Not Yet (36 page)

“I’ve been thinking of nothing but tonight since
school started. It WILL be worth the wait.” He kissed me again,
hard and quick, on the lips and then we grabbed the rest of the
boxes and loaded the truck. My mom pulled up as we finished
securing the last boxes and bags.

“Well, what do we have here? My sweet Emma is going
to California with you, Landon?” Mom’s smile nearly split her face
in half as she watched Landon close the truck’s tailgate.

“Yes, ma’am. I got into USC as well. If you don’t
mind, I was going to drive us in my truck, since it is a little
more road-worthy than Emma’s car.” Landon pinched my arm lightly
when I elbowed him in the rib cage for making fun of my trusty old
car.

“Mind? I’m thrilled. I hated the thought of Emma
driving there alone, but I couldn’t take time off work yet, and she
couldn’t fly with all these boxes. Once again, Landon, you are
right there when my family needs you most.” She reached over and
hugged each of us in turn.

Watching my mom tenderly hug Landon reminded me of
his cold-hearted parents. “What did your parents say when you told
them?” I squeezed his arm as a look of sadness broke across his
face.

“I haven’t.” Landon stared at the ground and then
crossed his arms across his chest. “I will, don’t worry. I just…
I’m so angry with them. They’ve never been there for me, but now
when I really, really needed them—they threw me out. I’m not ready
to tell them that I did it anyway. I got into a great school and I
have a chance to play ball. My dad only wants a relationship with
me if I play football, and for a long time I bought into that so
that I could have even some small form of a bond. But now? If I
make the team at USC, it’s for me. It’s because I love to play
football, and I’ll be the one working my tail off for the chance.
It won’t be for my dad. Not ever again.”

I nodded, feeling every bit of Landon’s pain over his
parents let down. I still felt that way over my own father’s
actions, or lack thereof. Now, for the first time in my life, I
realized that Landon and I could be there for each other. We could
ease some of that hurt from those that wouldn’t be there for us. We
didn’t have to be alone anymore. We chose each other.

I quickly kissed him on the cheek before mom and I
exchanged our goodbyes. She openly cried as Landon lifted me into
the truck and we pulled away. No matter what happened in my life,
my mom had always been there, sacrificing and working for me and my
sister. I could only strive to be that kind of mother one day.

The only thing that made it easier, as I watched her
weeping in the parking lot, was that my mom now had Ernie. I’d bet
money he was on his way over after graduation was cleaned up. And
for the first time in 24 years—Mom could have some alone time with
a man.

Driving off in Landon’s truck, I couldn’t help but
laugh at how much everything had once again changed in a short
amount of time. I was constantly surprised by life. I clasped
Landon’s bandaged hand gently in both of mine as he looked down at
me with a smile.

Landon drove his big truck with a confidence I found
overwhelmingly sexy. I wanted him so badly I couldn’t look at him
anymore without acknowledging my desire.

“You okay, Em?” Landon turned down the music as he
cruised along the highway.

“I can’t believe this is happening. Are we really
doing this?”

“You scared? It’s okay to be scared, you know.” He
rubbed my hand protectively.

“I’m scared… and excited…” I bit my lip and looked
out the window. We were on a two lane country highway, about to
leave Indiana. It was now or never. I had spent the past year
hiding my feelings for this guy. I needed to take what I learned
from Evie, Trevor, Amy, and Billy and face my fears. I needed to be
brave now and tell him my honest thoughts.

“Landon, you lost your football scholarship and got
kicked out of your house because of my presence in your life. That
is a ton of pressure. What if, tonight, you find out you were
wrong. What if I don’t live up to the hype?”

I looked out the window again and the truck lurched
abruptly as Landon pulled off the road. He got out of his seat,
slammed the door, and yanked my door open. He wrapped his hands
around my waist and pulled me down to the ground. I looked up into
his blazing eyes as he breathed roughly.

He cupped my cheek with his one bandaged hand and
wrapped his large fingers around the back of my head with the
other. He didn’t speak. He just stared at me for a long minute. I
couldn’t help myself. I reached up on my tiptoes and brought my
lips to his, kissing him softly. He grunted, sounding like he was
holding back from something, and let me kiss him. I wrapped my
fingers in his hair and he lifted me in the air as I took control.
My tongue entwined with his as I kissed him as wildly as I could.
He met me with equal force as we tried to express our feelings to
one another through kiss and touch alone—words couldn’t do the
job.

I wanted our first time to be in a bed, but, at that
moment, if he had laid me on the seat of his truck, I would have
let him. Landon’s passion overwhelmed me. He wrapped my legs around
him and his desire pressed against me. I moaned and my body went
lax against his. His hands moved freely all over my back, sides,
ass, and head. He was worshipping me and we hadn’t done anything
yet other than kiss.

He finally pulled back and looked at me with hunger.
Both of our lips were red and swollen and we were breathing
harshly. “Get it?”

I couldn’t help but break into a huge grin. He was so
adorable and he believed that strongly in us. And he was also
absolutely right. Any kiss that could feel like that was proof
enough. This was not in our heads. This was real and no one would
be disappointed tonight.

“Got it,” I murmured timidly, knowing his point was
both well delivered and very well received. He gently put me back
in the truck, kissed me softly, and shut my door.

Got it? I sure as hell did.

***

WE DROVE FOR hours before we agreed to stop in
Springfield, Missouri for the night. Landon decided to splurge on a
nice hotel room using his emergency credit card. Since we were
pretty sure said credit card would be turned off any day, we agreed
that this could be like his graduation party, it just happened to
have only two guests. And an itinerary that involved much more
nudity than the average high school graduation fiesta.

I think.

We walked into the Hilton Springfield, clasping our
hands tightly together. The sentiments running through me left me
shaking. Landon gave me a swift kiss on the cheek as he booked our
room for the night. I couldn’t help but look around in awe at our
surroundings. The main floor of the hotel was mostly made of glass,
providing an unobstructed view of historic downtown Springfield.
The detailed carpets, dark wood desks, and sleek modern furniture
were nicer than anything I had ever seen. I knew Landon was used to
traveling, and traveling well, but I was completely out of my
comfort zone. If it wasn’t a Super-8, it was foreign ground to me.
I may be older, but it was clear he was wiser in this area.

We picked this stopping point because it was along
our mapped route to L.A., and we had been in the truck for over
seven hours. We were tired of driving, but we were also giddily
anxious to be together. Peering up at Landon’s profile as we rode
the glass walled elevator up to the seventeenth floor, I swallowed
hard. He looked so calm, so at ease, and so happy. Thank God he
looked happy again.

Our room was small, particularly so considering what
Landon paid for it, but it had a huge bed filling the center of the
room, with plump white pillows and a white downy blanket. I
honestly didn’t think anything else mattered except for the bed,
but I did appreciate the white and gray marbled bathroom, with
white robes hanging on the back of the door. I had never been to a
hotel with white robes.

I pictured Landon and me wearing these robes… after
showering together… after making love.
Oh shit
. This was
happening. Like right now. I was going to be naked in front of
Landon and his hands would be on me again.

My mouth was suddenly very dry. I was so ready and
still so terrified. There was nothing I wanted more, but… What if
this changed everything—and not in a good way? I knew Landon
convinced me of our mutual desire in the truck, but I was stuck on
the
me
part of this. I was very inexperienced and what if I
just sucked? What if my fairytale ended with me lying paralyzed and
flat as a board in bed because I didn’t know what the hell I was
doing? What if my lack of experience was a deal breaker?

Landon carried our overnight bags into the room and
dropped them by the closet door. I turned to look at him and the
butterflies grew in my stomach at his expression. This was my guy.
I couldn’t believe it. Someone this stunning, and yet this loving,
wanted me. And I wanted him so very badly.

“Land….” I took a step forward and ran my hand down
his chest. He stood staring at me, not saying a word, but his chest
began to rise and fall rapidly. As scared as I was about
disappointing him, I had to have this man. My need for him was
all-consuming. He had waited for me. He had fought for us. I wanted
to launch myself on him.

“I want you so much. I love you so much,” I whispered
to him, my heart pounding in my chest. Was any moment in my life
more important than this one?

Landon brought his lips to mine and kissed me
tenderly. He ran his large hands up and down my arms, until I
wrapped them around his neck. He kissed underneath my ear, down my
neck, and back up along my jaw. Unable to hold back any longer, I
grasped his chin with one hand and pulled his lips back to mine.
Our moans mingled together in a beautiful melody of need and
desire. Finally, he scooped me up and carried me to the bed. Lying
side by side, I slid my fingertips gently down his face, watching
his jaw clench with fierce restraint and want. “You are wonderful,
you know that?” I needed him to realize just how much I adored
him—loved him.

He shook his head, closing his eyes to my words, and
I kissed each eyelid reverently. He finally opened his eyes and we
gazed at one another for a few sweet moments.

“Land, I …” We both startled as my cell phone rang
and I recognized Evie’s number. It was 9:01. Landon looked down and
gruffly told me to answer it. Since the day at the hospital, I
could never ignore my sister’s phone calls.

“Hi, Evie, are you calling with a report for me?”

Landon lay back on the pillow and I clutched his hand
in mine. I rubbed his knuckles and stroked the enlarged veins in
his hand as I talked. He closed his eyes and smiled, feeling the
loving intimacy in my touch.

“You with Landon? I talk’d to Mom. In California?”
Evie was giggling and whispering into the phone. God love her, she
knew I wanted my relationship with Landon to be secret, and she was
determined to keep it that way.

“Yes, I am. We’re in a hotel in Missouri, on our way
to California. Listen, Evie, you don’t have to whisper anymore.
Landon graduated and I finished teaching. We are both students in
college now and we aren’t hiding anymore.”

Landon gripped my hand tightly, opening his eyes, and
we stared at one another, reveling at our new reality, while I
spoke with Evie.

She giggled with happiness into the phone. “Oh yeah,
I’m happy. I like him. And he’s hot.” She giggled again. “Can I
visit you soon?”

“You better. Maybe Garrett can come, too?” Evie had
never been on an airplane, and I was hoping she and my mom could
fly to California and see us.

“Yes! Please!” Evie squealed.

After we said our goodbyes, I silenced my cell phone
before climbing back up the bed to Landon. He played with my hair
as I rested my head on his chest.