Nobody's Perfect (33 page)

"Son, this might be a good time to explore some of the things we talked about earlier."

Damián blinked. Adam hadn't needed to coach Damián in a scene in years, but he really had lost his train of thought any number of times since this one had begun. Acting like a fucking rank amateur. Of course, this wasn't his usual type of scene, but Savi certainly wasn't ready to engage in an impact session. Not after the one she'd witnessed last night.

He still hadn't completely forgiven Dad for letting her watch the scene with Patti. He'd never be able to get Savi to see him as anything but a monster for what he'd had to do.

Then again, that probably was for the best. Nothing could ever come of the two of them. He wouldn't allow it.

But she wasn't cringing away from him now. Maybe just this once. He stepped closer, until he could feel her sweet breath on his bare chest. She didn't pull away. "What kind of pain do you need, Savi?"

A flash of fear crossed her face. "I don't feel I need any pain."

"What do you feel right now?"

Numb
. She paused a moment, then whispered, "Exposed."

"In what way?"

"Emotionally. I don't like feeling like this."

"Why not?"

"Emotions are…messy."

"Messy in what way?"

She drew a deep breath. "They give you way too much control over me."

"Yet you've let me…" he nodded toward Dad, "…
us
restrain you."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"My body may be easily controlled, but I've never relinquished control of my mind—ever. I won't start now."

Had she really thought she'd been able to remain in control mentally in the past? From what he'd seen in that hotel room, he didn't think so. But the illusion of having remained in control mentally seemed to be important to her.

What was she afraid would happen if she released that hold? Would he ever get her to surrender to him, body and mind?

"Well, then, we'll start with your giving me control over your body."

Savi drew a ragged breath, then drew herself up. "I can still knock you on your ass, Damián."

Damián grinned. "Is that so?"

Fire burned in her eyes a flash of a second before her right leg wrapped around the back of his left knee and he was lying flat on his ass looking up at her before he knew what had hit him.
Mierda
. His little dream was a powerhouse.

Then a look of horror crossed her face. "Oh my God, did I hurt you?"

Only my ego,
chiquita
.

"I forgot about your foot. I just went on instinct, and you were so smug, and—"

"You what?"

She stared blankly. "What…what?"

She'd forgotten he was a cripple? Fuck, yeah. Damián grinned, never so happy at having been knocked on his ass by a girl before. Dad chuckled as Damián got up off the floor. For a brief moment, Damián had forgotten he and Savi weren't alone.

"Where'd you get that kind of strength in your legs? You jump hurdles or something?"

"No. I haven't done it in forever. I had no idea I still had that kind of strength." Savi looked away. "It was in self-defense training and…" She paused.

"And what?"

"Nothing."

"Answer me, Savi."

She glared at him, then backed down again, biting her lip.

Damián invaded her personal space and tilted her face up to his. "Answer. Me."

"All right. From pole dancing."

Damián opened his eyes wide, then drew his brows together. "I'm the last person to judge anyone's lifestyle choices, but no way in hell can I picture you in a strip club."

Savi gave him an exasperated look. "No, you ass. I'm in…I
was
in classes at the gym. Exercising with dancer poles is all the craze now in southern California. My therapist thought it would be good…exercise for me."

Damián stared at her, but images of her wearing a low-cut tank top and short-shorts while dancing with a stripper pole obliterated her face before him at the moment.
Mierda
.

He could hear the laughter in Dad's voice when he spoke. "Damián and I would be happy to install a pole here at the club if you'd like to be able to work out again, Savi."

Damián looked over at the man and grinned. Dad had just redeemed himself for what he'd done last night. Damián planned to work on Savi's stripper pole at the shop this week during his free nights. It would give him something to do while Savi and Marisol were staying here. He'd given up trying to sleep in his apartment anymore.

"Okay, you can get me out of these ropes now. I think I'm over my fear of being restrained."

Was she really now?

Maybe it was time to work a bit on that galvanized-steel mind of hers.

* * *

Damián leaned closer and Savi's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed and took a step back.

"If you're really over your fear, you wouldn't keep running from me. What are you afraid I'm going to do? Will you let me touch you?"

With her arms splayed open like this, she couldn't control how close he got, or where he touched her. Yeah, she could send him sprawling again if she needed to, but did she want that?

No.

Still, knowing she could—and had, despite having her arms restrained—empowered her. She didn't fear that he'd hurt her. Adam—and probably Karla—would intervene if Savi couldn't handle him herself. So, what was she afraid of?

Feeling anything.

She didn't mean physically, but emotionally. How could she protect herself from the onslaught of emotions she tried so hard to control? Her tight rein had been slipping bit by bit until now she wasn't sure she even wanted to keep fighting.

But she had to. She'd never be able to turn off the triggers, and everything seemed to trigger something deep inside her.

"Judging by that move you just put on me, I don't think you need Dad and Karla as bodyguards anymore. Do you agree?"

"Bodyguards? What do you mean?"

The twinkle of humor left his eyes, and he grew more serious. "Don't change the subject. I asked if you trust me enough to let them go on about their day and leave you here with me—in restraints."

Her heart hammered. She turned to Adam.

"Hon, I'm not going anywhere unless you say so. We've got nothing on the agenda today for hours, except to be here with you, so don't let him talk you into something you aren't ready for."

Knowing she wouldn't be abandoned by them made it easier to reply. She had a choice. Control. She could continue to play it safe, with Adam and Karla here as buffers—bodyguards—or she could take a chance and trust that Damián wouldn't do anything to harm her. He'd never stepped over the line before. He'd cared for her at her most vulnerable—in the penthouse at the hotel all those years ago—and hadn't taken advantage of her. She could trust him more than any other man she knew.

Savi turned to Damián and quickly put out of her mind what she'd witnessed last night in this room. That wasn't between Damián and her—that was what he'd negotiated earlier with Patti. She'd watched as Damián had taken Patti to the edge, helped her find emotional release, and then transferred her back into the arms of Victor who had provided the nurturing and care the woman had needed.

Savi still couldn't believe the change that had taken place in Patti later last night when she'd fully recovered from whatever state she'd been in after what Adam called her aftercare on the loveseat with Victor. The man had held her a long time as the two of them talked quietly and seemed to process what had happened to put her into such a dark place. She'd been animated and lively. Later in the evening, Patti had even let Luke and Victor restrain and suspend her from the ceiling.

Savi had lain awake half the night trying to visualize herself in Patti's place, but Damián and Patti were on a whole different level. She wasn't about to try and compete with them, but Savi wanted to explore endorphin release under Damián's hand, as opposed to her own. Adam had told her last night Damián wouldn't take her beyond her limits. He wouldn't even take her to what they called the dungeon. Would she ever be able to work up to being able to tolerate the whip? What other implements could he use to deliver pain—and catharsis?

She wasn't going to run away anymore. Swiveling her upper body, she addressed Adam and Karla. "I'm okay to stay with Damián now. Thank you."

"You're sure this is your decision? No one is going to coerce you in here."

His protectiveness was touching, but she needed to do this. "Yes, it's what I want."
I think.

"Then Kitten and I are going to go rustle up some chow. You'll probably be hungry later."

Adam went over and whispered something to Damián, who nodded and thanked him. After they'd left, Savi drew a deep breath. "Okay. What did you have in mind?"

"First, I think we'll get you out of these ropes."

"Don't you want me restrained?"

"Oh, I plan to restrain you, but ropes are Dad's thing—not my restraint of choice."

Something fluttered in her stomach, but she tamped it down.
Trust him
. She glanced over at the center post, wondering if he'd chain her there the way he'd restrained Patti.

After he removed the ropes on her left arm, he massaged the muscles and checked her range of motion, restoring the blood flow. She groaned as her joint and muscles protested being moved again. He released the other arm, then walked behind her and kneaded her shoulders and arms. The man's hands were magic.

Until he pressed a particularly sensitive spot. "Ow!"

"Why didn't you tell us your arms were uncomfortable?"

"I didn't notice any tingling. Then again, numb is normal for me."

Damián's thumb pressed into a tight knot and she groaned. "Sorry,
bebé
." He placed a kiss on the spot, and Savi moved away from him.

"I think it's better now. Thanks."

He chuckled and bent to pick up his duffel bag. "Come. We're going down the hall."

He took her elbow and guided her across the room. As they passed the bar, he reached behind it and grabbed two bottles of water. He handed one to her. "Here. Drink this. You'll need to stay hydrated."

She drank half the bottle, not realizing how thirsty she was. He led her down the hallway toward the kitchen, but didn't go as far as that. He stopped, opened a door, and motioned for her to precede him. When he switched on the light, she found herself staring at a piece of wooden equipment that looked like Mari's swing set in their backyard in Solana Beach, only this one was missing its swings. In the top were several pairs of eyebolts, which might have held swings, but then she noticed many more eyebolts down each of the legs.

"What on earth is that?"

"Something Luke made for us. It's good for restraining someone, but also for giving the Top access to both the front and back of the bottom."

What was he planning that he needed so much access to her?

"Before we start, we need to talk about limits."

He planned to push her limits? Or honor them?

"Dad shared the checklist you filled out as part of the membership contract. No needles. No sex, including oral. No touching your pussy. No anal. No restraints. Obviously, we can amend the list for that last one now. Are there any new restrictions you need to place on restraints?"

"Keep my legs free."

He grinned. "So you can take me down again?"

Her biggest fear was being splayed open and his discovering her mark of shame, but she couldn't convey that to him or he'd just push her into letting him do it. Wouldn't he? She forced a smile to her lips. "If I have to."

"Unfortunately, in the scene I have in mind, I can't have you moving around even a bit or you could get hurt. I'll need to restrain your legs, too."

Her heart rate doubled. He stroked her upper arms.

"What scares you most about having your legs restrained?"

She blinked several times, waging a losing battle over whether she should explain. Maybe a half-truth. "I don't want you to touch my pussy."

"Fair enough. That's already on your list of hard limits. I won't need to touch your pussy in this scene. Anything else?"

Wait. Had she just agreed to having her legs restrained? Was she ready for this?

"I don't know enough to know what I don't like."

"Limits aren't about not liking something, but about not being able to tolerate it, physically or emotionally. If you choose to go deeper into the lifestyle, you might find yourself wanting to explore some of the things that are hard limits. My job is to make sure you keep an open mind and that you trust me not to disregard any hard limits, at least until we've had time to blur the lines a little bit." He grinned.

She nodded. A frisson of fear bubbled up inside her.

"Breathe,
querida
. We haven't even started yet."

"Will you tell me what you're planning to do first?"

"No. Just trust me not to go beyond any of your hard limits."

"What if I have limits I don't even know about yet? What if surprises are a limit?"

"You have a safeword for that. Say 'tamale' and everything stops. We'll talk about the issue at that point."

Every time he mentioned her safeword, she pictured him stretched out on the bed, half naked, his dragon tat taunting her. Her face grew flushed.

"Yes,
mamacita
, remember that '
hot
tamale' means something totally different from 'tamale.'"

"I am
not
thinking of you as a hot tamale, Damián."

He nipped her earlobe and whispered, "Liar."

"Conceited."

He laughed and stepped behind her. The heat of his body warmed her, even though their bodies didn't touch. She tried not to think the words "hot tamale," but suddenly could think of nothing else.

"Now, your body also will be communicating to me." His hands brushed against her nipples. Her very erect nipples. "Right now, you're thinking about something—or some
one
—that has your body very excited. Since I happen to be the only other person in the room, I believe you're thinking about me. That pleases me very much."