Penitence (2010) (2 page)

are nervous? His black eyes locked on mine deciphering. He let go of my wrist, gently placing my hand back to my side. A little. I just told her about her breast, Mom said. She wanted to know. Of course she wanted to know. Shes a teenager, right? He grinned. Zoe, when you came in here, you were covered in glass. It took us four hours just to extricate all the pieces. You have one hundred and sixty-five stitches. Most are little and wont be seen when they heal. Most were on your arms, because you must have thrown your arms up to protect your face. Your clothes were quite shredded. You are a very lucky girl. He neglected to elaborate about my breast. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions, panicking for nothing. It probably looked fine. One of the larger shards was embedded in your chest, and your right breast was compromised. But I was able to make an incision directly underneath and reattach the tissue, much like I do in breast augmentation. You have a laceration, like a T across the right side where the glass went in, but we stitched that and it should heal into white scar tissue. I want to see it. Of course. Dr. Semolitis helped me sit forward, and eased the blue and white hospital gown away from my back, and around my shoulders, exposing my right side. A large bandage was wrapped around my midsection. This wrap is to give you support for the ribs. It doesnt have anything to do with your breast. Mrs. Dodd, could you help Zoe hold up her arms? Yeck. I felt vulnerable, arms raised, a strange man close, unwrapping thick, white gauze, his eyeshis faceinches from my breasts. As each layer unpeeled, I grew colder and more fearful. Soon, my boobs would hang out like a stripper. Ridiculous, I know, but I suddenly wanted to retract my wish to see myself. Mom held my hands, which felt even weirder. But my arms trembled and started to fall back to my sides. Almost done, Zoe. When the air hit my chest, I looked down. Dr. Semolitis had produced a large mirror from somewhere, and he held it angled so I could see. My heart stopped. Of course, there is still some swelling. The eggplant color will take about a month to completely go away. But you can see, he reached out with his physicians finger and traced the right side, here is where I made the incision. You wont see it in a bra or bathing suit. His words muddled and stuck in my head. My once perfectly-shaped round now resembled a blueberry pancake, shaped like a coffee bean with a slit down the side. Nausea raced up my throat and I heaved spitty liquid all over the mirror. He whisked the mirror out of sight and Moms expression grew anxious, her hands jittery. I fell back against the mattress, eyes closed, my shaking hands reaching blindly for the sheets to cover myself. Id never look normal again. What would I do? I looked like a teenaged breast cancer victim. I have every confidence your breast will heal and look good, Dr. Semolitis said. Any white scarring should not change the natural shape. Words meant to console didnt cut through the image of the purple black blob from my mind Dr. Semolitis was talking to Mom, but I didnt listen to what he was saying. I didnt want to open my eyes, fighting as I was to hold tears back. It didnt work. They streamed down my cheeks. I felt the whoosh of the door open, heard the padding of feet and then hands were everywhere, holding me upright. I opened my eyes. Two nurses. My arms went over my lolling head. Sharp pains in my ribs caused me to wince. I felt a wrapping session begin, round and round. When I was all bandaged up, the room emptied and all I heard was Mom whispering to the doctor, their hushed voices sneaking underneath the incessant beep of the heart monitor. Overwhelmed with the accident, with not knowing where Matthias was, at seeing the purple, black and green bruises devouring what was now my breast, I wanted to fall into sleep and wake up to find everythingeven meeting Matthias, getting to know him, falling hopelessly in love with him had only been a very long and detailed dream. But that was impossible. Every breath I took, each moment that passed, hour that I lived, meant I was that much closer to getting old, dying and seeing Matthias again. Two After Dr. Semolitis left, Mom came over, pulled the one chair in the room to the side of the bed, and sat. Her lips quavered up in a smile. Id seen that look beforeI cant believe this is happening to someone I love. But Id seen her look that way mostly at Abria. Its going to heal and look fine, Zoe. Im sure of it. Dr. Semolitis assured me. I closed my eyes, nodded. Yeah. But inside, I couldnt envision anything but slashes and warped shapes where my breast was. Mom, in her effort to cheer me up, rattled on about how Britt called every day, asking how I was. So had Chase and the school. Everyone had heard about the accident, the incident had made the local paper, and my teachers were willing to help any way they could with missing assignments or whatever. Even though I was a senior, and the school year was halfway done, school was the last thing on my mind. Still, the allowance of extra time or whatever my teachers would grant me, was a relief. Who is Chase, anyway? A friend of Matthias? I cracked a smile. Sort of. Hes in newspaper with me. Well, hes come by the house and the hospital half-a-dozen times. Nice looking boy. Very well mannered. She lifted her right brow over a teasing smile. Mom, were just friends. Oh, I can tell he sees you as just a friend. He was very concerned. I told him Id call him when you were up to having visitors. I want to see that mirror again, I said. Before anyone I knew set one foot inside this depressing hospital room, I was going to shower and wash my hair. Mom stood, searched for the mirror, found it on the shelf in the small closet, then brought it over. She held it in front of my face. My skin was a mottled mess, an extension of the bruises coloring my breast and the rest of my body, only dotted with tiny strips of white suture tape. I look hideous. You were in a car accident, what do you expect? I need to wash my hair. Look at it. It reeks. Strands stuck together in teenaged oiliness, hanging like dead brown vines around my face. Mom chuckled and the sound made me laugh, too, and it felt wonderful to laugh. We shared a long, lazy smile. I couldnt complain. My face was still intact. It really was a miracle I was alive, even if my heart was somewhere else. I handed her the mirror and rested my head against the pillow. So, what happened to the driver? Did Luke know that the guy was someone from the log house? He had minor injuriesof course. Her tone was clipped. But hes in jail on a DUI. Serves him right. What kind of person is irresponsible like that? At least hes in jail. Sweating bullets, I hope. If you hadnt made it, hed have had a manslaughter charge to look forward to. I didnt mention Lukes connection to the driver. I would ask Luke when I saw him. Oddly, I didnt feel any animosity toward the driver of the wasp truck. Maybe I was too worn down. Exhaustion took its toll like a ravaging fever. Id been awake, what, fifteen minutes? I closed my eyes and sleep took over. Dad came by later that evening, with Abria and Luke. Seeing their faces was like coming up for air after being held under waterto the point of nearly passing out from oxygen deprivationI couldnt suck in enough of them. For a few moments, I experienced real joy and release from the pain still residing in my body and troubling thoughts of Matthias whereabouts. Lukes grin was cheery, the happiness in his eyes at seeing me sincere. I relished the connection as if every past argument and ugly word was wiped away. Dad wept against my shoulder when he took me against him in the gentlest embrace. He didnt say anything, just held me long enough that I knew he needed to feel me, alive and breathing. Dad finally eased away, smiling through tears as his gaze stayed with mine. I got us all here as soon as Mom told me you were awake. Im glad youre feeling better. You look so much better. How do you feel? Tired and sore but other than that, pretty good. Everybodys asked about you, Luke said. Yeah? I get stopped at least ten times a day. It doesnt matter where I am, at school, at the Purple Turtlethe gas station. Man, you know a lot of people. I smiled. Yeah. And they all know you, bud. Uh-oh. He laughed. His smile wrapped warm and tender around my heart. A lot of teachers have asked me how youre doing, too, Luke added. Like I said, theyre all willing to work with you, honey. Moms tone reassured me. Nobody wants you to stress about assignments or anything. Dont think about that now. Dad patted my hand. I heard Abrias sing-song voice and strained to look for her. Mom grabbed her, lifted her up and brought her to the bedside. Look, Abria. Zoe is back. Zoe is awake. Hey baby, I reached out for her. Abria stuck her fingers in her mouth, looked at me for a moment then leaned the opposite direction toward the curtained window with a grunt. Mom eased her down so her feet hit the floor. It was so good to see Abria. I smiled. But as instantaneously as joy went through me, that joy was ushered out when my thoughts shifted to Matthias. My throat tightened. A surge of tears rushed behind my eyes and I blinked, fast, to keep them back. You okay? Dad eyed me. I nodded. Its just good to see everybody. Yeah, it is, Luke murmured. Abria, no-no. Moms tone wasnt sharp, just a little louder. She crossed to where Abria stood, peering up at the floor-to-ceiling window, and stayed by Abrias side. I had to nail the windows in her bedroom closed, Dad said. Did she try to get out? I asked. Had Matthias been there? Or had this happened while he had been with me? Luke caught her standing in the window one day, Dad said. She was just standing there. Lukes eyes met mine in a secret indication of the day he and I had seen Abria doing the same thing. She was looking out like it was nothing. Oh my gosh, I murmured. Did you have to nail all the windows in the house shut? Mom shook her head. Thankfully, no. I told Dad to nail hers closed. I was too worried about what was going on with you to figure out some other solution. And you know how it is with Abriathe stress that keeps on giving. Yeah. Had Matthias been there? Not knowing the time frame, I had no idea if Abria had been protected by him or if she had been kept safe by Lukes coincidental moment of brilliance. By the window, Abria now tried to climb up into the large frame. Thank heavens these windows dont open, Mom observed. NO climbing in the window, young lady. Every time Abria lifted her leg and gripped the sill, Mom scooped her and set her on the floor. This could go on all night, Mom sighed. Dad crossed to the window and picked Abria up. Ill hold her for a while. Maybe shell lose interest. Like that will happen, I joked. Seriously, added Luke. We thought wed eat dinner herewith youif thats okay, Mom said. The doctor said you can have solids, if you start out with something simple. I think hes ordered you soup or something. I wasnt hungry, no doubt thanks to the clear fluid running into my veins from the IV. I hated tubes and needles. You guys go ahead. Cool. Luke grinned and stuck out his palm to Dad. Everyone chuckled. Where do you think youre going? Dad asked. For food. Not without me. Dad flashed his wagging brows at Mom and me and he, Abria and Luke went out the door. The air was light, the mood fun, making being alive easier to focus on even with questions about Matthias still looming in my head. I havent seen Luke that happy in months, Mom murmured. A tensionless smile sighed from her. He looks sober, I said. How did he do with all of this? Had he gotten high? Left home and hung out with his buddies? Or had he been there for Mom and Dad and supported them? I almost didnt want to know, afraid of ruining the good mood. The first few days he didnt come out of his room at all. His eyes ... I could tell he cried. Of course he put on a casual face, but that didnt hide anything. We were all very afraid, Zoe. I had everyone I knew praying for you. Even Pastor Perrigan sent out a plea for prayer. Sobering news. While Id been savoring a carefree existence with Matthias in Paradise, everyone I knew and many I did not were praying for my recovery. I sighed, closed my eyes. Mom laid her hand on my arm. Its a miracle. Thats what it is. The door opened, shifting the pressure in the room like a giant whisper. A nurse in dotted pink scrubs that looked more like pjs than a uniform swept in. Her red hair was pulled back into a ponytail, her freckled face bloomed into a smile. She carried a tray, plates covered with silver food warmers. Zoe. How are you feeling? She pulled a raised bed table over, set the tray down. The scent of chicken filled my nose. Feeling pretty good. Dr. Semolitis ordered you some broth and Jell-O. Yum, huh? She laughed. But first Im going to take your vitals. In an efficient bluster of pumped blood pressure, ear-poked thermometer and a thorough game of peek-a-boo with my various bandages, I was deemed okay enough to eat. The nurse slid the bed table over my lap, then yanked off the silver warmers and smiled. Viola. A bowl of golden liquid, a bowl of red jiggly Jell-O. You want some help? the nurse asked. No. I can do it. She adjusted the bed so I was sitting up straighter. Take it easy at first. Its easy to think youre not full when you havent had solid food, but a little goes a long way. Okay. She blew out of the room and I stared at the golden, steaming bowl of broth. Im really not hungry. But you should eat, honey. You need strength. I had strength. Fresh, pulsing, peeled-free strength just a little while ago in Paradise. My body had never felt so rejuvenated. My appetite danced on the precipice of nausea. I closed my eyes again. Please, wherever you are, hear me. Speak to me. Please tell me youre all right. Silence. Honey? I opened my eyes. Moms brows were knit in concern. I forced myself to pick up the spoon, my hand trembling. I would eat so she wouldnt worry. One spoonful. Warm, rich flavor slipped down my throat. Two. Three. My hand wouldnt stop shaking. I set the spoon down, let out a breath. Maybe some Jello-O. Mom nodded, watching my every move with motherly love. Want some help? I shook my head. I picked up the bowl, spooned a jiggly spoonful into my mouth. Cold, red, jellied cherry. That was enough. After putting down the bowl and spoon, I laid my head back, let out a weary breath. No more. Mom stood and wheeled the rolling food tray into a far corner. Itll take some time. Her voice was quiet as she crossed back to the side of the bed. I wanted to weep. Alone. Mom. My voice cracked, like a dam unable to hold back water after an earthquake. I wanted to tell her everything in hopes that between her shoulders and mine, I could carry both my world and Matthias. She sat on the edge of the bed and reached for my hand, taking it in loving support. Its
okay. Tears burst and gushed down my cheeks. My shoulders buckled under the pressure. My world. His. Too big. Too far. Impossible. Lost in consuming grief, I barely felt Mom pet my head. The whoosh of the door didnt penetrate my engulfing sorrow. Dad, Luke, Abria and pizza. Silence. Whispers. Abrias footsteps. Moms sharp voice. The door opened again. Closed. Moms hand on my back. Dadspatting me. My muffled sobs filled the empty spaces between us. Please leave me alone. I cant be here for you right now. Im lost, even though Im home. I need to find myself. I floated through the next few days. Part of me wanted to be alive and was glad to see my family. My body: sliced flesh healing, bruised skin pinking, aching muscles softeningmy body was happy to have my soul pumping life into it. Another part faced each morning with my heart broken. As each day progressed, minutes ticking into hours, hours passing into evening without sight of Matthias, mornings arrival tore my already broken heart into hopeless shreds. Mom, Dad and Luketheir enthusiasm grew with each visit. Abria remained consistently Abriadistracted window fiend endlessly chattering nonsensical words. There was no chance Id run into Matthias here at the hospital. Too many safety procedures in place. If I was going to see him, Id either have to jump out a window, fall down an elevator shaft or heist some narcotics. None of those options thrilled me. I was alive for a reason. I should be happy. And I was, I just wanted to know where he was. If I was going to manipulate my safety to see him again, I would have to wait until I was home. The desperate idea gave me the tiniest drop of hope in my desert-dead soul. I took to healing with new intent. Even if my appetite was nowhere in sight, I forced food down. When the nurses offered sleeping pills, I took themthe more rest the better. I willingly accepted my doctors recommended three walks around the fifth floor every day. It was on one of my rounds of the floor that I saw a spirit. At first I thought the transparent image was a figment of my loosely drugged, tired body. My second clue was that the woman was not a fabrication. Her feet didnt touch the floor. She hovered a foot or two in the air, peering into a room. I shuffled closer to the woman, dragging my IV at my side. My heart raced. She was older, her silver hair in a roll at the back of her head. She wore a long robe of some sort, tied at the waist. Fluffy white slippers adorned her feet. As I drew closer, I saw that she was not like Matthias. He had a body. She had the shadow of a body, a transparent yet completely detailed form in every way except that I could see every angle and side of her in three dimensions. I stopped five feet away, staring, wondering if she would notice me. She stood at the open door, gazing into another of the private rooms on the floor. I heard mumbling from within the room, someone weeping. The woman tilted her head at the sound, her pleasant face peaceful and calm, not unlike the look Matthias carried. Hello, I said. She looked at me. Her eyes widened for a moment. You can see me? I nodded, stepped closer. She smiled. Thats wonderful. Id heard about mortals seeing spirits, but I didnt think it would happen to me my first time out. I glanced at the open door. Is this someone you know? Her gaze moved to the room, she nodded. My husband. She clasped her hands at her bosom, and a light sprung behind her face, then radiated out in all directions. Fascinated, I moved around her in a slow circle, her light reflecting on my skin in a soft ivory glow. Ive been waiting for him for ten years, she murmured, gaze locked on the man in the room. I followed her gaze. I caught a glimpse of him when I passed the door. The bald, skeletal figure lay tangled in white sheets and clear tubes. A nurse stood on one side of the bed, a younger woman on the other. The younger woman was weeping. Im sorry hes... Dying? I couldnt say that, because Id tasted the joy that death could bring. Obviously, this lady was anxious to see her husband again. Oh, dont be sorry, she said. Its time. Only, hes not cooperating. Look at him, stubborn old stinker. I stood by her side, and looked at her husband, lying in the bed, a plethora of life-saving wires and tubes encasing him like rollercoaster tracks. A low, gentle current radiated from the woman next to me. My heart banged for Matthias. Do you know Matthias? Her gaze stayed on her husband. Matthias? No. Hes like you. Words stumbled from my lips, hope, urgency, need pushing them out. She looked at me. Like me? Hes dead. Well, there are a lot of folks like me, honey. She returned her concentration on her husband. He doesnt want to let go. Hes afraid of leaving Cissy. Thats our daughter. She looks marvelous, doesnt she? I nodded, dumbfounded. Come now, Frank. Get a move on. Im here. The low current surrounding her shifted, like a car changing gears, ramping up speed. The sound grew stronger, reaching out and into the room like an invisible hand. Then, the mans spiritrenewed and whole, just like his body, but in the same spiritual makeup as the womansrose up and into the air above him. A shrilling beep from the heart monitor filled the air. The older woman held out her arms. Frankie! He moved toward her, smiling, relief and joy on his face and in his translucent countenance. I heard your voice, Martha. Its really you. They embracedtheir spirits dissolving into each other, and then, in a flash of brilliant, blinding light, they were gone. I stood breathless, clinging to my IV stand. Around me, the hall buzzed with uninterrupted hospital normalcy. Awed, I couldnt move. I was so happy for them. They were together, what greater end could there be than that? Soft weeping drew my attention back to the young woman in the room. Shed fallen over the body of the man, and now she lay grieving. I wanted to tell her everything would be okay, that her dad was okay and that he was with her mom. But shed think I was crazy. I let out a sigh, turned and headed back to my room. The sighting infused me with hope. I hadnt lost my sensitivity to see spirits, that was the best news Id heard since I had come back. I had real hope that I would see Matthias againsomehow. Finally, I was able to wash my hair with Mom and the nurses help. I stood at the sink, bent over and Mom scrubbed my head. Id had a few cuts on my scalp, but no stitches. Mom brought an extension cord and I sat in the room chair while she blew dry my hair. When I looked in the mirror, my shiny dark hair was so fluffy I laughed. I look like an eighties pop star. You look beautiful, Moms voice was soft. Dr. Semolitis breezed in with a smile. Zoe, look at you! You look very nice today. Thanks. Something is different. I washed my hair. Yes! That will do it every time, will it not? I have good news. You are free to go home. I am? My heart buzzed. You are. I will instruct your mother on your care, and discharge you back to your busy, teenage life. Sound fair? I was already back to my teenaged life. Fair had been left behind the moment I was taken out of Paradise. I guess so. He tilted his head. What? You want to stay here in the hospital? I could put you to work, if you like. No. No, thanks. Your boyfriend will be happy, yes? I dont have a boyfriend. A pretty girl like you? He crossed to Mom and together they looked at the clipboard he had brought in with him. Home. I rested against the raised bed, still tired, but with enough excitement pulsing through me that I was ready for the next step of healing: out of the protected safety of the hospital and into the world where my questions, which had been restless for the last few weeks, would finally waken and demand answers. Would I get those answers? I said goodbye to the nurses Id become familiar with over the last few days, gave Dr. Semolitis a hugat his insistenceand was wheeled, in a wheelchair packed with my belongings, down to the hospital discharge doors. Another wheelchair held dozens of pots and vases of flowers, cards and stuffed animals. Mom pulled the car up and I got in. My celebratory gifts were loaded into the back seat. Done. Over. Life. Starting again. Three My eyes ached with the sunlight pressing upon them. I kept them closed during the drive. Mom prattled on about neighborhood news and work and the information drizzled into my brain, did an about face and was gone. I couldnt remember what shed said, only the upbeat tone of her voice, when we finally pulled into the driveway. Home was glorious. The sight moved me through a rush of memories and I wept, quickly wiping away tears before anyone could see them. Inside, familiar scents wrapped around me. Vanilla candles. Moms faded perfume. Laundry detergent. Dad came out and helped Mom and I carry everything inside. Luke appeared in the entry and took my hospital bag upstairs to my bedroom. Mom ushered me to the family room where she promptly sent Dad for some sheets and blankets, and she made up a resting place on the couch for me. The short walk in tired me, and I eased onto the couch with a heavy sigh. Abria was running back and forth in front of me, giggling. I guess she was happy to have me home. I smiled at her. Hey pretty girl. She stopped, flapped, and promptly and gleefully climbed on the coffee table. I brought your pillows. Dad arrived, his arms laden with my fluffy pillows. He propped them around me. Thanks, Dad. Smells good in here. He lifted Abria into his arms. No climbing young lady. Abria squirmed. Mom was in the kitchen, opening the oven. Dad stopped and got Chinese take out. Sound good to you? My appetite still hadnt returned, but I didnt want to hurt her feelings. Sounds great. Everything looked so clean and colorful compared to the antiseptic blandness of the hospital. The drapes were open so I could see the aspens and pines in our backyard, the towering mountains. How beautiful everything about my life was. Luke came down the stairs. Hands stuffed in his front pockets, he crossed to where I was on the couch. I patted a spot next to me. He hemmed a moment, then sat. I caught Mom glancing over. She smiled, then called for Dad to help her set the table. He carried Abria to a seat and plopped her into the chair. I can help, Luke piped. Thats okay. Mom gleamed, seeing the two of us together. In typical clueless-father fashion, Dad searched every cabinet before finding where the tablecloths were kept. He found the dishes faster. So, you on Lortabs or anything? Luke asked. No way, those things make me sick. I eyed him. Surely he wasnt being friendly so he could score my prescription. He nodded, looked around. You want me to turn on the TV? Sure, okay. He grabbed the remote and flicked on the TV. An old episode of Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman was on. Oh, not this, he groaned. No, leave it on. Remember when we used to watch this, you and me? I laughed. We were obsessed. Me with Jane Seymour and her long hair, you with Sully in his fringed leather outfits. Yeah. A faint smile lifted his lips. Outfit, singular. Thats right, he only wore one. We both laughed. You guys used to dress up and play Dr. Quinn all the time, Dad called, setting plates on the tablecloth, his gaze flicking to Abria as she now stood on her chair, flapping. Remember that fake suede costume I made for Luke? Mom chuckled. Luke flushed. Dont remind me. I seem to remember buying a wig for you, Zoe, Mom added with a wink. She stood over a bowl of salad, tossing greens. Yep, a lovely acrylic nightmare. I was glad when Luke got over wanting to scalp people. Dad gave an obvious shudder as he set glasses at each place setting. Hearing my family laugh together was soothing music to my soul. A sweet silence filled the air afterwards, and I looked around for Abria. Wheres Abria? Everything came to a stop. Let me go look for her, I struggled to stand. No, you stay put. Dad set down the last fork. Abria? Abria? No, Dad, let me. I need the exercise. Youre still weak, Dad said. Dads right, Zoe, Mom said. Dont overdo. If there was any chance I would see Matthias, Id take itno matter the cost. I inched to the staircase. Im okay. Ill do it. Dad stopped, glanced at Mom. I felt their eyes on me, but didnt care. My heart raced. Matthias. Please, please be here. Abria? I climbed the stairs, my muscles quivering halfway up. I should have stayed on the couch. Determined, I gripped the banister and pulled myself along, ignoring the sweat bursting at my hairline and along my back. Finally at the landing, I gasped for breath. I couldnt believe how tiring a flight of steps was. Heart pounding, I crossed to Abrias room. The door was closed. Abria? I gripped the knob, turned it, and went in. My heart sunk. Abria sat alone on the floor, spinning the top. Tears rushed up my throat, nearly choking me. Found her. I called, steadying my voice so no one would suspect how devastated I was that Matthias wasnt with her. I should be happy she was fine, that she didnt need a guardian at that moment. I went into her room and closed the door, resting my back against it. I closed my eyes. Where are you? Whats happened? Swarmed with longing, the tears Id fought to hold back broke through my lashes and streamed down my cheeks. The ache Id felt in the hospital when Id awakened and found myself without him was back, more powerful, deeper and tearing more profoundly through me. I wanted to sob. Abria looked up at me for a moment, then went back to spinning her top, oblivious to my anguish. I crossed to the bed and fell onto it, overcome with weariness and grief. Tears continued to run out my eyes, and my body shook, a combination of exhaustion and sorrow wracking my limbs. Ah, Zippy, dont cry. The tart voice broke through my sadness. I opened my eyes. Standing at the foot of the bed was an older woman with blonde hair. She reminded me of a gypsy. She wore a dress in bright pink, kind of like the one Id worn briefly while Id been in Paradise, but hers had a lavishly embroidered vest over it. Her blue eyes were just like Moms, twinkling and pretty. I recognized her from dozens of photos. I sat up. Aunt Janis? She nodded. You look miserable. Iyoure here. WhatI thought you were in intake? I was, until I was needed back here. Do you know Matthias? I sure do. Super young man. My heart spun. I felt like I was going to burst right then and there. Do you know where he is? She came closer. I havent seen him, Zippy. But I know hes met with some temporary... obstacles. Obstacles. What happened? You have to tell me, please. Oh, honey. She tilted her head, a look of understanding on her face. Dont think about this now. Youve got to get well. I dont want to get well, I want to die so I can be with Matthias. Now youre talking craziness. She peered at Abria, spinning the top. My shes grown, hasnt she? Please, if you know anything at all, please tell me. Ive been worried about him. Why isnt he here? Did he do something wrong? Was it me? Something I did? Seeing that