Not Yet (14 page)

“YOU KNOW, SHORT stuff, that I won’t see you for
a while after today.” Landon kissed me gently and then pulled me
against him in a tight hug.

“Tell me again, the purpose of this football camp
thing?” I ran my hands up and down his back, feeling his muscles
tighten at my touch. We each had a thin layer of sweat covering us.
The only possible place we could find a minute’s privacy during
work was in the pump room and it was hotter than hell. But,
sometimes I needed to steal a kiss. Especially when I wouldn’t be
seeing my guy for more than a week.

“The whole football team heads to this remote
mountain camp in West Virginia. One of the assistant coaches owns
it. We hunker down in bunks, eat shitty food, workout for over
eight hours a day and bond as a team. It’s like preparing for war
or something.” Landon kissed my shoulder and then my neck, dragging
his nose up to my ear and whispering softly, “I’m going to miss you
so much.”

I smiled, thrilled to hear he would miss me like I’d
miss him. “Okay, I get the whole rigorous training, which you will
rock, by the way, and male bonding business. But why aren’t you
allowed to bring your cell phone? What if an emergency
happens?”

Landon’s chuckle made his lungs vibrate against me,
which in turn caused a warm sensation to spread through me. “Thanks
for the vote of confidence, Em. The camp has a landline and all the
parents have the number. The coach and our parents can get in touch
with each other if there is an emergency. The biggest rule of all,
though, is no outside calls. No girlfriends, no buddies, no
distractions. It’s football—twenty-four/seven.”

“Hmph. That doesn’t sound like much fun. And then
what? You head right to IU?” I stuck out my lower lip in a pout.
Like a five year old. I pouted. What the hell?

Landon laughed loudly. “You are so cute.” He kissed
me, coaxing my lips open and darting his sweet tongue into my
mouth. My body went slack at the taste of him, the feel of him, the
drugging effect his kisses had on my body. “I will check into
housing and then drive back home to see you. I’ll need it. I’ll
need my short stuff fix.” He kissed me again, moving my back
against the wall and running his hand down the front of my body.
Even in the ninety degree room, I shivered.

“You don’t have to, you know, come back. I mean, if
you’re having fun and you don’t want to. I understand, Land.” I
kept my eyes closed, shielding myself from his probing gaze. It
seemed he could read my eyes like a book, after one short
summer.

“I don’t have to what? See my girl? Yeah, I have to.
And I want to. I’m crazy about you.” He kissed my cheek, then the
tip of my nose, my other cheek, and finally my lips as I smiled
shyly.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Never been surer of anything.” Landon clutched my
hand and we headed back out to the pool to finish our last day
guarding together before the dreaded reality of life set in.

The next day, I drove to the pool gloomier than I had
felt in months. Last night we had finished working and then made
out in his truck, on my couch, and against my front door until the
last possible minute. He had to leave for Bloomington or he’d miss
the team bus. I’d never let him miss out on his dreams, not for me.
He promised to call as soon as camp was over. He told me he wanted
to visit every chance he could. As crazy as I was for him, I had my
doubts.

I remembered how easy it was to fall into the college
routine. He would head back to IU to party and play football and I
would, hopefully, join the working world. He’d be busy every day
with practices, classes, and hanging out with his friends. It would
become easier and easier to forget to call or text me. I knew this
and he would too soon enough. Not that my understanding made it
hurt any less. My heart was heavy, but I had always lived my life
without blinders on. I knew what was on the horizon.

I’d only been at work for an hour when my mom called
me frantic. I had a job interview—in two hours. I sped home,
changed into my one and only interview suit, grabbed my portfolio,
and was on my way.

As I drove to Zionsville Academy, the nerves really
kicked in. This was a high school position, which I really didn’t
want because of my age, but I needed a job and school started in
one week. It was this or nothing.

I entered the dark, cool foyer of the school and took
a steadying breath. There was something about the smell of a
school—particularly a high school. It was the smell of reams of
paper, mixed with smelly gym socks from the gymnasium, and the
grease from the school’s cafeteria. Oh, and B.O.—always the smell
of teenage body odor.

I could do this. I needed to do this for my family. I
entered the office, where the way too super friendly secretary
greeted me. She introduced herself as Linda Smith and offered to
help me with any questions I had. I learned from student teaching
that one of the most important allies in a school was the school
secretary. There was a lot of power there in that person, power
that could be wielded in your favor or against. If I got this job,
Linda Smith and I would be fast friends.

After being escorted to the principal’s office, I met
the social studies department chair, Julie Baynes, first. Julie was
in her late forties, with a slightly plump figure. She wore khakis,
a red polo shirt, and had short, graying hair. Pretty much exactly
what you would think a middle-aged social studies teacher would
look like. She introduced me to the school principal, Ernest
Mahoney, a thin, bald man with wire rimmed glasses and a huge
smile.

“Emma, thank you so much for coming in to meet with
us on such short notice. We just had a teacher quit for medical
reasons, and we really need to fill the position. Can you tell us
about yourself?” Julie settled back in her chair with a welcoming
grin.

I cleared my throat and adjusted my skirt. “Well, I
attended UVA, graduating early with a secondary education degree.
I’m obsessed with history. I love every history class I have ever
taken and would love to share that passion with my students.” It
was something of a stock response, but I needed this job, and I
needed to stick with safe, “I live for teaching,” kind of
answers.

Principal Mahoney asked next, “Why did you want to
graduate early, Ms. Harris?”

“Sir, my mom needed help with my sister, who has
intellectual disabilities, and some expenses. I came home to
support my family.”

Julie and Principal Mahoney nodded and smiled at one
another.

“Emma, we see that you are only twenty-one. Are you
comfortable teaching students who are just a few years younger than
yourself?” Julie looked concerned as she waited for my answer.

“To be completely frank, Principal Mahoney and Ms.
Baynes, I was hoping for a middle school position because of my
age. But, no matter what grade I teach, I’m ready to get in the
classroom and get started. I’m looking forward to starting my
career, and I think Zionsville Academy would be a fantastic place
to do so.”

Jeez, I was making myself nauseous with my own
positivity. My student teaching supervisor would be beside herself
with that closer. She had suggested it in our mock interviews and,
at the time, I never thought I could pull it off without choking.
Look who’s all grown up, now.

Of course, at that time I hadn’t been facing
unemployment, or, at best, minimum wage employment involving greasy
burgers. Now, it was imperative that I erased all pride during my
one and only potential job interview. I had to lay it on thick. It
was mandatory that I forget every fear I ever had about becoming
“one of those people.” I needed to become that person. I could
cringe later.

Julie began paging through my portfolio and asked me
questions from my student teaching experience. She enjoyed reading
the evaluations I made for my students to critique my teaching, and
she especially loved the interdisciplinary unit I created in my
middle school internship. I included it because teachers loved to
see that you were willing to work with other subject area
professionals to create cohesive, thematic learning. Basically, I
was kissing ass.

Principal Mahoney was examining my transcript. “Your
grades are excellent and your recommendations from professors and
master teachers are exemplary. Ms. Baynes?”

I looked back and forth between them and Julie
reached out her hand. “We would like to offer you a position at
Zionsville Academy, Ms. Harris. Faculty training starts
tomorrow.”

I wasn’t sure whether I should run out the back door
screaming or kiss her right on the mouth. I went with a more
conservative approach and shook her hand. “Thank you so much! Oh,
my…I don’t even know what to say!” I wanted to do both a happy
dance and throw up. A strange but true combination.

“Well, you’re welcome!” Principal Mahoney laughed as
I exhaled deeply, allowing my pent up nerves to release from my
body. I shook hands with both of my new bosses, picked up a stack
of employment and benefits information, and headed out in a daze. I
gave Linda a thumbs up as I walked out and she yelled her
congratulations. Wow… Now I really was a teacher… What the hell was
I going to do?

I was leaving the pool in a lurch, but I needed to
attend trainings, set up my classroom, and plan lessons for next
week. Thankfully, I hadn’t taken any days off the whole summer, so
hopefully the club manager would be understanding.

As I drove, my nerves lessened and the excitement
grew. I could do this. I could teach high school students. I went
to a great school and did really well. I was smart enough to handle
this, and if I got in a bind, I was smart enough to fake it.
Anyway, I had a job. I couldn’t wait to tell my mom and Landon. As
I parked at the pool, I called mom and left her a message. Landon
was away without his cell phone for the week, so there was no point
in texting him yet. Then, I hurried into the club office.

Management was great. They agreed to take over my
responsibilities during the week until the pool closed and offered
me the same job if I still wanted it next summer. I told them I
could still work weekends until Labor Day and that I’d love the job
next summer. This ended up being the best summer of my life. I ran
down the steps to the pool and automatically looked for Landon. But
he was gone. Like I always knew he would be. He was back to school,
and I was here alone, without his enthusiasm and support to
celebrate my good news.

Sarah, one of our youngest guards, came in and
grabbed her lunch as I packed my stuff in the office. She had been
on duty this morning when I had to leave suddenly and was anxious
to hear what happened.

“Did you get the job, Emma?” She waited for my
response until I smiled and nodded. “Awesome!” Sarah gave me a high
five and watched me as she ate.

“Thanks, Sarah! I don’t even know what grade I’m
teaching yet. I find out everything at training tomorrow.” I
grabbed the last of my belongings from behind the desk and from my
cubby. “The only thing I’m worried about is… it’s not a middle
school position.” I remembered Landon’s reaction to the concept of
someone as young as me teaching high school. I understood his
concern. I shared it. But there were no other teaching jobs coming
my way. I had to take it.

“Ooooo! Are you teaching at Avon High, Emma? It would
be so cool to have you as my teacher!” Sarah rubbed her hands
together and her excitement was catching. I would have loved to
teach Sarah at Avon High. It was a highly rated, very academic
school in our area. I had attended Tech High, a much more urban
school due to its proximity to Indianapolis. It was harder around
the edges and the students were less academic and more ‘street
smart,’ as they say. Zionsville, on the other hand, was the
opposite. It was a rural school, surrounded by farms and corn
fields. It also had the biggest and best football team in the
state. Everyone knew about Zionsville Academy—home of the Lion’s
football team. It was Landon’s alma mater and he had spoken of the
school fondly to me.

“No, Sarah, but thank you for being so sweet—even if
you just wanted an easy A. Actually, its Zionsville Academy. It’s
close enough to home, no traffic in that direction.” I was
nervously rambling. I took a deep, steadying breath. “I need to
stop worrying. It’ll be fine.” Sarah nodded reassuringly as I
zipped up my bag.

“Zionsville’s a great school, Emma. You’re sporty and
they are all about athletics there. Maybe you can even coach
something?” Her words relaxed me a bit. I would make this work.

I checked in one last time with the guards and
assured them I’d be back on Saturday. Driving away from the pool,
my stomach knotted with nerves. It hadn’t hit me until now just how
much I was going to miss Landon now that he was back at school. Not
just his kiss and touch, but his companionship. I’d never let a guy
in before and he had become my friend. And much, much more. But now
we both had to move on. I was the girlfriend back home who had to
go to bed early and wake up at the crack of dawn for her adult job.
There would be plenty of fun, cute girls with no schedule or
responsibilities that would be all around him.