Perfectly Shattered (22 page)

The last thing Cami thought she’d be doing was having breakfast with Bradan and her mother. It was all just too pleasant, and too normal, which she found unnerving. The thought that maybe there could be more to their relationship than irresistible sex crossed her mind. But she brushed it aside as the idea started a flurry of butterflies fighting in her stomach.

The restaurant was spacious and open, one of Cami’s favorites, and she always made a point to eat there when she visited. “Eggs benedict is a good choice, especially the northwestern salmon one with breakfast potatoes to die for. So much better than the generic frozen hash browns you get at so many places. Or the pumpkin pancakes, which is what I’m having. They aren’t overly bready or dry.”

Bradan studied the menu. “Everything looks good.”

“I warn you that you get a lot of food here. Right, Mom?”

Her mother agreed.

Bradan put aside the menu. “Not a problem.”

Cami looked over toward the waitress coming their way. “I need coffee. Bad.”

“Sounds good,” Bradan said.

“They have coffee from Walla Walla Roastery. You’ll be hooked.”

The steaming coffee arrived quickly, much to Cami’s relief, and all three of them sipped their brew. The food followed promptly, and it was every bit as good as she remembered.

“This is the best breakfast I’ve had in a long time,” Bradan said, making her smile.

It was a regular family event, with her mother telling Bradan about the winery they had owned, and Iverson Café where Cami had created so many delicious menu items. “She’s really good at it,” her mother said.

“I’ve tasted her cooking. She makes some amazing dishes.”

The conversation covered everything from the winery scene in the area to all the outdoor possibilities, such as hiking or biking. And Carolyn even told a few stories about her daughter’s school days. Much to Cami’s relief, none were too embarrassing.

“You should take him to Whitman College, and show him where you studied culinary arts.”

“I don’t know if we will have time this trip, Mom. There’s so much to see around here.”

Bradan joined in, telling them about Boston, where he grew up. He talked about his older brother and his parents. Some of the stories his father had relayed about teaching third grade had them all laughing.

The conversation didn’t wane, and Cami finally realized that time was flying by. She looked over at Bradan. “Up for some adventure?”

“Always.”

Cami kissed her mom, and Bradan gave her a friendly hug. She led him out and made her way toward a shop where they could rent bikes. The day she’d spent with her friends in Seattle had reminded her how much she enjoyed biking.

“Hey, you’re pretty good in family situations.”

Bradan laughed. “I come from a family, you know.”

She socked him in the arm, hurting her fingers. “Smart ass.”

Her hometown was beloved for the rural routes, meandering through wheat fields, offering the best of cycling. The nearby Blue Mountains offered steep climbs for those with the skill level. Cami preferred to hike the mountains. On a bicycle, she opted for the flat lands and trails through the historic neighborhoods when she just wanted to cruise.

Having no trouble maneuvering a bike, Bradan rode beside her. The rolling hills were covered with huge farms, and the local roads had so little traffic that they could easily ride anywhere on the paved surfaces. Cami guided them to Mill Creek, where they pulled off and leaned the bikes against a tree.

Sitting on the bank of the creek was peaceful. Under the shade of the trees, it was cool and pleasant. They stared at the water for a while just enjoying the tranquility. Then Bradan looked over at her, risking piercing the silence in a quiet voice.

“I’m not with Amber, you know.”

Cami looked over. “You wouldn’t be here with me if you were.” She stopped. “Would you?”

He looked at her. “I didn’t know she was coming to see me.”

Pulling at some dry grass, Cami said, “Is she still in Seattle?”

“No.”

They looked into each other’s eyes and seemed to reach an understanding.

Bradan took her hand. “I didn’t sleep with her, you know.”

“I know you didn’t.” Cami studied his puzzled expression. “I would have seen it in your eyes.”

For a moment, Bradan didn’t say anything. Then he broke out in a grin. “What else do you see in my eyes?”

He put his arm around her and leaned her down on the grass, hovering above her. Cami giggled. “You know what I see.”

His eyes flared with lust. And something else. Something that threw her off guard. It was more than lust. It was something she must have imagined. When she looked into his eyes, she swore that just for a flickering instant she could see into his soul.

And what she found there plumbed the depths of her heart. Cami looked away. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t do this. It made no sense, and emotion swamped her. Batting her eyes, Cami hoped to hide the tears before Bradan saw.

“Hey,” he said gently, “you okay?”

“Not really.”

A bird chirped and the sound of rushing water filled the quiet. Second by second, Cami calmed down. Wisely, Bradan didn’t press for answers. She wasn’t sure she had them anyway.

When she turned back, Cami saw concern in his eyes, though he tried to hide it.

“You puzzle me,” he said.

She smiled and touched his cheek. “I haven’t solved that puzzle yet either.”

The mood by the creek had shifted, so they got back on the bikes to head downtown. The ride out had been mostly uphill, so the downhill return was rewarding. They dropped off the bikes and walked along Main Street.

Holding hands, they strolled around like tourists, and later in the afternoon stopped for lattes. Downtown was full of restaurants, so there was no lack of choice when dinnertime came. Cami wasn’t in a mood to introduce her aunt. Her mother had been enough for one visit. So she passed on going to Iverson’s.

Cami looked over. “You up for authentic Spanish cuisine?”

He grinned. “Always.”

She laughed. “You’ve never had it, have you?”

“Nope.”

They started with beef/lamb tartar, which Cami vouched was some of the best. The chef was a friend, and she had a taste of one of his signature dishes delivered to their table. Bradan wasn’t sure about the burgundy snails paired with peas and handmade pasta, though Cami proclaimed it was absolute perfection.

For the main course, they went for steak with caper berries. And Bradan’s enjoyment of the tender, intensely-flavored meat was evident. They stayed for dessert, which was creamy panna cotta covered with fresh peaches. Seattle had nothing on Walla Walla when it came to good food or good chefs.

Bradan wanted to see where Cami was staying, so they walked up to the inn, which wasn’t far. They ended up staying. It was cozier than his hotel, so they opened a bottle of wine and listened to music. It was all very romantic, and Cami hoped he would stay the night with her.

She got her wish. In the intimacy of her room, they made love, stirring passion inside them that didn’t die. Around each other, they came to life and desire blossomed with renewed vigor. It was a wonderful night, and as Cami fell asleep in Bradan’s arms again, she reflected on how natural it seemed.

She couldn’t imagine being with someone else. Nor could she imagine that any man could make her feel like Bradan did. Yet she was torn. Just because she craved him beyond all reason didn’t mean that she could open her heart to him.

Even if she wanted to. And
even if
he had met her mother and visited her hometown. It was frustrating. Bradan seemed to work his way into her life despite all reasons that it shouldn’t be happening. But Cami had let it happen. She wanted him there. Didn’t she?

Early the following morning, Bradan left for the airport, but Cami planned to stay another day to spend time with her mother. They parted reluctantly, and when she watched him drive away, an ache started in her heart. She had it bad for him. It wasn’t going to be easy.

Chapter 25

The more Cami thought about it, the more anxious she became. She’d wanted to talk to her mother about her concerns, but didn’t want to ruin the visit. Somehow she had managed to skirt around revealing too much, even though the questions about Bradan had unnerved her.

Clearly, her mother could tell there was something between them. Seeing Cami with Bradan, her feelings must have been obvious. But so far, it was sexual. She’d given in to her desire, and so had he. But a relationship based on more was something else entirely.

If only Cami’s heart didn’t feel like it had a steel barrier around it. Only it wasn’t steel; it was way more fragile than that. There was nothing she could do about it. It couldn’t be changed. She felt what she did and couldn’t allow more depth of caring.

Despite knowing that, she had continued to want Bradan and given in to his charms. Still she wanted him. Now more than ever. The hours in the quiet countryside of home had done nothing to put out the flames of her desire.

But it would never work. It couldn’t work. She couldn’t be the woman for him. Not in the real world. Oh sure, they could be together physically. But sooner or later, the heart would be involved. The thought touched the surface of grief that threatened to rise up and drown her.

But even so, Cami was back in Seattle. Back to catering. And she’d agreed to have dinner with Bradan that night. They’d moved past the subject of his former girlfriend. He hadn’t filled her in on the details of what happened between them, and that was best.

Hearing about Amber wouldn’t do any good. As long as Cami knew he wasn’t seeing her, she didn’t want to know more. She preferred not to hear about it because the thought of him being in love with another woman, even in the past, made her feel possessive.

And she didn’t want to be. Cami intended to limit her vulnerability. Knowing she could crack with the right provocation, it was better to hold back. The sexual relationship had shaken her. Needing Bradan more than she should was distressing.

At the moment, they were together. But it was a day-by-day thing. Women gravitated to Bradan, and he clearly enjoyed their company. Cami had no intention of deluding herself on that point. If she trusted, and let go, the chance of getting hurt again was high. And one of those times, she might not recover.

The fact that she wanted Bradan more than life itself highlighted the danger. The longer she let the relationship continue, and the closer they became, the worse it would be. Cami knew herself, even if he didn’t, and there was no question in her mind where they were headed.

Cami hadn’t realized how deeply she’d been lost in thought until Jeremy’s voice startled her. They were just finishing up a catering job.

“Where are you?” Jeremy asked. “You look a million miles away.”

She looked over. “Yeah. I guess I am.” Though he continued to wipe a glass, she knew he was listening. “Do you ever just feel lost?”

He shrugged. “All the time.”

Cami studied him. “You don’t look like it. You always seem so relaxed about everything.”

“I fake it well.”

She laughed. “You do. And you’re always so understanding. Plus a good listener.”

Jeremy raised a brow. “Is that so?”

“Yes, very. Really, Jeremy, you are a nice guy.”

He put down the glass and his eyes twinkled. “You had your chance.”

Cami grinned. “Yeah, right. You’re a big tease.”

His expression turned serious. “Are you okay, though? You seem so distracted? Is it Bradan?”

She nodded. “Partly. Mostly, it’s just me.”

Jeremy had another job to go to, so Brittany grabbed Cami for a trip to the Seattle aquarium. “I’m just in the mood to see fish.”

Cami laughed. “And you think I’m weird sometimes.”

It was a short walk, and they paid the fee for the privilege of entering the cool, dark building. They stepped through a short tunnel into an undersea dome with a 360-degree view of Puget Sound. The mammoth tank provided views of fish lurking around underwater reefs, sharks slyly swimming past on the lookout for their next meal, and brightly colored rockfish hovering near crevices.

“Look,” Cami said, pointing up at schools of silvery salmon flashing though the filtered sunlight from above.

They took a while, spotting all the varieties they could. It was like being in another world, under the sea. It was hard to believe it was right there in the city. The smooth glide of the sea life was calming and, in a way, reassuring.

“It reminds me that there is something beyond us.” Brittany laughed. “And more to life than catering.”

“Silly.”

“So, did it go well when Bradan followed you?”

Cami looked over. “Yes. He even met my mother.”

“Is it serious?”

Cami shook her head.

Brittany frowned. “Still mad about Amber?”

“No, not that. I don’t think they have anything going anymore. But I didn’t ask for all the details. It’s odd; I guess I should have made him tell me all about it. But I suppose I was still hurt. Or maybe jealous.” She looked up at the water above their heads. “But I don’t want to admit that.”

“That’s honest.” Brittany turned to get a better view of a fish gliding by. “But you’re still seeing him?”

“That’s a complicated question.”

“Either you are or you aren’t.”

“Then I am.”

“You are a tough one, Cami. I have to say, Bradan must have a lot of patience.”

Cami shoved her. “Hey, you’re supposed to be my friend.”

“Yep, that’s why I’m not telling you what you want to hear. You’re gonna have to open up one of these days.” Brittany stopped and looked at her intently. “I know something happened to you. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But you can’t hold it in forever.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Cami said. “I’m sick of fish.”

*****

The Italian restaurant was busy, but Bradan had reserved a table for them. It had an open kitchen, allowing a view of the staff preparing meals. The place was clean and elegant. From what Cami could tell scanning the menu, the chef had a modern take on classic dishes.