Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating (28 page)

W
HEW! WE KNOW
we have thrown a lot of dos and don’ts at you! We have tried to cover every conceivable dating scenario in every technology to show you that you can do
The Rules
regardless of your situation. We know that dating today is harder than ever before—that it’s almost impossible to be mysterious and unreachable when everyone is glued to their phones and computers. But we also know that you
can
play hard to get—if you really want to, and if you believe in
The Rules
!

Few women want to believe that the secret to dating is playing hard to get. Like most, we wanted to think that you could do whatever you felt like and still get the guy. We thought, “Who wants to wear a miniskirt and put on lots of makeup and show up at a club or singles party to meet guys but not be able to walk over to and talk to the cute guy? What’s the point of showing up and not making anything happen? Who wants to wait for a guy (and not necessarily the cute guy who caught your eye) to talk to you first, or wait for him to get your number and then wait
again
for him to text you and then still
again
to text him back?” We hated the idea of it!
So much passivity—so much nothingness! We liked action, and
The Rules
were the exact opposite. If
The Rules
were a dance, it would be the slowest dance on earth!

Like so many of you, we were raised to speak up and make things happen—to get good grades, be the president of the club, climb the corporate ladder (or, in our case, hold up our book on national TV)—not be wallflowers. Why couldn’t moving and shaking apply to men, too? We didn’t like putting ourselves on a “don’t initiate” plan. We wanted dating to be whatever we felt like—we wanted to make it happen for ourselves. But we decided to do what we knew in our soul really works. The results speak for themselves: loving husbands, marriages, and children.
The Rules
are a discipline because it’s doing what works instead of what you may want to do.

The Rules
protect you from yourself.

This book has definitely been a labor of love—especially because we wrote it with the help of our two lovely daughters. We hope that everything we have shared with you in this book will help you date with self-esteem, boundaries, and discipline, even as technology continues to evolve!

xoxo

I
F YOU’VE READ
this book cover to cover and still have a question or problem, please contact us!

Visit our website
www.therulesbook.com
, e-mail us at [email protected], call (212) 388-7910, or fax us at (973) 422-0048.

Book a phone or e-mail consultation with Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. One-hour consultations include: dating history; analysis of childhood issues that affect your dating behavior and the type of men you date; advice on where to meet men; how to do
The Rules
in person, online, and in every other technology; how to act on dates; how to get a guy to commit or propose; how to move on if he doesn’t; how to do
The Rules
if you are engaged or married, separated or divorced; plus personal shopping and makeover tips.

Sign up for
The Rules
Dating Coach or
Rules
School course. Our intensive twelve-week online course trains you to do
The Rules
better and to help other women do
The Rules
.

Order
Rules
seminar CDs and DVDs,
The Rules Dating Journal
,
The Rules
note cards, or a gift certificate for a
Rules
consultation.

Find out about live speaking engagements as well as worldwide
Rules
dating coaches, contacts, and support groups at
www.therulesbook.com
. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter:

www.facebook.com/TheRulesOfficialBook
and @TheRulesBooks.

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Welcome

Acknowledgments

Chapter I: Why We Wrote This Book

Chapter II: The Daughters Weigh In on
The Rules

Chapter III: Hug Your Daughter and Other
Rules
for Mothers

Chapter IV: Do Whatever You Want Until You Are Ready to Do
The Rules

Rule 1
: Be a Creature Unlike Any Other

Rule 2
: Look Like a Creature Unlike Any Other

Rule 3
: Don’t Talk to or Text a Guy First

Rule 4
: Don’t Ask Guys Out by Text, Facebook, Gchat, or Any Other Way

Rule 5
: Don’t Sit or Stand Next to a Guy First or Flirt with Him First

Rule 6
: Wait at Least Four Hours to Answer a Guy’s First Text and a Minimum of 30 Minutes Thereafter

Rule 7
: TTYL: Always End Everything First—Get Out of There!

Rule 8
: Don’t Answer Texts or Anything Else after Midnight

Rule 9
: Rarely Write on His Wall and Other
Rules
for Social Networking Sites

Rule 10
: Stay Away from His Facebook Profile

Rule 11
: Don’t E-mail a Guy First and Keep It Brief (No E-books)!

Rule 12
: Make Yourself Invisible and Other Ways to Get Out of Instant Messaging

Rule 13
: Don’t Talk Too Much in the First Few Weeks

Rule 14
: Don’t Just Hang Out or See Him 24/7

Rule 15
: Let Him Suggest Skype and Visit You More in a Long-Distance Relationship

Rule 16
: Don’t Lose Your Friends Because You’re So Obsessed with a Guy!

Rule 17
: Don’t Introduce a Guy to Anyone First, Invite Him Anywhere First, or Friend His Friends First

Rule 18
: Don’t Write to Guys First, Ignore Winks, and Other
Rules
for Online Dating

Rule 19
: Don’t Pay for Dinner or Buy His Love in Any Way

Rule 20
: Don’t Choose a College or Job or Relocate Because of a Guy

Rule 21
: Don’t Get Wasted on Dates or at Parties, So You Don’t Say or Do Anything You’ll Regret

Rule 22
: Buyer Beware… Weeding Out Bad Guys (Cheaters, Addicts, Players, and Time Wasters)

Rule 23
: Don’t Be Self-Destructive by Dating Married, Unavailable, and Other Mixed-Messages Guys

Rule 24
: Stop Dating a Guy Who Cancels More than Once

Rule 25
: Don’t Sext or Send a Guy Anything You Wouldn’t Want Him to Have If You Break Up

Rule 26
: Don’t Accept Booty Calls or Meaningless Hookups

Rule 27
: Wait before Sleeping with a Guy

Rule 28
: Don’t Put On the Freshman 15, Go to the Gym, and Other
Rules
for Looking Good at Every Age

Rule 29
: Wait for a Guy to Follow You on Twitter First and Rarely Return Tweets

Rule 30
: Don’t Date Indefinitely without a Commitment!

Rule 31
: Next! and Other
Rules
for Dealing with Rejection

Chapter V: Guys’ Top 20 Turnoffs… We Know, We Asked Them!

Chapter VI: Answers to Frequently Asked Questions about
The Rules

Chapter VII: 20
Rules
That Bear Repeating

Conclusion: Dating Is Discipline!

Need More
Rules
Advice?

Also by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

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Copyright

Copyright © 2013 by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

Grand Central Publishing

Hachette Book Group

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First e-book edition: January 2013

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ISBN 978-1-4555-1258-4