Perfectly Shattered (8 page)

He shook his head. “No, it’s not. You saw me?”

“Yes, I saw you. You were in public, you know.”

“I’m sorry, Cami.”

“Don’t be sorry. I have no hold on you. We’re just friends, remember? So, is woman number three
the one
?”

“She was nothing, Cami, really.”

“Are any of them?”

Bradan’s eyes darkened. “Not so far.”

“Well, at least that’s honest.”

“I’ve been honest with you, Cami. I have. Come on, let’s talk. I need some coffee. It looks like it’s going to snow out here.”

Cami shook her head. The last thing she should do is have coffee with Bradan, but she couldn’t refuse him. She wanted to be with him more than anything. And she wasn’t as mad anymore. “Okay. Just coffee.”

The cozy shop was warm and welcoming. Cami ordered a hot latte, and Bradan a double espresso. They sat at the back, the most privacy they were going to get. No one was listening anyway. Everyone was engaged in conversation already, and the noise level was high.

Bradan sipped his drink. “Can I tell you something?”

“What?”

“I’m not trying to lead you on. I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“I don’t see why. Don’t you have enough women already?”

Bradan laughed, but there was no humor in it. “It’s just…how I live, I guess. I was doing that long before I met you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like you.”

Cami glared at her latte, floundering for answers.

Bradan stretched a leg out into the aisle. “I do, you know.”

“What?” Cami refused to look up.

“Like you.”

Unable to resist him, Cami looked into his blue eyes. “That doesn’t make it easier.”

“You mean seeing me with women all the time?”

Cami nodded.

“I was with someone once.” Darkness came over Bradan’s features. “It didn’t work out.”

“Who was she?” If she had him talking, Cami intended to keep him talking. Maybe she’d be able to understand him.

“Amber Hawkins. We went to high school together. I’d known her most of my life, our families even got together, and I saw her at church. I really fell for her.”

“What happened?”

“We dated a lot in our junior and senior years. I thought she felt like I did. She’d dated a few others before we hooked up, but we were really a thing, you know.”

Cami waited, seeing the hurt in his eyes.

“Since I moved to Seattle, I haven’t talked about this. I don’t know why I’m telling you. But anyway, we broke up. I was just about to ask her to move in with me. I’d even thought of marriage, if you can believe that.”

Bradan paused, glancing at Cami then looking off into the distance. “I found out she was fucking her chemistry lab partner. Extra-curricular activities, I guess. Can you believe that? I trusted her. I thought we had something. And all the while, behind my back, she was betraying me.”

“What did you do?”

“What could I? That was over. I felt like an idiot. I was furious. I should have beat the crap out of him, but I knew she wanted him. Amber told me that she and Robert were in love. She was sorry.” He shook his head. “Sorry. What a joke.”

“That sucks, Bradan. It really does.” Seeing him that way for the first time, Cami felt like he wasn’t just out to screw women. In fact, he’d been screwed. Maybe that was part of the problem.

“Anyway, that was years ago. It’s over. I moved to Seattle right after.”

“Have you seen her since?”

Bradan shook his head. “But that’s enough of my sob story. I did try the one-girl thing once. It just didn’t work out.”

But Cami couldn’t let it get to her. Whether he had good reason or not, that didn’t change the fact that Bradan went through women like Cami went through recipes. Always looking for a new one, something better, something different.

A thought pressed into view, one she’d successfully repressed until that moment.
All the men I love die
. She tried to push it aside, but it was tenacious in its hold on her.

“So, why are you afraid of being with me, Cami? It’s not just that woman you saw me with, is it?”

Cami shook her head. In a small voice, she said, “I’m just trying not to do stuff that’s bad for me.” But her words held no conviction. And she doubted her ability to turn away, to focus on things that were good for her, because the bad things had more control over her. Plus, the bad things often felt the best.

Bradan opened his mouth, and she knew he was about to say something. A knot twisted in her gut; she didn’t know what she’d tell him or how to explain. Didn’t think she could. On the verge of asking more, he stopped. “Yeah. Me too,” he said, and left it at that.

Chapter 9

She had to question her reasons for going to the penthouse with Bradan, but Cami was sure of one thing. She didn’t want to be alone. When he’d invited her to come over, she’d quickly accepted. Coffee was over, and the thought of going back to her apartment to agonize was downright revolting.

The Belltown penthouse wasn’t far from her place but it might as well have been in a different universe. There was no need to go up to a community patio to see the view, because the floor-to-ceiling windows looked out to a private terrace with the bay and mountains beyond.

The open, loft-style floor plan with the breathtaking view of Puget Sound had wood flooring, quartz countertops, stainless-steel appliances, and a designer’s touch that said a guy had not furnished it. Bradan gave an inside tour, then she followed him out to the rooftop sitting area.

“This is yours?” she said incredulously.

Bradan shook his head. “I wish. No, I lucked out. I was living in a room near campus, but when I graduated I wanted to be closer to work. Mitchell is one of my brother’s business connections, and when he hired me, he also offered me this place. Only temporarily. He had to go to New York on company business, and after that to Australia for a family visit. While he’s gone, I’m staying here. I’ll have to find my own place in a few weeks.”

Cami looked across the bay, admiring the colorful sunset. That was one thing about living close to the water—the sunsets were stunning. This one was crimson and orange with a burst of golden yellow near the horizon. The stuff of which photographs were made.

“Do you drink?” Bradan’s gaze burned into her, and Cami wondered what she was getting herself into.

“Sometimes. I’ve been trying not to, but let’s just say that’s failed miserably.”

“What do you like?”

“Wine, mostly. I was raised near a vineyard. Guess I got spoiled. We had so much good stuff.”

Bradan went inside and rummaged around. “How about a Pinot? I have a couple of bottles here that I got when I graduated, sort of a congratulations.”

Cami looked at him and reminded herself that she shouldn’t drink, especially not in the company of a hot guy. But she knew she’d ignore it. The lure of pleasure, release from the torment she tried so hard to suppress, was too close.

“Pinot is good. I read that certain wines can spark arousal.”

Bradan rustled in the drawer for an opener. “Good that I have several bottles, then.”

Cami laughed softly. “It seems in some wine the aromas can replicate the scents of human pheromones that signal attraction in the brain.”

Pouring wine, Bradan glanced over at her. “This is sounding better and better.”

Holding two glasses of wine, Bradan nodded toward the other room, and Cami followed. Positioned in front of one of the wall-sized windows were a black leather sofa and two padded chairs. Cami settled into one of the chairs. Taking her wine, she watched Bradan sink into the chair across from her and put his feet up on the table.

Cami enjoyed the sun finishing its descent, the sky turning dark. A low light burned in a lamp by the sofa and quiet music played. She wasn’t sure when Bradan had turned it on. It was romantic, she had to admit. Feeling awkward, she looked around the room and sipped the Pinot. It was a good one.

All the while, she felt Bradan’s eyes on her. Knowing she couldn’t be the first woman invited up to the penthouse, Cami was a little nervous. The setting was ripe for some real action with the hunk only a few feet from her. But she’d already decided it wasn’t a smart move. They couldn’t even get being friends right, so taking it further was out of the question.

The whole thing was probably more of her self-destructive behavior, considering that Bradan was so wrong for her on so many levels. The guy was messed up, not what Cami needed. The attraction was strong; there was no way to deny that. It didn’t mean she had any right to go with it. For once, she needed to use her head and not cave to her emotions.

“I didn’t know you liked jazz,” she said, and took a gulp of wine.

Bradan refilled her glass. “Music is like air to me. I like it all.” He sat across from her again, his blue eyes piercing into her. “But is that what you really want to talk about?”

Cami took another gulp of wine, missing the smooth taste but feeling the alcoholic effect. “What do you mean?”

Electricity radiated through the room, the short distance between them seeming like none at all. It felt as though he was touching her, when he was only talking. This was going to be difficult.

Without thinking it through, she blurted out her feelings. “You’re not the type of guy for me.”

With a smile that lit his eyes, Bradan responded, seeming unflustered by her rash statement. “What type am I?”

“You sleep with a different woman every night.”

“Why shouldn’t I? Are you looking for a commitment?”

“No. Definitely not. Are you?”

Bradan laughed, but it was a sexual sound, a mating call of sorts. “Am I looking for commitment? No. I’m not.”

Shifting in her seat, Cami looked around the room, anywhere but at him. When she looked back, he was pushing up from his chair. Slowly, he took the two steps to close the gap between them. Looking up, Cami took in his lean thighs, flat abs, and broad shoulders. She tried to avoid looking at the bulge under his pants but felt her cheeks heat anyway.

He held out a hand, and Cami took a big gulp of her wine before setting it on the table. She took his hand and rose, realizing it was the first time they’d touched hands. The feel of her small hand in his strong one made her nipples hard; she was in trouble.

With his face close enough to kiss, Cami looked into the depths of his eyes.

In a low voice, he said, “I want you, and I know you want me.”

Her heart pounded so hard it was embarrassing. “Still conceited, I see.” But her voice was soft, not harsh.

“Afraid you’ll fall for me?” The little smirk annoyed her.

“Just because every woman who looks at you swoons and swears eternal love doesn’t mean I will. In fact, I’m sure I won’t.” Cami put as much force into the statement as she could muster, though her knees were weak. “You can’t get to me, like you do with every other woman. I won’t fall for you.”

“You won’t, huh?” The gleam of lust in his eyes made her skin tingle. “Care to prove it?”

She was caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

Bradan put his arm around her, pulling her a little closer. The feel of being in his grasp was too much. Any resistance Cami had tried to build was rapidly melting. When he stroked the tips of his fingers along her jaw, she closed her eyes. Saying no wasn’t going to be so easy.

“If you’re sure you won’t fall for me,” he whispered in her ear, “then prove it. Fuck me, and show me you don’t care.”

Cami should have been insulted at his crass statement. Instead, she was more turned on than ever. “I should say no.” But there was little conviction in her refusal.

Rubbing his thumb across her lower lip, Bradan said, “Why?”

He was seducing her, and Cami knew it. She knew a lot of things, but right then, she just didn’t care. “Because you are the last thing I need right now,” she said under her breath. “But…”

With his palm on her cheek, Bradan lifted her face so she had to look at him. “But?”

In that second, Cami fell into him, all hesitation gone, and all reserve melted away in the heat of his embrace. “I want you.” That was the last thing she remembered saying, and it was all she felt. Bradan was what she wanted. Very badly. More than anything else, and she didn’t care what happened after that.

His male scent consumed her senses, putting her under his spell. If the wine had any pheromone-type effect, it paled in comparison to the real thing. Up close, Bradan smelled of a musky cologne and sexual arousal. Cami could barely breathe.

The way he touched her was like being given water in the desert. Cami couldn’t get enough. It was so gentle, not at all what she expected. He traced his fingers over the bone structure of her face like he was a blind man trying to absorb her beauty by touch.

The heat of his fingertips seared along her neck as he slid his hands down to her breasts, but he didn’t touch them yet. Instead, with one hand behind her head and the other on her back, Bradan kissed her. It was a deep kiss of desire, like the one in the hall that day they’d first kissed.

He rubbed his tongue next to hers and around the inside of her mouth; it sought her very essence. Cami kissed back, loving the softness of his lips with a hint of dryness, so masculine. His strong hands caressed her, over her back and shoulders, and down her waist, resting at her hips. The more he touched, the more she wanted him to touch.

The kiss deepened, and Cami felt like she could merge into him, get lost in his sexuality. He showed no signs of holding back, but kissed with open desire, making her sex throb with need. There had never been anyone who’d kissed her that way.

It was like he knew her better than she knew herself, and wanted her completely. His tender yet ravenous mouth pressed to hers sent sensation deep into her core. Cami felt a strength of need that was foreign to her. It was like she needed this man, and this man only. Nothing else would ever satisfy.

Bradan kissed her lips lightly then raked his tongue over her bottom lip. He kissed her cheeks and her temples, the sweetness rivaling the passion. A quiet moan escaped from her throat and she pressed her body against his, feeling his hardness.