Not Yet (39 page)

Another perk to the move to Indy was, of course, Amy.
After graduating from Clemson, Amy moved into an apartment with two
other roommates. She got a job at a preschool as an aide, and her
ultimate goal was to be promoted to classroom assistant. She found
she loved helping the little kids and spending time with a
population not yet trained to judge or mock.

And as for my Emma…. she was still... the one. The
past five years hadn’t always been easy. I played second string
football for four of the years, so I was always busy with
conditioning, trying to move up the roster, and school work,
because I needed a career after football. But Emma was by my side
the whole time. She supported me in every dream I have ever had. We
worked hard together and played hard together. The perfect
match.

I had trouble getting her to loosen up at times, but
I managed. With an attraction like ours, I usually only had to take
off my shirt and walk into the kitchen and she was ready to attack.
I loved it. And although I never really thought love could grow,
ours did each and every day.

She was my comfort, my passion, and my confidence.
She was home.

I was also so damn proud of her. She completed her
master’s degree three years ago and was working on her PhD. She was
accepted into a tenure position at Indiana University Purdue
University Indianapolis. She was thrilled to be hired at IUPUI, but
I thought they were lucky to get someone of her caliber in their
history department. Her project this semester at USC was working in
collaboration with the education department. She spent hours in
their archives, developing a research paper on the history of
mainstream/inclusion education in California. Watching her research
about education for the population of people we cared so much about
was inspiring. She came alive when she was working on something she
loved. It also apparently turned her on. Quite a lot. Like all the
time. Not that I complained.

Friends I met in college and guys I played ball with
loved to hear the story about how we met. From lifeguarding, to
falling in love, to her teaching me in school and having to stay
apart, but ending up at college together anyway. It was an amazing
story. But, the thing was, when you loved someone—really loved them
with your whole mind, body and soul—you just couldn’t give up.

In the end, all that mattered was her.

And I never let her go.

***

“THAT’S THE LAST of the boxes, Land.”

Landon shut the tailgate of his truck—the
once new and shiny, and now a lot more banged up but still
road-worthy, Raptor. I looked up at my apartment building,
remembering the five years spent in the same tiny one bedroom
efficiency. It was affordable, it was home, and I loved every
square inch of it.

Some of the time Landon had to live in the dorms, but
even when his clothes were elsewhere, this was where we truly
lived
. We moved in together during that amazing first
summer, fell more in love together every year, and made love almost
every day thereafter. We cooked meals, celebrated holidays, and
grew into the adults we wanted to be. I would never forget this
place. It was the best time of my life. But something told me that
with Landon, the best was always yet to come.

“We gotta go, baby. I want to get at least ten hours
of driving in before we stop for the night.” He gave me a quick
kiss and helped me up into the cab. We pulled away, holding hands,
and left our first home together in sunny Cali.

We drove for a while in silence. I always loved that
about Landon. When he knew I was upset, he never forced me to talk.
His presence was my comfort and I didn’t need—or often want—any
words.

“Land…I…I just want to thank you.” I watched him as
he drove carefully, still loving the command and grip of his big
hand on the steering wheel.

He looked at me quickly and grinned, then brought his
attention back to the road. “What do you want to thank me for?”

“Well, leaving Cali has me all reminiscent. I keep
remembering our very first drive out here. I just want to thank you
for taking the chance on us. These have been the most amazing years
of my life—because they’ve been with you.”

Landon smiled at me again and rested his other hand
on my thigh. “I didn’t take a chance, Em. I knew what I was doing.
I followed my heart.”

“And you have no regrets—you don’t wish you had dated
other girls in college or partied more?” This wasn’t the first time
I had expressed this worry to him, but I still felt guilty for
holding him back from his days of freedom.

I looked down at his hand on my thigh and then
giggled when the truck lurched off to the side of the road. Landon
jumped out of his seat, this time leaving his door wide open, and
yanked open the passenger side door. He moved one arm under my legs
and the other under my arms as he picked me up and stood me on the
ground before him. One again, he cupped my face with both hands. He
brought his lips so close to mine, they were almost touching, and
stopped. We looked into each other’s eyes and I started to pant.
Damn that was embarrassing. All these years later, and the man
could still get me to pant without even kissing my lips.

Nervously, I licked my bottom lip and Landon muttered
a curse and then attacked my lips. He kissed me ferociously and I
loved every second of it. I opened my mouth to him with a sigh and
sucked on his tongue. I climbed up him as we kissed, wrapping my
legs around him and pressing my body as tightly against his as
possible. As always, he wanted me like I wanted him. We stood
there, on the side of the road, just as we had more than five years
ago, and showed our devotion to one another through touch alone.
Landon pulled away and kissed from my collarbone all the way to my
ear. He whispered, his breath hot in my ear, “Get it?”

I touched his kiss-swollen lips, both of us still
panting, and grinned. “Got it. Now… how far are we from our first
overnight stop?”

Landon chuckled as he placed me back in my seat,
kissing my forehead, and shutting my door.

The experience of a road trip usually lost its luster
after doing it one time. Driving from L.A. to Indianapolis was a
long, hot, boring, three day trip. Landon would fight it, but
eventually he would get so tired he would even let me drive his
precious truck. Then he would proceed to ogle me instead of
sleeping, telling me how sexy I looked behind the wheel of his
Raptor, tracing his finger tips on my upper thighs, until we had to
pull off at a rest stop and play for a while. ‘Couldn’t be helped,’
he would tell me. God, I loved that man.

But after two full days of driving, I was ready to be
home. Our final stopping point was always Springfield, Missouri and
I needed a shower and out of this vehicle. Immediately.

I must have drifted off, because I woke a few hours
later as we pulled in front of our Hilton. This was the splurge
hotel we had stayed at on our first night together. It had white
robes and room service. On every other trip we had stayed at budget
motels. With no robes, no room service, and, frankly, questionable
sanitation.

“Land? What are you doing?” I asked him with mock
annoyance as he winked mischievously.

“We celebrated my first graduation here. Let’s
celebrate my second. C’mon, baby, let’s treat ourselves.”

We settled into our room for the night, much less
frantic to touch each other than the last time. There was a
calmness now—a peace. The passion I felt for Landon was
overwhelming, but I knew it was also everlasting.

I took a hot shower to unwind as Landon ordered our
dinner. I looked in the steamy bathroom mirror, recalling the last
occasion I was in this hotel. I made love with Landon for the first
time. It was still the most intense experience of my life.

I emerged from the bathroom after combing my hair,
wrapped in a fluffy white towel. Landon was sitting on the bed,
cross legged, with our room service order of cheese burgers and
champagne. I giggled, overwhelmed with the memories and love I felt
for this man.

We ate and drank, talking about the past five years,
and how we had grown—but more importantly—changed together. I think
that was the thing about Landon that I trusted the most. The man
that I had fallen in love with, when he was only eighteen, wanted
to change and he did. He never fought the change. He accepted it.
We bent together and never broke.

I watched the bubbles in my champagne flute as I
rested my head on his still cut, still chiseled, still sinfully
delicious chest.

“You never wished anything went differently, Em? I
know we started out young, and it hasn’t always been easy, but you
don’t regret it, do you?” Landon looked so vulnerable I was
transported right back to that night five years ago. We didn’t know
then that we would make it, stick together, and never turn our
backs on each other. Not for one day. Once we could be with one
another, fully, we never, ever let go. Back then it was still a
dream—a wish—and now we knew we had done it.

“Not for one minute. You’re my best friend. You’re my
lover. You are… my one.” I used the words he had told me once. The
words that had solidified everything I felt in my heart. That we
belonged fully to one another. I kissed him on the corner of his
mouth as he groaned in response.

“Fuck, yes. And you’re mine.” Landon traced his
tongue along the edge of my bottom lip and I slowly opened to him.
It truly amazed me that after all this time I could desire him like
I did at this moment. Landon’s kiss was my addiction.

He sat up, pulling me up with him. I curled up on his
lap, nuzzling my face against his neck.

“Emma, I can’t think of a better place or a better
time to ask you this.” He pulled me away to face him. “Will you
stay by my side for the rest of our lives? Will you be my one
forever? Will you marry me?” Landon looked nervous and joyous at
the same time. His eyes moved back and forth, frantically trying to
read my reaction.