Not Yet (31 page)

“I want to move in with Garrett.”

Uh-oh. I wasn’t sure what my response should be
because I still didn’t know the party line on this one. Many of
Evie and Garrett’s friends were in relationships, but none of them
lived together. Mostly because you were opening a whole new can of
worms when you took it to that level. Individuals with significant
intellectual disabilities shouldn’t, in most everyone’s opinion
that I knew, be raising children. Therefore, birth control was now
an issue. And for people that dealt with memory loss, that was a
problem. But, like in all things, I wanted what my sister wanted.
And she wanted Garrett. She still hadn’t bonded in any way with her
roommate, Marla, and she was lonely. I needed to support her and
help her. But how?

“Have you talked with Mom about this?”

“Yes. She told me it’d be tough.”

“What about Garrett? What does he say?” Garrett was
such a good man. I couldn’t wait to hear his response.

“He wants to marry me.”

What the what?

“Evie, did he ask you to marry him?” I hoped he
hadn’t, because I wasn’t sure they really understood what that kind
of commitment meant, but I didn’t want to insult them.

“No. He thinks we shuld move in first. To be sure we
don’t screw up.”

Garrett was a smart dude. I, myself, was an advocate
of living together before marriage. Mom had expressed her
disturbance over the difference between the man she married and the
man she dated. I didn’t want Evie or myself ever ending up
surprised over the moral character of our spouse. Even as I thought
the words, I cringed. I had been dumbfounded over Landon’s actions.
I questioned his moral character for a time. Although I wanted all
of us to make sure we chose guys who were kind, truthful, and
loving, even I had to admit they were still human. And they would
make mistakes and hurt our feelings and have to dig their way out.
And we had to love them through it.

Focus, Emma
. Your sister needs you.

“I totally agree, Evie. You and Garrett, if it is
allowed and we can work it out, should live together before you
even think about that next step.” I hesitated. Screw the agency and
screw society’s judgments. If this was what she wanted, I was
behind her. Who was I to tell another adult, within reason, what
they could or could not do. “Do you really want this, sis?”

“Big time.”

“Okay. I’m on it.” We ended our call and I went to
mom’s room to fill her in. She agreed with me. We would support
Evie in any way we could. Mom told me she would start making phone
calls the next day. The first hurdle would be Garrett’s
parents.

A few nights later, Mom arrived home from work
earlier than normal and knocked on my bedroom door. I was lying on
my bed, completely immersed in my latest romance novel.

“Do you have a minute?” She popped her head in and I
closed my Kindle, nodding. “I talked to Garrett’s parents. They
love Evie and want this to happen very much. The next step is
making sure the McMurphy Agency has funding for new housing. If all
goes well, this could happen within the year.”

“Wow! That’s great! How’re you feeling about it
all?”

“Good. But now I have to talk to her doctor about
contraception. Evie and I had ‘the talk’ years ago, but in that
conversation we talked about waiting until she was in love and in a
committed relationship. I think she’s there. So….” Mom looked a
little uncomfortable. She was always completely frank and open with
us on these matters, but this was muddy water for any parent to
push through.

“Yup, she’s there. I did a little research. I was
thinking a hormone shot may be the way to go. No worrying about a
pill for her to remember.” Mom nodded as I spoke. We were both
worried, but we knew in our hearts that Evie would never want a
baby or be able to raise one. So, it was on us to protect her. And
so we would.

“Emma, there’s something else I need to talk to you
about.” Mom sounded really nervous and I sat up, concerned.

“I know how upset you’ve been about Landon and how
everything ended with him.” She watched me carefully as she traced
the flower patterns on my bedspread.

“I also wanted you to know that I talked to Principal
Mahoney. He is very sorry about the drama and very pleased with how
well you recovered and are finishing your year. He says that you’ve
shown great courage and maturity and that a lesser woman could
never have handled it.” Mom stood up, wringing her hands in front
of her, and began to pace.

“Mom!” I stared at her wide eyed and balled my fists.
“I am not a child. Why are you talking to my principal about
me?”

“Emma, I didn’t go to him on purpose. I bumped into
him when I dropped off your lunch. He asked me into his office
because he’s worried about you. Everyone at school is worried. They
see how withdrawn you are and how you eat lunch alone every
day.”

“I do not,” I replied defensively. “I eat with Amy.
Plus, of course I’m withdrawn. I’ve been publicly shamed.”

“I know.” She held my hand and squeezed it. “But
you’re doing the right thing and moving on. This is what you have
always wanted to do and it really is the best thing for you. I
filled Ernie…err, Principal Mahoney, in on your acceptance to USC.
He is so thrilled for you, honey.”

“Mom?” I stared directly at my mother’s face, until
she met my eye. “Why did you just call Principal Mahoney,
Ernie?”

“Well… that’s the other thing, hon.” She looked very
timid as she began to stare at my worn pink carpeting.

“He sort of asked me out on a date. I mean it’s
totally nothing, really. We are just getting a quick bite of
Italian at Ciao by Villagio, and that’s it. It’s very casual,
really, and so not a big deal. I just wanted to tell you before you
saw him here picking me up.”

I was sure I was about to levitate right off the bed.
I dropped her hand and leapt up, dizzy from both the news and my
sudden heart palpitations. “Mom—no. No! You can’t date my
boss!”

“Emma, please. Be reasonable. He’s only your boss for
another month and a half. And he is handsome and smart and funny.”
She smiled at the thought of him, and I slapped my hand across my
mouth because it was horrible, and humorous, and wrong, and cute,
and nothing I had ever envisioned in my entire life.

“And I like him!” she exclaimed, sounding like one of
my teenage students.

Mom hadn’t been on a single date after my father left
us. Not one. Not one man ever came over or even called the house.
Her life focus was always on Evie and me. I was thrilled she had
found someone she was interested in, but I just couldn’t believe it
was my principal.

“Okay. Okay. I’m happy for you. Just be careful all
right? Guys can be kind of tricky. Take it from me—you shouldn’t
fall for ANY of them too quickly.”

Mom jumped up and hugged me, giggling like a little
girl and fighting hard not to squeal with excitement. She skipped
out of my room and I flopped back onto my bed.

Closing my eyes, I groaned out loud. Was everyone
allowed to find peace and happiness but me? What the
holy
hell
? Was it me? Did I suck so bad at life that I was destined
to never get it right? I could only hope Cali would be the new
beginning I so desperately needed.

New beginnings for everyone?

***

The pressure in my chest—the inescapable vise of
my father’s expectations—grew every day. I’d done what was asked of
me. I had a full ride to his alma mater to play football, just like
he did. The goal that was set for me—that he set for me—from the
time I could walk, was achieved. I would have thought that
accomplishment alone would lessen the pain rumbling around inside.
But it didn’t.

I missed her. I missed her wit and sarcasm, making
even the most boring economics concepts bearable, and even
interesting. I missed being her friend. Over the summer, I fell in
love with her—no doubt about it. The love and the desire I felt for
her outweighed everything else. I’d gone almost a whole school year
as only ‘friends.’ The need for her in my life was unquestionable.
I needed her love and her touch, but if I couldn’t have that, if I
had nothing else—I had to be her friend. And then that was taken
away too.

No one understood. No one could possibly grasp how
this all felt to me. Not even Emma. I was changing. Acting like the
man I wanted to be, finally. For the first time in my life, I was
treating everyone I met with respect. Everyone. No matter how
popular, attractive, smart, or abled. I had learned that everyone
was important for a reason—and I showed it—and it felt fantastic.
Then, after the Goddamn horror of Evie’s accident, I learned that
the Harris’ thought of me as family. In ways that my own didn’t.
They cared about me. And then I lost them. Again.

All because of that stupid dick Jared. He had to
disrespect her. He had to make her sound like a slut. We’d followed
the rules. We’d been friends and nothing more. And now everyone
whispered about her. I watched them. I watched the boys think about
screwing her and the girls look at her with disgust. And there
wasn’t anything I could do about it. Until Jared crossed the line,
saying she could “grade” him.
Jackass
. I wanted to do a
whole lot more to him before I was stopped.

Now there was nothing to do but wait until I could
graduate and get the hell out of Zionsville. I’d heard the
news—Emma was moving to California. I was happy for her because
this was what she wanted… But knowing she’d been asked to leave
because of me? It was a pain like nothing else… the pressure inside
of me built until it had to be released.