes a sound in his
throat, and Cole frowns slightly.

“Fine,
I guess. I haven't seen her since the other night.” It looks like he's about to
say something else but the professor calls the class to order so I look away
from him.

What
in the hell is wrong with me?

The
professor takes a few minutes to introduce himself. But since he's the head of
the History Department, and my advisor, I'm pretty up to speed on who he is. He
spent at least twenty of the thirty minute meeting I had with him earlier this
week telling me all about his academic accomplishments, so I don't need to pay
a whole lot of attention to what he's saying right now.

Which
is good, since all I can think about is the fact that Cole is sitting next to
me, and with the way he's situated in his seat, he's leaning in my direction. I
can still smell the peppermint, combined now with the scent of his soap and
what I'm guessing is his aftershave.

He
smells clean. And I know how stupid that sounds, but it's the best smell I've
ever smelled and it’s all I can do not to take in a deep breath.

I
shift slightly in my seat, tilting a little closer to him. My arm brushes
against his and I pull back in surprise at how close to him I've really come.
Cole doesn't move at all, doesn't even indicate that he's aware of me.

I
shift in my seat again, careful not to touch him or Robby, who's openly
watching me with interest. He shakes his head, smiling. I give him a dirty look
and then focus in on the professor.

It's
going to be a long semester.

Fifty
five tense minutes later and the three of us are stepping out of the Clarkson
building together. Cole and Robby are trailing slightly behind me and I hear
them joking around with each other. I glance over my shoulder once we get to
the bottom of the stairs.

“See
you guys on Friday.”

I
pick up my step just a little as I walk away from them. I'm not sure I’ll
survive a whole semester if all the classes are going to be like that. Would it
be too suspicious if I dropped the class?

Probably.
Especially since it’s a history class, but I'm seriously still thinking about
it when I hear someone call my name. It only takes me a second to realize it’s
Cole, and that he's ditched Robby somewhere.

He
catches up to me quickly and falls into step beside me.

“You
left the other night before I got to say goodbye.”

“Yeah,
sorry about that, I got a headache so Grace took me home.” Or so I'd told
everyone. For some reason as soon as Marcy, Kendall, and Beth had shown the
night had lost its appeal for me.

Thankfully
Grace had stuck to her word and thirty minutes after their arrival we were
heading out the door.

“That's
what Holden said.”

We
walk in silence for a few minutes. Cole greets a couple people he knows as we
pass them, and I keep waiting for him to veer off and go to his friends, but he
keeps with me as I make my way back to Howard Hall. My next class isn't until
that afternoon, so I had been planning to grab a snack and relax.

I
can't relax around Cole; his mere presence sets my entire body on edge and
makes me think about things I haven't thought about in quite some time.

He
brings a heat to my body that I never thought would come alive.

We
reach the steps of my dorm and I give him a quick smile. “Thanks for walking
me.”

The
words almost come out in the form of a question because I'm totally confused as
to what he's doing here.

“Wait,”
he calls as I turn to go up the steps. He dips his hands into the pockets of
his shorts, a dark gray today with a black button down shirt with the sleeves
rolled up to his elbows. He's wearing flip flops and who knew that would be
sexy?

“Delaney?”

I
blink, “What? I'm sorry. I didn't hear you.” The wind has picked up a little so
my hair is flying all around me. I wish I'd thought to put it up this morning.
I keep reaching up to tuck it behind my ears so it doesn't get in my face, and
it keeps coming loose.

“I
said we’re having everyone over on Friday again, and I wanted to see if you
would be there. Did Grace mention it?”

I
shake my head. “Um, no she didn't mention it.”

“You
should come. We didn't get a chance to talk much last time.”

Damn
wind. I reach up and grab all my hair in one hand. I miss a strand and it slaps
against my face. I see the intent in his eyes before he actually raises his
hand. He’s smiling as his fingers brush along the skin of my jaw just before
they go to close around the wayward strand.

Stepping
back away from the contact is instinctual. The fear that snakes through my
entire body like ice at even the thought of contact is such an automated
response for me that I hardly even notice.

But
I see the change in his eyes, even while his smile never really falters.

I’ve
never thought to explain myself before. Never had to try and brush away the
hurt someone might feel at my reaction to physical contact from another person.
For the first time ever I wish that I could take it back, just so I didn’t see
that look in his eyes.

I
wish I had the courage to tell him screwed up beyond repair, and that it
doesn’t matter how much I might want to move forward with him, I just don’t
know that I can.

Before
I can open my mouth to say anything, someone calls out to him and he raises a
hand absently in response.

“So
talk to Grace,” he finally says, “I'm sure she’ll be there since Grant will
be.”

The
person calls his name again, and without taking his eyes off me he calls out.
“Give me a minute!”

He
studies me for a second longer and I want to squirm under his gaze. And I want
something else, but I'm not one hundred percent sure what exactly that is.

“Cole,”

I
don't know what I'm about to say when two arms snake around his waist and I
catch a glimpse of bold red nail polish just seconds before I see Beth's head
pop up around his shoulder. Her eyes briefly pass over me, before she swings
around his body and effectively puts herself between us.

“Hello,
sexy.” She greets him with a husky giggle.

It's
hard not to misread her signals, I think sourly. I know I'm glaring at her, but
I can't help it. I want to yank her hair and punch her in the face, and I have
no right to feel jealous.

He
asked me to a party at his place, along with a number of other people. It
wasn't like he had asked me on a date. And chances were slim I would have said
yes anyway.

Cole
meets my gaze over her shoulder after he mumbles a hello to her. He's trying to
untangle himself from her hands, but I think she's grown three or four extra
the way they seem to be all over him. I give him a weak smile.

“I’ll
see you in class.” I mutter before turning and practically running into the
dorm. I can't stand there for another minute and watch her grope him.

Not
when I want to grope him myself. And what in the world am I supposed to do
about that? Cole is the first guy I've ever even remotely come close to
thinking about in this way since, well since forever.

Maybe
that means I'm going to get that piece of myself back.

Chapter Six

There
are a few more people at their townhouse this time. Music pours out of speakers
set strategically around the small patio area, pitched quiet enough that it
doesn't interrupt conversation. Grace has introduced me to a few of the new
faces but they've all blurred together by this point.

Cole
is nowhere to be seen, and I feel like an idiot for even thinking about
worrying why he isn't there and where he might be and who he might be with.

I
am sitting at the small patio table in the backyard, listening to Ally talk
about how her clinical rotation at the local hospital is going. She is in her
final year of an accelerated three year nursing program, and takes great
pleasure in grossing Grace out with bloody tales from the ER.

I
think she's a little disappointed that I'm not as easily grossed out as Grace
is.

“So
his wound was bubbling up with this green ooze sliding out of it.”

Grace
makes a face. “Stop. You're making that up.”

“No,
I'm serious. It was like his blood was turning green instead of red at
oxygenation.”

“That
is so fucking disgusting.” Grace shudders. “And you're fucking gross for
wanting to deal with that kind of shit every day.”

Ally
pops a carrot stick into her mouth, smiling. “I'm saving lives.”

“Still
fucking disgusting. How can you still eat after that?” Grace demands of me as I
lean forward and grab a cherry tomato off my plate.

I
shrug my shoulders. “I didn't have my hands all up in the green blood.”

I
hear Ally's snort of laughter while Grace just glares, her face turning a
slight shade of green all its own. “The two of you cannot hang out together
anymore.”

“Aw,
don't get mad, Gracie Lou. We love you and your delicate tummy.”

A
stalk of celery sails across the table, missing Ally by several inches.

“Bitches.
Both of you,” Grace says loud enough that we can hear it over our laughter, but
she's laughing too as Ally picks up the fallen celery and launches it back.

It
smacks Cole in the stomach.

“Hey,
innocent bystander.”

Ally
is laughing so hard she can't catch her breath, she's leaned forward, arms
crossed on the table. Grace has leaned back in her chair, staring sullenly at
Ally and me now.

“They're
making fun of me Cole.”

“You
make it so easy,” he automatically replies without any hesitation.

I
try to swallow the laugh, but it bubbles out before I can rein it in. Cole
winks at me.

“You're
an asshole. They are bitches and you are an asshole. I'm going to hang with
someone who appreciates me.”

“Bye,
Gracie Lou,” Ally calls.

Grace
raises one hand in the air, flipping us off as she makes her way into the
townhouse. Cole slides into the chair his sister just vacated, and I feel the
flutters in my stomach pick up speed.

“She's
so easy.” Ally pops another piece of carrot in her mouth. “I didn't even get to
talk about the patient with the stomach flu. He could have been on
The Exorcist
.
And it's wasted since apparently Delaney has a stomach made of steel.”

“Sorry
to disappoint.”

I
take a drink from the bottle of water in front of me, more to keep my hands
busy than anything else.

“Where’s
your harem, Cole? It's unusual to find you without females fluttering all
around you at one of these parties.”

Cole
keeps his eyes on me as he answers. “I gave them the night off.”

“Really?”
Ally drags the word out, and I catch a glimpse of her looking between the two
of us out of the corner of my eye, but I find I can't look away from Cole.

His
eyes seem to darken as I watch him, his hair shifting slightly around his face
in the breeze that drifts through the air.

There
is an electrical current flowing between the two of us. I wonder if he feels it
too.

“I
think I'm going to get something to drink.” Ally stands up. “Do you want
anything Delaney?”

“No
thank you.”

She
shoots a look to Cole. “Be good.”

“Can't
be anything else.”

Ally
makes a sound in her throat as she walks away from the table. Cole shifts
closer to me, and the electrical current I felt moments ago shivers like
lightening up my spine.

“I
want to make something very clear, Delaney.”

I
force myself to swallow more water, just to wet my throat before saying, “What
about?”

“I'm
going to hit on you again.”

He
leans back in his chair, a smile full on his face, those eyes twinkling now,
lighting with the amusement I know he feels as I open my mouth, but no sound
comes out.

“I
just wanted to make sure there was no confusion this time.”

“Oh.”
Because, really, what am I supposed to say to that?

“Now,
I'm assuming since you've never been hit on before, that you've never been on a
date either.”

Though
it embarrasses me to admit it, I shake my head no. He shakes his head, grabbing
some of the chips off my plate. He pops one in his mouth, cradling the rest in
one hand as he watches me.
I feel the heat of his gaze brush against my skin almost as if he is touching
me. It unnerves me in a way I can't explain.

It
makes me want things I never thought to want.

But
behind the want is a little slice of fear, and in my head it’s a race to see
which will win.

“I’m
not sure I understand the guys where you come from, Delaney. Were they fucking
morons?”

I
don't think I'm supposed to answer that, so I keep quiet, rolling the bottle of
water between my two hands.

But
the moment, the one where I thought I might say yes if he asked me out, is
gone.

“So
if I were to suggest dinner tomorrow night, just you and me,”

“I
would say no.” I interrupt him.

“Really?”

I
take another drink. “Yes, I mean, no. I mean yes I would really say no.” I huff
out a breath of air. “I wouldn't go out with you.”

“Because?”

I
think of Beth and her red nails, of the harem that Ally indicated usually
surrounded him.

“Because
I won't be one of many.”

“Maybe
I only want one.”

I
snort. “Rumor is, there hasn't been only one for you for quite some time.”

“Have
you been checking up on me, Delaney?”

I
hadn't had to ask around. Cole Marsh had quite the reputation around campus,
and every bit of it had been earned according to Grace.

It
hadn't taken much maneuvering on my part to get her to talk about him.
Apparently he'd started his freshman year of college still very much in love
with his high school girlfriend, who had still been a senior in high school.
Apparently she had forgotten what the word fidelity meant the moment he had
left for college.

So
Cole had decided to screw pretty much everything in a skirt to make him feel
better. But as previously advertised by Todd, he always left them happy, and
remained friends with the majority of them.

“Cole!”

I
wince at the sound of the voice calling his name. Because I recognize that it
is Beth just seconds before she joins us at the table. She runs her hand along
his shoulders, across the back of his neck, with a familiarity that makes me a
little sick to my stomach.

Had
she become one of the many?

I
doubt she would share the same distaste I did over the prospect. Although, to
be fair, it wasn't just his varied past that was keeping me from saying yes, it
was my incredibly shadowed past as well.

And
even though I had tried multiple times, in multiple ways, to move on and grab
some semblance of a normal life, I hadn’t been able to.

My
kidnapping had made headline news in Oregon, and the details of the beatings
and rapes I had endured during the three days I had been gone had analyzed and
shared in story after story. Everyone thought they knew, thought they
understood, but the reality was so much worse that I hadn’t been able to bring
myself back from it. Not all the way.

The
distance was now my only hope of moving on.

“It’s
Melanie, right?” Beth says, giving me what I think she assumes is a genuine
looking smile. The knowing look in her eyes, and the slight tilt of her lips
lets me know that she knows Melanie is not my name.

I’m
not sure what point it is she’s trying to prove. Is this girl seriously jealous
of me? The idea that she might be actually makes me smile.

“Delaney,”
I insert. “It's Delaney.” I throw a quick look to Cole before standing up.
“I'll see you in class on Monday.”

I
don’t make it very far before I hear him calling my name. I don’t turn around,
but keep heading towards the house with quick determined steps.

“Delaney.”

Cole
catches up with me just before I make it into the house. Red Nail Polish Beth
is still sitting at the patio table, glaring at me over Cole’s shoulder.

Would
it be childish to stick my tongue out her?

Probably.

“You
should get back to Beth.”

Cole
glances over his shoulder, and the glare instantly washes off Beth's face as
she sends him a blinding smile.

“I
don't think she's going anywhere.”

“I
need to go find Grace,” I tell him. “I told her I wouldn't be able to stay
long. I have a paper I need to work on.” I force myself to meet his eyes. “You
do too since it’s for our history class.”

He
shrugs his muscular shoulders. “I'll get to it. You should stay for a while;
you can start the paper tomorrow. Come back and hang out some more. Give me the
opportunity to change your mind on the date thing, you know, before I actually
ask you out.”

I
hesitate, just for a second, before I shake my head, crossing my arms under my
chest. Amazingly enough, my first instinct isn’t to say no. I almost tell him
to take his best shot at trying to convince me.

Instead
I make myself say, “You should get back to Beth. I'll see you in class.”