Out of the Blue (5 page)

“Sorry, Kris. I’m okay really, got a lot on my mind.”

We finished some routine maintenance on one of the hoses and packed it away at the end of our shift. We’d been on the same rotation since Kris had started at the fire station, and he looked contemplative before he asked, “You want to grab a beer after shift?”

I thought this was a good opportunity to get to know him and take my mind off my problems. Jake wouldn’t be home from work yet, and I was only going home to an empty apartment. I fired off a quick text to Jake to let him know I was having a few beers and would be late.

We went to a bar on Broadway Street, not far from home, and it was good to relax and get to know Kris over a drink.

“So why did you transfer stations?” I asked once we’d ordered a second round.

“It was a culmination of things, really. My nan died a little while ago, and Mom wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her apartment. Nikky, my girlfriend, complained of the commute to work, and I wasn’t getting along with some of the guys I worked with, so I was on the lookout for a move. So when this transfer came up, I jumped on it, bought Nan’s apartment from Mom, interest free, of course, and asked Nikky to move in with me.”

“Sounds like it all worked out for the best. Why weren’t you getting along with the crew at the other station? You seem relaxed about most things.” I couldn’t imagine Kris not getting along with anyone.

“I am, not much bothers me, but I found I couldn’t rely on some of the guys to have my back. In this job, trust in your colleagues is everything. I took my complaints to the chief and he shrugged them off, despite the same complaints from others. From then I was on the lookout for a transfer.”

“Who was your chief?”

“Renado.”

“Figures.”

“You’ve heard of him, then.”

“Yeah, asshole extraordinaire.” Chief Renado was the biggest bigot on the planet. He didn’t believe gays should be allowed in the service, or even have the right to breathe the same oxygen.

“That’s him. I was friends with a couple of the gay guys at the station, and because I was friends with them, I was treated the same way they were. They moved on and got transfers to other stations, but I was still called a ‘faggot lover.’ Hate notes were stuffed in my locker, the odd derogatory comment made as I passed, and a few times my gear was fucked with.”
Shit.
I knew what could happen when your gear didn’t work properly.

“Wow, that’s intense. We’ve got a few of those people here, but Chief Maloney makes sure they’re kept in line. He won’t tolerate any bullshit.”

“Yeah, his reputation precedes him, which is why I jumped on this transfer before anyone else could. I need to know the guys have my back.”

“Well, I’ve got yours, buddy.”

“Good to know.”

My stomach grumbled, so I suggested we order some dinner from the bar menu. Our conversation flowed easily as we ate and talked about the differences between the station houses. Each station had their own quirks and politics, and I was interested to hear the stories about his previous station on the other side of the city. I laughed so hard at some of the antics he’d witnessed, my eyes watered and my sides hurt.

It was good to know he didn’t have a problem with me and the handful of gay guys we worked with. It was reassuring and I was so caught up as I listened to Kris’s stories that I didn’t notice the time.

As we finished our meal, I looked out the window into the dark night and realized how late it was. I pulled my phone from my bag and saw three missed calls from Jake. “Oh shit.”

“What’s up?”

“Uh, missed calls from my partner.” It was then I noticed the unsent text from earlier. I must not have hit the Send button. My heart sank, knowing Jake would be worried. “I should get going.”

“It’s Jake, right?” Kris asked.

“Yeah, he’s probably wondering where I am.” I grabbed my bag and threw some bills on the table as I stood to leave. Kris was right behind me.

“You’re in Telegraph Hill, right? Wanna share a cab?”

“Sure, beats walking.”

“Jake,” I called as I opened the apartment door. There was no answer, and I wondered if he was even home, though the living room and kitchen lights were on.

Jake stood by the window as he stared out into the black night, his back to me and phone in hand. I could see the tension in his lean frame.

“Hey, babe,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

“I tried calling. I cooked dinner, but you didn’t answer your phone,” Jake said to the window, his tone quiet and neutral.

“Sorry, I got caught up talking to Kris. I did send a text. Sort of, anyway. I didn’t actually hit the Send button. I’m sorry,” I apologized again.

Jake faced me and I received the full force of his glare. I turned and placed my bag on the ground near the kitchen counter and bent down, pretending there was something in my bag I needed.

“Kris?” I could hear the unspoken question in his tone.

“Yes, he’s new at the station and suggested we have a beer after shift. I didn’t notice how late it was after we got caught up talking. I didn’t hear my phone.”

“How long has he been at the station?”

“A little while. Why?”

Jake looked as though he was weighing my response, but didn’t answer me. I had no idea what he thought.

As I stood and flicked through the mail on the counter, I could feel Jake’s eyes on me. “Have you eaten?” I asked.

“Yes.” There was no elaboration as I looked through the papers with more enthusiasm than I felt.

We were silent for a long minute and the tension between us thickened. My skin prickled as he marched past me, closing our bedroom door behind him.

My chest leaden, I walked to the window and looked out over the bay. I didn’t know what Jake saw when he was standing here, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t the lights of the city below. My guilt over the whole situation threatened to engulf me. I was helpless to stop this downward spiral that was tearing us apart, a ticking time bomb that waited for the detonation.

I knew I needed to give him some space before I went to bed, so I stayed at the window as I watched the play of lights over the water and wondered what to do.

The answer never came.

Jake

I was pissed at Cam, but I couldn’t pin down the exact reason why I was so angry. I didn’t apologize to him for being an ass about last night. He didn’t deserve one. He should have called or texted me, at the least. Not hitting the Send button was plausible, and I never thought he’d lie to me, but it didn’t alleviate my suspicions.

The next day, I was trying to concentrate on a company audit for a new client. Companies came to us to conduct audits of their accounting systems. Some small companies came to us to make sure they claimed everything they could for tax purposes, but the larger ones came to us if they suspected fraudulent activity. That was what I did. If there was an anomaly, I’d find it. Most of the time it was a simple coding error, but every now and then I’d find a transaction or a code that wasn’t legitimate and report it to the partners.

I suspected my current client had something going on, but I hadn’t been able to prove it as I worked my way through their depreciation schedule. My phone rang and I smiled as I saw Caroline’s face light up the screen.

“My sweet. How goes thee on this fine day?”

“Again with the sweet,” Caroline replied. “You got time for lunch today?”

As she worked in the same building, we had lunch often. Since I’d moved from Chicago to San Francisco, we had never strayed too far from each other.

“Sure.”

“I need to get out of this mindless company for a bit and I need a distraction.”

“So you’re using me, then, great. In that case, you’re buying,” I quipped.

We met in the lobby and walked to the cafe across the street. As we grabbed a table, Caroline started with the questions about Cam.

I groaned. “I thought we came here to talk about your mindless job, not my ongoing issues.”

“I need a distraction from my ‘mindless job’”—she made air quotes—“and despite your jovial tone on the phone, I can tell something’s up.” She raised an eyebrow, daring me to deny it.

I sighed. “Yes, you’re right. I was pissed as hell last night when he finally came home.”

“What do you mean ‘finally?’”

I explained that Cam went to a bar with one of his colleagues and never answered his phone, coming through the door late at night.

“Okay, it’s not like he hasn’t gone out for drinks after work before, so you tell me why you’re so pissed. Then
I’ll
tell you why you’re so pissed.”

She knew me well, and I knew she’d be able to get a fix on my mood.

“Cam wasn’t there when I got home from work, although he finished a good hour or so before I did, so I didn’t expect to come home to an empty apartment. It’s not the first time he’s been caught up on shift, so I didn’t think anything of it.” I leaned back in my seat and blew a short breath through my teeth. “Another hour passed and I hadn’t heard from him, so I called, but it went straight to voicemail. I fixed dinner for us, since I thought he wouldn’t be too much longer, but he didn’t show up and never returned my call. Usually I’ll get a quick text when he’s going to be later than usual.”

I rubbed the back of my neck as I continued. “I ate dinner alone and tried to call a couple more times, but there was still no answer. I was worried and all these horrible scenes were playing out in my head. I know he can be called into some dangerous situations, so I called the fire station and was told he’d left work right after his shift… with Kris. I knew he wasn’t driving, but still…” I sighed. Caroline would know where my mind had gone. I looked down at my half-finished sandwich and sighed. My feelings from last night were threatening to overwhelm me again.

“Kris?” Caroline questioned.

“Yes.”

“What happened when he got home?”

“He walked in, and when he saw me he became busy with his bag, then he sorted through the junk mail like his life depended on it.”

“Where did he say he was last night?” she asked after a minute’s thought.

“He said he went for drinks with Kris and got caught up talking. He didn’t realize the time and never heard his phone.”

“Was he drunk?” she asked.

“No, but he had been drinking. I could smell it on him when he came to bed, but he wasn’t drunk.”

“Tell me what you know about this Kris guy.”

“All I know is that he transferred from another local fire station.”

“When did he transfer?”

“A little while ago.” She raised both eyebrows at me this time. “I know what you’re thinking. I thought the same thing last night.”

“And what conclusion did you come up with?”

“I didn’t,” I answered sadly.

“Want to know what I think?” she asked.

“No. I’m sure you’re going to enlighten me anyway.” I leaned back in the seat and folded my arms across my chest.

“You need to be enlightened,” she replied, a little too chipper for my liking. “Here’s my take. Cam usually invites you along when he’s having drinks after shift, right?”

I nodded.

“This time he didn’t, and he left you hanging. You were worried out of your skull, that’s understandable, but he came home.” She didn’t give me a chance to respond. “So,” she continued, “he goes out, has a good time without you, and leaves you at home. I know this doesn’t usually happen because you two are joined at the hip—ever since college you’ve been inseparable—and now you feel left out. Cameron’s got a new friend to hang with and you don’t. You don’t have any other friends beside me and—”

I raised my hand to stop her. “You’re making me sound like a social pariah. I often have drinks with Ryan and Amy.”

“Work colleagues,” Caroline huffed, waving her hand in dismissal. “My point is, outside of me and those two, you don’t have any friends of your own. When you go out for drinks, it’s always with Cameron’s friends. Not yours. You’re upset and mad at him because he’s got a life outside of you. I’m not dismissing what’s been going on lately. I’ve seen how hard it is for you, and I don’t know anything about this Kris guy except that his arrival at the station is a bit suspicious, but I don’t believe Cam would sleep around on you. You need to make some friends of your own, have a life outside of Cameron.”

She was right, of course. I knew she would see whatever I couldn’t. Whenever we went out for dinner or drinks, it was always with Cam’s friends. I didn’t have anyone outside of Cam’s family, Caroline, and Aunt Cece and Brenda. I’d never kept in contact with anyone from Chicago. Being in a hurry to leave all the memories behind, I had left all my friendships as well. That wasn’t very mature, but at twenty-one I ran to the people who loved me. I had the occasional drink with people from work, but as Caroline pointed out, they were work colleagues and we spent the time talking about clients, never about anything personal.

Caroline’s honesty made me more depressed, but she gave me something to think about.

We finished our lunch with idle talk about work and with a quick kiss, I promised to keep her up to date if Kris became any more prominent in Cam’s life.

A couple of days later, Cam sent a message as I was finishing up with a difficult client.

Cam:
Meet at the bar?

I knew which bar he frequented with his crew, so I didn’t need to ask which one.

Jake:
Sure, when?

Cam:
I’m already here.

Jake:
On my way.

When I arrived at the bar, Cam and a few of his colleagues were seated around a small table nursing beers. Jumping up to greet me, he landed a quick kiss on my cheek. I knew most of the crew, but I’d never met the good-looking blond next to him.

I held out my hand. “Hi, I’m Jake, Cam’s boyfriend.”

Blondie stood up and shook my hand. “Kris. I moved to the station a little while ago. Good to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Kris’s smile was easy and open, and he appeared friendly, so I put aside my suspicions for the time-being and headed to the bar.