Not Yet (13 page)

Then, he lifted me away from his body and threw me in
the water. I jumped up from the muddy bottom, wiping the water from
my eyes and wringing out my hair. “What the hell? You are so damn
lucky I have a swim suit on under these clothes!”

“Sorry, Em. You looked overheated. Thought I should
cool you off.” Landon laughed as he walked backwards out of the
water.

“Oh no you don’t! Get back here!” I splashed him,
kicking water with my feet and hands. He was drenched, but he still
turned to run away. I hopped out of the water and jumped on his
back, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his
neck. “Not so fast, trouble maker!”

Landon was laughing so hard his body was shaking, and
before I knew what was happening, he ran at a full sprint back into
the lake. He dove into the cool water, submerging both of us. When
we emerged from the water, he was in front of me, his face so close
I could feel his breath.

I pushed the wet hair from my face and kissed him
tenderly. He stopped laughing and held me, studying my mouth as our
breathing slowed. He moved one hand up to cup my cheek, and the
other was splayed across my back. I kept my legs wrapped around his
waist and my arms on his shoulders.

“No more talk about school, okay? I just want to
focus on this summer and the time we have right now. We’re in a
place where everything is… right. Let’s enjoy it.” Landon’s implore
was sensitive and sweet. I couldn’t believe he was thinking about
missing me.

“Sounds perfect to me. And now that we’re cooled off,
I thought I saw a football in the back of your truck. Think you
could teach me to throw?”

Landon grinned cockily at my question. Lowering his
head, he sealed his lips against mine, and I opened my mouth
teasing his tongue with my own. He finally ended the kiss, his soft
lips kissing me on my cheeks and forehead before lowering me to my
feet. “I’d love to show you how to handle my balls, Em.” I smacked
his chest loudly at his cheesy one-liner.

“Classy, Land. Real classy. Last one’s a loser!” And
with that I pushed him backwards, causing him to fall back into the
water as I booked it to the lake’s edge.

“You’re going to get it, short stuff! Landon called
after me, laughing loudly as he struggled to catch up.

The rest of the afternoon was spent throwing the
football, resting under the sun, and laughing. It really was a
place where everything was right.

As the August heat scorched the corn fields of
Indiana, I began to feel melancholy once again. There were still no
calls about teaching jobs and Landon would head back to college
soon. Fall would bring back the loneliness I had forgotten about so
quickly. The end of summer meant the return my good friends,
Bitter & Boring
.

I would miss Landon terribly. He had become so
important to me and yet I would never ask him for a commitment. I
remembered how freeing college had been for me, and he deserved the
same experience without the bitch of the Midwest waiting at home
for his calls and visits. He deserved the freedom.

One thing I looked forward to every day was working
with Trevor. He was so close to jumping in the pool on his own. We
were now in a routine, something important to people with autism,
where he would let me pull him into my arms in the water. Then, he
would hold my waist while his feet touched the floor of the pool.
These were huge steps for him and on more than one occasion I saw a
tear roll down Carol’s face.

Landon spent time each day with Trevor as well, but
it was just ‘guy time,’ as Landon called it. They listened to music
or sat with their feet in the deep end of the pool, watching the
kids jump off the diving board. Landon would talk to Trevor about
all of his observations around the pool as if Trevor would respond
back. Landon just sat there, for hours, talking to Trevor like his
football buddy was sitting there next to him.

Listening to Landon befriend this gentle, silent soul
made my heart hurt. Not only was I watching Trevor break through
his fear of the water, I saw Landon break through his myopic view
of the entire world.

On one particularly hot day, as I approached Trevor
and his mom for our lesson, Landon called me over. “Em. Can I try
something with Trevor for a minute? I’ve got a different approach
that I want to try.” He looked nervous but excited over his
idea.

“Of course,” I said, wondering what was going to
happen. Surprising kids with autism was normally not a good idea,
but Trevor had come to trust Landon. I sat next to Carol on a bench
and watched Landon head into the guard office. Trevor was sitting
in his usual spot, with his feet dangling in the shallow area,
unaware of what might come.

Maroon 5’s
Moves Like Jagger
, one of Trevor’s
favorites, suddenly rang out over the grounds. We normally played
soft rock to please all the pool patrons of various ages, but
Landon had obviously borrowed Trevor’s iPod and was playing from
his playlist. And playing it loud. Trevor’s head shot up and he
looked around the pool. I burst out laughing as Landon emerged from
the guard house, dancing, looking like a cross between Bill Cosby
and M.C. Hammer. He was grooving to the music with everything he
had, and he appeared silly and adorable at the same time.

Carol was hysterically laughing and some of the other
moms began to walk over and stand behind where we were sitting.
Landon danced over to Trevor, who was laughing almost
uncontrollably at this point, and pulled him up. They both began to
dance together while the song played.

The next song,
Love Somebody
, came on and
Trevor clapped his hands with excitement. Landon whispered in
Trevor’s ear and Trevor’s face became serious. Landon then cannon
balled into the water. He emerged, still dancing, and gave Trevor a
thumbs up. Trevor gave him the same sign back, backed up slowly,
and cannon balled into the water almost landing on top of Landon.
He jumped up and danced as Landon played it cool and kept grooving
in the water, same as before.

Time stopped. Did my heart stop too?

We just witnessed a breakthrough. This was a
life-changing moment for Trevor. Carol and I looked at each other
with wide eyes, screamed, and both jumped in the water with them.
The other moms behind us were crying, laughing, and clapping, all
at the same time. A few Dads had just come off the golf course and
they watched the scene with quiet emotion.

We all hugged Trevor, and Carol grabbed Landon and
squeezed him tightly. Landon looked at me with such elation and
pride that I had to turn away. I wasn’t sure I could keep it
together anymore.

Well,
hell
, I now knew it with every ounce of
me. I was completely falling in love with Mr. Cool. I should have
never underestimated the ability of my heart to grow and change. In
a matter of months, my jaded, doubting, angry organ had been
revitalized. All because of a boy of all things. A backwards
baseball cap wearing, sexy truck driving, deliriously delicious
boy.

That night, after Evie had gone to bed, I told Landon
how amazed and proud I was of his work with Trevor. We cuddled on
my faded blue corduroy couch, as I stared into his eyes. I felt so
much about Landon. I wanted to tell him I was falling in love with
him, but I didn’t think I should unload those feelings on him when
he would be headed back to IU in a matter of weeks. I could never
be a burden to him. I cared about his happiness too much, and I had
nothing to offer but baggage and a completely uncertain future.

“Seeing you work with Trevor and getting to know
Evie…. I don’t know Em. It just makes me think about what really
matters.” We lay side by side, touching and kissing. It was my
absolute favorite part of the day.

“You matter, Land. You matter a lot. I’m going to
miss you so much when you head back to school.” I pressed against
him, feeling his arousal. I wanted to say more… it was hard to hold
back. But I didn’t want to ruin what we had this summer.

Landon looked hesitant, like he wanted to say
something too. I pushed him back and unbuttoned his jeans. Tonight,
I was taking control.

“What are you doing, Em?” His husky drawl, the feel
of him in my hands—so hard and warm, made me shudder. I wanted more
tonight. I had never taken him in my mouth, and now I wanted to
taste him. I wasn’t ready to have sex, but I needed to show him how
my feelings were growing. It was time for the next step.

Slowly and tentatively, I licked him, gathering my
nerve and finding my rhythm, before taking him all the way into my
mouth. I didn’t have much experience at this, but whatever I was
doing was working. His body trembled beneath me. It was powerful,
knowing I was bringing this kind of satisfaction to a guy like
Landon. Night after night he made sure I reached depths of pleasure
I had never known existed. Bringing him to that point was
thrilling.

“Sonofabitch. Shit. Holy. Mother Fuuu…..Oh Emm…..”
Landon, all six foot plus, big time football player, crumbled
beneath me. He watched me suck him and I watched him call my name.
I wasn’t sure how either of us would ever recover from the
sight.

Landon caught his breath and then lightly kissed me
on the lips before he crawled in front of me, lifted my dress, and
removed my panties. He brought his lips down to me and fluttered
his tongue on my most sensitive spot. I grabbed his head and my
world spun around me. “God, yes! Don’t stop, Land. Don’t stop.
Don’t stop.” I chanted to him, my voice low and full of need. I
held his head to me unabashedly. This felt way too good to be
embarrassed. I couldn’t stop, couldn’t control myself. At that
moment, he was all I ever needed and all I ever wanted.

“Oooohhhhh Landon! Please, please… Yes!” I grabbed
his head and wrapped my legs around his neck and his shoulders so
hard I thought I might have hurt him in my vice grip. But I
couldn’t help it—it felt too amazing. I just prayed that I hadn’t
gone and killed him in my lust. Instead, I heard his chuckle as he
kissed his way back up my body.

“Dammit, Emma Harris. You are the best fuckin’ thing
that has ever happened to me. I had no idea it could be like this.”
Landon wrapped me in his arms and I closed my eyes.

Summer was winding down, but maybe summer love could
be the real thing? Real love. What did I know about the subject?
Maybe there was a chance for us. Under what circumstances was I
entitled to happiness? To hope for more? I was afraid to think it,
let alone say the words to him. My lot in life was to plow through,
caring for those that needed me. It wasn’t to find happiness and
run off with the cute pool boy. I would just have to wait and see
what the next few weeks brought to us. Only time would tell what
that would ultimately be.

Too bad for me that I was about as good at patience
as I was at optimism and fun.

***