Perfectly Shattered (19 page)

Somehow he had to make her understand, but no clear plan of action came to mind. Bradan had hurt Cami more than once. He couldn’t just blow it off. He would have explained, and he would have told Cami about meeting Amber, including how he had felt about that.

The problem was that
he
hadn’t known. Bradan hadn’t been sure. He’d actually considered patching it up with Amber, probably to repair his damaged ego. Then it had all made sense. Too late, everything had come together.

There was only one woman Bradan wanted. He wanted Cami. And not just for the sex. Without her, his life felt empty. He loved being with her, talking to her. She could be so funny, and other times she could be so frustrating. But she touched him deeply.

Dare he say it? He loved her. He’d never felt that way about any other woman. All that time, he’d thought Amber was the one for him. It was young infatuation. He hadn’t had any idea of what love meant.

He wasn’t sure he did now. But he knew one thing: he was going to do everything in his power to fix it with Cami. The trouble was that Bradan wasn’t sure how to go about that. He’d never been in love before. All he was used to was taking what he wanted from a woman and moving on to another when he felt like it.

And there was something else. Something Cami wouldn’t tell him, or
couldn’t
tell him. He could see it in her eyes. It was pain and sadness. She had shared that she had been in love, and when Bradan pressed, she’d told him it had ended in her boyfriend’s death.

But that wasn’t all of it. There had to be more. Cami confused him. She seemed so strong, yet so fragile at the same time. If he crossed her, it was nothing for her to fly into a rage. But he knew she hadn’t revealed her weakness. Not yet. That would come later.

First, she had to trust him. And that wasn’t going to happen until he could get her to talk to him again.
If
she would talk to him again. There had to be a way to fix everything, and Bradan wasn’t going to give up until he found it.

Chapter 21

The days without Cami were long and pointless. Now that Bradan knew he loved her, nothing else seemed to matter. Yet deciding on the right approach wasn’t so easy. And he didn’t want to be turned away.

Love was unfamiliar, and he wasn’t sure what was required or what would be best. He only knew what his heart told him: that he wanted to be with Cami. He hoped she’d want to be with him too. Once she got over being mad.

At work, Bradan’s mind tended to wander. He kept imagining being with her and remembering the intimate moments when he had been. If he had his way, it would be simple. Cami would fall into his arms and he’d never let her go.

But just because he’d changed, it didn’t mean she had. The encounter with Amber had been a blessing and a curse. It had been the impetus for his change, and finding closure with pain from his past had allowed him to move forward.

It had allowed him to embrace what he had with Cami, or thought he had. It did no good to admonish himself for not seeing it all along. But now that he did, the longing for her was driving him crazy.

She’d refused to take his calls, which didn’t surprise him. Cami had a temper, and he would have to let her cool down. But it had been days and still she wouldn’t respond. It took all his strength not to pound on her door to make her let him in.

In fact, he might do that. But he had a better plan. He’d show up at her catering job, a place where she couldn’t run from him. He’d take it slow, do it right. It was just that he didn’t know exactly how that would go. But he had to make it work.

On the way to the Seattle home where Malena had said they were catering an anniversary party, he reflected on what he knew of love, which wasn’t much. His own parents seemed to make it work, and Bradan recalled something his father had told him. Speaking of his own marriage, Patrick Reid had told his son it was based on love and “giving of yourself.”

That was something Bradan hadn’t been good at. Taking was more his style, but now he was ready to give. He wanted to. If only Cami would let him. After turning down a tree-lined street, he pulled along the curb and shut off the engine.

As he reached for the door handle, his cell phone rang. Glancing, he saw with disappointment that it wasn’t Cami. In the same instant, he realized it was his brother calling.

“Sean—hey, man.”

“Hey, Bradan. Just checking on you. I heard Mark was coming back soon and wondered if you found a place.”

“I’ve got a couple in mind. I’ll pick one of them and be out before he returns.”

“Everything good?”

There was no need to hide anything from his older brother. They’d always shared everything. And he could use some good advice.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Sean replied without hesitation, “Shoot.”

Bradan glanced at the expensive homes along the street, not really seeing them. All he could think of was that Cami was inside one of them.

He thought of how his brother had fought for his own love. But Sean had succeeded and now they lived together. Though Bradan hadn’t felt envy before, he did now. “Are you glad you are with Adrianna?”

Sean gave a short laugh. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“I thought you’d say so.”

“I think you’ve got it bad for someone. Or you wouldn’t have asked that.”

Bradan let out a heavy breath. “Yeah, well, a lot has happened recently.” He proceeded to fill in his brother about Amber’s unexpected visit and the result of it. Then he talked about Cami, hitting on the highlights, but feeling emotion in the depths of his soul as he spoke.

“So, I could use your opinion. I’m about to reappear in Cami’s life, but I just have to wonder if I’m the best thing for her. She’s got problems, stuff she won’t talk about. I just don’t know if I’m good for her, even though I want her. I just do. But should I leave her alone, just give it up?”

Sean spoke with confidence: “Don’t be an idiot.”

Bradan laughed, and for the first time in many days, he felt encouraged. “Thanks for the advice, man. I’ll be in touch.”

He zipped up his coat and walked a block to the location, hardly noticing his surroundings. The closer he got, the more his heart pounded. Perhaps his idea was faulty and it would have been better to meet Cami somewhere private.

It was too late. He was in front of the home and had no will to turn back. Bradan was going to see her because he couldn’t face another day without doing that. He took the stone steps two at a time and made it to the porch.

The door was ajar and the party was going strong. Laughter and music could be heard. Bradan stepped inside and immediately spotted Jeremy out on the terrace serving drinks. He headed in his direction, but then saw Brittany slip down a hall.

Likely Cami would be in the kitchen, so he followed Brittany, only to find her alone at an enormous center island. She was scooping tiny appetizers onto a platter. Distracted by his entry, Brittany looked up.

“Bradan.”

“Hey there. I stopped by. Heard you guys had a gig here.”

Brittany furrowed her brow. “Cami’s not here.”

He let out a sigh of exasperation and his shoulders slumped. “Shit.”

Setting down the spoon, Brittany stared at him. “What do you want, anyway?”

He shook his head. “You too?”

She put a hand on her hip. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Bradan stepped up to the island. “Just that I know she’d mad at me. So I guess you are too.”

“Of course she’s
mad
at you. She’s furious. And can you blame her?” Brittany’s eyes narrowed. “You take Amber out for lunch, and to a place where Cami is likely to run into you, and now you’re surprised she didn’t take it well?”

He shook his head. “No, it wasn’t like that.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ha. Yes, it was. How else could it be? You take Cami to this cool restaurant near Pilates, and you have to know she will go back there. If nothing else, she’s sentimental. Unlike someone else…who I happen to be looking at.”

Bradan ran his hand through his hair. “No. No. You don’t understand.”

Now she had both hands on her hips. “Oh, but I do. You need to leave Cami alone.”

He placed both hands on the wooden top of the island and leaned toward Brittany. “I can’t do that.”

Brittany stared at him.

“You have to listen. I did not plan for that to happen.”

“Oh, right. You figured that Cami would never find out.”

Bradan had the feeling he was sinking in further. If he was doing this poorly with Brittany, it would be brutal with Cami. “I’m not with Amber. She came by. I didn’t know she would ever do that. Give me a break here.”

Brittany didn’t say anything.

“I need to talk to Cami. I love her.”

Now he had her attention. “You what?”

“You heard me. I love her. And I want to fix this mess.”

Sinking onto a kitchen stool, Brittany sighed. “Jeez, Bradan.”

“Yeah. I know. Now will you help me?”

Brittany looked up at him. “You really fucked up.”

“Yeah, we got that part covered. But now I have to make Cami see that it was a mistake. I have to tell her how I feel.”

“Well, she’s not here.”

“So you said. Where is she?”

Brittany shook her head. “I probably shouldn’t tell you.”

He stepped a little closer. “I know you are her friend, and that’s why I’m asking for your help. I really need to talk to her. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for me losing the only woman I’ll ever love, would you?”

She smirked. “That’s awfully dramatic.”

“I feel dramatic.”

Brittany threw up her arms. “She left.”

A sinking feeling pulled at his gut. “What does that mean?”

“She went home.”

“To Walla Walla?”

“Yes, to visit her mother, I guess.” Brittany pointed a finger at him. “You really upset her, you know.”

“We seem to agree on that. And I want to make things better. But Brittany, I have to say she stumps me. There’s something hurting her; it’s deep inside. Cami won’t share it with me. If I knew I would know what I’m dealing with. I could do the right thing.”

A voice called, “We need more shrimp out here.”

Brittany moved to pick up the platter she’d filled. “Look, Bradan, I’m working here.”

He touched her arm before she could lift the platter. “What is it with Cami? You can tell me.”

“I can’t. She never told me either. I know she had a boyfriend that died. And it must have been awful. But Cami doesn’t talk about it. At least not to me she didn’t. Or to anyone, probably.”

Their eyes met, and understanding passed between them.

Brittany lifted the platter with both hands and turned toward the door. “I hope it works out, Bradan. I really do. I like Cami, and she could use love in her life.” She stopped. “But you better not screw up. You’ll have me to answer to.”

*****

Cami had taken an early Friday morning flight and was home in time for lunch with her mother. She did her best to act normally, whatever that was for her. Once or twice her mother looked at her, trying to see if she was doing okay.

Though her heart was breaking and her insides were ripped apart, Cami did her best to suppress it. She’d told her mother that she got a little homesick and was coming back for the weekend. It was a short visit, but long enough.

With everything that had happened, Cami needed to be at home, even if just for a day or two. Though Seattle was everything she’d hoped, it wasn’t the same as home. She did miss her mother, and her aunt.

She also missed the quiet of the town and the lovely expanse of vineyards. It was slightly warmer than Seattle, and sunny. The rays beamed down across the fields and rolling hills, sparking joy in Cami’s heart despite her beaten spirit.

They had lunch at her aunt’s café downtown. Cami ordered her favorite, the vegetable pita wrap, made with her aunt’s own homegrown tomatoes. Her aunt had owned Iverson Cafe for many years, starting it with her husband Dan Iverson shortly after they were married.

Carolyn Joubert looked younger than mid-forties, and her green eyes glowed with pleasure at seeing her daughter. They caught up on all the news and Cami learned more about how her cousin Nina was doing in California. It still seemed strange that things had changed so much.

It wouldn’t have surprised Cami to see her cousin round the corner and plop into a chair next to them as she had done so often. But they were both grown now and hadn’t stayed in touch. Not for any particular reason. Cami was as fond of Nina as she’d ever been and would have loved to see her.

Once lunch was over, Cami walked around town with her mother, reminiscing. And just for a while, she forgot about her problems. She’d always been happy at home. At least until the tragedy. That had changed everything.

Still, it was so good to see her mother. And when she’d unpacked, Cami took off for a walk on the trails she knew so well. She breathed in the fresh air and gazed at the familiar hillsides. It felt good to be there.

But her good feeling didn’t last. There was something else she needed to see. Something that didn’t hold good memories, but she was drawn to it. Even knowing as she walked in the direction of the graveyard that the grief would be nearly too much, Cami was still compelled to go.

Chapter 22

The warmth of the sun felt good. Walking along the road, Cami looked at the green rolling hills, the trees, and the mountains above. So many days growing up, she had hiked in the Blue Mountains or had dipped in the river. With her friends, she’d walked the trails, watched the birds, and sat by the water, soaking in the tranquility.

Now it was different. She was no longer growing up, but had passed the pinnacle of her youth. The joy of a carefree existence had been torn away in one horrifying moment. Tears welled in her eyes. Up ahead was the expanse of green lawn with tombstones in staggered heights reaching upward.

They reached to nowhere. Those people were gone. It was sad just to look at it, probably due to the loss she had never recovered from. The markers were a remembrance of a person who had lived and been loved. A special person. Like Nat.