Not Yet (37 page)

“Land, we haven’t really had ‘the talk’ yet—but I
think we should.” I paused, sensing how awkward this felt. “I’m on
the pill and have only ever had sex with a condom. I’ve been very…
selective, so I know I’m safe. I don’t know what you have done in
the past, but I have to ask. Is there anything I should know?”

I didn’t look up when I asked him, too embarrassed by
how direct I was being, but I had to know the answer before I could
go forward. I continued to trace shapes on his shirt with my
fingers, nervously.

Landon pulled me up to him and kissed me. “Don’t
worry, short stuff. I had to get tested for IU and I’m totally
healthy. I’ve always worn a condom—every single time—and I haven’t
even kissed another girl since I met you.”

I smiled and kissed him again, dreading the answer to
my next question, but knowing I had to ask it. “Every ‘single
time,’ huh? So, have there been a lot of ‘single times’?” I was
nervous again, but I needed full disclosure in a relationship.

Landon seemed worried now, for the first time. “Well,
how many is a lot, Em? I mean… maybe. I guess I’ve been with a few,
but no one since I met you. I swear.”

“Like less than one hundred?” I was starting to
panic.

He laughed loudly. “Yes! I’m not a whore. I was just…
well… popular at Zionsville.”

Now I laughed loudly. “
Popular
is an
understatement. You were adored. You had a following. Like a bunch
of young puppies. I…I just needed to know, you know, what I’m up
against.” I sat up to look at him and he quickly sat next to me on
the bed.

“What you’re up against?” He placed light kisses down
the side of my face and nipped at my ears. “Em, not one of those
girls could hold a candle to you. You are IT for me.”

I had dreamed of this moment for the past eleven
months, hell, maybe for my whole life. I was desired by an
incredibly sexy man who had changed his life for me, or, at least,
in part because of me. A shudder ran through me at the thought.

Landon felt my shudder and grinned wickedly as he
licked the edge of my earlobe. He then turned me face to him and
kissed me slowly, savoring my mouth and taste until he broke away
only to pull off my shirt. Next my bra was relieved from duty and
slid off my shoulders.

“Em, you’re perfect.” He kissed each of my breasts
slowly, circling the nipple with his tongue until I moaned. His
tongue felt so warm and wet against my sensitive skin I thought I
was on a different planet. I had forgotten how good he was with
that mouth of his. I closed my eyes, unable to keep the stupid grin
off my face as I pictured him dragging that hot mouth further
south, down my body… Right where he could bring me the most
pleasure.

Then he raised his head with a grin. “Wait a minute.
I get to ask the same thing. What is my competition like?”

I could feel the burn of embarrassment as I looked
away. Landon kissed my neck and licked his way up to my ear.
“Nothing you could say would upset me. Talk to me,” he whispered in
my ear as he nipped it with his teeth. His subtle seduction of my
neck and ears was making it very difficult to speak. My heart raced
and I pushed him back onto the bed. Straddling him, I lifted his
shirt off and kissed his chest slowly.

“I’ve only been with one other person. I only want to
make love to someone if I’m in love with them. I thought I loved
Jeremy—but I know now that I had no clue what real love was. What I
feel for you is real love, Land, and I want to experience it all.
So you need to make love to me now before I go crazy… Will
you?”

Landon’s eyes widened and he sat up so we were nose
to nose. “No one has ever asked me to make love to them before.
That is so unbelievably sexy. And, Em, I’ve never loved anyone—not
anyone—before you. So, in reality, this is my very first time
making love, too. There is nothing and no one I want more.”

He kissed along my collarbone and then looked at me
with his signature—intoxicating, exhilarating—wicked grin. “Since
we’re both safe and you’re on the pill, I want to feel you with
nothing between us—like I’ve never felt anyone else before.”

I nodded, unable to find the right words but eager to
show him how much it meant that we would share these firsts
together. He kissed me, hard on the mouth, and whispered raggedly,
“I need you so bad.”

I watched his lips move as he spoke to me and heard
his voice, shredded with desire. I was falling. I was falling into
a hole so deep, so vast, I would never be able to get out. And I
never wanted to. I never wanted the ability to recover from Landon
Washington.

We kissed again, allowing it to grow stronger and out
of control, knowing we could finally finish what we started. We
could take this all the way. As the passion behind our kiss grew,
the apprehension melted from my body. This was right. I loved
Landon with all my heart. I needed to let go.

Landon slid off my shorts and panties, while I
quickly unbuttoned his shorts and slid them down. The room was
completely quiet. The only sound was our breathing, which was
intensifying by the second. Just the bedside lamp and night skyline
lit the room, leaving a soft, romantic glow. The smell that I had
grown to crave, the one I could find lingering in a hallway, even
when he was long gone, the smell of woods and summer—filled my
senses. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled deeply—wanting to
cry out loud. How many hours had I smelled him and wanted him and
thought this night would never come? My heart beat rapidly in my
chest as I pulled his boxer briefs down and then Landon moved over
me, holding himself up by his elbows.

“Land. Touch me. Please.”

Landon smirked. “Patience, short stuff. No need to
rush perfection.” He moved down between my legs and pushed them
open to the sides. Slowly, he moved up my body, kissing my knees,
thighs, belly button—everywhere and anywhere but where I really
needed him. The tease was too much.

“Lower, please,” I begged. Landon dragged his tongue
lightly across my belly, as I writhed on the bed below him.

“Here?” he asked, lifting his head to grin at me.

“Lower,” I demanded, as he grazed his lips along my
bikini line.

“How about here?” He gently kissed me, so close to
where I needed him, but still denying me.

“Oh. Please, Land. Lower.” My voice came out as a
ragged whisper, and I squirmed underneath him, now reaching new
levels of neediness.

“Is this good?” His tongue traced fire along my inner
thigh and his breath was hot on my skin.

If he wanted me begging and ready to go over the
edge, he sure as hell got it. I bucked my body against him.
“Please, please, kiss me—there. Lick me—there. Please, I’ve waited
so long. Need you so much.” Bitchy, controlling, too tough Emma was
freaking pleading with this man to go down on me. What the hell had
happened?

Landon had happened. He chuckled softly and brought
his tongue down between my legs, as I began to praise Jesus in a
way I had only heard of in southern Baptist churches. It was
heavenly. It was glorious. It was the best orgasm of my life.
Landon worked me up so that my body arched on the bed, as I clawed
at the sheets, imploring him to never stop, until the fireworks
overtook me and I fell back in a jumble of limbs.

Landon kissed his way up my body, whispering how much
he loved tasting me until he met my lips and I kissed him back,
tasting myself. I wanted to blush, I wanted to duck under a
pillow—but this was my Landon, and I finally felt safe and whole. I
had lost all inhibitions.

I rolled him under me and crawled down his body until
I found him, ready and waiting for me as I licked him slowly. His
body jerked underneath me and he called my name, as I stroked him,
kissed him, and sucked him lightly. Then, feeling braver and more
confident than I had ever known, I straddled him, raising above him
for a moment and then sinking down quickly, letting him fill
me.

We both cried out at the same time. I knew for sure
that I screamed his name when I felt his huge, hardness fill me
completely. He sat straight up, so we were again nose to nose, his
eyes wide with lust. “Emma, baby—this feels,
shit
….. This
is….
Fuuccckk
!”

I kissed him softly, stroking the sides of his face
gently, knowing I needed to calm him down. He lay back on the bed,
as I started to move above him. My knees on the bed, I raised up
and down on him, finding a rhythm that felt earth shattering to me,
until I shook with pleasure.

Landon then flipped me onto my back and took over. I
ran my hands down his damp back, grabbing his ass and pushing him
deeper into me. Would anything be close enough? How could we
possibly satisfy this urge?

Landon used one hand to hold himself above me and
cupped my face with his other. “Look at me. I want to see you come.
Let me watch you, Em.”

I so desperately wanted to close my eyes, as Landon
pumped into me faster and harder, harder and faster. I could feel
the orgasm building and I wanted to internalize it. I wanted to
feel it, but lock it away somewhere private. But he and I had made
a commitment. We were starting this journey together. So, I kept my
eyes open and let him watch me explode in an orgasm that rocked me
from head to toe.

“Land… I’m…I love you…” My eyes rolled back in my
head, but when Landon stiffened against me and began to chant my
name, I pulled myself together enough to watch him as he climaxed.
He called my name out in a final long moan, before falling into my
arms.

We were quiet for a while and then I felt my emotions
rise to the surface. That was the most incredible encounter of my
life and I was officially scared shitless.

Tears rolled down my face and Landon looked at me
with pure devotion. “My Em. No tears, that was so… I never… Hey….
Why are you crying?” His voice was so tortured I wanted to cry
harder for what I was putting him through.

“I’m scared right now, Land. I’m so scared.” I wiped
the tears off my face, wishing I was stronger—tougher—less
vulnerable. This was the part of me I had always hidden from
everyone. But not from Landon. Not anymore.

“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re scared of.” Landon
was so patient, so loving, as he held my face and listened to me
weep.

“I don’t know how to trust that a man will stick
around. That you will stick around. My father didn’t stay and no
other guy has before. I am terrified that when things get bad,
you’ll leave. I don’t think I could survive losing you again.” I
drew a deep breath. “Especially after tonight.” I grabbed his
biceps tightly, desperately. “I can’t lose you after this, after
tonight.”

“Em,” he kissed my face gently, “you made me want to
be good enough for you. Let me prove to you that you really can
trust me. I won’t give up on you, and I won’t give up on us. I
don’t need any other girl in the world than you, and I will never
let you go again.”

I looked into his loving eyes and melted. “There is
no one in the world for me but you. I’m ready. I want this… with
you.”

We snuggled and kissed until our stomachs growled,
and then we ordered cheeseburgers from the ridiculously overpriced
room service menu and ate on the bed, sitting cross legged and
laughing about his parents’ faces when I told them off. I looked
up, wiping ketchup from my face with a napkin and stopped in the
middle of my laughter.

“You okay?” Landon put down his food and took my
hands in his.

“This is real. We’re here. We made it and we’re
really here.” I know I sounded disoriented and possibly stoned, but
the simple reality of the moment hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Baby, this is us and it’s sure as hell real. And I’m
never, ever, fuckin’ letting go.” Landon nuzzled my neck and I
leapt into his lap, giggling and fully happy for the first time in
21 years.

***